39. Olivia

Olivia

M y heart sinks faster than the Titanic.

Despite trying to be good and obey them, I’m going to be punished. Only because I came. And it’s not even my fault. I can’t control how my body reacts around them, no matter how hard I try. It’s not like I want to look like a bitch in heat whenever they touch me, but I can’t help it.

What is wrong with me?

Explaining this to them won’t be of any help. If they want to spank me, then that’s what they’ll do.

The vibrator keeps buzzing inside my ass but all that pleasure I felt before is tainted now, since I know it wasn’t meant for me to finish but only for their entertainment. Stupid. I’m so fucking stupid. I hate myself so fucking much it hurts. A lump the size of Everest forms in my throat.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Why do I keep trying to live when it’s clear that anything I do ends up badly for me?

“I understand, my Lord.” To my relief, my voice comes out steady. Crying will probably double my punishment. Or worse. They will drag me to the shed.

“And how many spankings do you deserve?” Mose asks.

This is always a tricky question. If I say a lower number than Mose has on his mind, then it can lead to a harsher punishment. On the other hand, if I say a higher number, that’s how many spanks I’ll receive while I’m made aware of what the real punishment should have been. Questions like these are only meant to make me fail.

“Thirty?” I try to guess.

Mose takes a minute to think before saying, “Beautiful, if we spank you thirty times, I doubt you’ll be able to sit for a long time. How about we go with fifteen and if you haven’t learned your lesson by then, we’ll spank you until you do.”

“Yes, my Lords.”

Mose has me kneel on the chair. I grip the back and bury my face in the cushion, not wanting to be heard in case I cry out in pain.

Callused fingers trace my buttcheeks. I brace myself for the pain, but the fingers continue to run up and down my skin. It soothes my fear until I realize something is really wrong with me. Else, they would not punish me for cumming.

“Each one of us will spank you five times,” Ansel informs me.

I nod, not trusting that my voice won’t break if I try to speak right now. I'm having a hard time holding back my tears as it is. Even Ansel, who claims to love me, will take part in my punishment. I knew his words were not true, but to know he would deliberately hurt me stings. What did I expect in the end? That he would treat me like a freaking princess just because he tells me beautiful lies? In the end, he broke my ribs. He might say he’s sorry, but it doesn’t mean I believe him.

What the fuck is so wrong with me that no one cares about me?

The guys continue to touch me. I tense up, trying to anticipate when the first blow will land. The vibrator now sends jolts of pain all over my body. Maybe that was the purpose all along. To make me suffer because I’m messed up. I mistook everything they did tonight for kindness. Because I’m not right in the head. Jason was right all along. I’m stupid. The clothes? The filly? The orgasms? It was all meant so I would break some stupid rule I was never made aware of so they could take everything they gave me away and punish me. Not because they actually give a fuck about me. But in my delusional mind I thought that maybe they liked me, even a tiny bit.

No one cares. Not about someone as broken as me.

There was this sick game Jason and Carlos always played with me. They would run a belt or a leather paddle over my body while I would try to guess when they would hit me next. If I was right more times than not, I would get ointments for the welts. Will Ansel want to play the same twisted game with me?

A pair of hands grabs my ass and spreads it apart. I concentrate on my breathing. In time, I learned that it helps keep my mind off the pain. Fingers run up and down my pussy. I grimace, wondering if they’ll be brutally shoved inside me. The fingers do enter me, but they don’t cause me the pain I thought they would. When they move in and out of me, I try not to concentrate on how good they feel but on my fear. More pleasure is forced on me yet I do my best to ignore it.

My buttcheeks are squeezed before the first blow lands on the left one. Not by a belt or a leather paddle but by a hand. I swallow a yelp of pain. It hurts, as the hand is heavy but it’s not as bad as I expected.

“Count, Beautiful,” Mose orders me.

“One, Master,” I say.

Mose grunts in approval, letting me know he likes being called Master. He hits my ass again, harder this time, pain spreading all over my buttcheek.

The fingers inside me continue to move but the jolts of pain produced by the vibrator and Mose spanking me keep me well distracted. Good, because I can’t cum again.

“Two, Master.”

