32. Olivia

Olivia

N ot all Lords are born with a gun in their hands. Some, like Levi, prefer books.

Back in high school, Levi was the nerd of the class. He was skinny, wore big glasses, and dressed kind of funny. Because of that he got bullied. That is until Camila and I befriended him. Camila was Levi’s biggest defender and he fell in love with her, but unfortunately, she only had eyes for Sean. Levi and I were more laid back and just liked to read. He always used to recommend books to me, even snuck some from his mom’s library for me. In exchange, I had to help him get with Camila. I did try to make her open her eyes, but she never listened to me. All she could think about was Sean.

Somewhere along the years, Levi had a glow-up. He is no longer the nerdy type but the… guy who flirts with everyone? At least, that’s the impression he gives me. He is tall, all muscles, no longer has glasses and learned how to dress, and he gives me a bad-boy vibe, but his eyes are still as kind as ever.

Rueben steps in front of Tyson and me, his large back shielding me from the other men. “The slutty nun is off limits. You want to stick your cocks in some cunt remember that hers is only for our use.”

I’ve been called many things but never a slutty nun. What’s that even supposed to mean? At least Rueben is not calling me the Diseased Cunt anymore. I doubt he will fuck me, because deep down, Rueben and Tyson still think I’m a leper. It doesn’t even bother me, especially since they keep their distance, but it confuses me as to why they suddenly act like they own me or something. I guess they do own me, since they bought me, but Rueben always made it clear that my only purpose is to help them take down my father. After that, Rueben will grant me what I so desperately want. If he won’t, then I’ll have to find a way to undo the bond with Ansel. Not with him, though. He can get fucked and feel the bond breaking when I die. He had no consideration for me, why should I consider him ?

A man with white hair and mismatched eyes—one blue, the other green—chuckles. “The slutty part, I get it, but she ain’t a nun. She is one of Carlos’ girls.”

Pointing out that I am a sex slave, a pornai, doesn’t bother me anymore. It did for a long time. I came to accept my life as it is. But won’t Ansel or Jasper be ashamed of it when more men realize it? Men never like it when they are reminded of their woman’s past. Someone like me will never have a happy ending. I’m not delusional nor do I think Ansel will keep me. He will abandon me just like Jasper did when I mentioned I am barren. Just like he did when I needed him. Trust is something I’ll never have.

“What makes you think she is one of Carlos’ girls?” Mose clips.

The reply comes almost immediately. “Oh, I’ve seen videos of her.” Pointing at the other men, the man with white hair says, “Isak, Steven, and Gavin, I’m pretty sure know what I’m talking about. But it’s cool. It’s not like I care that you have a pornai in the house.” Jerking his thumb at Levi, he adds, “We kinda have a similar situation at home. My cousin has this unhealthy obsession with a woman.”

If Rueben thinks there aren’t any videos of me being gang-banged, he is wrong. But Jason has always made it clear to Carlos that our father won’t be happy if any of those videos end up on the internet and the family name gets tarnished because of this. Ever since Jasper forced me to stop taking drugs, my mind has become clearer and I’ve been remembering stuff I forced myself to forget.

“Rin, knock it off!” Levi tells the man with mismatched eyes.

So Rin is Levi’s blood-brother. Or that’s what I assume.

Ansel stands. “She is not one of Carlos’ girls! Olivia is our future wife.”

I want to protest but I bite my tongue. Tyson and Rueben are yet to say anything about Ansel bonding with me, but I can tell they are angry about it. Until now, we have been dancing around the subject, but sooner or later will have to address the elephant in the room.

Rueben snorts before going over to the fridge and grabbing a beer.

At least he is not pretending to want me as his wife.

Rin walks over to the table and takes a strawberry from the plate before Jasper can stop him. He and Mose woke up early to go grocery shopping and they bought the strawberries especially for me because I mentioned I liked them. It surprised me that they would spend money on me. I’ll have to show them my appreciation some time later.

“Seems that Rueben doesn’t want Miss Slutty Nun as your wife,” Rin comments.

