31. Olivia

Olivia

I t is not strange for me to see shit while I am high as fuck but this is the first time I’m hallucinating about four masked women armed to the teeth. Five actually. And the funny part is that they saved me from Jason. Or so they say. Like I needed saving. I was perfectly fine going with Jason and slipping back into the life I am used to. To being fucked by countless men and drugged and… beaten by Jason whenever he feels like it. It’s not very different from what Tyson and Rueben did to me, minus the drugs, but at least I understand their anger. But Jason? He hates me because he wants to. Because he has been a bully all his life.

I am wearing a warm coat I don’t recognize and I bury my face in the fur around the collar.

“It’s faux fur,” one of the women tells me. She is the only one not wearing a coat. Maybe the one I have belongs to her. “We also have blankets if you want one.”

I remain quiet because what good will it do to talk to a hallucination? At least I am not seeing Camila or other people from the past.

“Do you want water or food?” another asks me and I shrug.

My hallucinations usually force me to relive nightmares I want to forget, but this one doesn’t seem that bad. Four masked women standing in front of the car I’m sitting in. The fifth one is surveying the surroundings.

“This is not real so it doesn’t matter if I eat or not,” I finally decide to speak. “Just a hallucination.”

After a small hesitation, the one without a coat says, “This is real. The drug used on you was a tranquilizer, so you are not high. We already got it out of your system.”

I blink. If I am not high, then… where is Jason? “Who are you?”

“I am Wasp,” the one without a coat says, “and” pointing at the other women, she adds, “Beetle, Cricket, and Mantis. The one over there is Moth.”

“Those are rather… peculiar names. Almost as if you were….”

I don’t finish my thought, but understanding what I mean, Wasp says, “Yeah, we are.”

“Oh,” I say. Silence falls around us and not knowing what else to say, I ask, “Where’s my brother?”

Beetle snorts. “He should be on his way to the cemetery, but Wasp is a better person than me.”

“You killed him?” I blurt out. I am not sure if I should feel relieved or not. Relieved, I decide in the end.

“He is alive,” Wasp lets me know. Disappointment fills me. I don’t know why I even bother wishing, I will never be free of Jason. “We don’t have much time, but I have an important question to ask—do you want to come with us or go back to the men you are bonded with?”

Men, as in plural? Could it be that Jasper anchored his demon to me? Then why do I only feel connected to Ansel? “How do you know I am bonded?” I ask Wasp.

“Hellstars have powers. Mine allows me to see bonds,” Wasp explains.

When Camila and I started researching hellstars, we learned that a special type of hellstars can have healing powers. Similar to what I have, only that my powers come from what was done to me at the facility.

I also know hellstars can be soulmates to the demons or angels most compatible with them. They can bond with anyone but only the bond with her soulmates is special. How is something I didn’t get to learn.

Normal women like me can be with Lords or Dukes, even if I am not a hellstar, but the bond between us is different than the one from soulmates. Camila and I were learning about this part when…everything came crashing down.

“Can you see the ones I am bonded with?”

I don’t know why I am asking this since it is obvious Jasper and Ansel tied themselves to me. But then Wasp replies and leaves me speechless.

“One bond is old, several years or more, while the other one is fresh from a day or two ago.”

One bond is old.

My ears ring.

I breathe through my mouth.

I feel like drowning.

My heart drums in my chest.

One bond is old.

Did I bond with him ? But… how?

My vision tunnels.

Why didn’t I realized it until now?

I don’t want to be bonded to him .

“Can you break it? Or what must I do to break it?” I want to know.

The masks on their faces prevent me from seeing their facial expressions but their body language lets me know they are shocked by my question.

“Why would you want to do that?” Cricket asks.

I shake my head. “Whatever was between me and him is tainted now. There is so much hate and pain between us, things will never be the same.”

Wasp squats in front of me and takes my hand into hers. “I have seen firsthand how broken bonds affect both men and women. Especially the women. Breaking a new bond hurts like hell, but one as old as yours? It can kill you.”

For a moment, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. “I don’t care. I have been living on borrowed time anyway. Death will bring me the peace I crave so much.”

Beetle shifts her weight from one leg to another. “You are the first one to say such things.”

“I am a…murderer. And I already lost the person I loved the most. There is nothing left in this world for me,” I tell them the truth.

“Olivia,” Wasp says in a gentle voice, “I understand your pain. I did many things I am not proud of. People got hurt because of me and I kept quiet. But I am trying to do better, to be better. There is a Blight… an army of Nephilims trying to find a way to enter our world and destroy it. My sisters and I are trying to find a way to unite the Dukes and the Lords so that when the Blight gets here, we will stand united in front of it. Your old bond, despite everything that has happened to you, held strong. It still holds strong. It has to mean something. Live to find out why.”

