Chapter 28

twenty-eight

Phoebe – One Month Later

I sigh as I sit on the sofa swing in our backyard while Copper and Bluey are running around, chasing Goosy, as Ares sleeps on the sofa next to me.

The sun is starting to set.

After my doctor's appointment this morning, I spent the rest of the day at the school, and now I'm just waiting for Alex to get home. I know he's with Damian and Sergi; they're meeting with the other Family heads about what to do with the Cartel and Romanians.

They are still kidnapping and selling children to perverts. I think I've assassinated over fifty people in the last month, and saved over fifty-six children. Alex has been with me every time, and sometimes Sergi and Damian, too. Sofia insisted he help, making him chuckle. I have not checked the app on my phone to see where Alex is. I have been getting better with my anxiety, but after my little shock this morning, I believe we now need to have the talk we have been putting off for months. Things have been perfect between us, but it's still always in my mind; he is my everything, and though we were separated those five months and I tried moving on with other men, I never could. Yet he fucked other women, several times, including with my sister.

I need to understand it so I can finally move on and leave it behind us. I still picture him and Selene together, and it's hard. This is something we have to do for our future and our family.

I hear the front door open, and I smile. I can't help it.

" Malen'kaya ptitsa ?"

Bluey starts to bark excitedly, while Copper continues to annoy Goosy. I shake my head as Alex comes outside; he's unbuttoned the top half of his shirt, and I start to drool. Again, I can't help it. He has a body any woman would love to sleep next to. He smirks when he sees my reaction before he shows Bluey some attention. He walks over to me, and our dog goes to help Copper annoy Goosy again.

As he gets closer, I see his tattoo, and I smile. I remember seeing it for the first time on our wedding night. My heart was full of love.

He leans down and kisses me softly, before he licks the seam of my lips, and I grant him access. He holds the side of my neck as our tongues tangle. He slows the kiss, much to my disappointment, and places a few little kisses along my jaw before whispering, "I missed you, baby."

I smile at him. I've gotten better about him calling me baby, which is good because he loves using the endearment. He kisses me a few more times then goes into the house to get himself a beer. I watch him go to the kitchen, the muscles in his back moving with each step, and a conversation with Abby comes to mind.

Maybe they do back porn as well as arm porn, too? I'll have to ask her when she calls tomorrow.

When he comes out, he walks over to me, places his drink on the table next to the swing seat, picks me up, sits down, and then plants me sideways on his lap. I rest my head in the crook of his neck, my feet on the other side of the seat. He starts to swing the seat gently while he plays with my hair. I sigh in contentment. This has been our routine for over a month, and I love it.

"How's my girl doing today?" he rasps against my head, and I smile, my eyes closed, snuggled up to him.

"I'm doing okay." I feel him nod against my head where he rests his chin, and we sit like this for a little while before he talks again. He can read me like a book.

"What's on your beautiful mind, malen'kaya ptitsa ?" he murmurs.

I stay under his chin when I announce, "I think we should talk about the past and finally let it all go." I feel him stiffen beneath me. He hoped we wouldn't have this talk, but it's needed.

"Why Phoebe? We're happy. I nearly lost you, finally married you, and we've built a life together. Why bring up memories that are going to bring back all the hurt and pain I caused?" He says it slowly. And I sigh. I move my nose into the crook of his neck and inhale deeply, smelling his musky cologne and a scent that's all him.

I whisper, "Because it's not in the past; it's still in my head. Just because I don't check the app much anymore doesn't mean it's not still on my mind every day. If we truly want to live happily together, we need to confront our past to move past it. I keep picturing you two together, and I know Selene has been trying to call you this past week. I can't let the hurt go if we just act like it didn't happen…because it did." His body vibrates against mine; obviously, he didn't realize I still have people keeping an eye on my sister and her phone.

Well, he knows now.

He stands up with me in his arms, then sits me on the seat again, and he starts to pace. It's hard to concentrate when he looks that good, but I do. I bring my knees up to my chin, where I rest it; my feet overlap on the edge of the seat.

I sigh and then whisper, "You never asked why I just left the club that day. I woke from my coma, and it was like you pushed everything that happened away, but you can't push it from my mind."

He stops pacing and looks at me with tears in his eyes, then he drops his head. It breaks my heart to bring this up, but I know it needs to be done. This is something I know I'll use against him if we argue in the future, and I don't want that, so I tell him, "If we argue in the future, what's stopping me from bringing up your mistakes to punish you? I don't want to do that; you'll resent me over it, so we need to do this, and then we can properly move on. It's more important now than ever."

He remains silent, and I swallow down my anxiety.

"I left the club that day without a thought to my safety, my mind spinning, not paying attention to my surroundings…because you just stood there," I say calmly; he needs to know. Yes, I've forgiven him, but it still hurts. I don't want to argue, I just want to put this all to bed once and for all, for our family's sake and for our love.

He looks up at me, his hands on his hips.

"I don't understand. What do you mean I just stood there? I was letting you do your thing, Phoebs." I

shake my head. How can he be so clueless? "

Yeah, while Candy's arms were wrapped around you, and you just let her, you didn't shove her off of you, which is what you should have done."

He growls in frustration. "I was in shock that she had the balls to do it; I didn't want to hurt a woman, Phoebe. If it pissed you off so much, why didn't you fight for me? Why didn't you pull her off me? I fucking killed her as soon as you walked out! I sliced her neck!" His voice gets louder with each word, and I shake my head. How could he turn it around on me?

I speak calmly, " I was still testing you, Alex. I'm not the one who wronged you; you wronged me. You were supposed to be proving yourself to me, and you failed, epically." I take a deep breath. "Five minutes and fifty-eight seconds—that's how long you let her touch you while you did nothing. After that, I'd had enough of watching you be clueless and finally decided I couldn't be with you." A tear slips out, and I whisper, "I nearly died because you couldn't understand how to push her away from you. In that moment, all I could see was your lips on Selene's, Candy on the floor at the club sucking you off, or you fucking Mindy. I didn't fight for you because I didn't think it was worth fighting for anymore."

Tears run down his face, but I don't stop.

"For five months, you went from woman to woman, even after you realized I left—and still, knowing the reason, you still fucked other women. I couldn't even get a tingle when another guy kissed me; it felt wrong, like I was cheating on you, even though you didn't care. Even before I left, you made me fall in love with you, a man who was still happily fucking my sister. You made sure that you were my everything, even though I wasn't yours because, if I was, you would have realized that sleeping with your fiancée's sister was a bitter betrayal of what you felt for her."

Tears now run down my face. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and I continue, "We needed to talk about this; in the end, I still would have left you again, because these feelings would eat me alive. I don't want to resent you or throw your wrongdoings in your face. I want to be happy with you. We can't just brush this under the rug, Alex, you know we can't."

He turns away from me, making my heart jump in my chest while more tears fall from my eyes. I watch him watch the animals, breathing heavily, and hoping and praying he doesn't fall back into his old ways.