3. Anna

3

Anna

I slept for sixteen hours. Hungry and confused, I rose from the bed. One side of it dipped, and I spun on my hands and knees and growled.

Jax grinned. "I do love you in that position, but I imagine you might have other things on your mind right now."

"God." Relaxing, I ran my hand along my face and tried to brush aside some of the confusion. The bed had been heavenly. And stable. It was nice to not be tossed and turned all night long, wondering if your dinner was going to come up or if your wolf was going to come out. "You're dressed."

"I've been up since this morning to check on the others. I felt you waking up, and I didn't want you to be alone. I assume you're hungry. If you want, I can bring you up a tray of food while you get your bearings."

I considered the offer but shook my head. "I really want to stretch my legs and maybe let my wolf out."

"Are you sure?"

I understood his concern. There was a time when I wouldn't let my wolf out for anyone, and now when I let her out, it was to fight. "Yeah, but maybe somewhere quiet and private, if we can find a place. Just you or some of our pack. She feels restless."

"All right. I need Finn to let his wolf out, but I don't want you shifting near him. Kenzi and I are both going to keep an eye on him, but he's not tethered to me anymore. I can't claim him on London's land."

"Can you step out of London's territory and claim him and the others?"

"London has politely asked me not to claim any of the wolves within twenty miles of his territory. I can't fault him. I'd do the same, but he assures me that if it becomes a problem, he'll reconsider."

"All right. Well, assuming all goes well, how and when do we get home?"

His gaze settled on me, and there was a strange intensity that made my heart skip a beat. "Do you really think of Black Diamond as your home?"

"It has been for a few years now," I pointed out and turned to find some new clothes. His hand had snaked around my waist and pulled me up against him. "Are you okay?"

"Emerson is dead. The threat that originally kept you by my side is no more. The witch's vision never came to pass."

"I know."

"I promised you your freedom."

Inside me, my wolf howled mournfully. It wasn't like he was bringing up anything new. The thought had crept into my head at least half a dozen times a day since I'd heard the satisfying sound of Emerson's neck snapping.

"So is your plan to leave me here?" I asked carefully as I pulled away. "Or maybe leave me in the rogue territory? I guess that makes more sense. I doubt London wants me here."

He let me go. I tried not to let the hurt slicing through me show as I glanced over my shoulder. "You don't have a plan? Should we come up with one together?"

His gaze had never left me, but there was nothing readable on his face. "I would like to make sure that there is safe passage for you. To do that, we need to reach Black Diamond first. Then we can make a plan."

"Great." That was all that I could say as I turned and began to undress. I slept in a pair of cotton pants and a tee shirt. Someone had washed my clothes, so my jeans were clean. The whole time that I dressed, I could feel his eyes on me. Still unable to turn around, I raked my fingers through my hair.

After everything, I was going to be on my own again. Wasn't that what I'd wanted? For years, I'd seen Jax and his pack as a prison. When he'd gone back on his word and refused to let me go, I'd been beyond furious.

Now, here we are, threat gone. There was nothing keeping me here.

Except for this ache inside me that only Jax soothed. The need to be in his arms. The cold I felt when he was gone. The desperate need to hear that it wasn't just his wolf who chose me.

"So, I guess we're back to my original question. How and when are we returning to Black Diamond?"

At the sound of Jax's soft sigh, I turned and raised my eyebrows. I felt my old persona creeping back. The one who could easily hide what I was thinking.

"We can leave as soon as I'm certain everyone has control of their wolves. London has offered one of his therapists to speak to Cindy and see if we can get her to stop freezing up. I'm hoping that now that she's on land, she'll heal faster."

"Therapists?"

Jax smiled briefly. "We have therapists as well, Anna. Parker told me you refused to talk to any of them."

Oh, yeah. Parker. He seemed like a thousand years ago.

"I was thinking you might benefit from speaking to one before we leave as well."

I scowled at him. "I told you, Emerson didn't do any lasting damage. I'm fine."

"Not about your captivity, although I would like it if you spoke to someone about that. I meant his death."

Even more incredulous, I snorted. "I don't need therapy to deal with Emerson's death. I need some champagne and a party. I'm hungry. Can we just go find some food, please?"

His hands brushed under my chin, and he nodded. "All right. London said he would make the kitchens open all day."

"That's awfully nice of him." I rolled on a pair of socks and slipped on my shoes. I'd been so tired yesterday that I hadn't really had a chance to enjoy feeling the ground beneath my feet. Today, I was going to run barefoot in the grass.

Wolves were really not meant to be on ships.

"In fact, this whole thing is nice of him. I got the feeling that you weren't on good terms with any of the alphas by the end of the meeting."

"Although we may not agree, I'm never on bad terms with an alpha. There is distrust. That is evident in all my relationships with alphas. We guard ourselves well, Anna. Before I met you, I distrusted Emerson, disliked him even, but I had never imagined him capable of compelling his own pack."

"But you can imagine the things he did to me." My stomach twisted at the thought. "We're wolves, so we can forgive the violence in us. Or at least, we can unless cold-blooded murder touches your clan. If you hadn't known what my father enjoyed doing, I suspect you might have liked him."

"That is not what I'm saying, and I doubt that very seriously. Hurting those beneath you is unforgivable," Jax said in a hard voice. "I hope, if nothing else, you understand that about me."

I'd deliberately hit a nerve. Lashing out because I was hurting was not a coping mechanism I'd ever used before. Maybe I was evolving. I could think of a few dead men who would laugh at that idea.

We walked the rest of the way to the kitchen in silence. I expected him to leave me there, but he opened one of the refrigerators and pulled out a plate. "I saved you some breakfast from this morning. I'll get everything heated up, but you can go ahead and start on the fruit."

Sullenly, I plopped down and watched as he fixed a large plate for me. I hadn't shifted since before the ship, so I hadn't expended any extra energy, but my stomach did rumble. We'd rationed our food in the last week, and I hadn't eaten since dinner, which we'd scarfed down in the middle of the night.

Dutifully, I ate my fruit until he put a hot plate of boiled eggs, toast, and bacon in front of me. Then he pulled out a chair and joined me.

Without food.

"I'm sure you have better things to do than to watch me eat," I muttered as I popped a piece of bacon in my mouth.

"Amelia ate her entire plate and then promptly threw up," Jax said casually. "I'm here to make sure you don't eat too much and that you feel all right afterward."

Oh. Well, that was kind. "How is she feeling now?"

"Last time I checked, annoyed. You're welcome to come with me to check on everyone after your breakfast if you'd like. Then we can find some place for you to shift. Or you can rest in your room for a little longer."

I paused. "I noticed that exploring on my own wasn't one of the options. Is there something that you're worried about?"

"Dirk Kipling's monstrous ways touched this clan as well. London has sworn that it won't be an issue, but I would rather be with you when you're out. Or, if you prefer, you can be with Kenzi."

"Does anyone ever prefer to be with Kenzi?" I asked and then wrinkled my nose. "Forget I said that. She rescued me. I need to be nicer to her."

"I don't think even she would want that," Jax started, and then the door slammed open. Jax was immediately on his feet, and I whirled around. It was the devil herself.

"Finn is awake. And his wolf is angry."