19. Olivia

Olivia

'Cause? I don't wanna see your face no more

R ueben watches me as I clean all the pieces of the broken plate with my hands. A broom is nearby but I don’t want to touch it. I never wanted any of this. If only things had turned out differently on the night I killed Camila, I wouldn’t be here today. It wasn’t supposed to be like that.

Did I do this?

What did Tyson intend with that question? He certainly doesn’t care if I live or die. Hurting me is something he enjoys.

Stop thinking about it!

I hate this. I hate that my mind is clear, that I can think, that I can overanalyze everything. Why did Jasper have to force me to quit drugs? I wasn’t harming anyone.

Is this where Roy hit you?

My cheek still throbs in pain. Mose offered me some painkillers but I declined.

There was a masked rage in Tyson’s voice. Does he want to be the only one to hurt me? I have news for him—the line in front of him is long. He either kills everyone else or will have to wait for his turn.

Only that his turn has finally come.

At least Tyson didn’t punish me for slapping him. Perhaps asking how I could please him took him off guard. But he was hard. Yet he stepped away. Thank God. Because having to fuck Tyson is not something I am looking forward to. I would rather have Jasper fuck my ass all night long.

I need to find a way to stop myself from thinking. I need to go back to Jason. He is the one who can give me what I want—my daily dose.

After I throw the broken plate in the trash I check on Miss Teapot. The explosion scared her pretty badly and she hid under the bed. While Jasper was trying to put out the fire, I was trying to convince her to come to me. It took some time to coax her to jump into my arms.

Content that Miss Teapot is sleeping in the basket Jasper put for her next to the fridge, I hobble back to the sink to finish washing the dishes. My toes are killing me, but I welcome the distraction of the pain.

“What are you doing?”

Rueben’s question takes me by surprise. His tone is laced with anger.

“If I am going to live here I might as well help,” I say.

A loud sound comes from behind me, and I don’t need to turn around to know that Rueben slammed his fist on the table. “You don’t live here. This is only temporary. If we weren’t in the middle of the fucking winter, I would have had you sleep outside. I don’t trust you won’t try to kill me in my sleep.”

“I can sleep in the barn,” I offer. That way I can be closer to the horses. I haven’t seen them since the night I snuck out. I haven’t stopped thinking about Speckles since then.

“I would rather have you here so I can keep a close eye on you.”

Rueben needs to make up his mind.

I put the dishes in the cabinet Jasper showed me before he and Ansel went to the barn. The wound Rueben sustained earlier is still bleeding and I grab the first aid kit and go to him.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he snaps when I try to roll up his sleeve, jerking his arm away from me with a look of disgust on his face.

It’s hard to see how much he hates me, especially since we used to spend so much time together playing video games and doing other stuff. But those times are long gone.

I open the first aid kit. “Making sure your wound won’t get infected.”

“Why do you care?”

I shrug. “I don’t care.” A lie. Despite what Rueben and Tyson did to me, I don’t wish anything bad to happen to them. I understand why they hate me. Why they did what they did to me. Besides, I don’t think treating people badly, even if they do terrible things to you, will fix anything. Kindness might not be the answer to all my problems, but I can’t change who I am. “But you still need the wound taken care of.”

Rueben takes out a cigarette and starts smoking. “Mose will take care of it.”

I put some Betadine on a piece of medical gauze. “Mose hit his head pretty badly during the explosion. He needs to rest.”

“Whatever,” Rueben stops protesting.

I clean his wound and then bandage it. Fortunately, the bullet only grazed his arm. I don’t think I would have had the courage to use whatever power the doctors gave me on Rueben again. How did I even bring him back like that? I am a fucking freak. Such irony. I killed Camila and I ended up saving Rueben. Why didn’t I have this power the night I shot my best friend?

The bandage around his neck is dirty and I remove it. After a quick inspection, I put on a new dressing. “Your neck is healing pretty well. You must have a strong demon.”

He snorts. “What do you know? You are a high school dropout.”

Not by choice. I had plans. Dreams. Hopes. But one decision destroyed my entire life.

“When I was in the Celestial Heaven, I used to take care of the women who didn’t take Carlos’ training that well. I might have learned a thing or two,” I shrug.

“You learned how to suck and ride cocks,” Rueben snorts, but there is a trace of anger in his tone.

I can’t tell if he is mocking me or resents me for what I was forced to do. Maybe both? Hesitantly, I say, “Among other things.”

