50. Chapter Forty-Eight

Chapter Forty-Eight

Devon

I drop my suitcase to the floor just inside the front door. It smells good in here, thank god. I’ve spent the last three days cleaning it from top to bottom. There was a funky smell in the bedroom that lingered throughout the house, but after scrubbing the carpet twice, I finally got it out. Now it smells like vanilla thanks to the plug-ins I bought the other day.

I haven’t had time to look for a car yet—if I’m going to get one at all. But I took a cab to the store a few days ago to get cleaning supplies so I could clean the place up. When I got here, I forgot I had zero furniture. I spent the first night here, thinking it was fine since it wasn’t too dirty. It was just the smell that bothered me, but overall, it wasn’t bad. But when I woke up with a stiff back, from sleeping on a pile of clothes, and with a dead spider tangled in my hair, I knew there was no way I could spend another night here until it was cleaned top to bottom and I had a bed.

So, I’ve stayed in a hotel every night, came back each day to work on the house. Today, my furniture is being delivered and the relief I will feel once it’s in here… I’m already smiling about it.

I haven’t talked to anyone from home since being here. I felt it was for the best. Dane has called a few times. Dad too. Tate also called. Summer hasn’t, but that isn’t surprising. She knows me well enough to know I need space, so she’ll give it to me. Harassing me is only going to make me more upset with her and she’s already too worried about losing me as is.

I need time to settle in here and think about everything that’s happened before I talk to them. I have a lot of emotions to sort through, and I want to make sure that when I talk to them, it’s with a clear head.

The first person I’ll call is Dane. Then Dad. Likely Summer too. I still haven’t decided if I’m going to call Tate or not. Even the thought has me sick.

I knew something wasn’t right when he paid that much money for me. I considered the idea he was doing this to be a jerk. But I easily pushed it aside. And why? Because I told myself being nice to him would help me? How dumb am I? How did I convince myself of something so stupid? The problem is I never got over Tate. Not our relationship, and certainly not our friendship. How do you even get over something like that?

My feelings were hidden under so much resentment, bitterness, anger, and hurt that I couldn’t see through them. And when he showed me a small bit of kindness, I convinced myself it was real because a part of me wanted it to be.

It’s partially my fault that this happened. I should have known better. If I had been smart about this, I never would have allowed Tate to get close enough to hurt me again. Yet, I did… so he did. Honestly, I don’t think he can help himself. All he knows is hurt, and that is so sad. Because deep down, Tate is an amazing person. But until he figures out his own problems, he’ll never change. And I have enough of my own stuff to deal with, I can’t help him through this. Not after what he did. So yeah, I’m not sure if I’m going to call him or not. I guess we’ll see how I feel after I talk with everyone else. If I find out he’s moping around and upset, maybe I’ll talk to him. But something tells me he’s just fine. He got what he wanted—his revenge. I’m sure he already has another girl warming his bed. Something I really don’t want to think about because it enrages me like nothing else I’ve ever felt.

I go into the kitchen to get a bottle of water and work on opening the windows around the house. It’s a beautiful day, and I love that I can smell the beach from here.

The delivery guys should be here in about an hour, and I still have to clean the dining room. It’s the last room to clean, and it shouldn’t take me long since it isn’t big. The worst part is all the windows.

I get to work cleaning the room, and just as I put the mop into the bucket, the doorbell rings.

After peeking through the peephole, I pull it open.

“Devon Kensington?”

“That’s me,” I say with a smile.

He’s an older man, maybe about my father’s age. Looks like he spends a lot of time in the sun. His hair is mostly grey, and his eyes are the same deep blue of the polo shirt he’s wearing .

“I’ve got a pretty big delivery here.” He looks at his clipboard, running his finger down it as he looks it over. “Says we’re putting everything together too?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“I only have two guys with me since one called out sick, so we’ll have to do one room at a time.”

“That’s perfectly fine.”

“Let me get everything pulled out of the truck, and then you can tell us where it’s going.” He makes to turn, but stops, looking me over. “Are you related to that guy who does the fashion shows?”

I sigh, smiling softly. “Brent Kensington? Yeah, he’s my father.”

The guy smiles, pointing at me. “Yeah, that’s the name. My niece was a model for his clothing line a few years ago. Heard he was a nice guy.”

“He’s great.”

“Tony,” he says, offering his hand. I shake it, then he heads down the walkway and to the truck.

Guess even this far away, I can’t get out of my father’s shadow.

My house is clean. My furniture is put together. My suitcase is empty. I have a list of everything I need to buy tomorrow, sorted by room. The sun is down. A warm breeze flows in from the window by my bed that is so comfortable. And though everything seems so perfect, it’s all pretty lonely .

I’m happy I did this—that I was able to do this at all. But now that I’m here? It’s not what I expected it to be.

I glance at my phone, wondering if I should call someone. Dane won’t understand. Neither will Dad. I’m not calling Tate.

