4. Anna

4

Anna

"He broke out of his window," Saul said in a low and tight voice as we walked into the guest room where Finn was staying. "He woke up, and I was ready with a soother, but before I could get him to drink it, he shifted. I was between him and the door."

"He chose to break through the window rather than hurt you. That's a good sign," I said as I stared at the broken glass. "Is Amelia feeling better? She can track him."

"What makes you say that?" Jax grunted.

"Really? I know there's been a lot going on, but surely, you've got eyes."

Jax looked even more puzzled, and Saul smiled quietly. "As it happens, she's already gone after him. Kenzi and I can look after Anna while you follow her and make sure Finn is all right. I will alert London about his window."

Jax looked at me, but I waved him away. With a short nod, he turned and left. Kenzi jumped up on the bed and sighed. "So, it's true? He really does belong to Amelia? That's a shame. He's a cutie."

I rolled my eyes. "I need to shift, and apparently, I'm not allowed to be alone. You interested? I need to find somewhere quiet."

"Really?" Kenzi scoffed. "You like, basically killed the villain in your story in wolf form, and you still can't shift around strangers?"

"Forget I asked," I muttered as I turned around.

"Wait. Goddammit, hold on. I know of a place. Saul, you in? Apparently Anna can't be trusted with just one bodyguard."

The healer nodded again, and I let Kenzi take the lead. "Are you feeling better?" I asked Saul as we left the house.

"I am indeed. It's rare that I suffer such an illness," he laughed. "I'm sorry that I was not much help to anyone. I truly thought the motion sickness patches would help us, but I've never been in that situation before."

"Yeah, I've decided wolves don't belong on boats." I paused as we stepped out into the yard in front of the house. There were half a dozen wolves lounging in the yard, and I couldn't help but stiffen. "I don't know if I've taken the time to thank you for coming to help rescue me. I know it must have been difficult to be severed from Jax like that."

"Gently released," Saul corrected. "It's a much safer way to handle these things, unlike what Emerson did to that poor girl."

"Does it feel freeing to be without an alpha?"

Kenzi growled at me, and I shrugged. "Sorry! Obviously I'm not suggesting that Saul go rogue. I'm just curious. It felt kind of suffocating to be bonded after so long of not being bonded, and…I mean, I've earned my freedom now. I'm just wondering how it might feel."

The woman stopped short, and I plowed into her. "What? What the hell do you mean you've earned your freedom? We almost died rescuing you, and now you're going to fucking leave? Explain yourself right the fuck now."

There was so much passion in her voice. It momentarily stole my breath away. I truly thought she, of all people, wouldn't give a damn that I was leaving. "This was always the deal. I stayed with Jax until the threat against the mountain was gone. Emerson is dead. When we return to Black Diamond…"

Surprisingly, I couldn't get the rest of the sentence done. "When did you make this deal?" Kenzi demanded.

"When we returned from rescuing Irene. Are you pissed?"

"Damn right, I'm pissed! How the hell—"

"Kenzi," Saul interrupted. "I don't believe this is any of our business, and I have yet to answer Anna's original question."

Kenzi glared daggers at him but turned and started walking. Her annoyance was evident in her ramrod posture and her fast-paced movement. I had no idea she would care this much. We weren't exactly friends.

"I have only ever known an alpha," Saul said conversationally. "In truth, I feel bereft over the loss of strength, power and control. It makes me wonder how Jax must feel to know how much we rely on him. I do not know if it will feel the same for you. You haven't been bonded for nearly as long. And, of course, nothing can be done about the mate bond."

"That's not true. Jax darkened it when I was gone."

"And how did that make you feel?"

"Abandoned," I admitted. "Cold and alone."

"It will not be easy to make your own way without your mate. Are you certain that's the route you want to take?"

What happened to it not being any of his business? Still, his voice was gentle, and there was concern in his eyes. It truly felt like he cared. Maybe he did. "It will truly be the first decision that I make for myself," I answered before I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. "And maybe even the first decision Jax gets to make. He was the one who brought it up."

"And he hasn't said that he's wanted you to stay?"

"Would you?" I snorted. "Things haven't exactly been easy since he killed my father and stuffed me away above a bar. Anyway, it's not something that I need to talk out or anything."

"Of course not," Saul said with a trace of amusement. "You just wanted to know about the bond."

We reached a clearing. "This is the place that London said we could shift in private. None of his wolves will bother us. You can shift," Kenzi relayed.

I eyed her. "You're not going to try to kill me, are you?"

"Not today, alpha mate."

Her gaze met mine, and my stomach squeezed. "That's what Emerson's pack called me. What they were compelled to call me."

"But it wasn't true with him. It is with Jax."

"No one has ever acknowledged it."

"What can I say? We're all idiots. You included. Shift, woman. I'd like to stretch and run myself."

Silently, we stripped. I glanced around uneasily, and Saul and Kenzi shifted first. I focused inward on my wolf.

Safe?

Were we safe? It has felt like since I agreed to rescue Irene, I haven't been safe. How could I tell her that we were safe now? Jax still felt like he couldn't leave me alone.

If I was his mate, I would never be anonymous. Someone would always see me and see a killer's daughter. Hate me for it.

Saul came forward and pushed his nose into my hand before chuffing at me. I couldn't see him without thinking of his sister. The woman I'd sacrificed. What had her wolf looked like?

Would she forgive me as easily as her brother had?

Closing my eyes, I let my wolf surge forward. As she came out, I momentarily considered burying myself deep inside her. Just hiding away and letting her take over and make all the decisions.

Safe.

Her confident and content voice startled me. How did she know that? A few months ago, she couldn't even surface without fear. Now she was telling me that we were safe? What made her so certain?

Kenzi and Saul bowed their noses to the ground, and I watched as the black wolf approached us. My wolf practically shivered with happiness.

Jax.

He always made her feel safe. No matter what. I should have known that he was close.

Two more wolves joined us. Finn and Amelia. They took off in a joyful jog, and Saul and Kenzi joined them. Jax's wolf opened his mouth wide and gently bit my nose. I sneezed in his mouth, and he grunted and let his tongue roll out.

I could see the question. Was I okay?

Kenzi was right about one thing. The villains in my story were dead. I had the freedom to choose, and my wolf?

She was the happiest she'd ever been in our life. She hadn't even hesitated to attack Emerson, to fight for us and for Jax. Her confidence and peace surrounded me, and I sank deep inside her.

And for the first time ever, I let my wolf take control.