Rueben finishes his cigarette and puts it out on top of my hand. It hurts but I stay still. Taking out the knife Camila and I gave him years ago on his birthday, he says, “If you think you can wiggle your way into our lives, you are wrong, Diseased Cunt.” Cutting his right palm, blood dripping on the table, he adds, “When we are done with the sex tapes and Senator Deymar’s career is destroyed, I will kill you,” he vows, letting me know how adamant he is to end my life.

I prepared more Betadine. Rueben isn’t aware of how hard I've latched onto his promise and I force myself to be patient. I clean his palm and put a bandaid over the cut.

The back door opens. Ansel and Jasper enter, and they go wash their hands.

“When can we start with the sex tapes?” I ask, eager to be reunited with Camila in the next life.

Rueben stands. “When you no longer look like the cheap whore that you are.”

“Can we stop with the insults?” Jasper asks.

Rueben ignores Jasper’s question and says, “You had no right to let the Diseased Cunt into our home. Not without asking me first!”

“I don’t need your permission to have Olivia live with us,” Jasper keeps arguing.

“You know how this works. We are blood-brothers. We make decisions together. And where is she supposed to sleep?” Rueben demands.

Jasper winks at me. “In my bed.”

Ever since Mose commented that technically, I can have children, Jasper has reverted to his old bubbly self and is all over me once more. I don’t trust it to last, not when his ‘affection’ for me is transactional. He is loving toward me only because he wants what a woman’s body can offer him. What will happen the next time he gets disappointed? Throw me out? Forget about me completely?

I go to put the first aid kit in its place and Ansel grabs me by my waist and pulls me in for a kiss. His tongue invades my mouth and his hands grab my ass. He kisses me hard, his lips punishing mine, submitting them to his will.

No man has ever kissed me like this before. My skin tingles. I hate this, whatever this is.

When Ansel lets go of me, Rueben doesn’t waste time expressing what he thinks of Ansel trying to get into my pants, “It is clear Jasper is not the only one suffering from brain damage.”

“Never been better,” Ansel says and smacks my ass hard before going to grab a beer. I swallow my yelp and put the first aid kit where I found it. “No one was hurt during the explosion.”

Rueben throws Ansel an angry glance.

The explosion took not only me by surprise but also Jasper and Mose. Until the fire was put out, I didn’t think I would have to live under the same roof as him. I asked Jasper and Ansel to let me stay in the guest house, but they dismissed me immediately, saying it was not only not safe but that they would have to tear it down in the following days.

Ansel keeps talking. “Well, almost no one. We also got our hands on a Duke. And if I am really lucky, tonight I will get my cock wet. It’s been a while. Gotta keep the pipe clean and empty my balls.”

I haven’t told him what Mose said about in vitro fertilization but he is aware of me being clean. Jasper informed him. After what was done to me in the medical facility, it doesn’t come as a shock. The doctors told me I would never get any STIs.

“Besides, we only agreed to have Olivia stay in your room because it is bigger than mine, or else she would have slept in my bed,” Ansel says to Jasper as he sits at the table. His gaze goes to me. “You will sleep in the middle so we can have better access to you.”

Rueben shakes his head in disbelief. “Don’t forget to use condoms. God knows what you can catch from her.”

Rueben and Tyson are yet to get tired of claiming I have some terminal disease I can pass on to them.

Jasper grins. “Maddox sent Olivia’s blood result. She is clean.”

Rueben’s eyebrows shoot up. “I don’t believe you.”

Of course he doesn’t. Because thinking the worst about me is easier. In his shoes, I would probably think the same. I was forced to take so much cock I lost count.

Pulling out his phone, Jasper says, “Check the message I’m sending you,” his fingers move fast over the screen and Rueben fishes out his phone from the back pocket of his pants, “right now.”

Rueben quickly scans the message before putting his phone back in his pocket.

“We should repeat the test just to be sure.”

To me, he says, “If you are going to live here, there are going to be rules for you. You are never invited to eat with us. In fact, the less I see your face around here, the happier I will be. You are not to enter my room no matter what. Nor the living room. You can use the kitchen when I am not around.” Glaring at me, he adds, “If you ever set foot in the Lair, I will kill you on the spot. Clear?”

Rueben’s words are dripping in venom.

The Lair.

Camila often talked about it. The place in the house where the Lords raise their family. Where they love and take care of their bonded. When he was courting me, he used to tell me about how big our Lair would be and we would spend all the time there, loving each other. Lies. Everything he had ever told me had been lies. He broke me in so many ways, body and soul, and yet, being so close to him made me realize I don’t hate him for the way he broke off things with me.