His palm hits my left buttcheek for the third time. It hurts. Not only my body, but my soul, too

“Three, Master.”

Mose might not be as cruel as Jason or Carlos, but in a way, it hurts worse because, for some stupid reason, I thought Mose was not like them. That he wouldn’t deliberately hurt me. He always has this peaceful expression when he is around me, but looks can be deceiving.

Another spank. It lands so hard on my left buttcheek it makes me whimper.

“Four, Master.”

Mose caresses my ass before smacking my ass again. This time with both hands.

“Five, Master,” I cry out.

“Good girl,” Mose says before kissing my back.

I’m not a good girl. If I were, I wouldn’t be punished. I’m so stupid I can’t even follow a simple rule. Don’t cum. And what did I do? Exactly that. I deserve to be punished.

What is wrong with me? I can’t stop asking myself the same question over and over again.

Another hand squeezes my right buttcheek. “Time to turn this one the same red color as the other one,” Jasper says. If he is the one who is punishing me now, the fingers inside me must be Ansel's. “Don’t forget to count, Little Love,” Jasper tells me before spanking me.

His palm is heavier than Mose’s.

“One, Master.”

My eyes fill with tears. I bite the inside of my cheek.

Another blow. It starts to feel like my ass is catching fire. My back arches before I fall back into the initial position.

Ansel continues to fuck me with his fingers. My body might react to his touch and my pussy might be dripping wet but my mind is a thousand miles away. His touch makes me feel dirty. I’m so broken, my body mistakes the punishment with kindness. No wonder I’m being punished.

“Two, Master.”

Jasper must be so disappointed with me.

Smack.

I’m disappointed with myself, too. More than that. I fucking hate myself so much. I want to die so badly.

“Three, Master.”

I claw the back of the chair and a splinter enters the pad of one of my fingers.

Another smack.

“Four, Master.” My voice quivers.

“One more time,” Jasper says.

I know before he spanks me one more time that it’s going to hurt really bad. For a few seconds, I can’t even breathe. The finger with the splinter throbs in pain.

“Five, Master,” I somehow manage to say.

Just like Mose, Jasper also praises me. “Good girl,” he says before kissing both my buttcheeks. I don’t know why they call me good when it’s clear I’m not.

Stupid whore is what Jasper really means. That’s what men always mean when they speak about me.

“That leaves only me,” Ansel says. His thumb presses hard on my clit. Despite my efforts, my body stubbornly laches on to the pleasure produced by his touch. I hate how weak I am. I hate how the bond forces my body to submit to him.

There is something fundamentally wrong with me.

With his fingers still fucking me and his thumb teasing my clit, Ansel spanks my ass. Tears escape my eyes. Being spanked by Ansel is worse than being punished by Carlos or Jason. Is it because he’s my bonded? But it is his right to correct me when I disobey the rules.

The pain I feel from the vibrator turns into pure bliss.

“One, Master.”

Ansel spanks me again, harder than Jasper. “I’m not your Master, but your Bonded. Again.”

“One, my Bonded.” The word feels like ash. Like a lie. I never wanted to bond with him. He forced it on me.

Ansel moves his fingers harder, faster. Is he trying to make me cum again so that they can punish me even more? Why is he so cruel to me? My heart throbs painfully. What is wrong with me that Ansel wants to punish me even more?

His palm hit my ass again.

“Two, my Bonded.”

This time, I don’t try to hold back my whimpers. Nor do I think I can. But Ansel doesn’t seem to care that I’m hurting, that my soul feels like it’s being ripped in two, as he spanks me again, as his thumb rubs my clit fast.

“Three, my Bonded,” I cry out.

Pain and pleasure mix together and despite my efforts, I know I’m going to come again. I try to invoke some nightmare from the past but all I can feel is Ansel’s fingers inside me. He is not only inside me but around me as well. The bond lets me know he enjoys what he’s doing to me. What is wrong with me?

Another spank.

My legs start to tremble. More tears escape my eyes.

“Four, my Bonded,” I whimper, defeated. Whatever is wrong with me, I don’t think it can ever be fixed.

The last spank lands on my ass just as I come and I burst out in tears.

