CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER FIVE

"So." I drew out the word as Ash placed a bowl of sugar-dusted strawberries on the table he'd moved closer to the couch. He'd done it so, as he'd put it, his Queen could be more comfortable while we ate. "When were you going to mention my eyes?"

"I did," he replied, placing several more covered platters down. "I told you earlier that they were beautiful."

"I just assumed you were being sweet." My stomach grumbled as the aroma of herbs and spices rose. Exactly when had I last eaten? I had no idea. "It didn't even cross my mind that you were saying it because they look broken."

His deep, melodic chuckle skated over my skin. "Your eyes don't look broken, liessa . They are as beautiful as they were before. Just slightly different now."

"But they're different than any other Primal's . Even Bele's eyes became silver after her Ascension."

"I'm not sure why that is, but I imagine it has to do with you once being mortal."

I watched him lift the lid from a plate of chicken, then another with beef. As he revealed another platter containing several helpings of different vegetables, my gaze lifted. I tracked each striking line of his face until I reached the curve of his jaw. "How did you get the scar on your chin?"

An eyebrow rose as he glanced over at me. "That was a random question."

"I know." My cheeks warmed. "It's just something I've always wondered, and I thought I might die without ever learning the answer."

Ash's hand froze with the knife poised over the chicken. Our eyes locked, and his chest rose with a sharp breath. The aura of essence brightened behind his pupils, seeping out.

Concern blossomed. I reached for him, hesitating for only a heartbeat before placing my hand on his arm. "Are you okay?"

"Yes." He cleared his throat. "It's just that, for a few moments, I forgot how close I came to losing you."

My heart stuttered as I squeezed his arm. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean—"

"Don't apologize. There's no reason to." He leaned over and placed a quick kiss on my forehead. "It happened when I was younger, a few years after my Ascension and before I was able to keep my temper in check while around Kolis."

My shoulders tensed. Of course, the scar was connected to the false King—also known as The Fucking Bastard.

"Kolis ordered me to sentence a god he'd recently killed to the Abyss. The god didn't deserve his death or the punishment. I refused, pissing off Kolis while being too close to one of his draken ."

Gods, I hated Kolis.

"I thought the bastard was asleep," he went on, slicing the chicken. "I was wrong."

"Was it Naberius ?" I asked, thinking of the large draken with the black scales tinged in red. "He was sleeping most of the time I saw him."

Ash smirked. "That would be him. Nab is nearly as old as Kolis."

Nab? Nap would've made a better nickname.

"He's also one of the crankiest sons of bitches you'll ever meet."

My attention shifted to the bare shadowstone wall above us. "I saw a couple of his draken . Diaval was one of them."

"You mean the blond-haired fucker?"

My lips quirked. "You mean the one with the prettiest hair I've ever seen? That fucker? Yes. When I tried to escape, he was with Elias when I got caught," I said, thinking about the guard who had been spying for Attes . "I hit Diaval with eather like I did to you in the Dying Woods. Knocked him back several feet. I think he was too shocked to really react to it."

A slow smile spread on his lips. "That's my girl."

My grin kicked up several notches. "There was another I never interacted with. I only saw him in passing, but something about him struck me as different than the others. He had light brown skin, and his hair was in braids."

"That's Sax," Ash told me. "He's the quietest of Kolis's draken ."

"What do you mean by quietest?"

"I've never heard him speak. Not once." Ash looked over at me. " Diaval and Nab always belonged to Kolis. They were with him when he ruled the Shadowlands." He paused. "Sax was one of my father's draken ."

Meaning he had been forced to bond with Kolis and was given no choice but to defend the Primal to the death. Gods, that sickened and angered me to the core. I fiddled with the edge of a napkin. It wasn't right. "What happened with Nab?"

"I was mouthing off to Kolis, and, like I said, I thought Nab was asleep. He wasn't, and when I stepped toward Kolis, the draken swiped out with his claws. He got me in my face—my chin and nose." Ash gestured with his knife at the fainter scar on the bridge of his nose. "And then my throat. Almost severed half my damn head."

"My gods," I whispered, my stomach clenching. "And all you have are those two little scars?"

"It's where his claws dug in. They did most of the damage. I looked a mess for a couple of days afterward."

I stared at his throat, stunned that the fingertip-width scar on his chin and the faint nick on his nose were all that remained of what must have been a nightmarish injury. And that he'd only looked a mess for a few days .

What Attes —the Primal of Accord and War—had said about the vulnerability of a newly Ascended Primal resurfaced. My new odd sense of knowing didn't spew any answers. "So," I said as Ash reached across the table and picked up a fork. My gaze flicked back to his face as he moved a chicken breast onto a plate. "I'm basically a baby Primal now."