I don’t want him as my husband either. The reason I didn’t go with Wasp is because of Ansel and Jasper. Maybe for Mose, too. They treated me like a human being when no one else did. They touch me with kindness and in bed it doesn’t feel like they are using my body. Despite being abused for years, I find myself not fearing them. For some reason, I have yet to understand why Ansel and Jasper always make sure I feel good and I finish a few times before they cum. Except for that morning when Mose wanted me to suck him, he hasn’t hinted that he wanted to fuck me, but he doesn’t shy away from kissing me. It might sound crazy, but I no longer have to pretend I like being kissed or touched. Could it be because of the bond with Ansel?

“He will come around.” Ansel’s tone tells me this conversation is over. “Rin, I have a favor to ask. Can we talk in private?”

“Sure thing.”

Rin and Ansel leave the kitchen.

Jasper pats his lap, but Tyson is still holding me by my waist. “You can let go of me now,” I say to him.

“Not before I make it clear that you are not to engage with the other Lords. You know I don’t make light of my threats. Don’t make me drag you back to the shed,” Tyson snarls into my ear.

My back stiffens. “You can do as you wish. We both know you are much stronger than me. Besides, I don’t want to engage with the Lords, just talk to Levi. Or am I forbidden to speak with my friend?”

Tyson’s grip on me tightens. Maybe he is right. Ever since I was forced to stop using drugs, I’ve had a hard time holding back my words. And then there’s this anger that keeps building and building inside of me and I don’t even know why I feel like this. Or when it began. But I want to scream until I lose my voice. Jason would have never accepted such disobedience from me.

Levi’s eyes are fixed on me, but I try to pretend everything is fine.

In a low voice, Tyson tells me, “Whores like you don’t have friends. Only men desperate enough to want to fuck a pussy like yours.” To Rueben, he says, “We have to take the bitch shopping.”

Shopping. Right. Maybe Tyson finally decided he has had enough of me and he wants to get rid of me. Some feeling similar to happiness fills me. I wasn’t lying when I said I was so tired of living. The idea of being with Camila in the next life is the only thing keeping me sane. When I close my eyes, I always see her waiting for me in a meadow. A lump forms in my throat. The stitches on my right arm itch. It would be so easy to reopen that wound and bleed to death.

I can’t do that to Ansel, I remind myself.

Why did he have to bond with me? Was it to punish me by forcing me to live and endure all the painful memories that won’t let me sleep during the night?

Even Jasper feels there’s something wrong with what Tyson said, as he asks, “Shopping?”

Tyson finally lets go of me and I quickly move away from him.

“Since she was kind enough to get us into this mess,” Tyson’s voice is full of sarcasm, “and we had to ask favors from our friends, we might as well save them from having to look at her scars. I think it is time we buy her some proper clothes.”

Is Tyson ashamed of what my body looks like? Then why the hell did he put on the show with ‘no one touches her?’

Jasper pulls me into his lap and kisses my cheek. Is he trying to comfort me? Because I am so past caring about what men think of me. My life ended a long time ago.

Levi folds his arms over his chest and says to Tyson, “I see you are still an ass.”

A vein ticks in Tyson’s temple. “You know nothing about me so don’t pretend we are friends. The only reason you are here is because you are Rin’s blood-brother and I trust him.”

Sometimes Camila would invite Levi over to hang out at her house. Tyson and Rueben never liked Levi, considering him not good enough for Camila. No one was ever good enough for Camila.

“The only reason I am still here is because I know Olivia and she is my friend. You and Rueben can go get fucked if you don’t like if she and I talk,” Levi retorts.

The tension is so thick in the air it can be cut with a knife.

Rueben slams his beer on the counter. Knowing he is about to say something nasty, I quickly squeal, “Let’s all get along. Camila,” my voice breaks upon saying her name, “would have liked that.”

“Don’t you fucking say her name,” Rueben snarls before leaving the kitchen, slamming the door behind him.

Tyson rubs his temples. “Welcome to our dysfunctional family,” he says to Gavin, Isak, and Steven—who appear to be enjoying the show.

Tyson isn’t wrong. Everyone living in this house is dysfunctional. Starting with me.

Levi leans against the counter.