That leaves only one person.

I snatch my phone from the nightstand and call my best friend.

“Hello?”

“This is not as great as I thought it would be,” I say, turning onto my back.

“It hasn’t even been a week.”

“I know, but I thought it would be amazing from the start, you know? I’ve done nothing but clean and sweat. I think I’ve lost ten pounds.”

She laughs. “You just need some time, Dev. Everything will come together. You can’t expect to change your life so drastically and settle in right away, even if you wanted it so badly.”

“I’m starting to think I don’t know what I want.”

“You do,” she says firmly. “You just need to get used to it. It’s a big change.”

I sigh, glancing out the window and up at the stars. “I love you, Summer. And I’m sorry.”

“Oh, no. You’re not doing that. You have no reason to apologize to me. I’m the one who should be sorry.”

“I forgive you.”

“I’m not sure I deserve your forgiveness.”

“Of course you do, Summer. I told myself I’d think about this longer before talking to you, but I missed you. And at the end of the day, no matter how much I think about it, my mind isn’t going to change. I’m upset you lied to me, but I understand why you did it. I’m hurt for my brother, and I understand why you didn’t tell him right away. I can’t help but think maybe it’s my fault too.”

“What? Are you on drugs, Devon?”

I chuckle. “Maybe I did something for you to think you couldn’t trust me with this?”

“No, Devon. I was drinking too much. Partying too hard. Sleeping with Dane was not something that should have happened. When I found out I was pregnant, I didn’t think it could be his. I only realized it after my mom kicked me out, and at that point I was so scared of losing you on top of everything else… It’s shitty, but I couldn’t risk it.”

“I’m so sorry, Summer. I knew that time was hard for you, but dealing with that fear too…”

“I’m good now,” she says.

“Yeah, you are. You’re a great mom. How is Astrid?”

“She said her first swear word yesterday.”

I gasp. “She did not!”

“Oh yeah. Called the orchid a bitch.”

Oh my god, I nearly cackle. “She didn’t!”

Summer is laughing too. “I tried not to laugh, but seriously? Who calls a plant a bitch? And why? It wasn’t even doing anything to her.”

We both laugh, and god it feels so good to laugh with Summer. I miss her. I wish she would have come with me. Or maybe that I would have stayed there…

“Have you worked things out with Dane?” I ask .

“Uhm, yeah. I think we have. I thought he would have told you.”

“I haven’t talked to him,” I admit. And when we did talk about it, I didn’t ask because I wasn’t ready to know.

“He said you told him where you were going?”

“Because he forced me. I haven’t talked to him since I got here though.”

Summer’s bed squeaks on the other side of the phone, and I glance at the clock. It’s only about nine, but Astrid is probably asleep already and I’m sure Summer has work tomorrow.

“We agreed we wouldn’t date or feel the need to just because of Astrid. I told Dane he can see her whenever he wants and that I want him in her life, but we need to talk about things when it comes to her. Co-parenting isn’t easy, and I want to make sure she sees us on the same page.”

“That’s smart.” I pull the blankets up higher and get comfortable.

“Your brother is a good man, Devon. Honestly, I’m glad Astrid is his and not Tommy’s.”

I huff out a laugh. “Tell me about it.”

“Dane offered for me and Astrid to move into your house—”

“No!” I gasp.

“Yep. I told him that wasn’t happening. I didn’t work my butt off to let some guy ruin it.”

“You would say that.” I huff out a laugh, rolling my eyes.

“He said he understood and would respect my decision, but the offer stands. He would not let me refuse child support though. He wrote me a check for ten grand.”

“No!” I shout again, this time laughing .

“Yes,” she says around a laugh. “And the best part is he said he wanted to give me way more, like sixty grand more, but knew I wouldn’t take it. As if I’m going to cash this check.” I can hear her eye roll.

“Add it to the trust I set up.”

“Planned on it. Any money Dane gives me? That’s where it’ll go.”

I chew on the inside of my lip as I think over how to say what I want to say. But she keeps going on before I can get it out.

She adds, “Your father is meeting Astrid this weekend.”

“Oh, Summer, I love that. For all of you. That’s great.”

“I was worried he’d freak out. But he was actually pretty happy.”

“Of course he was,” I say, but feel distracted. There’s still something I want to say to her, and I guess the best way is to just say it.

“Summer, I know you’re proud of where you’ve gotten in life, and you should be. But don’t turn down everything from Dane just because of it. If he’s offering to help, let him help. He has the money and the means to do it. Enjoy your life. Don’t shove it all in the bank and refuse to use it. Go on vacation with Astrid. Buy her the biggest Blue’s Clues toy you can find. Don’t let your pride get in the way of making a better life for you both.”

She sighs. “You know me too well, Devon.”

“It’s why we’re best friends.”

She laughs quietly. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

Long after we end the call, I lie in bed wondering if I’m letting my pride get in the way too…