CHAPTER NINE

The late-morning sun warmed my face as I stood at the balcony railing. I was never much of a fan of the sun, preferring cloudy, overcast days. It probably had a lot to do with the unbearable heat that plagued Lasania . But now, I wanted to soak it up until I disappeared into its warmth.

I was so unbearably cold inside.

Aios had left only minutes ago, but her voice was in my head as my hands curled tightly around the railing.

It wasn't nothing.

She had meant well, but she was wrong. What I'd experienced in Dalos was nothing like what those who had come before me had to deal with. I hadn't been forced to use the toys I'd found in that chest. I hadn't been tossed aside and given to gods who behaved like a pack of rabid dogs. I was lucky.

But why didn't it feel that way?

Chest shrinking, I felt the wind pick up, tossing long curls across my face. I needed to get myself under control before Ash returned because I was sure I was hurling emotions in every direction.

Holding my breath this time, I used the technique Ash taught me. Pressing my tongue to the back of my teeth, I straightened my spine and counted, repeating it until the sensation of fists clenching my lungs eased.

I slowly opened my eyes. My pulse was calm. So were my thoughts. I was…level.

My gaze flicked down. Sunlight glittered off the shadowstone railing that Nektas had been perched upon last night. I lifted my gaze to the sky and saw something I'd never seen in the Shadowlands before. Clouds—thick, fluffy clouds. And between those puffs, stars glimmering vividly. It was an unreal and beautiful sight.

Tipping my head back to the sun, I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. The stagnant scent from before was gone. The air was pleasant, if a little on the cool side, reminding me of the autumns from my childhood memories before the days and nights became overbearingly hot and humid.

I looked out over the courtyard. Thin tufts of green broke up the barren brown land.

Was that what was happening in Lasania , too? Was the soil already beginning to repair itself and sprouting new life? Better yet, what did my stepsister Ezra think?

"What is my mother thinking?" I asked aloud and then let out a short, shaky laugh.

Honestly, they probably weren't thinking about much beyond being so damn relieved. With the end of the Rot, more than just the decaying land would change. The weather would, too—the stifling heat and long droughts ended only by torrential downpours that did more harm than good. More fields could now be plowed. Crops planted. The people of Lasania had more than just a future. Queen Ezmeria and her Lady Consort Marisol could plan for a future, and that of coming generations. There was hope.

And I supposed once the shock lifted, they'd begin to think about how this was all possible. They'd probably assume I was dead. What else would they think? They both knew I couldn't survive what we'd believed my duty to be—a fact that had always bothered Ezra.

And something my mother had accepted.

Though everything was different now. I doubted I would be such an utter disappointment to her when she realized I was Queen of the Gods and the Primal of Life. Maybe she'd be interested in actually being a mother to me.

I pressed my lips together as an uncomfortable mass of guilt frothed to life. Was it fair to think of my mother that way? I wasn't so sure anymore, as I thought about her in the Wayfair gardens.

She'd found me sitting in front of beautifully scented flowers with purplish-blue spikes. She'd said that my father also enjoyed them. It had been one of the rare times she'd spoken of him. She'd been crying that night, and I didn't think it had much to do with the ache in her head that often plagued her. Those tears had everything to do with my father. Her feelings were wrapped up in a whole lot of grief because when she looked upon me, she saw my father and felt nothing but heartache.

Still, I was her child. It wasn't my fault that King Roderick had made that deal all those years ago, setting everything in motion and inevitably leading to my father's death.

A biting ache I thought should've vanished by now sliced through my chest. Everything with my mother still cut deep, even after all these years—even as I grew to have a better understanding of her. And maybe that would never go away, only lessen with time.

But I wanted to see Lasania for myself. I wanted to see Ezra, Marisol, and even…gods, even my mother. But I knew that would have to wait.

I leaned out, stretching until I saw the Red Woods. "Good gods."

The large swath of crimson leaves was afire in the sunlight, a sight just as beautiful as the sky despite the blood of the gods entombed beneath them that gave the leaves their vibrant color.