Just like the Lords, the Dukes also have a Lair, only it is called a Sanctum. The entire second floor of my parents’ house was the Sanctum. Jason was raised there, while I was given a room on the first floor. It took me years to understand how unwanted I was. Then Camila appeared in my life. Then he and his friends . For some time, I fooled myself into thinking that I could be happy. Everything had been an illusion. But now I know the truth.

“Clear,” I say.

“Look me in the eyes when you are talking to me,” Rueben snarls.

Up until now I avoided looking at his face. My gaze finds his. Turquoise eyes stare at me. The same shade as Camila’s. The same shade as those of that boy that I love so much. I feel like I am punched right in the gut. “Clear,” I repeat myself and jerk my gaze away from him.

“I am going out. I don’t like that Diva is out there alone.” Rueben grabs his coat and leaves the house.

I let out a small breath of relief. I didn’t know how tense I was until now.

Ansel drinks from his beer. Will he give me one if I ask him nicely? I better not risk angering Jasper. “Have you checked to see if Speckles had any fillies?”

“I did. You were right. How did you know?”

I shrug, not knowing how to explain.

“She did?” Jasper asks.

“Yeah. I will try to find out more but with the shit going on around here, I didn’t have time.” Ansel pats his thighs. “Come here.”

My body moves and I sit across Ansel’s lap before I can think. The years spent in the Celestial Heaven made me obey men without questioning the orders I was given. Ansel snakes a hand around my waist and pulls me close to him until my head rests on his shoulder. It’s been a long time since I’ve been held like this. Ansel drinks from his beer. Looking at Jasper, he says, “Finally, this house feels like a home. We now have a woman to protect.”

How can Ansel claim he will protect me when he kicked me so hard he broke several of my ribs? Why are men so manipulative?

Tyson and Rueben will never agree with me being their woman. Nor would I. Killing Camila and living in the Celestial Heaven has broken me and made me into a person who can never feel happiness or love again.

Men like it when women give them attention, so I put my palm against Ansel’s chest.

Jasper joins us and sits close to Ansel, facing us. “What happened to your hand?” Jasper asks.

My gaze goes to the top of my hand. The spot where Rueben put out his cigarette has traces of ashes and the area around it is red and puffy. I want to lie but remembering Jasper promised to punish me if I don’t tell the truth, I say, “Rueben.”

Jasper’s eyes flash red while a snarl leaves Ansel’s lips. He even slams the beer on the table. It surprises me that it didn’t break.

“We will have a talk with him and Tyson,” Ansel promises.

“I deserve this and much more for what I did to Camila.”

Pulling my legs into his lap, Jasper says, “I know you regret killing her, Little Love. I can feel it. One day, Rueben will forgive you.”

No, he won’t.

Nor will I forgive myself.

Changing the subject, Jasper says, “You have been on your feet for too long today. Your toes are swelling again. Do they hurt?”

“A bit,” I say.

Jasper does something that takes me completely off guard. He kisses my toes. Ansel cups my tits, his thumbs stroking my nipples. Something ignites inside of me and it scares me because I have never felt like this before. Not since him.

Jasper’s lips trail up my left leg until it reaches my knee. His brown eyes stare into mine, and I hear myself whisper, “How may I please you, Master?”

I should stop asking this stupid question but Carlos trained me into saying it whenever men give me a bit of attention.

It is Ansel who answers, his breath warm on my neck. “I can think of several ways you can make Jasper and me happy tonight.”

Sucking their cocks.

Riding them.

Spread my ass so that they can fuck it.

If I don’t get high or drunk, the next few hours will be pure agony. Especially if Jasper decides to take my ass. His cock will tear me.

“She is still healing,” Jasper points out.

Ansel opens my shirt, revealing my tits to Jasper—his eyes flash red with desire. “Don’t tell me you haven’t dreamed of sucking and licking these girls until she cums,” Ansel says as he pinches my nipples. Jasper parts his lips, the tip of his tongue licking the corner of his mouth. To me, Ansel says, “Because I certainly did dream of you, Honey. Ever since I first set my eyes on you, I’ve wanted you.”

He did? I would have never guessed it. Ansel was always so… indifferent towards me. Plus, he had a girlfriend back then. One of the popular girls from school. I don’t remember her name, but she was a senior.