“I’m so sorry. So sorry,” I sob. “I didn’t mean to come. I swear,” I cry out in fear. My body keeps cumming and I don’t know how to stop it. “I’m so fucking stupid. I deserve to be punished until I learn to never cum again.”

“Shit,” Ansel swears.

“Little Love?”

The fingers are pulled out from my pussy. The vibrator is also removed from my ass.

I’m lifted up from the chair. Thinking that they will beat me, I cry even harder, tears streaming down my face and I can’t seem to stop.

The blindfold around my eyes is removed, but I keep my gaze on the floor, not wanting to look at their face and see how disappointed they are with me.

“We need to take her to the bedroom and take care of her.” Mose sounds… worried.

“Olivia, listen to me,” Ansel orders me.

I try, but the fear I feel has me sobbing uncontrollably. Ansel says something to Mose and Jasper, but by this point, I’m hysterical and all I can hear is how hard I’m crying.

And suddenly, I hear Tyson.

“What the fuck did you do to her?” He sounds so angry.

For some reason, I whimper his name. “Tyson.”

My gaze finds him. He enters the house through the backdoor. He is breathing hard and his hair is disheveled like he has been running. After slamming the backdoor, he marches right up to Ansel.

“Give her to me before I fucking punch you for being so damn stupid,” Tyson demands.

“She needs aftercare,” Ansel protests.

Tyson’s eyes turn red with rage. “You think I don’t know, dipshit. I saw it on the live camera. You fucking spanked her knowing she was abused, not stopping to think how that would fucking affect her. Now. Give her to me before I fucking do something I’ll regret later.”

“Don’t fucking pretend you care,” Ansel snarls.

Veins bulge in Tyson’s neck. “This is not about me or you. It’s about her. You are bonded to her. Stop for a moment and concentrate on how she’s feeling.”

“This is why I’m trying to take her to the bedroom but you are standing in my way!” Ansel clips.

“She needs to be with someone she trusts,” Tyson protests.

Mose steps between Ansel and Tyson. “It’s all my fault,” Mose tries to lie for my sake.

I shake my head, trying to tell Tyson that that’s not true, but he is not even looking at me. He is busy glaring at Ansel.

The backdoor opens once more and Rueben steps in. I shove a fist inside my mouth, not wanting to upset him, too.

“Are you fucking stupid or what?” Rueben yells. I try to make myself as small as possible.

Rueben is right. So is Jason. I’m so stupid I can’t follow one simple order. Don’t cum. So simple.

“I’m s-sorry,” I whimper.

Tyson growls. “I’m not going to ask again. Because if I do, you’ll be choking on your teeth.”

“Tyson, let us make this right,” Jasper says.

“Don’t fight me over this because I fucking swear I’ll cut all your hands off before you can touch her again,” Tyson grits his teeth. “Just give her to me!”

Reluctantly, Ansel hands me over to Tyson. I cling to him and bury my face in the crook of his neck, my tears wetting his skin.

“I’m going to take care of you,” Tyson says as he walks out of the kitchen and takes me to his office and locks the door behind us. He sits on a sofa and puts a blanket around us. “You did well.”

I shake my head. More tears escape my eyes, landing on Tyson’s neck. He rubs my back while letting me cry, rocking me gently back and forth, helping me calm down.

“I screwed up everything like I always do. Mose prepared a lovely dinner and what did I do? Cum when I was specifically told not to. I’m so fucking stupid.”

Tyson has me look at him. He frowns before cleaning my face with a corner of the blanket. “You’re not stupid. Also, Jasper, Mose, and Ansel didn’t spank you because they were angry at you.”

“But they punished me. Surely, they must be angry at me. What is wrong with me?”

Tyson grabs my face between his palms. “There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“There must be because I keep getting punished even when it’s not my fault. I didn’t want to cum but I couldn’t… I couldn’t…”

I choke on my words and Tyson pulls me back into his chest.

“It’s alright to cum and to enjoy yourself during sex.”

I shake my head. More tears swirl in my eyes. “No, it’s wrong. I learned my lesson. It was better when my body didn’t react to what men did to me. It was better when I was fucked until blood ran down my legs.”

“Look at me!”

Shouts come from the kitchen.

“I’m sorry,” I whimper as I drag my gaze to his face.