"A what?" Ash's laugh tugged at my lips and heart. "A baby Primal?"

" Attes said that newly Ascended Primals are weaker than normal and used the word fledgling instead of baby, but that makes me think of birds for some reason." I saw his jaw tense at the mention of the Primal. "You're still mad at Attes ."

Ash said nothing. He didn't need to.

"He swore to me that he would support you, no matter what. Besides that, your father trusted Attes enough to tell him what he planned to do with the embers and Sotoria's soul," I gently reminded him as I fiddled with the bottom of the charcoal-colored robe I'd donned. "At some point, you need to realize that Attes didn't betray us."

"I've realized that, liessa ."

My lips pursed as he angrily diced the chicken breast into pieces small enough for a young child. "I feel like there's a but coming."

"But that doesn't mean I can forgive him for placing you in Kolis's hands."

"He did it to protect the Shadowlands, Ash."

A strand of hair slipped free, falling against his cheek. "You're really defending him?"

"I wouldn't say I'm defending him. I'm just pointing out that there were reasons behind what he did."

He stared at me. "How is that not defending him?"

"Because I, too, was ticked off at him." I picked up the glass of water. "Part of me still is. But his brother was about to lay waste to the entire Court, leaving only the Pillars of Asphodel and beyond. Attes did what he could at the time to stop Kyn."

"I get that." Ash placed the knife aside and scooped up a heaping helping of steamed cauliflower.

"Then you have to understand that he was only trying to prevent that."

"What I understand is that I would've prevented Kyn from destroying the Shadowlands." His eather -streaked gaze found mine. "And if not, the Shadowlands would've fallen, but you would've been safe. And that is all that matters."

My breath snagged as his gaze held mine. Even without foresight, I knew in my soul that he spoke the absolute truth. If it came down to the Court he'd spent the last two centuries guarding or my safety, he would choose me.

"That shouldn't surprise you, liessa . The dream or vision—whatever you want to call it—that I had the night you were born would've come to fruition." A charge of energy left Ash, causing the chandelier overhead to sway slightly. "I would've seen the realms burn if I lost you. You may not believe I would've allowed that to happen, just as you believe my decency extends beyond you, but it doesn't. I would've gladly seen it all burn." He flattened one palm on the table. "I'm sorry if that disturbs you. I truly am. But it's the truth."

My grip tightened on the glass. "I…I don't think you would've gladly seen it all burn, but I…" Heart thumping heavily, I took a drink and then set the glass down. "I would do the same for you." Eather stirred beneath my skin, reacting to the truth in what I'd said. I would do unspeakable things, stuff far worse than what I'd already done, to keep Ash alive. I was more than capable. "That's probably not good. Actually, it isn't good, considering the whole Primal-of-Life thing. But it doesn't disturb me."

Primal essence swirled in Ash's eyes. "Then, for the sake of the realms, we'd better ensure that both of us remain alive."

Holding his stare, I nodded. "Agreed."

Ash slid the plate toward me. "Please, eat."

I picked up my fork and, feeling his gaze on me, took a bite of the savory chicken. My stomach immediately thanked me.

"You are a fledgling," he continued after a moment. "Meaning you will tire more easily after repeatedly using the essence. But you will still be stronger than all the gods and likely many of the Primals ." He speared a slab of grilled beef and moved it to his plate. "Looking back, you already were. A young god, let alone one in their Culling, wouldn't be able to do much with eather while surrounded by so much shadowstone ."

I glanced at the ceiling's glossy surface. Shadowstone absorbed energy—the eather that could be found in all living things—from the environment, weakening the gods' and Primals ' ability to tap into the essence. But I'd almost brought the entire palace down on our heads after finding the Primal Goddess of Rites and Prosperity feeding from Ash. Just thinking about Veses and how she'd taken advantage of Ash's need to protect me caused eather to thrum hotly within me. But I couldn't unsee her stricken features as Kolis handed her over to Kyn for punishment.

I shifted, feeling uncomfortable. How could I hate someone with every fiber of my being but still feel bad for them? I shoved several pieces of chicken into my mouth, refusing to think about her. Or feel all that bad for her.

"And newly Ascended Primal or not, you can kill another Primal. You're more dangerous now without the experience or control when it comes to the full extent of your powers, but you will have to replenish the spent eather more than you will as time passes. You can do it by resting, eating, or feeding." There was a second of silence. "I do hope you choose the third option."

