25. Rueben

Rueben

D iva knocks me on my back and starts licking my face. I can’t say a word because as much as I like women to stick their tongues inside my mouth, Diva doesn’t fall into that category. Besides, Olivia kissed me, and I want her taste on my lips, not Diva’s drool. Nor can I use my hands to push her away since Olivia will get angry if I mess up my nails, so here I am, laying on the snow, waiting for Diva to get off of me.

“Should we help him?” Olivia asks.

Yes! I definitely need help with my dog.

Diva licks the seam on my lips, and I press them together because who knows where the fuck she has been or what she has eaten, and I’m not about to find out.

“Nah, he and Diva love each other to death,” Tyson replies.

Fucking bastard! He is doing it on purpose so he can have Olivia all to himself right when she is finally warming up to me. I get why she hates my guts, but I’m trying to change.

I’ve been angry for so long; it’s all I know.

If only I knew how to be…husband material. I should try to be her boyfriend first, but I’m more than ready for the finish line. A family of my own was never my goal, but I want it with Olivia and my blood-brothers.

Now that I know the truth of how Camila died, I no longer blame Olivia for it. Sure, she might be the one who killed my sister, but it didn’t happen the way the Senator told my parents it did. Despite knowing how sweet Olivia was, I made up lies inside my head about her until they became my new reality. Now that I can finally see her for who she is, it’s hard not to go after the Dukes and torture them until they reveal where Carlos is hiding.

There are many who want him dead. If we want to find him, we need to be smart about it and not let every Duke out there know our plans.

Besides, Olivia needs us now more than ever. If we go chasing after Carlos, and something happens to her….

My demon snarls in anger at the idea of Olivia in the hands of her father and brother, hurt. I had enough with the days she was missing because of me.

It wasn’t my initial idea to seduce Olivia, to win her heart. I wanted to fuck her, to force her to accept us; Tyson was the one who warned me about all the things that would go wrong if I did this. He didn’t give any advice either, so I’m trying to sort out shit on my own. For days, I’ve been thinking about how to make Olivia fall for me, but nothing comes to my mind. I never dated.

“Oh. Well, in that case, I’ll go get ready for the Blood Lodge,” Olivia says, a bit unsure.

Diva keeps licking me. My fingers twitch with the need to push her in the snow. My demon wants to be with Olivia, and so do I.

“Do that,” Tyson gives Olivia the last push she needs. When Olivia is probably out of earshot, he tells me, “Don’t you even think about screwing things up with Olivia. Not now. I’m keeping an eye on you. Hurt her in any way, and you are out,” before leaving.

I don’t want to hurt Olivia; I want to…love her, but I don’t know how. I’ve never had a girlfriend, only fuck buddies, and I’ve never been in love. The only one I have ever liked is Olivia. Part of my anger was that she didn’t choose me. That she still doesn’t want me.

My demon demands I bond her to me, breed her until she accepts me as hers. He doesn’t understand why she doesn’t want us. That I…push away all those around me. That I hurt Olivia in a way no man should ever hurt a woman. That I have no fucking clue how to make it up to her. How the fuck do I even make up for what I did to her?

Tyson fucked her and got her pregnant; they will always be tied up together, even if our son is no longer here. Spencer might not have been mine biologically, but if he were alive, he would have five dads. I would have been a…dad. Fuck. The Senator took that away from me. He took my son from me. I let that sink deep. A wave of rage hits me hard. I’ll rip him to pieces when I finally get my hands on him. He is no doubt in Washington right now, and while he is there, he is untouchable. I will be patient and wait until he is on a work trip. It will be the last one he takes.

I’ve been so close to losing myself to the dark whisper of Hell that finding my way back is difficult. The only reason why I never took the final step was because I wanted to kill Olivia. It had been my end goal for so long that I lived for that. Now, I want her as my bonded.

It takes Diva a few minutes to calm down and let me get up. “Good girl. Now, go guard the horses,” I tell her. Then I go inside the house, directly to the bathroom, to wash my face and brush my teeth.