I don’t know what this Blight they are talking about is. “Living only means more suffering for me. I am so, so tired.”

Wasp gives me a gentle squeeze. “There is no happiness without suffering and no love without hate. There is no life without death and no smile without tears. Whatever ties you to this man is stronger than love. The bond is so strong, I’m afraid nothing will break it.”

The bond is there to stay. Why am I so surprised?

Despite my better judgement, I ask, “If I can’t break the bond, what should I do?”

“Return to your men and embrace them as they are. Bond with all of them and when the Blight is upon us, fight for our world,” Wasp replies.

Embrace them as they are. It should be easy, right? Yet… this is not what I want.

“I’m not a warrior,” I whisper.

“You could learn, but even if your only role is to save five demons from ending up in the Catacombs, then it is enough,” Mantis chimes in.

Letting five demons anchor themselves to me should be an honor. But…why would they want me?

“What if they are the ones who don’t want me? Or… what if I’m not capable of love anymore?”

Beetle folds her arms across her chest and kicks the snow. “Men are pigs who don’t deserve women anyway. Fuck the bonds and come with us.”

It is very tempting, but I can’t put Wasp and the others in danger. They don’t understand how dangerous my brother is. Not wanting anything to happen to them because of me, I say, “I should return to Jason.”

Wasp exhales loudly. “You only have two options—the farm or us.”

I don’t like these options. If I return to the farm, I will put everyone at risk. The guest house is in shambles because of me. Rueben was shot because of me.

If I go with Wasp and the others, it’s only a matter of time until Jason finds me and something happens to them.

“Olivia?” Wasp asks. “The farm or us? We can’t stay here any longer. The blizzard will get even worse.”

Feeling pressured to pick one, I croak the first thing that comes to my mind, “Tyson.”

Why the fuck did I say that name? Is Wasp sure I’m not high or something because not even in a million years would I choose Tyson. Nor Rueben. Definitely not Rueben. Never these two.

Wasp stands and takes out her phone. “The farm it is.”

“But they don’t want me there,” I protest. Right? “They hate me!”

“Olivia, they bonded with you for a reason.”

Where is Jason when I need him to get me out of this mess? “Don’t say anything about the old bond.”

I don’t mind everyone knowing about Ansel and me, if that is something he wishes to share with the others, but the bond with him … I will take the secret to the grave with me. I’m sure he doesn’t suspect anything, else he would have said something about it.

“Fine.” Wasp walks away from the car.

Beetle digs her heel in the snow. “Wrong choice.”

I shrug. “Between two evils, I prefer the one I already know.”

“We are not evil,” Beetle huffs.

I remain silent because they might be hellstars but I don’t know them. At least on the farm, I have Ansel and Jasper. But Jason won’t give up until he takes me back to where I belong. If something bad happens to Ansel or his blood-brothers because of me choosing to go to the farm, I’ll never forgive myself. But…what else am I supposed to do? It’s like I’m at a crossroads in the middle of the night, and I have to choose one dark path or the other. The only option in which no one gets hurt is for me to disappear into the woods, but I doubt Wasp will let me do that.

Wasp talks on the phone, but she is too far away for me to hear what she is saying.

“There is always light in the darkness and darkness in the light. No one is truly good or evil,” I say to no one in particular.

Not really true. There are some really fucked up individuals out there, like Carlos. That man, if I can call him that, because naming his monster would be an offense to all the monsters out there, is the most perverse person I have ever met. Then there’s Azael. I’ve never met him, but I’ve heard enough about him to give me nightmares for life. Sometimes, pornais from the Celestial Heaven were taken to the medical facility to…entertain the men who were kept there as lab rats. After my tubes were removed, Carlos had me… visit some of those men. The torture they had to endure at the hands of Azael turned them into…something else. They only knew violence. Kindness was alien to them, but a gentle touch or a kiss made a huge difference. Until Carlos caught wind of it and never brought me around those men again.

Wasp ends the phone call and returns to me. “Your men will be here in a short time.”

My men.

They are not mine. Yet… bonds, one new, the other old, connect me to two of them.

Will this be my total ruin or my salvation, if there is such a thing for me?

Hope is a poisonous thing, letting you dream of things that will never happen, feeding you one lie after the other. It eats you from the inside out until there is nothing left.

There is no salvation for me.

Only damnation.

It started with a question and it ended with a tragedy.

I stand next to Sean’s car, wrapped in a warm blanket and watch the road. Despite the raging blizzard, the sound of an engine roars in the air.

Ansel and Jasper are coming after me.