Gods that were as cruel as Kyn.

The skin along my neck tingled as I took in the shocking, almost twisted beauty of the Red Woods. Many of those gods had been entombed by Eythos himself. Not all. Quite a few had been placed there by Ash, but I knew those beneath the trees were the worst sort. Some were power-hungry. Others were lost to bloodlust. Many were abusers. Rapists. Most saw mortals as beneath them and only suited for worship and servitude.

I also knew they were loyal to Kolis—or would be if ever freed.

While Kolis hadn't gone into that much detail with his plans for exactly how he intended to humble mortals if he Ascended as the Primal of Life and Death or continued on as he was now, I knew he sought a more active role among the mortals.

Those entombed gods would support such endeavors.

Essence thrummed hotly through my veins. I doubted that any of them would have a change of heart upon Awakening. Why risk the chance of another Primal attempting to free them, but for vastly different reasons than causing a distraction this time?

All were users of some sort, destined for an eternity in the Abyss. So, why delay it?

Power gathered in me, pooling in my chest. The eather throbbed there as my grip tightened on the railing. I could end them before they had a chance to become a threat.

And I should.

Not because I wanted to but because it made sense tactically. I knew it did because, out of all the racing, scattered pieces of knowledge, there was one rapid, fleeting line of thought that warned me that Kolis could summon those loyal to him just as I could call upon the riders. Perhaps his pull would be strong enough to free those entombed.

That was something I would not allow.

Eather pressed against my skin. The corners of my vision turned silver. My muscles tensed—

I jerked myself back with a gasp. "My gods…"

Blinking, I pressed my palms to my stomach. Had I been seconds away from freeing the entombed gods just to kill them?

Yes. The answer was yes.

I shook my head, irritated with how quickly I'd proven that I'd only wounded that wild, reckless part of me. Gods, that was really concerning.

Okay. Maybe only slightly concerning because I needed to get real. It wasn't like anyone would be all that mad about ending those gods, but was that really how I wanted to start my reign? With what felt like an abuse of power?

Something monstrous ?

Something Kolis would do?

Frustrated with myself, I let out a heavy breath as my gaze settled on a guard patrolling the Rise surrounding the House of Haides. While I watched him walk the wall, something…bizarre happened.

I heard a name.

Eamon.

Eamon Icarion .

And I heard more than just a name. Details whispered among my thoughts. Eamon was a god who'd seen three centuries. I knew he'd been in the courtyard when I challenged Ash to train with me, even though the sandy-skinned man was too far away for my improved vision to recognize any of his features. I also knew he was born in Lotho , the Court belonging to Embris , the Primal God of Wisdom, Loyalty, and Duty, and the mountainous home of the so-called Fates. Instinct prodded to me to push, and then push harder to follow the invisible thread connecting us. He'd been in the Shadowlands since Ash began his rule, having lost his family when they expressed dismay over Eythos's murder. He loved a godling he'd met in Lethe, and I felt—no, I knew —that Eamon was a good man, with the blood he'd spilled marking his soul .

I sucked in a sharp breath as awareness coursed through me. I turned to the bedchamber, sensing a draken , but I also felt the dual throbbing awareness of a Primal. And then another. It was strange because I knew the first was Ash because he felt different. Some innate part of me recognized that he was closer now. Was it because we were heartmates? I had to think so as I heard the interior chamber doors open.

Ash walked out, dressed as he'd been when he left this morning, having donned an ivory shirt. He'd left the collar laces undone, and had the sleeves rolled halfway up his forearms.

I would fight anyone who disagreed that no one else looked as good as he did with or without a shirt.

As he stepped to the side, a purplish-black-scaled draken flew out from the open doors, gliding smoothly through the air.

Reaver landed on the railing, but unlike with Nektas , my heart dropped. We were several stories up. If he fell… "Is there not a better place for you to sit?"

Tucking his wings close to his sides, his head tilted. He let out a series of low chirps that I understood—not so much heard but sensed. It was strange.