Freezing with another piece of chicken halfway to my open mouth, I peeked over at him.

A shadowy grin appeared, and all kinds of parts of me coiled pleasantly. "Even if you don't use eather , you will need to feed more often in the beginning than you will later. Usually, once a week."

Oh…

"You will be more susceptible to injury than any other Primal. Wounds that would kill a god are normally nothing more than a splinter to a Primal, but for a newly Ascended one, it could take you down for several days. Even leave scars."

My stare dipped to the faint mark on his chin as I thought about weapons fashioned from the bones of the Ancients. I knew they could put a Primal into stasis, even kill a fledgling if left in them for too long, and it would utterly destroy a god or godling, leaving nothing behind for even me to bring back.

The tasty chicken lost some of its flavor with the knowledge that Kolis had most of the bones. "You don't have any weapons fashioned from the bones of the Ancients, right?"

Ash shook his head. "Kolis forbade it. Deeming me not entirely trustworthy."

I rolled my eyes.

"Neither does Keella . Though I'm not sure about Maia," he said, referencing the Primal Goddess of Rebirth, and the Primal Goddess of Love, Beauty, and Fertility.

I nodded absently. "I know the weakness can last several years."

"It can." Ash cut down the center of the beef and then began cutting half of it into smaller sections. "But the length of time varies between Primals . I'm in my second century and not at my full power."

Considering what I'd seen of him, that was hard to believe. "But you killed another Primal."

"Not sure Hanan counts," he remarked dryly.

I smirked at that. There were basically two ways to kill a Primal. One came at the hands of another Primal, which wasn't easy. And the other was…well, death by the one they loved. I'd always believed the latter referenced only love between those not of the same blood, and it did, but Eythos's demise proved that wasn't always the case.

The skin behind my left ear tingled. Their weaknesses were different, as were Attes's and Kyn's. Their simultaneous creation from the same Ancient made it so their love could be a weapon wielded against each other. That was how Kolis had been able to kill his brother. And the fact that Eythos had placed what remained of the embers of life in my bloodline. It had all become the perfect storm.

A perfect, messed-up storm.

Because Kolis hadn't known that Eythos had passed on the rest of his embers, nor had he believed his brother still loved him.

Kolis hadn't meant to kill Eythos .

I glanced at Ash. He had a hard time believing that his father could still love his brother after everything. I couldn't fault him for that. There was a good chance he wouldn't readily accept the part about his mother having a fondness for Kolis either, and I wasn't even sure if that was something he needed to know.

I got my thoughts back on track. "Hanan did count, though. He was the Primal of the Hunt and Divine Justice," I said, trailing off. Bele was now the ruler of Sirta, the Court that had once belonged to Hanan. But was she a Primal? After the goddess Cressa fatally wounded Bele with a shadowstone dagger and I brought her back to life, no one knew exactly what she was. She felt like a Primal to the others but not. So…

The tingling behind my ear returned as I nodded to myself. Bele had Ascended when I brought her back, but she had risen into Primalhood with Hanan's death.

She was also a baby Primal.

I grinned.

"It has been eons since Hanan really had to fight anyone, and I was enraged," Ash continued. "That kind of anger can strengthen a Primal, even a fledgling, but it's temporary. If I was going up against someone like Phanos ? The outcome likely would've been different if I had squared off with the Primal God of the Sky, Sea, Earth, and Wind."

I just loved how there was no cost to his ego to admit such a thing. He was strong and badass enough to know when he was outpowered, and that was a rare trait.

One I wasn't sure I possessed.

Okay. One I knew I didn't possess, which meant it was another thing I needed to work on.

"After taking out Hanan, I weakened damn near immediately," he said. "And that allowed Kolis to get the upper hand."

It wasn't just Kolis who had allowed that. My pitiful attempt to get them to stop fighting had only served to distract Ash. A wave of coldness swept down my spine as brief images of Kolis repeatedly shoving the shadowstone blade through Ash's chest flashed in my mind.

I gave my head a quick shake to scatter the memories.

Ash gathered up several pieces of the beef he had cut and transferred them to my plate. "But the heightening of your senses will occur long before you're considered to be at full power, and I imagine your intuition will also continue growing stronger."

I thought that over as he finally began helping himself to what was left of the meat and vegetables. "I have these memories of when I was in stasis. Not just of you talking to me, but of other things. It kind of felt like I was going in and out of consciousness."

He swallowed a bite of food. "Mine was similar to that. There was really no sense of time passing. I'd hear Nektas and then…nothing."