“We are Lords. Dysfunctional is our normal,” one of the three men I just met says. I’m not sure which one he is since Rin didn’t make it clear. The man clears my confusion quickly. “I’m Gavin.” He will be easy to remember since he is the only one with dirty blond hair. Pointing at the other two men, Gavin adds, “These are my blood-brothers. They are twins but it’s easy to tell who is who since Isak is the one with blue eyes and Steven is the one with brown eyes.”

I’m so used to not looking at men’s faces that I didn’t even notice that Isak and Steven are twins.

If I were in the Celestial Heaven, I would probably offer them a blowjob but luckily, that’s no longer required of me, so I say, my voice quiet, “I’m Olivia.”

Isak winks at me. “For a slutty nun, you have a cute name.”

Jasper, who has been quiet until now, snarls, “Disrespect Olivia again and you’ll sleep in a tent in front of the house.”

Isak puts his hands in the air. “Hey, no harm, no foul.”

Tyson glances at the shirt I’m wearing today—Ansel was kind enough to lend it to me. Beneath it, I’m naked. “Can you put on something more decent?” he sneers.

“I could if I had anything,” I remind him that I rely on them to keep me fed and warm. In return, they can use my body whenever they want. Just like a whore. Rueben forbade me to do anything around the house, but by helping with the chores, I might show them I’m not a freeloader. Realizing that maybe Tyson will perceive this as me asking him to buy me stuff, I quickly add, “But I’m very grateful for whatever I get. Thank you.”

Levi straightens his back. From the look on his face, I know he is angry. I quickly shake my head, letting him know not to say anything. Even if we haven’t spoken for years, he still understands me without words.

“Jasper and I are planning to take Olivia shopping,” Mose says, but Tyson dismisses him with a flick of his wrist.

Tyson arches an eyebrow. “There’s no time today. We need to show our guests where they will be sleeping and around the farm. We are behind with chores. She will have to make due with what she has for the moment.”

“I have time today,” Mose insists.

“Rueben and I will take care of the bitch!” Tyson leaves no room for more arguing before leaving the house.

All the tension I feel when I am around Tyson and Rueben suddenly disappears and my body relaxes.

Jasper kisses my neck. “You know how Tyson and Rueben are,” he tells me before having me sit on the chair.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll take you shopping some other day,” Mose promises before kissing me.

Like I’d believe him.

Jasper and Mose leave the kitchen together with Steven, Isak, and Gavin. None of them observe that Levi remains behind. The moment the door closes, Levi rushes to me and hugs me tight, lifting me from the chair.

“I can’t believe I finally found you,” he murmurs in my ear.

“Levi, you are hurting me,” I grunt in pain.

He lets go of me and takes a step back. Running a finger down my neck, he says, “You look absolutely awful. I plan to take you out of here. I’ll talk to Rin.”

“Levi—”

I try to protest, but he talks before I can finish. “You’re being abused and I’m not going to sit on my ass and do nothing about it.”

“Levi—”

“For years, I tried to convince Jason to let me know where he had you, but the son of a bitch refused to speak to me. If I knew Tyson and Rueben had you, I would have come for you sooner.” Levi runs his fingers through his hair. “What did they do to you?”

Knowing I can’t tell him the entire truth, I try to share with him what I can, “Tyson and Rueben did nothing to me. Actually, they saved me from Jason.”

Levi pulls me into another hug, putting pressure on my ribs and making me winch in pain. “I don’t believe for one minute they didn’t try to harm you. Everyone knows how much Rueben hates you.”

I push at his chest. “Levi, I can’t breathe.”

His arms drop to his sides. “Sorry. Sometimes, I forget how strong I am.”

I sit back on the chair. Levi takes a seat in front of me and takes my hands into his.

“For years, I forced myself to forget about you. I never thought I would ever see you again,” my voice quivers.

“Why do you say that?” Levi asks.

I let out a loud breath. “After Carmila… after what I did, you had every right to hate me. I couldn’t endure losing you too, so I pretended that you never existed.”

“You pretended I never existed!?” Levi sounds hurt. And then he makes me feel even worse when he adds, “I don’t believe for one second that you had something to do with Camila’s death.”