"I know you can fly, Reaver-butt," I responded. "But that doesn't mean there aren't other, more suitable resting places." I gestured around the balcony. "Literally any place else that doesn't make me feel like I'm about to have a heart attack."

He nudged my arm with his head and then hopped off, landing on the balcony. He sat at my side, his head just above my knee. "There is a daybed, like…right there."

Reaver leaned against my leg in response.

"He wants to be close to you," Ash explained as he stopped by the doors. "Jadis, on the other hand, is currently terrorizing Bele."

I glanced up with a grin and then looked closer at Reaver. "Have you gotten bigger?" I asked. Nubs of what I suspected would one day become horns had sprouted from the middle of the flattened bridge of his nose to run up the center of his diamond-shaped head where they split into a vee-shape.

"He has grown about two inches in the last couple of weeks." Ash loosely crossed his arms. "He's at the age where he'll hit his first growth spurt. In a few months, he'll be almost twice the size he is now."

My eyes widened. "I'm not sure I can still call you Reaver-butt when you're nearly as tall as me."

Reaver ducked his head and pressed it against my leg. Figuring that meant he wanted attention, I reached down and ran my hand between the bumps. He purred, stretching his neck.

"When will he have another growth spurt?" I asked.

"Another will occur in a few years. He'll be larger than Odin by then," he said, speaking of the warhorse that often resided within the cuff Ash wore on his upper arm.

Which made me think about the fact that neither Bele nor I had one yet. Apparently, ours would appear out of thin air when we were ready .

Whatever.

"Did Aios come by?" he asked, coming to stand on the other side of Reaver.

"She did." Leaning against the railing, I crossed my arms. "She said Theon needed to speak with you."

"He did." One of the shorter strands of hair slipped from the knot at the nape of his neck to kiss his jaw. "No ships have been spotted beyond ours. If another Court outside Vathi was planning to launch a sizable attack against the Shadowlands, bringing with them gods that are unable to shadowstep from Court to Court, we'd be able to see them from the cliffs in the Bonelands ."

Vathi, the Court jointly ruled by Attes and Kyn, was across the Black Bay. If Kyn wanted to move his armies toward the Shadowlands as he had before, he wouldn't have to go into the open seas. He'd simply need to cross the bay.

"The Shadowlands is uniquely positioned, even more so than Vathi. To cross the Lassa Sea, traveling from the Shadowlands to the Bonelands is only a day trip by ship, and the Primal mist that prevents mortals from traveling too far east also cloaks our movements. The same cannot be said for Vathi," Ash said.

The mist would kill any mortal, so I guessed it was a good thing no mortals called the Bonelands home. "But doesn't Lotho share the same land mass as both the Shadowlands and Vathi? They could travel by foot."

"The canyon between Vathi and Lotho makes it difficult but not impossible," Ash said. "Several Courts share the same land. Kithreia —Maia's Court—is joined, and a narrow land bridge connects it to the Court of Sirta, but moving forces this way would be unlikely at the moment."

"Why?" I asked, genuinely curious. Considering that I was the Queen, I needed to get familiar with Iliseeum's layout.

"Besides the fact that it would take longer to travel by land than it does by ship, none of the Courts will want another's army moving through their lands. Doing so would be considered a political move," Ash explained. "Permission must be granted. So, Embris would have to approve Maia's forces traveling through Lotho , just as Maia would have to give permission for Bele to move Sirta's armies through Maia's Court."

"Is Sirta still a mess?" I asked.

"Yes, but that's no different than when Hanan ruled. Very few who call Sirta home actually served him. His Court had mostly become a haven for thieves and raiders."

I laughed. "I'm sorry. None of that is funny. It's just ironic that the Court of the Hunt and Divine Justice has become an asylum for injustice."

"Not that I want to make it seem like Hanan wasn't responsible for his actions, but it's partly due to Kolis. The moment he stole those embers from my father, a different kind of rot invaded the Courts," he reminded me. "Twisting what us Primals were meant to stand for."

Us .