I nodded. "I think I even heard my nursemaid Odetta's voice at one point." My heart skipped as more of those memories became clear. "I saw how the realms began—how they really began. The Ancients were never Primals . They were something else entirely." I squinted, seeing in my mind what I had seen during stasis. "The essence comes from the stars—the Ancients themselves. They were stars."

Ash lowered his fork.

"Yeah." I twisted toward him, remembering what he'd told me. "You said that some of the Ancients were aware they were too powerful, so they created offspring from their own flesh—the Primals . Eventually, they transferred some of their essence to each one, establishing a balance of power. I saw that. Did you know they weren't Primals ?"

Ash was quiet for a moment. "It was never stated explicitly that the Ancients were Primals . It was just something that I—well, that most of us—assumed. And my father only ever spoke of them when I was younger. When he did, what he said reminded me of fables shared with a child." His gaze searched mine. "Did you see more?"

"Yes." I took a bite of the seasoned beef, taking a few moments to make sense of the memories coming back to me. "I saw when they fell to this realm. When dragons ruled. I saw one of the Ancients burn beneath a dragon's flames and your father creating the first mortal. It took him so long," I murmured as my mind jumped back to the beginning of what I'd seen. "The Ancients? They fell to other lands far to the east and west, where cities were made of steel. Do you know of these other realms?" The answer came to me with my next breath. "You don't."

An eyebrow rose. "You would be correct."

"No one does but…your father. He knew the truth. So do Kolis and the Fates." My stomach pitched as I finally recalled what else I'd seen. "The Arae…"

Holy shit.

There was a reason the Arae were said to be everywhere and in everything. Why they didn't answer to Primals . It was because they were the Ancients—those who didn't go to ground or pass on when the Primals rose.

Which also meant Holland was an Ancient. And I'd kicked and punched him before. Cursed at him. I was also sure I'd probably threatened his life in a fit of anger at some point.

Ash watched me intently. "What about the Arae?"

I started to tell him what I had learned, but the words wouldn't come to my tongue. They came to my mind, though, along with a sense of bone-deep knowing.

I couldn't tell him.

My intuition didn't tell me why, but I knew there would be consequences if I did. Grave ones.

Hating that I had to keep this from Ash, I stabbed a piece of cauliflower and thought about the conversation I'd had with Nektas on the balcony. I was willing to bet that he knew exactly what the Fates were. "Just that they know about the other lands." I forced my thoughts there as the back of my neck prickled near my left ear. "They aren't separated by time, but by thick veils of eather our power cannot penetrate. They wanted things to be different there."

"Why?"

I bit down on the buttery cauliflower and searched my mind, finding nothing more on that topic. "I don't know, but there is more about the Ancients. I know there is. I just need a moment to think about it."

"And more cauliflower?"

"That, too," I murmured, forking more of the vegetable into my mouth as I squinted at the wardrobe. There was definitely something more about the Ancients. Something that had to do with balance. I stiffened as a chill whipped through my chest.

I twisted toward Ash. "There is more, though. When the Primals rose and defeated the Ancients, some entered Arcadia." Some became the Fates, but others… "There were Ancients who went to ground. They went into stasis, Ash. They are not gone. They are only asleep, and they can never wake up. They are why there must be true embers of life and death at all times. Why life must be created, and death must always come. It's not just because someone says there needs to be balance. The Ancients made sure of it."

Thoughts fired off rapidly as eather hummed beneath my skin. "It's why Kolis has been creating the beings he calls the Ascended. So far, it's kept the balance, but if that isn't maintained? Whatever the Arae did that linked the balance to the Ancients who went to ground will lift. They will awaken, and that cannot happen—" I gasped as the fork I held heated and trembled. My hand spasmed open—my empty hand.

The fork had evaporated.

My gaze shot to Ash. "I didn't mean to do that."

"It's okay." Ash stretched, picking up an unused fork. He halted, glancing from the utensil to my hand. "You good?"

"I think so."

Ash handed the fork over. "What exactly happens if these Ancients wake up?"

A chill went down my spine as I swallowed. "It's worse than what the Rot would've done. I saw them destroying entire lands. Killing nearly everything and everyone. And those in the ground? They are the ones the combined forces of Primal, draken , god, and mortal couldn't defeat. They could only be forced into stasis. I don't know how they did that, but what I do know is that no matter how long they remain in the ground, they are no longer the beginning of everything—the great creators and givers of life."

Ash had gone completely still, his gaze not leaving me as I spoke. I didn't even think he blinked.

"If they awaken," I said, Primal essence throbbing hotly through me, "they do so as unia and eram . The ruin and wrath of that once-great beginning."

