49. Chapter Forty-Seven

Chapter Forty-Seven

Tatum

She left me.

Just like everyone else in my life, she left me. Only this time, it’s real. She’s no longer in Michigan. No longer near me. I can’t accidentally run into her. Can’t follow her into another room. Devon is gone.

And the only reason I know this is because Brent had the decency to call me. Though, I’m sure the only reason he did is because he doesn’t know what happened. Seems all he knows is the three of us got into a fight. He wanted to check in with me to make sure I was okay since he hadn’t seen me.

I’m not okay, and I told him as much. Had he been in front of me instead of on the phone, it’s likely I would have broken down and told him everything.

That I’m a fuckup and lost the only person who has ever made me happy. That my father, though the asshole he is, is dying. My entire life is falling apart, and I have nothing. I’m barely holding on. Doesn’t help that Gunner’s words keep running through my head, driving me crazy. They make me sick to my stomach. Make me hate myself more. Because I realize how true they are.

I fucked this up. I did this. Devon was never at fault, and she didn’t deserve what I did to her. Not the break up and definitely not this. Which is why I’m not letting things end like this. I can’t.

I refuse to let this go. Not this time. If things are done between us, I need to hear it straight from her mouth. Until then, I’m going to do whatever I can to get her back. I have nothing else going for me in life right now, which is why I’ve spent all my free time trying to find her. Two days isn’t long to be gone, but you can get a lot done in two days if you put your mind to it. Still haven’t found her though.

The Internet isn’t any help. Neither was Brent. He told me he doesn’t know where Devon is, only that she left. I’m not sure I believe that. He wouldn’t tell me if he knew because he’s protecting his daughter. Also, I fully believe Devon would leave and not tell anyone where she was going. So, it’s possible Brent really doesn’t know.

Except… there is one person on this planet who probably knows where she is. Her best friend. Though, that’s unlikely since she and Summer were fighting when she left. But would Devon leave on bad terms with Summer? Did she have a place to escape to when things got bad that Summer may know about?

There’s only one way to find out. If Summer doesn’t know where she is, she has an idea. And a starting point is all I need.

I grab my phone to do some more digging, maybe hire a PI, but it rings. When I see it’s my father, I answer it even though I’m not in the mood to talk to him .

I swing around in my chair to face away from my desk. The laptop screen is giving me a headache.

“Hey,” I say.

“Hey, son.”

“What’s up?”

“Just calling to see if you thought about what I said.”

He wants me to visit him in Japan. He feels guilty for the way he’s treated me my whole life and wants a clear conscience before he dies. I understand that, but it’s not my responsibility to help him do that. He’s never done a thing for me, and he only wants to make amends now because he’s dying. I think that’s pretty shitty. Sometimes, it really is too late. Helping him does absolutely nothing for me. And besides that, I don’t have time to take a trip to Japan. Not unless that’s where Devon is, which I highly doubt.

“I’m not going to make it,” I say.

“Oh, okay. Yeah, I understand. Work has you busy, I get it.”

“Yeah…”

I don’t want to tell him the truth—I’m not that much of an asshole. I may not want to go visit him because I don’t care about him clearing his conscience, but I’m not such a dick that I’ll say that to his face. I won’t put my life aside for a man who couldn’t put his aside for me. I’m not that big of a person. All that matters to me right now is getting Devon back. Apologizing to her and making sure she understands how much I love her and need her in my life. Doing whatever I can to get her back. Because I will get her back.

“Do your old man a favor, would ya?”

“Sure. ”

“Don’t end up where I am, Tate. Don’t get this old and realize how badly you fucked up your life. You’re young. Smart. Spend time with the people you care about and make sure they know you care about them.”

I huff out a laugh. “I can do that.”

“Promise me?”

“Yeah, I promise.”

We get off the phone, but his words linger for a while after.

How did I get here? Why did I do any of this? Being blinded by rage has screwed up my life. None of this would have happened if only I’d asked her… if instead of walking away when I saw them come out of that room, I asked her what happened, we wouldn’t be here.

But I allowed my anger to get the better of me. No, I let my fear get the better of me. I was afraid of asking her and her admitting it. Telling me what she’d done to me. Seeing how easy it would be for her to admit it, which would only prove what I knew all along. That she didn’t care about me at all.

But I see now that isn’t true at all. Devon loved me and I fucked it up. I was bitter for years. I held on to hatred that was so misplaced it’s sad. I hurt the girl I love; the girl I would do anything for.

I swear when I find her, if she takes me back, I will spend the rest of my life making up our lost five years. And I’ll double down my efforts to make up for what I did to her now. But she has to understand… I went into this for the wrong reasons, but I’m still grateful I did it. Without that anger, I never would have gone back to her at all. I never would have realized how much I still love her and need her. Devon is too special to let go of. Even though I masked my love for her with hatred, it says a lot that I couldn’t ever leave her alone. I’m so in love with her, it’s pathetic.