Hearing that gave me a start. I didn't think it would ever not do that. I reached down to pet Reaver. "Speaking of other Primals , I made an oath to Aios ."

"You did?"

"You might be mad."

Interest sparked in his eyes as he rose. Not judgment or anger. "I doubt that."

"Well…" My lips pursed. "It was kind of reckless."

"Did you forget?" Sunlight slid over his cheekbone. "I enjoy the reckless side of your nature."

My lips twitched. "I haven't forgotten, but I also know that doesn't hold true all the time." I clasped the railing. "I promised her that Kyn would be punished for what he did to her and Ector. To the Shadowlands."

He tilted his head. "Why would I be mad about that?"

I lifted a shoulder. "Because the first thing I did as Queen was to make an oath to potentially kill another Primal. One who is the twin of another, who is our ally. And I did it without conferring with you first."

Ash stared at me as if I'd sprouted an extra mouth. Then he chuckled.

"What?" I turned sideways to him. "What's so funny?"

" Liessa ," he all but purred. "While I would appreciate you discussing such things as this with me first, I also expect that your temperament will prevent that on occasion."

I eyed him as if he were growing another set of lips. "Expecting that doesn't make it okay."

"It does when I have no problem with it," he remarked. "And I also know that when it's something you think I may not agree with, you will consult with me first."

He was right, but still. My eyes narrowed on him. "Are you being so understanding because I should be dead instead of alive and standing before you, making reckless oaths?"

"Making exquisitely reckless oaths," he corrected, brushing strands of hair back from his face. "And perhaps that has played a role in my understanding."

I huffed out a short laugh as I turned back to the Rise. One of the guards shouted to another, reminding me of what had just occurred. "By the way, something different happened a couple of moments ago. You see that guard there?" I straightened, pointing at Eamon. "I looked at him and knew his name—knew more than that. Like I knew his life." My head swung back to Ash. "His soul."

" Godsdamn ," Ash murmured, his jaw loosening. "My father could do that, even after Kolis took the embers. It was the only ability of the true Primal of Life that remained."

"I think it's a part of the vadentia growing stronger." At least, that's what I thought based on what Nektas had shared with me. "I'm kind of surprised it's happening already."

"I'm not." Ash picked up a strand of my hair, eyeing it quite seriously in the sunlight. "Is that what you were thinking about when I arrived? I could sense your unease."

I tensed. You're safe, now and always. I sucked in a short breath at the memory of the nightmare. My gaze flew to his. I'd dreamed of hearing his voice last night. Hadn't I? It hadn't been real. At least, I prayed it wasn't and that I hadn't woken him.

I cleared my throat. "I'm really getting annoyed with that talent of yours."

"I know."

That was all he said. He waited, and I had a pretty good idea what he was talking about.

It wasn't nothing.

Feeling my stomach twist sharply, I looked away, searching my mind for a reason. My gaze landed on the crimson leaves of the Red Woods. Seizing on that, I said, "No. Something else happened," I lied far too smoothly. "I was looking at the Red Woods and thinking about the entombed gods. That intuition thing kicked in," I told him, sharing what I'd felt. "I was seconds from waking them and…"

His fingers slid down the strand of hair. "And what?"

"And killing them before Kolis could, like…summon them," I admitted.

"Why didn't you?"

My head cut toward him. "Is that a serious question?"

He raised a brow. "It is. As the true Primal of Life, you could've done it. And you would be within your rights to do so, whether any of those gods have changed or not."

I gaped at him. "If I'd done that, it would've been an entirely different kind of recklessness."

"Not to sound repetitive, but whether or not it was reckless wouldn't matter. You are the Queen. If you wish to wake all the entombed gods, that is your prerogative."

"Just as whatever Kolis decided to do was his?" I countered. "He was within his rights to do a lot of shitty things just because he was King."

Ash curled my hair around his finger as he said, "And because he was King, did it make what he did right?"

"Obviously not."

He stared at me, waiting…

"What? Why are you—?" Then it hit me. Rolling my eyes, I sighed. Considering what I'd gone through with the riders, I should've figured it out a lot sooner. "I didn't do it because I knew it wasn't right, even though it really felt like it was."