"Fuck," Ash murmured.

Chilled to my very core, I exhaled slowly. "That was…dramatic-sounding." I laughed. "Wasn't it?"

"Yes, it was dramatic." Ash blinked several times. " Unia and eram are what many of the Ancients became before the end of their time, but any Primal can become it if their rage truly consumes them or if they go too long without feeding but manage not to go into stasis."

A shiver spider-walked down my spine. The idea of any Primal becoming that was terrifying.

Ash picked up a piece of beef with his fork. "You know, this begs one very important question—actually, more than one. But if the existence of the true embers of life and death keep the Ancients basically entombed underground, then why would a Fate train you to kill the true Primal of Death?"

"And why did your father, who had to know this, attempt to create a weapon that could?" I tacked on.

Chewing slowly, Ash raised his brows. "Another good question."

"Something isn't adding up." I brushed a curl back from my face, thinking about Holland and his kindness. I couldn't picture him as an infinite, unending being older than the realms. I just couldn't.

"Many things aren't adding up, starting with why this isn't more well-known. All Primals should be in possession of this knowledge," he said. "Why would only my father and Kolis know?"

"I…" I frowned as I studied my fork, seeing nothing in my mind except for a humming white wall. "I…I don't know." Frustration rose, but I cooled it before I obliterated another utensil. "But as long as there's balance, the Ancients won't be a problem." The tasty meat soured in my stomach. "You said that Kolis has been weakened due to my Ascension and that it has bought us time. I'm guessing not a whole lot of it."

Ash nodded, trailing the edge of his fork across his plate. "Exactly how much time cannot be answered, but there's a bit of chaos in all the Courts. I imagine most of the Primals are unsure how to react to your Ascension, which also gives us time."

Tension crept into my muscles as I stabbed another piece of delicious cauliflower. "Because they're using the time to decide whether to continue standing with Kolis or not."

Interest pinched his brow. "Is that what your foresight is telling you?"

"No. Just an assumption. But I can try to answer that." I frowned as I eyed the glass of water, trying to determine whether I was correct. Instead of being met with an explanation or silence, I hit what felt like another wall. "There's like a…a thick cloud of static in my head. I know you can't see static, but that's the best I can come up with."

"Sounds a lot like a mental shield." His fork hovered over the cauliflower. "It's what I see or feel when someone's blocking me from reading their emotions."

Sending him a wry glance, I thought that a shield was something I needed to work on. "It's the same thing when I try to think about something I want to know about myself." I forked up a piece of chicken. " Nektas said it was the same for Eythos when it came to anything having to do with him," I said. I'd told Ash about me running into Nektas between bouts of sleeping and sex.

Instead of reaching for the water, I willed it to move and continued. "And had to do with balance." I gasped as the glass shot across the table, smacking against my palm. Water sloshed over the sides, spilling onto the tabletop.

I winced, glancing at Ash. "Oops."

His lips were pressed together like he was trying not to laugh. "Careful," he murmured, picking up a napkin.

I grinned sheepishly. "I didn't realize the glass would move that fast."

Dabbing at the table, he arched a brow. "Perhaps you should practice with something you don't need to eat or are trying to consume."

"Good idea." I took a careful sip of water.

Ash tossed the napkin aside. "Anyway, about the vadentia . It reminds me of how the Arae can't see the fate of risen Primals ."

"Seems rather convenient," I muttered.

"And unhelpful."

My grin faded as my mind raced back to what he'd said about Hanan. Something about that nagged at me as I poked at what was left on my plate. Ash had said his anger and Hanan being out of practice had helped him defeat the other Primal, but…

"By the way, when you spoke about the Ancients Awakening?" Ash said, drawing me from my thoughts. "You sounded like the true Primal of Life."

Curiosity rose as I sat back. "How does the true Primal of Life sound?"

"Powerful."

The corners of my lips turned up. I liked that. Probably too much. "And how do I normally sound?"

"Beautiful."

Rolling my eyes, I laughed. "I know I normally sound like a rambling, half-intoxicated mess."

"I like the way you sound—how you normally talk." His head kicked back as he eyed me. "I wouldn't describe it as sounding like a half-intoxicated mess, though."

"But you would describe it as being rambling?"

A half-grin appeared. "I would say entertaining."

"Uh-huh." I smiled at his chuckle. "By the way, have you seen Nektas since you threatened his life, and did you apologize?"

A faint flush stained Ash's cheeks, bringing a grin to my face. "Actually, I did." He cleared his throat. "He let me know that things were quiet."

"That's good."

"It is."