While I get ready for the meeting, I think about what Tyson told me. For the past few days, he has been following Olivia around the house like he did in the past. They were alone in his office today for at least an hour. Something happened between them. Maybe he finally convinced her to give him a second chance. I hope she did. Tyson might have made many mistakes, but he loves her. If not for Jason, they would be married with kids by now.

After I change my clothes, I go to Jasper’s room. Olivia spends more time here than anywhere else in the house or around the farm. Maybe it’s the only place she feels…safe.

Olivia changed into a long, royal blue dress with a slit on the left side. She looks…stunning. She pretends I’m not here and looks in the mirror before taking something out from the closet and sitting on the bed.

I fold my arms against my chest and lean against the doorframe so I can take my time to admire her better. I don’t think I’ve ever done this before, but I can appreciate the beauty of a woman, especially this one. All I ever sought before was release; now I want a…connection. Tyson might be my half-brother, but I don’t think he ever saw me as such. To be honest, I rarely think of him that way. But Olivia? She is more than blood. She is…my hellstar.

“I’m almost ready,” Olivia finally acknowledges me as she puts on a pair of lace-up stilettos.

There’s something about high heels that makes women look elegant.

“Your feet will freeze in those.”

Olivia starts wrapping the laces around her left leg. “Boots don’t go with this dress. Besides, Ansel bought me the dress and the stilettos for a special occasion. The Blood Lodge is not something special, but I don’t want to embarrass any of you.”

“The only thing we will ever be is proud of calling you ours.” She gives me a strange look. “Let me help you,” the words come out of my mouth before I can stop them. She probably won’t want my help, but it’s too late to back down now. It takes me only two long strides to get to her. I squat in front of her. Her eyes widen, and she flinches away from my touch. I get why she is so fucking scared of me, but I don’t want her to look at me like I’m a monster. Like I’d hurt her just because I can. I want her to be…comfortable around me. Maybe I should start there. I put her left foot on top of my knee. My fingers brush against her skin as I tie the laces around her leg.

“You don’t have to do that,” she says.

“I want to do it.” It’s been years since I last complimented someone. I hope I still know how to do it. “Blue looks good on you.”

She looks totally taken aback. “Thank you.”

I finish with the first stiletto and then switch her left foot for her right one. “You should have worn a green dress to match my nails.”

Olivia inhaled deeply. “I don’t have a….” Her eyes narrow. “Was that a…joke?”

After I finish tying the laces, I put my palm on the inside of her leg and slowly inch it up as I leisurely get up, not wanting to scare her. She lowers herself onto the bed, and I lay on my side next to her. “It was,” I admit.

“Oh,” she breathes.

Scars cover her skin, but I don’t mind them. Most men would. They would want a flawless woman, but I see beyond that when I look at Olivia. The things she went through, the things she suffered to keep us safe, made her strong.

There are more videos of her to watch, but I don’t think I can without going insane with rage. But I need to know everything that was done to her, and I believe my blood-brothers will agree.

“How does one learn to laugh again?” she murmurs more to herself than to me.

I don’t know how to say sorry to someone. I’ve never said that word aloud to anyone. My fingers reach her thigh; this is where most of her scars are. I try not to concentrate on them.

Heat emanates from her pussy. I want to sink deep inside her until our souls are united forever, but I need to be patient. She’s been abused for far too long. Forcing her will only break her spirit even more. Under the care of Ansel, Mose, and Jasper, she has blossomed. She needs to be loved, not be reduced to nothing.

I don’t know how to show her what I feel for her, but I’ll fucking try.

“Olivia,” I groan as my palm finally reaches her pussy. How will it feel when I’m finally inside her? Is it as good as I always imagined or better? I run my fingers on top of her panties. I no longer have the ones that I stole years ago. Thank fuck, because that’s just…sick. But now things are different. Her panties will start to disappear, little by little. “I destroy everything I touch,” I snarl as I try to hold back and not rip her clothes and fuck her until we are both covered in sweat. “There’s so much anger and hate inside my heart.” Tears swirl in her eyes. “Not for you, but for you.” She doesn’t understand.