Everything I have loved and cared for is gone. I even lost my will to love. For years, I craved to be reunited with Camila. Even now, it is the only thing I want to do, but the bonds… will break, bringing more suffering. I don’t want Ansel to be in pain because of me. He has already suffered so much because of me. If for nothing else, I will keep living for the bonds. Until I find a way to break them without anyone involved in this mess, feeling the agonizing pain brought by a shattered bond.

An SUV appears out of the snowstorm and parks right behind Sean’s car. Ansel and Jasper get out immediately and without thinking, I run to them, the blanket falling from my shoulders.

Ansel catches me in his arms and my legs wrap around his waist, my ass exposed to the brutal wind. His lips clash against mine and his palms cover my ass. His kiss is brutal, punishing my mouth and I take all the harshness and even add to it. There’s a mix of teeth and lips and tongues and moans and groans.

“You’re alright,” he says before slamming my back against the SUV. “Do you have any fucking idea how worried I have been?” he growls. Jasper tries to intervene, but Ansel snaps at him, “This is between my bonded and I.” Sadness reflects in Jasper’s eyes, but there is no time to comfort him as Ansel bites the mark he left on my neck, his hips grinding against mine. Is he going to fuck me right now? Or punish me? He does neither. He stops biting me and lifts up his head only when I hiss in pain. His eyes turn scarlet. “Do you have any fucking idea what you could have started by leaving with Jason?”

I wanted to end everything but I guess I didn’t see things from his perspective. Besides, even if I didn’t want to go with Jason, he would have beaten me until I stopped resisting and dragged me by the hair. It’s not like I had any say in the matter. Jason says something and I must obey immediately, unless I want him to break my bones.

I don’t get to answer as the passenger door opens and Tyson steps out. My breath leaves me. Why is he here?

“Can you spank her after we get her home?” Tyson asks.

Ansel leans his forehead against mine and breathes me in, gaining his composure, his eyes returning to their natural color. “Let’s go,” he says a moment later.

Tyson goes over to Sean’s car and starts searching inside it.

“Wasp and Beetle already went through it. You are wasting your time if you think you will find anything,” I let him know.

Tyson arches an eyebrow. “You’ve found your tongue since getting clean from the drugs.” His hand goes to the knife on his belt. “Since you are talking, you might want to tell us who Wasp is. And what are you hiding from Jason? From us?”

It might be the weather or the fact that I am in Ansel’s arms with Jasper next to us, but I suddenly say, “Tyson, fuck you. I don’t owe you any explanations.”

I slap my palms against my mouth. So, so stupid. When will I learn to think before speaking?

Ansel and Jasper laugh. Tyson glares at me.

“Let’s get our little kitten home,” Jasper says.

Jasper kisses me before feeding me another strawberry. Mose grabs my face between his palms and licks the seams of my lips and I part my lips for his. Beneath me, Ansel’s cock throbs and I grind my pussy against him. He doesn’t react, but I know he enjoys what I am doing to him.

“You taste so good,” Mose murmurs against my lips.

The door to the kitchen opens. Rueben and Tyson enter. Behind them are five men. I don’t pay any attention to them as Jasper offers me another strawberry. He and Ansel have made it clear I can only eat what they give me. Sometimes, Mose joins them. It’s a strange thing to see three men feeding a grown-ass woman, but I’m not complaining.

Tyson sits at the table across from Ansel’s chair and grabs a strawberry from the plate.

“We found some volunteers to help us guard the farm until we deal with Jason and his dipshit friends,” Rueben says. “In a few days, Ansel and I will return to work, Mose has a restaurant to worry about, and Tyson and Jasper are not enough to keep… our woman,” he basically chokes on his spit while saying the last two words, “safe.”

Jasper’s eyebrows shoot up.

Is Rueben sick or something? He and Tyson have been ignoring me for the past two days and all of a sudden, I’m his woman? No, thank you very much. By the tone of his voice, I know he is lying. A show for the guests.

It’s been a few days since the incident with Jason. The snowstorm is over, but we still haven’t found Miss Teapot. We have been searching for her for many hours and even left bowls with food for her outside. I have no doubt we will find her, but Jasper is very worried. Rightfully so. But for sure, the blizzard has forced her to hide in some warm place, and she will return sooner or later. I am sure of it.

“Olivia?”

My back stiffens. I know that voice.

His name leaves my lips before my gaze finds him. “Levi?”

I jump from Ansel’s lap and I run to Levi, but Tyson intercepts me quickly and grabs me by the waist, pulling my back against his chest.

“Let’s make one thing clear,” Tyson snarls, looking at Levi, “if I see any of you touching my woman, there will be hell to pay!”