Tyson’s tone turns gentler. “Olivia, you did nothing wrong. Ansel, Jasper, and Mose were enjoying themselves too much and failed to realize you were having a panic attack. They didn’t spank you because you had an orgasm, but because they wanted you to have as much fun as they did.”

“How could I have fun when I was being punished? They meant to harm me, not to enjoy myself.”

Tyson cups my chin. “They didn’t mean it like that. You see, Mose…has some kinks. Spanking is one of them. It can be used as an erotic punishment.”

How can a punishment be erotic? “I don’t understand.”

Tyson sighs. “Then let me show you,” he says before kissing me, taking me by surprise.

I want to stop him, instead I return the kiss.

After what just happened, I should be repulsed by his touch, by any man’s touch, but Tyson knows how to kiss. I melt in his arms. His tongue strokes mine. His fingers flip my hair over my shoulder and his lips descend to my neck. He bites my flesh and sucks it while his fingers pinch my nipples to the point of pain. But it also feels good enough to encite a moan from me. Moaning for Tyson makes me feel even dirtier.

Tyson lifts his head. “Does it feel good?” I nod. “But does it hurt?” Another nod. “Even if I’m causing you pain, I’m also making you feel good. It’s the same with spanking.”

It’s not the same to me, but it’s best to stop talking about it. I clean my face with the back of my hands.

His palms cup my tits.

“I should get you cleaned. You still have traces of food all over you.”

Not wanting to waste more of Tyson’s time, I say, “I’ll leave then. The others are probably waiting for me to apologize for how I reacted.”

“You’re not leaving. And you most certainly won’t apologize for reliving trauma. Besides, you are staying with me tonight. I did say I’d take care of you. Your ass needs some ointment.”

I bite my bottom lip. My ass hurts but I can endure it. “You warned me about stepping inside your office. And why would I want to spend the night with you?” My chin trembles. “Will you hurt me again?”

“No. And I want you with me because you are scared.”

I jab my fingers into his chest. “I don’t believe for one second that you won’t hurt me. Also, you didn’t give a shit about me all these years. Neither did Rueben or Ansel. Suddenly you do. Right. After what you did to me in the shed, I’m more scared of you than I am of Ansel, Jasper, or Mose.” Tyson is quiet. Probably because I’m right. “You hate me. And that’s fine. It’s not like I’m your biggest fan, you know. I’m a stupid bitch, remember?”

“Olivia—”

Tyson tries to tell me something but something snaps inside me and I need to get this off my chest.

“I know why I’m here—to spread my legs wide open and to smile at the camera so that you and your blood-brothers can take down my father with the help of my pussy. I’m not delusional enough to think that I paid for my sins and I’m finally allowed to have a happy ending.”

“You are not here for that.” His tone is calm but he doesn’t fool me. “I mean, that was the plan before, but not anymore.”

I snort. “What am I doing here then?”

“You already know.”

“No, Tyson, I don’t.”

A bang on the door interrupts our come to Jesus moment.

“Go the fuck away!” Tyson yells.

“It’s me,” Rueben’s voice comes from the other side of the door. “I want to see if the Slutty Nun is alright.”

Rueben worried about me? It makes no sense.

“Just what I needed,” Tyson grumbles but puts me on the sofa before I can stop him and goes to open the door for Rueben.

I wrap the blanket around me, trying to make myself invisible.

Rueben steps inside the office, his eyes shooting daggers at me.

“As you can see, she is fine. You can leave now,” Tyson impatiently tries to get rid of Rueben.

But Rueben doesn’t leave, he enters the office, and starts to pace around. Tyson locks the door once more and waits for Rueben to say something, as do I.

After a few minutes of awkward silence, Tyson says, “If you only came here to walk around, you can go ahead and patrol the farm.”

Rueben stops for a second and looks at me, then at Tyson. “Back in the kitchen, I felt her anguish. I don’t know what to make of that.”

“You know what’s going on, but you are too stubborn to admit it,” Tyson sighs.

Bile rises to my throat. I have a bad feeling about whatever Rueben is about to say.

I cover my ears just as Rueben says, “She can’t be our soulmate. She can’t! I refuse to accept it.”