Ansel squeezes my tits, his fingers punishing my nipples. Jasper is hypnotized by Ansel’s movements. “It was wrong but I couldn’t stop myself from wanting you.” His hard cock pokes my hip. “I watched you when no one was paying attention, imagining how you would sound when I fucked you. And I am about to find out.”

“We really shouldn’t be doing this,” Jasper protests but his voice is laced with need.

I start to retreat to the back of my mind when Ansel lifts up my shirt, baring my thighs and pussy to Jasper. After the fire was put out, Jasper helped me take a bath, and after that, he shaved my pussy and legs, leaving my skin smooth. “Look at her and tell me you don’t want to know what her pussy feels like. Look at her and tell me you don’t want to feel her lips wrap around your dick while I fuck her from behind.”

Jasper’s eyes fill with lust, and yet he asks me, “Is this okay with you?”

I freeze. I have never been asked if I want to be fucked or not before. Is this some kind of a test?

Ansel replies instead of me. “She is our woman. She will take our cocks whenever we want like the good whore she is.”

Whore.

That’s really how Ansel sees me. Just like everyone else.

Jasper frowns. “We are not going to force her.”

Ansel slaps my tits. “We aren’t going to force her, just show her where her place is. On her knees, begging for our cocks. Begging to be fucked, her pussy and ass filled with our cum. Her belly, too.”

“We should care for her, not treat her like a slut,” Jasper argues.

Ansel tugs on my nipples. “We are Lords and it is our right to dominate our woman, to show her how things are.” Jasper wants to say something, but Ansel doesn’t let him. “Olivia’s duty is to satisfy all our needs like the good slut she is and say thank you, my Lords, after we wreck her.”

My thoughts turn to the days when I started my training as a sex slave. Carlos would have men fuck me for hours and they would not stop until they were satisfied. I didn’t cry because I knew no one would save me but I did try to fight back. When torture to the point of fainting didn’t subdue me, Carlos got me hooked on drugs. I stopped resisting because it was the only way I could ensure I would get my next dose. But now? Now, it will be just like back then when I was beaten to a pulp because I didn’t want to suck cocks. I need to find a way to numb my body. I don’t think I can do this without the help of drugs or alcohol.

Ansel wraps his fingers around my neck, his lips engulf mine, his tongue enters my mouth, and he kisses me roughly while his free hand goes to my pussy. I part my legs and he pushes a finger inside of me. I am so dry it burns and my muscles contract around him. When he moves his finger, I wince.

“Relax,” Ansel murmurs against my lips.

Even if I want to, I don’t know how. I always tense like this when I am fucked. Maybe it is because of the intense pain men always make me feel.

“She needs more time to get used to us,” Jasper says. “You know how women like to be wooed before they open their legs for us.”

I don’t want to be wooed, just left alone.

Suddenly, Ansel stands with me in his arms. “What she needs is to cum several times on our cocks. Let’s take her to your room and make her scream.”

Make her scream.

This is going to be bad.

They are going to hurt me so badly.

I scream so loudly in my head, begging them not to do this, but they don’t hear me, no one ever does. My face betrays no expression. I learned a long time ago to school my features into neutrality.

Ansel takes me to Jasper’s room. I barely pay any attention to the house around me as I try to focus on keeping my shit together as I feel I am on the verge of a panic attack.

Jasper passes us and opens the door to his room and turns on the light. He showed me around earlier but I can’t remember anything. All I can think about is how they are going to use my body for their own pleasure. I try to retreat to the back of my mind, but the fear paralyzes me.

When Ansel puts me on the bed and removes my shirt, a low whimper leaves me.

Pull it together, Olivia. You knew this was coming.

Jasper gets behind me, his arms coming around me, his palms covering my tits, while Ansel kneels between my legs, careful not to touch my toes.

“Show me your pussy, Honey.”

My legs spread wide open and I turn my attention to the room, trying to focus on the paintings on the wall. One of them is The Garden of Earthly Delights. What a strange painting to have in a bedroom. I don’t know if it’s the real thing or a replica.

“Look at me,” Ansel demands.

I don’t want to look at him. My gaze goes to Ansel. I don’t want to look at him. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to do this.

Ansel runs a finger between my folds and my body tenses. “Look how beautiful you are. But you know what will be even better?” I shake my head, my gaze locked on his face. Ansel and Jasper always make me look into their eyes. It confuses me. “Seeing you so fucking wet for me, for us, your juices drip on the bed while you tremble with need and beg for release.”

“I don’t get wet. Ever,” I let them know. Ansel’s eyebrows shoot up. “Some men tried but gave up rather quickly and called me frigid.”

