8. Chapter 6 Livarius

Chapter eight

Chapter 6: Livarius

I 'm struggling without my mate. Especially being able to feel her through our bond, and knowing when she's hurt or angry or scared. The others can't feel her because they haven't solidified their bond with her. The nightmares I've been having are because I feel her anxiety and her pain. It's always there, but some times are worse than others.

In the weeks that Arden has been gone, I've barely survived. I've barely eaten. I haven't fed to fuel my magic. I have slept with Tavin almost every night because he's the only one who is willing to soothe my nightmares. His tiger's purr calms me and makes it easier for me to breathe.

The first couple of days I slept in her bed by myself. I kept waking up drenched in sweat, hyperventilating. I must have woken Tavin the third night because I woke up to him wrapped around me in the morning after my first nightmare-free night. Since then, I've been sharing a room with him.

His comforting me quickly led to snuggling outside of bed time. Then a few days ago, without warning, he kissed me.

"What was that for," I ask.

"I haven't felt a connection like this with anyone aside from the Keepers in a long time. I mean...with Arden, yeah. But I wouldn't let myself indulge in it."

"Why?"

"That's a long story that I'm not ready to discuss yet," he says in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Can I kiss you again?" I ask, my cheeks flaming with nervous energy.

He doesn't wait for me to answer before he kisses me. Hard. Once we're breathless, and panting, he snakes his tongue into my mouth making me groan. In a frenzy we begin ripping each others clothes off. His shirt. My pants. His socks. My shirt. Just one piece of clothing at a time until we're both bared to each other.

"I've wanted to do this every day since the first time you slept in my bed," he pants between kisses.

"So do it now," I urge.

He flips me on to my stomach and roughly shoves his thumb into my ass. I gasp in pleasure at the feeling. I have had sex with plenty of female fae over the years, but never with a male. This is new to me, but with his experienced hands, I feel at ease.

He moves down my body, planting kisses and bites on my skin. Then without warning he bites into the fleshiest part of my ass cheek. Then his breath is warm against my hole, and my own breath hitches at the sensation. "What are you doing?" I pant.

"Shhhhh," he said, then he spears me with his tongue over and over again causing me to groan out in pleasure.

"Fuuuuuck," I hiss.

He pulls his mouth away and stretches me out by sliding two fingers inside of me. "Such a good boy for me, Livarius. Fuck you're tight. I can't wait for my cock to be inside of you."

I'm dominant with Arden, but I want Tavin to own me. He presses a palm in the center of my back, holding me in place. Then he slaps my ass cheek and teases my entrance with the tip of his dick.

"Fuck me. Please." I'm not beyond begging at this point. I need this to get my mind off of Arden and all of her pain. A physical pain of my own to drown out hers shooting through the bond.

He presses a little more intently at my hole. "You ready?"

"More than you could ever know."

He shoves his length the whole way inside of me, not giving me time to adjust to his size. The burning gives way to pleasure, and he begins fucking me in earnest.

"Stars, Liv." He groans as he thrusts into me over and over again. His length hits all the right places, and I press back into him.

My own pleasure mounts as he slides in and out of me. And that's when I feel it. Arden's joy. It's slithered down the mate bond and wrapped itself around my soul as I experience this new high with another one of her mates.

The feeling causes me to tumble over the edge into oblivion, bringing Tavin with me as I fall. When it's over, we collapse on the bed together and despite my efforts to keep them inside of me, the tears fall freely.

There are too many emotions. Having sex with another male for the first time. The knowledge that I really care about Tavin as more than just my friend. All of that paired with Arden's happiness reaching me for the first time in weeks. But all of that is quashed by the guilt of being here and free and enjoying Tavin's company while she's trapped somewhere and consistently scared and alone.

"Hey, shhhhh. What's wrong?" Tavin asks as he wraps his arms around me. Until recently I had always seen the playboy side of him. The side that has girls crying in the hallway after sleeping with him because he didn't want to mate with them. But this softer, gentler side is beautiful, and I can't wait for Arden to get to experience it with me.

"I felt her."

"What?"

"I've been feeling her since she was taken. Fear, anger, and pain. Those were the only three emotions. Until now. Now I felt joy. And I think it's because...I hope it's because she felt mine."

"Why didn't you say anything?" He's hurt; not mad.

"Because I didn't want you guys to worry."

"Livarius, you're a part of our pack now. You don't have to deal with heavy things alone. Let us carry some of the load."

"Okay," I whisper.

"So she felt happy?"

I nod.

"Well only one way to find out if it was related or not."

We went another three rounds after that. Each time, my joy being mirrored back through the mate bond. I became addicted to her happiness, and I haven't left Tavin's side since that night.

