35. Nico

"I was wrong.That's not something I'm going to say again." My insides shake. They match my hands. I put my fists on my hips to steady them. Water drips from me. There's a giant puddle around my feet. But I don't care. I don't care about anything but the people in this room. Fuck, that's a lie too. I care for lots of people now, far beyond my fathers. I don't know when it started, but the list has grown long.

Little Krill was right. I stare at her. No one has moved. They're all looking at me like I've grown tentacles. I've become like Muster: hard, solid. But Little Krill, my Moon and Tide, she's taught me that soft is good too.

She's right. Of course she's right. I didn't want Castor in our pod because... I'm not good enough. It's not Little Krill who would hurt his chances of becoming king, it's me. But it's not me. It's not any of us.

My mother's letter... It reminded me of how short life is. She was young. Younger than I am. She had so much she wanted to do. My fathers too. They had love and podlets. It was ripped away from them. Little Krill deserves happiness. Holter, Eros, and Castor do too. A voice in the back of my head says, And what about you? Do you deserve happiness? You're not good enough to be happy.

I'm hurting them, both of them, because of my own doubts, my own stubbornness. They're not moving. Their mouths hang open like koi waiting to be fed.

"Did you not hear what I said? Fine, I will say it again." I clear my throat. "I was wrong. I love you. I love all of you, and I will not intentionally hurt you again."