Thoughts dwelling on why things were quiet, I ate a piece of chicken. If we were lucky, Kolis was still in stasis, but that seemed doubtful. "It won't stay that way for long."

"No, it won't." He paused. "Soon, there will be a city full of people wanting to see you."

My chest spasmed as I lowered the fork. "Who and why?"

"Some will be from Lethe," he said, speaking of the city within the Shadowlands. "Others will be from other Courts, coming to pay homage to their new Queen."

My stomach plopped to the general vicinity of the floor. "They don't need to do that."

His lopsided grin returned. "They do it because they want to, liessa . Not because they have to."

My throat constricted. "Is there a way to make them, I don't know, not want to?"

"It's been centuries since there has been a true Primal of Life, Sera." His silvery gaze met mine. "I imagine they are excited and hopeful for stability and safety."

My panic receded for a moment as I was struck silent by the deep warmth in his eyes and voice. Love . I'd seen it before when his features softened as he looked or talked to me, but I just hadn't recognized it for what it was. How could I when it should be impossible? But I saw and felt his love, and that mattered so damn much. My very being swelled with so much joy I felt as if I could float right to the ceiling.

His head tilted, sending one of those stray locks of hair against his jaw. "What are you thinking about?"

"Are you reading my emotions again?"

"It's kind of hard not to when you're projecting."

I sighed. "I really need to work on that shield."

"It won't help if you're projecting," he reminded me and lifted his hand. The bowl of fruit slid smoothly across the table, coming to a stop at his fingertips.

I narrowed my eyes. "Show-off."

He grinned. "I could taste your nervousness and unease when you were talking about the gods coming to Lethe. It was thick and tart, and then it changed to something…sweet." His brows knitted as he studied the fruit in the bowl. He nudged several pieces aside before picking up a glistening, vivid red strawberry. "Like this but dipped in chocolate."

Warmth lit up my chest as I twisted toward him, drawing one leg up. "Is that what love tastes like to you?"

His eyes returned to mine as he offered me the strawberry. "Was that what you were feeling?"

I took the fruit. "Yes."

"Then that is what it tastes like to me." He picked up another berry without looking at it and popped it into his mouth. A tiny drop of juice clung to his lip, drawing far too much of my attention. "Decadent and lush."

Muscles low in my stomach curled, and I had to force myself to look away before I did something rather inappropriate. Like climb all over him midsentence.

"You know," he said, "if there was a way to prevent the others from realizing you Ascended and give you more time to adapt, I would do it."

"I know." I took a small bite of the fruit, which was difficult to swallow. The rise in anxiety was so not me having faith in myself. "I'm just being ridiculous."

"No, you're not." He set the bowl aside as I finished off the berry. "You weren't prepared for this, Sera. And even if you had been raised from birth to expect such, you've gone through a lot in a very short period of time."

Not wanting to think about the a lot I'd gone through, I nodded and wiped stickiness from my fingers.

"But you won't be facing any gods or Primals alone," he stated softly. "I will be right beside you, as will those who serve the Shadowlands."

I glanced at him, finding another sugar-dusted strawberry between his fingers. I took the tasty fruit and bit into it.

One of those rare, wide smiles appeared, exposing the straight line of his teeth. As I stared at him, I was mesmerized by how it softened the harsh beauty of his features. There was also a naturalness to this kind of smile, like his lips were always meant to be curved in such a way. And I thought that if he had lived a different life, that smile would be the first thing seen by many.

Wondering how I got so damn lucky, I pressed my forehead to his. "I love you," I whispered. "I love you so very much."

Ash clasped the back of my head, his fingers curling around the strands of my hair. His lips found mine, and the kiss conveyed those three words with just as much power as if they had been spoken.

"Finish eating," he said against my lips, and I felt his mouth curve into a smile. "Please."

My lips twitched as I picked up my fork. In the silence, my mind went back to what we had been talking about before all of that. I pushed another chunk of chicken around my plate, wondering how long the realm would remain quiet. My intuition told me nothing, and without eyes in Dalos , we had no way of knowing.

I suddenly thought about Elias, one of Kolis's close guards who had been spying for Attes . "Do you think Attes has any other spies in Dalos ?"

"I'm sure he does." Ash speared a sliver of meat. "He came by when you were in stasis, but I didn't speak with him. Nektas did."

"Did Nektas say if Attes knew whether Kolis was still in stasis or not?"

"The only thing the Primal mentioned was that Kolis had not been seen in Dalos ."

That could mean anything.

"But I'm sure he'll be back." Ash paused. "Unfortunately."