"Glad you figured that out." He tugged on the strand. "I was starting to get worried."

"Shut up." My glare dipped to Reaver as he made a low huffing sound. "Your laughter only encourages his nonsense."

Reaver plopped his head against my leg.

"I get the point you were making," I said. "But I think you also keep forgetting something."

An eyebrow rose. "Is that so?"

"You are my King— the King. I decreed it. That means it's not just me making decisions. I don't have supreme power or whatever."

"That is right." His silver eyes glimmered.

"I'm beginning to think you didn't forget that and just wanted to hear me say you're my King."

One side of his lips tipped up. "Maybe."

"You're ridiculous."

"Ridiculously in love with you."

My heart felt like it tripled in size, and I wanted so badly to show him, with words, my body, and even my tongue, just how much I loved him. The desire to do just that was strong, but I had to be stronger. Responsible. I also didn't want to traumatize poor Reaver.

"Do you think that some of the entombed gods have had a change of heart? Or were you just trying to make a point?" I asked.

"Not all the entombed gods committed unforgivable crimes, Sera. Some made bad choices. Some acted upon Kolis's orders because they were given little choice." Eather glowed faintly in his eyes, and I was reminded of Attes stating nearly the same thing. "A few were likely far less guilty than I am given the crimes I've committed."

My heart twisted as I whispered, "Like what?"

His fingers stilled. "Kolis didn't tell you?"

I shook my head. "He didn't tell me anything about you, and that is the truth."

Ash was quiet for a few moments, then dropped my hair. I wasn't surprised he hadn't elaborated, but I was disappointed. He never went into detail about the things he'd done. All I knew had been learned from others. But how could I hold it against him when I wasn't sharing everything with him either?

I couldn't.

"I can't believe how different the Shadowlands already looks," Ash noted, coming to the railing. "It's a miracle."

It did feel that way. "How long do you think it will take before all the grass comes back?"

"Not sure. Could be days. Maybe even weeks," he said. "If the rivers return, it would be faster."

"I imagine quite a significant rainfall would be needed for that to occur." With more and more gods arriving in Lethe, I wasn't sure we had the time to allow nature to run its course. A rush of something akin to restlessness surged through me. "Several rainfalls."

Ash made a sound of agreement.

"And who knows when that will happen? Unless the Shadowlands once had a rainy time of year, and we are about to enter it."

"We had one, but that season is months away," he said as he briefly looked over his shoulder. "We'll be encroaching upon winter."

Stroking Reaver's head, I remembered what he'd said about how the winters had once been full of snow, and while that would help fill the dried riverbeds, I doubted it would be enough. Plus, the grass would likely die again by then, this time naturally. Which meant we were months from seeing the Shadowlands truly come alive.

Disappointment filled me, even though there were far more important things to be concerned about. But seeing life return to the Shadowlands felt equally important. So much could happen between now and then. There was no guarantee that any of us would be in the right state of mind to enjoy the miracle of life returning. My chest tightened. Gods, there was no guarantee that any of those residing in the Shadowlands would even be here then.

Throat thickening, I looked at Ash, tracking the striking lines of his face. I wanted the residents of the Shadowlands to have that experience now. I wanted him to enjoy that beauty. But it felt like…more than that. As if there was another reason it was so important, but one I didn't know.

Pressure immediately clamped down harder on my chest. The response was silly, but other than Aios , I hadn't seen any of the other Shadowlands gods, and despite the honor they had shown me when they believed I was dying, I had no idea where I stood with most of them now. I hadn't made the greatest first, second…or tenth impression with them. They would support me, but I was sure it was mostly because of their loyalty to Ash.

And it was more than just how they responded to me. I knew I was the Queen. I accepted that. But was I ready to behave as one?

"We don't have to meet with them right now," Ash offered, angling his body toward mine. "We can do it later tonight."

A tiny part of me wanted to take him up on the offer, but that was cowardly. "I'm ready."