I was never good at expressing myself. Women always flocked around me until I opened my mouth. How do I tell the woman I’ve always liked that I want her as my wife? I grab her braid with my free hand and bring her mouth to mine. I want to kiss her, but there are things I need to tell her.

“All this time, it wasn’t about you. I used you as a scapegoat for my faults.” I stop rubbing her pussy before I vomit word after word. “I remember hearing them talk about what went down in their marriage. I was six. My father accused my mom of neglecting him after I was born. She was too busy taking care of me to have any time for him, and they grew apart. He resented her for it, but he still loved her. Me, not that much. She grew distant soon after, and I was forgotten.” My throat bobs because I’ve never talked to anyone about this. I’ve kept all this fucking pain inside me for years. “They never knew I heard them. I was the one who separated them; Camila was the one who brought them together. I loved her so much for fixing what I destroyed. When Tyson showed up, claiming he was my father’s bastard, I was happy to have him around because I knew my parents would resent him more than me.”

I stare into Olivia’s eyes. A few tears fall down her cheeks. It’s not because she is afraid of me. A knot forms in my throat. “I didn’t tell you all of this to make you feel pity but to make you see why I am so…broken. So unlovable.”

Olivia shakes her head. “I don’t pity you. I’m just surprised. You always seemed happy, and you loved your family so much.” Her chin trembles. “I took them away from you. It is only fair that you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you,” I quickly say. “What I did to you is unforgivable. Let me show you how much I regret not protecting you.”

Sadness shows in her eyes. “I wish you would have killed me.” Her voice quivers. “I would be with my son, not stuck in this place, suffering day and night.” My heart breaks for her, and I remove my hand from between her legs and gather her in my arms. She lets me hold her. It’s a small victory, but I savor it nonetheless. It’s too early to hope, but maybe I have a chance to make things right with her. “I wish I could hate you all, but I can’t. You know what’s the most fucked up thing?”

“No,” I say against her hair.

“You and the rest are starting to give new purpose to my life.” She makes a strange sound. “I’ve come to think of this place as my home.”

I pull my head back to look at her face as I say, “Do you mean it?”

She nods. “I can be your bonded if that’s what you want, but I’ll never let anyone have the same kind of power Tyson once had over me.”

My heart feels alive for the first time in years. “I want you to love us. We already do love you.”

Olivia hesitates before saying, “My life ended the moment I killed Camila; my heart was shattered when Tyson, Ansel, and you abandoned me; my soul died with my son.”

I’ve been told many times not to ask questions that I didn’t want answered, but I’m not the type of person to listen to advice. “What must Tyson and I do to earn your forgiveness?”

Olivia looks into my eyes, into my soul. Her gaze turns dark as she says, “Bring my son to me.”

I feel like I’m being punched in the gut. There’s no way I can do that, no matter how much I want to.

“I shouldn’t go down that path because then, I’ll really go insane.” Making up her mind, she gives me her real answer, “I want to be the one who kills my father.”

Well fuck. I wanted to kill that son of a bitch. But at least this is something I can do for her. “Take that away from me, and I’ll ally with the fucking Blight and destroy your pathetic lives.”

I’m a fucking Lord who has killed many, but I was never scared until now.

I don’t think Olivia understands how powerful she is.

Neither did I.

Until now.

“Consider it done.” I kiss her forehead. “While I want us to stay like this for hours, we need to leave. Speaking of that, where are the others?”

“Tyson and Jasper have gone to check the horses while Mose and Ansel are getting the cars ready. At least that’s what they told me.”

I get up and help Olivia stand. “We should go outside then.”

“Let me grab the daggers first. I don’t want to leave them here in case Jason tries anything funny.”

“After what Tyson did to Leo and Sean, Jason will think twice before setting foot here again.”

Olivia blinks several times. “What did Tyson do to Leo and Sean?”