Ignoring that last part, I hoped Attes returned soon. I wanted to make sure he had the Star diamond somewhere where Kolis nor anyone else could get their hands on it—

I nearly dropped my fork. "That golden, mask-wearing motherfucker."

"What?" coughed Ash, swallowing.

" Callum ." I pitched forward, rattling the table. "The blond-haired Revenant who is always with Kolis."

Ash reached for his glass. "What about him?"

"You know how Kolis favors Callum?" When he nodded, I continued. "I couldn't figure it out at first—why Callum was the only one who was allowed to be alone with me or how he clearly had more leeway with Kolis than anyone else. There were times he would actually disagree with Kolis."

Ash halted. "If you're about to tell me that Callum is Kolis's child…"

"Uh, no." My lip curled when I thought about how Kolis hadn't been with anyone since he'd held Sotoria captive. It wasn't his celibacy that disgusted me. It was the reason behind it. "Callum never believed I was Sotoria . He was adamant that I wasn't, even after Kolis summoned a goddess from the Thyia Plains," I said, referencing the Primal Goddess of Rebirth's Court. "He wanted her to confirm whether what I claimed about being Sotoria was true. She can read memories like Taric could. Her name is Ione. Do you know her?"

The skin between his brows creased. "I know of her. She often accompanies Keella . I didn't know she had the ability to scour the mind." His jaw clenched. "Did she look into yours?"

"She did, but she made it as painless as possible," I quickly told him. "And she lied for me, Ash. She saw the truth and lied." Worry for the goddess surfaced. "Kolis has to know that now. I hope she's okay."

"If she lied to Kolis, she knew what she was doing, and she will likely be smart enough to make herself scarce," Ash stated. "Callum didn't believe you were Sotoria , even after that?"

"No, and the reason he didn't is the same as why he's so close to Kolis," I told him. "Callum is Sotoria's brother."

Ash choked on his water. "You have got to be joking."

"I wish I were." Gods, did I ever. "If you thought things were messed up before? Wait until you hear this."

"Great," Ash muttered.

"The day Kolis saw Sotoria on the cliffs and scared her? She was picking flowers for her sister, Anthea. Callum was supposed to be with her but was messing around with someone instead. He felt responsible for her death." I held up a hand. "Look, I don't like Callum at all, but he wasn't responsible for his sister's death. Kolis was."

"Agreed."

"So, Kolis, being possibly the least self-aware being in all the realms, went to Sotoria's parents to let them know that he'd petitioned Eythos to restore Sotoria's life." I watched as Ash captured my hand and brought it to his lips. He pressed a kiss to my palm, then lowered it to my lap as I told him how Callum had asked to be taken to Sotoria so he could apologize, and how that had ended for him when Kolis explained that he couldn't. "Callum slit his own throat."

"Fuck." He exhaled roughly.

"Yeah, and Kolis…" I shook my head. "Gods, I could hear the anguish in his voice when he spoke of holding Sotoria as she died and then did the same with her brother."

"You sound bothered by that."

"I was. I am ," I admitted. "What happened to Sotoria and Callum is a tragedy. And back then, Kolis wasn't who we know today. I'm not saying he was good then," I tacked on. "Clearly, he had obsessive tendencies and really poor peopling skills." My cheeks puffed with the breath I blew out. "But I don't think he was pure evil."

Ash said nothing to that.

It was understandable. Ash would never see Kolis as anything but who he knew. "Kolis couldn't allow Callum to die, and he knew Eythos wouldn't intervene. So, he did what was forbidden."

Ash inhaled sharply. "He gave life?"

"He used his blood to Ascend Callum, but he's not a demis ," I said, speaking of the Ascended mortals who don't carry enough eather in their blood—not like the third sons and daughters. "And he's not one of the Ascended. He's not even like the other Revenants. He's who he was before his death. But the other Revenants? They have no desires—not for blood, food, sleep, or companionship. They are driven only by the need to serve their creator. Kolis. And that is all."

"That is why death cannot give life. Doing so is a mockery of such—just soulless, reanimated flesh and bone." Anger tightened the corners of his mouth. "These Revenants sound like a type of Gyrm ," he said, and my lip curled at the mention of the once-mortals who had either willingly entered into eternal servitude upon death to atone for past sins or had given their souls to a god or Primal upon death in exchange for a favor. "But a more improved version."

"Yeah, I don't think they're filled with serpents," I murmured, shuddering. "Anyway, Kolis sees nothing wrong with it. He thinks being incapable of wanting or feeling anything is freeing." I turned my head to Ash. "If I hadn't had embers of life in me, could that have happened when you Ascended me?"