Ash didn't budge, so I pushed off the railing and went toward the doors on strangely weak legs. "I just need to find a comb and do something with this hair."

Ash and Reaver followed. "They can come back later tonight or even tomorrow morning."

"Just give me a moment to—" I squeaked in surprise as Ash appeared in front of me. "I'm so going to do that to you every chance I get," I warned, trying to sidestep him.

"Looking forward to it," he replied dryly. "We don't have to meet with anyone right now."

"I know." I crossed my arms. "But I want to."

Ash arched a brow.

"What?" I challenged as Reaver landed on the arm of the couch.

"I don't think you realize how much you project." He ignored the glare I shot him. "Your anxiety spiked."

"My anxiety is always spiking."

"It doesn't need to be right now." His eyes searched mine. "And you don't need to be bothered right now."

"It's not a bother, Ash."

Eather pulsed in his eyes. "We will have to disagree on that."

"This is a responsibility."

"One that can wait," he argued.

"Ash." I wrapped my hands around his arms. "I appreciate what you're doing right now. I do. It's sweet." I stretched onto my tiptoes and kissed him. When I settled back on my feet, I saw that his eyes were now like pools of warm silver. "Not only am I ready to do this, I feel fine. But if I start to feel like I'm hiding, I won't feel fine."

"You're not hiding." His fingers trailed over my cheek. "I'm hiding you."

"You're hiding me because you don't want me to get overwhelmed."

"Damn straight." His jaw hardened. "You've been through a lot, Sera. They can fucking wait."

I stared at him for a moment, my heart feeling like it was turning to goo. "Gods, I love you. And honestly, if we didn't have this meeting, I would throw myself at you."

The streaks of eather whirled. "Meeting is canceled."

"Reaver is right behind me," I reminded him.

He dragged his teeth over his lower lip as his gaze dropped to my mouth. "He can join Jadis in terrorizing Bele."

I laughed. "We're going to have this meeting. We need to. Kolis may be holed up in his Court recovering, but he won't stay that way for much longer. We can't waste any time."

Ash held my stare. "Fuck," he muttered, his lashes lowering.

Knowing I had won, I smiled. "I just need to do something with my hair." I waved in the general vicinity of my head. "I'm sure I look like a madwoman."

Reaver made another low chuffing sound. Little brat.

"You look beautiful," Ash replied. "But I'll grab a brush."

Before I could say anything, Ash disappeared into the bathing chamber and returned quickly, comb in hand. He gestured to one of the chairs. "Sit."

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked as I went to one of the dining chairs and sat. Reaver followed, taking up position once more by my legs. "It's a real pain to untangle."

As Ash carefully worked the comb through the curls and waves, holding the strands above the comb so my head didn't jerk, I felt Reaver rest his head on my knee. I reached down and gave the back of his neck a scratch. A soft purring sound radiated from him. "You like that, Reaver-butt?"

His vivid blue eyes closed, and he let out a happy little trilling sound. I smiled at his reaction to his nickname, relieved to see him in a better headspace than last night.

My eyes drifted shut as Ash quickly and painlessly freed the tangles. He was far gentler than I was with my hair, and there was something incredibly soothing about him combing it. I practically tore the thing through the strands, impatient and annoyed with how easily it tangled.

"You know," I said, opening my eyes, "for a Primal of Death, you're really good at getting the knots out of my hair."

"It's another of my hidden talents." Tossing the comb onto the table, he divided the strands into sections and quickly braided the length, tying it off with one of the remaining hair bands. "As is braiding hair."

"I like your diverse skill set."

Chuckling, he pulled on the braid, tugging my head back, then bent to drop a kiss on my lips. "Ready?"

I stood, glancing in the direction of the adjoining chamber. Tiny balls of anxiety started bouncing in my stomach, but I squashed them before Ash absolutely refused to hold the meeting.

Reaver sank back onto his haunches and then pushed into the air, rapidly moving his wings until he rose and was at my shoulder. It still blew my mind how the draken switched forms, changing their entire body shape. What did it feel like when Ash shifted into the silver wolf? I hadn't asked him—

I jerked to a stop. "Cave cat."