I try to jerk my hands free from him, but he doesn’t let go. “It was me.”

Levi shakes his head. “I know you, Olivia. You wouldn’t hurt a fly. Killing Camila? Impossible!” My chin trembles. Levi is so wrong about me. “Tell me everything. Tell me who the fuck set you up.”

My eyes fill with tears. “They raped me for years and I couldn’t do anything about it. They took everything from me and broke me and beat me until I became what you see now. The scars on my body are not from Tyson or Rueben but from other men. But you are wrong about one thing. Levi, I’m the one who killed Camila.”

“Who did this to you?” Levi insists.

“You can’t fight him. No one can,” I try to explain.

Levi cups my chin. “You have always been stubborn, but I’ll get to the bottom of this. I’ll kill everyone who touched you. Are Rueben and his blood-brothers forcing you to do shit you don’t want?” I quickly deny it. Levi looks relieved. “Good.”

Even if I don’t believe in hope anymore, for a second, something resembling it blossoms in my chest. Levi has my back. He is the only one I can trust.

“How did you know I was here?” I want to know.

Levi blinks. “I didn’t. Tyson and Rin are friends, and he asked for help with the farm. Since I didn’t have anything better to do at home, I decided to come.”

“You have no idea how glad I am that you came.”

“Me too. After I talk to Rin and have everything ready, I’ll get you out of here.”

For the following days Tyson and Rueben keep an eye on Levi and me. They make sure I’m never in the same room as him.

Do they suspect what Levi is trying to do? Not that I’d ever dare try running away with him. I’d never put Levi in danger like that.

I just want someone to talk to. He’s the only one I can open up to and tell him everything that’s on my soul.

I hate that Levi is so close, yet so far away from me. I don’t like that he and other Lords are involved in my mess. It would have been better to leave with Jason. I never asked Wasp to get involved. But, since Levi, Rin, and the others are here keeping the farm safe, I want to do something nice for them. To show them my appreciation for putting themselves in danger.

Spending a lot of time in the cold must be unpleasant. So I decided to make something warm for them.

Mose was kind enough to let me use the kitchen.

I put the hard boiled eggs in the bento box. Levi and the others spend a lot of time outside in the cold guarding the farm, and I decided to make lunch for them today. Apart from some homemade snacks, I also prepared them coffee.

The oven turns off, letting me know the muffins are done. Jasper and Mose have been showing me more recipes. It was easy to memorize them.

I take out the muffins from the oven and put them on the counter. These I made for Ansel, Mose, and Jasper. I take a bite from one, curious to see how they turned out. The sweet flavor makes me moan.

I close my eyes, taking another bite. I’ve always loved muffins. Grandma Khloe, my mom’s mom, had a special recipe, but unfortunately I don’t have it.

“I see you still love desserts.”

Levi’s voice makes me choke on the muffin. A glass of milk is on the island. Mose likes drinking milk with his muffins so I prepared one for him. I gulp it down before saying, “You scared me!”

Levi looks a bit apologetic as he says, “Sorry about that.” Changing his tone, he adds, “The others are busy. If you want to leave, we have to go now.”

For the past few days, I’ve been thinking about leaving.

While Levi’s offer is very tempting, the bond with Ansel forces me to stay. Ansel even told me he loves me, but that’s a lie, because why would someone love me? I’m not even capable of having children. I don’t want to be a mother, yet Jasper seems very excited about a future baby. Leaving would be the logical choice, but I promised Wasp that I’d stay on the farm. At least until I find a way to break the bond without causing Ansel any pain.

Levi takes my hand into his and tugs me after him. “Come on.”

I have to make it clear to Levi that I’m not going anywhere with him.

The door to the kitchen suddenly opens, startling me.

Rueben and Diva enter. He looks calm, but I can feel his rage, his hatred with every cell of my body. Not even when he tortured me in the shed was he so angry. The color of his eyes is like that of a sea storm. His steps are light as he approaches us, and his gaze falls on Levi’s hands, which are still holding mine. “And where do you plan to take my slutty nun?” Rueben sneers.