Something flickers in Ansel’s eyes. “I don’t think you have been with the right men. All those Dukes who fucked you until now with their whiskey dicks have no idea how to make a woman scream and moan for them. How to make her come by only looking at her.” Ansel takes my hand into his and puts it against his hard dick. He is big. Not like Jasper but still big enough to hurt me. “This is the answer to your frigidity. Not only my cock, but those of my blood-brothers as well.” Behind me, Jasper’s cock throbs. “We will fuck you so good we will cure you.” Ansel seems so sure of himself.

I don’t want to be fucked. I don’t want to be touched. My palm rests on top of Ansel’s cock and I move it up and down his length. “May I?” I ask, hoping that he and Jasper will be happy with a blowjob. But hope is another illusion. A mirage that I once believed. Ansel groans and I open his fly. “I am really good at sucking cocks,” I try to convince him.

Jasper squeezes my tits, letting me know he would like me to use my mouth on him until he empties his balls down my throat.

“Sounds very tempting, but right now, you are the focus, not our cocks,” Ansel says. I am… what? He spits on my pussy and pushes a finger inside of me. It still hurts, but not like before. I try to convince my body to relax, but the thought of being fucked so hard I can no longer contain my tears makes me tense up. “Don’t fight this, Honey,” he says as his finger moves inside me.

Jasper rolls my nipples between his big fingers, his lips peppering kisses on my neck.

Don’t fight this?

Ansel doesn’t want me to fight them, so I force myself to stay still, to endure whatever they are about to do to me. Some men prefer it when women struggle. But not Ansel. He wants a docile woman.

“You’re quite tight,” Ansel says as he pushes another finger inside of me.

I am? “Men always complained I was loose.”

Jasper laughs. “They probably had small dicks. Not like us, who can fill up a woman with only the tip of our cocks.”

No doubt Jasper can do that.

Ansel pumps his fingers in and out of me, anger flashing in his eyes. “I don’t want you to think of others while you are with us.” His thumb rubs my clit making the pain slowly fades away.

Strange.

His fingers start to slide in and out of me with ease. My body reacts in a way I never thought it would be possible again. I get wet. How is this even possible? I never— never —get wet. Not entirely true. I used to get wet for him. Since then, no matter how hard men tried, my body never reacted like it does for Ansel. Why?

“In fact, I forbid you to ever think of those fuckers who used your body only for their own pleasure,” Ansel says.

I don’t know if I can do that, but nevertheless, I nod.

Ansel moves his thumb fast against my clit, his fingers curling inside of me, and he presses his free hand on the lower part of my stomach. Jasper bites my neck, taking my flesh between his teeth and sucking it as he continues to play with my tits. No doubt he will leave a bruise on my skin, but at least this one will not be born out of pain.

My body feels hot. The pain I feared so much is non-existent. Maybe I can endure whatever Ansel and Jasper will do to me. Maybe they won’t hurt me.

Ansel has his eyes fixed on my pussy, a smile tugging at his lips.

“This is what I am talking about. You are so fucking hot. Look how wet you’re getting,” Ansel hums.

My breath catches in my throat. Liquid gushes out of my pussy and Ansel moves his fingers fast, sliding them in and out of me quickly, pressing more on my stomach. Whimpers come out of my mouth. Is it pain that I am feeling or something else entirely?

Fire, molten lava ignites inside of me. My nipples turn to pebbles and… my head spins. What is happening to me? My body has never reacted like this.

Jasper turns my head to the side and he kisses me, our tongues meeting in the middle in a slow dance. His hand returns to my tit.

My hips buck involuntarily. My body feels heavy and I ache for more.

What are Ansel and Jasper doing to me? I’ve never experienced this before.

“And you said you were frigid. Look at how your pussy is weeping for cock,” Ansel chuckles. “Don’t worry, Honey. I will take care of your starving little cunt.”

Jasper keeps kissing me and I can’t see what Ansel is doing but I hear him say, “I’ve wanted to do this for a long time,” before his thumb disappears from my clit, only to be replaced by his tongue.

His.

Tongue.

He groans against my pussy, sending vibrations against my clit and I…. moan. Jasper eagerly swallows them.

Oh God. I moaned, it wasn’t forced and Ansel is eating me out.

This is not real. It can’t be…. I must have stepped into the Twilight Zone because men don’t like to eat pussies, they only want their cocks taken care of.