Now we're in our room packing to go look for our girl. Our room. Our girl. At some point in those shared nights I started thinking of Tavin and I as a package deal. I glance at him and wonder if he'll still want me around when Arden is back. Then I scold myself for thinking something so selfish when Arden is Stars knows where being put through who knows what hell.

"What's on your mind, Liv?" Tavin asks, and I realize I've been staring at him.

"I'm just anxious about what we're going to find when we find her. The only time I feel any positive emotions are when..."

He walks across the room and right into my space. He's an inch or so shorter than I am, but his aura makes him feel larger than he is. He cups my cheek gently. "Let's worry about getting her back, then we'll deal with everything else as it comes."

I nod and look at the floor. He tips my chin up and presses a kiss to my lips. "We'll get her back, babe. I promise."

"I know we'll have to fight the others, but I plan to lock her in here between the two of us and never let her go once she's back."

"That's the best plan I've ever heard," he says, then he kisses me again and goes back to packing his bag.

"How are we getting to Belridge?" I ask.

"Teleporting, why?"

My face flushes in embarrassment. "I'm not sure that I can..."

He gives me a confused look. "Have you never teleported?"

"No I have. I just haven't been feeding."

"Livarius! You need to be taking care of yourself."

"There hasn't really been a good time. I haven't wanted to leave you, but I didn't want to make you go hunting with me. I can probably hunt down a deer before we go."

His eyes connect with mine. "Would you like to feed from me?"

"Not yet," I say and his face falls. "It's not like that. I just haven't fed from Arden yet, and it feels like a betrayal."

"But sex doesn't?" He cocks an eyebrow at me.

"Not with you. It's something that she can't give me, you know? She's understanding of Lysander and Emyth. I don't want any other females. Just her, and you."

"I understand. I have zero interest in the other females in the castle, too. But with you it feels right." He gives me a warm smile. "Well, I'll come hunting with you if you'd like."

My shoulders relax at his words. It gives me hope that he might be interested in continuing our arrangement even once she's back, but I'm not sure if she'll be interested in that. I shake the thoughts away. This isn't the time to be focused on that.

"Yes, please."

"Your wish is my command," he says as he kisses my forehead, and we leave for the forest to hunt down some dinner.

***

Once my magic stores are refilled, we meet the others out in the front of the castle. The food that Tara packed for us is in six separate bags. We'll be in towns, so there's no reason why we can't get food there, but I guess it's just a precaution.

Zorvan hasn't spoken a single word directly to me since we finished interrogating Tirphal, and I'm fine with that. He can fuck off for all I care. The others are accepting of my presence, but Tavin is the only one who has put in effort to spend time with me. Zorvan is, however, speaking with Rupert. I think we were all a little shocked that he was leaving Rupert in charge. Something about the old gardener feels off.

I'm sifting through my bag to make sure I have everything when a pang of fear funnels through the bond. With every negative emotion of Arden's that I feel, I get more anxious. I need to get her back before I lose it all together.

Tavin takes stock of my demeanor. "Again?" he asks quietly.

I just nod in response. Emyth picked up on the exchange and stands closer to us. "Again what?"

"Nothing," I say. I don't want the others to know. I know it's going to come with questions and their emotions and I'm not equipped to deal with that right now.

"Liv," Tavin urges. The rest are starting to pay attention.

"You promised," I whisper.

"I think they should know. We're going to be in close quarters for the next few days."

"Know what?" Zorvan demands, his attention having shifted from Rupert to me.

"Since Livarius' bond is fully formed with Arden, he can feel the stronger emotions she's experiencing."

" What?" The others say in unison.

"Why the fuck didn't you say anything?" Zorvan shouts.

"Tavin, you said you wouldn't keep anything else having to do with Arden a secret. Not after the Faylin incident." Emyth says.

"Faylin incident?" Zorvan asks Tavin and I'm relieved to have the attention off of me at least for a moment.

"It's irrelevant now," Tavin says dismissively. Then he recounts the day that Arden attempted to escape the castle with Faylin's assistance. A story that Arden had told me, but I had kept to myself.

"Okay, from now on, no more secrets ," Zorvan growls. "We need all the information we can get to find her. Livarius, what have you been feeling from her?"

"Mostly fear, anger, and pain," I say quietly as more fear reaches me from my mate.

"We should have left weeks ago," Jarrah growls. "Let's fucking go."

"Do you have everything you need?" Zorvan asks Rupert.

"I think so. And Walden has means to track and contact you, so if I need anything...I won't bother you unless it's absolutely necessary."

Zorvan nods and says, "Good luck." Then he gives Rupert a brief hug. Which, judging by the looks on the faces of everyone else, they're just as surprised as I am. Zorvan isn't one to show affection.

"Bring back my granddaughter," Rupert says to all of us. Then we're teleporting to the closest town. The village of Belridge.