"What?" Ash halted in the arched doorway, turning to face me.

"I had a dream while in stasis." I pressed a hand to my chest as I stared up at him. "It was right before I woke up. I was at my lake, and I saw a cave cat standing on the shore—a silver cave cat." I'd seen something else but couldn't focus on the memory long enough to remember what. My heart thundered. "All Primals have…what is it called? A nota ? An animal they can transform into. Right?"

Ash squinted. "Yes."

"Okay, so when I saw the cave cat, she felt like me ," I told him. "Like I was looking at myself. Could that mean I can…?" It was almost too impossible to say. "Can I shift into a cave cat?"

"I don't remember seeing anything like that during stasis, but it could mean that," he said. "It usually takes time for a Primal's first shift into their nota . Took me about a year or so before I could. You will likely be different, though."

So many things ran through my mind as Reaver circled me, and I blurted out what had to be the weirdest and possibly the most idiotic one, "Hopefully, we'll still get along in our nota forms."

His dark brows pulled together as Reaver's head swung toward me. "Come again?"

"I mean, with you being a wolf and me being a very large cave cat," I explained. "It's like cats and dogs, right? And I know a wolf isn't a dog, but still."

Ash's lips parted into a faint grin as his silver gaze gleamed. "The things that go through your mind must be a constant source of entertainment."

My eyes became thin slits as I fixed a piercing stare on him. "Then I assume I'll be just as irritated with you in that form as I am in this one."

That grin kicked up a notch, revealing a hint of fang. "Yes."

"Whatever," I muttered as that low chuffing sound came from Reaver again. "How do I shift?"

"You just will it to happen and—" Ash shot forward, cupping the nape of my neck. "Fates, Sera, do not will it to happen right now. For one thing, I don't know if you'll be able to, but on the off chance you can, it wouldn't be wise for you to do so now if you plan to meet with the others."

My lips pursed. "I wasn't going to will it to happen."

Ash arched a brow. " Liessa …"

"Okay." I sighed, rolling my eyes. "Maybe I was going to. I would've switched right back, though."

"Yeah, it doesn't always work that way the first time." He swiped his thumb across my bottom lip, sending a charge of energy through me. "The transformation can be…overpowering."

"And exactly what does that mean?" I asked. "Does it hurt?"

"The first time your body changes shape and form can be uncomfortable."

My heart tripped over itself. "Well, that's the first thing I've heard about shifting forms that actually makes sense."

"That's not all," he said softly. "The nota is strong, and it will want to take over. When you first do it, it can be difficult to pull yourself out of it."

I swallowed. "That sounds ominous."

"It's really not. You won't get stuck in that form," he assured me, dropping his hand, "you just need time to go through the motions."

"And we don't have that time right now."

"Clearly," he remarked dryly.

"Smart-ass." I gave him a light shove.

He chuckled and said to Reaver. "I remember a time when you would've attempted to light someone on fire for even thinking of offending me."

"Sorry," I said, smiling broadly as the draken lifted his wings, keeping himself in the air. "He's my Reaver-butt now."

Reaver chirped his agreement.

"That's okay." Ash smiled. "My fangs are still substantially more impressive than yours."

"I'm debating kicking you, just so you know," I warned him, even though I thoroughly enjoyed his teasing.

Because, gods, I hadn't realized how badly I'd missed the side of him I'd seen in the mortal realm when he was just Ash, and I was—

No. The Ash in the mortal realm, where he'd been able to shed the weight of responsibility and forget the cause of those blood drops inked onto his flesh for a little while, was who he was. And he was once more that Ash.

He took my hand and kissed my palm. He then nodded toward the antechamber. "You ready now? For real this time?"

I nodded.

His gaze lifted to mine. "Just remember, when you walk through that door, you will not do so as the Consort. You will be doing so as the Queen."

"And you as their King."

Ash nodded, cupping my cheek with his other hand. "Together."

I turned my head and kissed his palm. "Always."