Ansel licks and sucks my clit before pulling out his fingers and enthusiastically laps my entrance before fucking me with his tongue. I keep moaning. Is this pleasure that I am feeling? It’s overwhelming me. I am burning. My body shivers. Fire kisses my skin. Ansel keeps fucking me, his skilled tongue makes me feel … dragging me to the edge of a precipice.

I moan hard against Jasper’s lips.

Ansel is fucking me with his tongue and I love it. It doesn’t hurt and it feels so good. His tongue darts in and out of me. My ass lifts from the bed and Ansel grabs my hips as he relentlessly abuses my pussy in the best way.

I was aware sex is not supposed to hurt, but I never thought it could feel this good.

Ansel told me not to fight them, but something is coming and it is scaring me. I try to jerk away from Jasper, but he grabs my hair and holds my head in place as he roughly kisses me.

Ansel’s tongue returns to my clit, his finger enters my pussy, and pumps it in and out of me. My body ignites. My legs start to shake.

I’m scared.

My pulse quickens.

Fingers curl inside of me, teasing a spot that makes me feel so fucking good. Other fingers tease my nipples. First one, then the other.

I want them to stop. They are making me feel so much.

My ability to think is lost. Whimpers and moans rise from my throat. My skin tingles. My body shakes uncontrollably.

What the fuck is happening?

Jasper keeps feasting on my mouth.

Ansel keeps eating my pussy.

Something is about to happen.

My heart beats faster and faster.

I try to close my legs, but Ansel grabs my thigh, forcing them apart, and growls in anger against my throbbing clit.

And it happens.

I come.

It’s like my body explodes and melts at the same time, stars dancing in front of my eyes. Never, and I mean never, have I felt this good. Pure bliss.

Jasper pulls his head back and looks at me as I scream, my head thrashing against him. Is this how it feels to have an orgasm? I don’t even have words to describe what is happening to me. Everything is so intense and I can’t breathe. My lungs feel like they are on fire.

Ansel circles my clit with the tip of his tongue, waves of pleasure crashing into me. I think I come again. My hips jerk up. “Ansel,” I hear myself moaning.

This is the second time I have moaned a man’s name. The first one was his after we made out in his precious orchard. We never took things too far but I liked it when he touched me. It always felt good, more than good, but what Ansel and Jasper just did to me felt… amazing.

Ansel lifts up his head and cleans his mouth with the back of his hand. “You taste even better than I imagined.” Licking the fingers that were inside of me, he adds, “Addictive.” To Jasper, he says, “Best pussy I ever ate. You should try it.”

Tears swirl in my eyes. This is too much for me to handle.

Jasper pulls me in his lap. “Little Love? Did we hurt you?”

Why is Jasper concerned for me? I blink my tears away. Why are he and Ansel doing these things to me? Making me feel good? Making me cum? I don’t understand them.

“No.” I shouldn’t question Ansel and yet I need to know. “Why did you do that?”

Ansel furrows his brow, confused. “You didn’t like it?”

He is worried about whether I liked it or not? He has no idea… no idea of what he did to me. Of what he made me feel.

“I did. No man has ever put his mouth on me like that.”

Ansel looks at Jasper and then back at me. “No one has eaten your pussy before?” Ansel asks.

I shake my head.

“Eating pussy is the best thing in the world,” Jasper comments.

A smug expression appears on Ansel’s face. “Then I’m glad I was your first to give you this experience. Told you I would make you scream.”

He did.

“I thought you were referring to making me scream in pain,” I confess.

Ansel leans forward and kisses me. “I am not a sadist like Carlos. Hurting women kills my mood.”

I look away. “Thank you,” I whisper.

Even without looking at Ansel, I can tell he is surprised by my words. “What are you thanking me for?”

I shouldn’t open this can of worms, but I speak before I can think. “I’ve never had an orgasm before.”

There is a pause. “Don’t tell me I achieved something no one else could before me?” Ansel sounds so pleased with himself.

I bit my bottom lip. “No one ever cared. No one ever did the things you and Jasper did to me. The Celestial Heaven was all about pleasuring men and they didn’t care if I came or not. If they hurt me or not.”

A question forms in Ansel’s eyes but it is Jasper who voices it. “What about your first time? Ansel told me you used to have a boyfriend.”

I close my eyes. I tried hard not to think of how I lost my virginity. “It hurt. He wasn’t gentle and he….” I swallow hard. My eyes open. Ansel looks back at me, emotions flickering in his soft brown eyes. “I don’t think he knows. He was… drugged when it happened.”