"No. I am a Primal of Death, but I am not true Death. My blood likely would've done the same as any other Primal's ," he said. I didn't know why that relieved me because it was moot at this point. "Did Kolis ever explain why Callum is different?"

"He said that Eythos once told him that whatever the creator felt at the time shaped the creation." I rubbed the skin behind my ear. "And he was right. It's what the creator truly feels—what is real and cannot be forced. And everything Kolis felt when bringing Callum back to life was real—desperation and bitterness."

My stomach soured. "He even felt joy. But he only felt duty with the others. The only magic involved was that Callum retained something akin to a soul." My brows knitted. "But creation is a reflection of who and what we are. A mirror of all our best and worst traits. Callum is an echo of who he and Kolis once were. But the other Revenants?"

"They're an echo of who Kolis is today," Ash surmised, a muscle along his jaw ticking. "And basically indestructible. But what about Callum? Shouldn't he be easier to kill if he has something akin to a soul?"

"You'd think, but considering how often I've seen him die only to return to life? Even after I did a real number on him?" The satisfaction that came with wiping that smug look from Callum's face was brief. "I'd say no."

Ash looked away as he reached across the table to pick up a bottle of wine. He pulled the cork and poured himself a glass and then turned an empty glass upright to pour another. "I want to ask you something."

"Okay."

He placed the wineglass near my plate. "When I was being held in the Carcers ," he began, speaking of the mountains west of Dalos , "I was in and out of consciousness. Kolis always managed to be there when I was awake." He shifted his gaze to the glass he held. "He liked to talk."

My throat dried.

"He said you tried to escape."

Dropping my hands to my lap, I nodded. "I did. That's…that's when I messed up Callum."

"How did Kolis handle that?"

"Surprisingly well," I said. "He actually didn't seem all that mad."

Ash's head slowly turned to me.

"I know. It sounds unbelievable, but he…he wanted so badly to believe I was Sotoria ." I let my head fall back. The lamplight from the chandelier glowed softly as I stared up at it. "I think that kept his temper in check."

"Most of the time."

I tensed, briefly closing my eyes. Ash was likely talking about the bruises he'd seen when we walked in each other's dreams, but my mind went to Kolis's punishment for when I attempted to intervene on Veses ' behalf.

For the briefest second, I could almost feel the muscles in my arms stretched unbearably.

I opened my eyes. "The bruises you saw when we dreamwalked happened after he took me to Hygeia and summoned Phanos —" I drew in a ragged breath as I saw the reluctance in the Primal God of the Sky, Seas, Earth, and Wind's eyes flash before me. My throat thickened. "And after the ceeren transferred their essence to me. I saw my chance to kill Kolis—or what I thought was my chance. I grabbed a shadowstone blade and stabbed him."

"Gods." Ash drew his other hand over his chin.

"It wasn't a very well-thought-out plan. His reaction was immediate. I don't think he even meant to hit me—

"You stabbed me , and I did not strike you, Sera."

"I know." I looked him straight on, thinking I likely wouldn't have faulted Ash if he had reacted in some way to defend himself. After all, I had stabbed him in the chest. Literally. I would've done way worse if it had been me…and I'd survived. "I'm not excusing it. I'm just explaining that he has better control of his temper than what is made of him."

"He had that control because of what you mean to him," Ash bit out. "You saw a side of him that no one else has seen, at least not in my lifetime."

I swallowed as nausea crept up my throat. Between my stomach and the dark energy seeping out of Ash and charging the air around me, I really needed to get to the point of why I'd brought this up before I vomited on myself and the table. "All I'm saying is that's what caused the bruises. And even then, that was it." But it really wasn't. He had used compulsion, ensuring that I behaved and could only stand there while—

Nope.

Wasn't going there.

Feeling Ash's gaze on me, I forced my thoughts past that. "It didn't happen when I tried to escape after he brought me back to Dalos . All he did was lecture me. And now, I think it was because my actions reminded him of Sotoria . The whole attempting-to-escape-him thing. How fucked up is that?"

"There are no words to capture how fucked up that is."

He was so right. "When we were on the beach in Hygeia, I saw what he really looked like—his Primal form." Tiny goose bumps formed as the dull gleam of Kolis's bony face appeared in my mind. "I saw true Death."

Ash had gone completely still, his expression devoid of any emotion. I counted. It took six seconds before he spoke again. "When we were talking before, you said he made you wear revealing clothing?"

"Yeah."

Those enviable lashes swept down and then lifted. The eather streaking his irises brightened. "What else did he make you do?"