CHAPTER FOUR

Even though I knew Nektas would never lie about Ash's well-being, I couldn't rest until I saw it with my own eyes. I sat beside him as he slept, waiting for the spell to lift. The hours stretched on for what felt like an eternity, but eventually, the sky beyond the balcony doors lightened, blushing with soft hues of pink and lavender. The light of dawn seeped in, slipping over the stone floor. Gradually, the golden beams kissed the foot of the bed.

It happened so fast.

A blast of energy rolled off Ash, sending me scooting toward the edge of the bed as it blew my hair back from my face. The temperature in the chamber dropped. His eyes flew open, his irises pure, crackling silver. Thick, swirling shadows appeared beneath his thinning flesh as he sat upright. Eather rose inside me as his lips peeled back over his fangs. A primitive, feral growl emanated from his throat.

"Ash." I scrambled onto my knees, reaching for him.

Our gazes locked as shadows raced across his chest. The look in his stare was wild, nearly feral. I wasn't even sure he saw me.

I clasped his cool cheeks, shivering. The snarling growl raised the hairs on the nape of my neck, making my heart race. Tendrils of dark eather snapped at the air around us.

"It's okay," I told him. He went completely still. "I'm right here."

A stuttered heartbeat passed, and then his mouth was on mine. The kiss was brutal, a clash of teeth and tongues. I could taste the panic and fury, feel the raw desperation in each agonized sweep of his tongue as his hands fisted my hair. He kissed me as if he sought to prove to himself that I was, indeed, with him. That I was okay.

I didn't know the exact moment the urgency became one of physical need or when the terror and anger turned to lust, but I felt him lose his grip on restraint and sensed the moment he changed . I felt it.

His flesh hardened and cooled even more. Energy rippled from him, buzzing over my skin and stroking my essence. A jolt ran through me as I fell back on my rear, the hem of his shirt gathering at my hips. Through strands of tangled hair, I saw that his skin had thinned even more. The shadows on his cheeks and chest deepened, joined.

My heart thudded as I stared at him, recognizing the hard line of his jaw, his wide, expressive mouth, and the cut of his high cheekbones. But like when I'd awakened from stasis, he was shadow and smoke turned to stone, his flesh the color of midnight streaked with churning moonlight.

Air caught in my lungs as wispy tendrils of mist lifted behind him, spreading out from his upper shoulders and thickening, forming shadowy wings made of pure energy.

Tiny bumps erupted over my skin as our eyes locked. There was nothing human about the way he looked, how his chest barely moved, or his piercing stare as shadow-laced eather slipped to the bed.

I felt no fear, even as the essence strained against my skin. I looked up at a Primal of Death: beautiful, terrifying, and mine .

Remembering the warning he'd given me the last time he'd lost his restraint, I shivered with anticipation and red-hot desire. My blood heated, becoming a fire that filled my veins. My nipples beaded beneath the shirt. A throbbing heaviness slid down to center itself between my thighs.

Ash's nostrils flared, and when I inhaled sharply, I caught the heightened citrusy scent of arousal.

There was no need for words. My breath was already coming out in short, shallow bursts as I leaned back and spread my thighs, offering myself to him. I shivered as the cool air kissed my heated, damp flesh.

Only a pinprick of his pupils was visible as his gaze lowered to what I offered. His stare was so heavy and intense that my breath caught once more, and my hips twitched.

Ash lifted his head, and a heartbeat passed before he struck with predatory grace. His weight pressed me to my back, and I caught a glimpse of his wings sweeping down and brushing the bed. A cry of pleasure tore from my lips as his cool length pressed into me. I stiffened, unaccustomed to his larger, Primal form as he filled and stretched me. The brief sting of pain faded as he seated himself deep inside me, causing my back to arch as I took him. Gods, he felt like he was everywhere. His presence inside me was almost overwhelming, nearly too much as I panted.

I slowly became aware of his stillness. His chest moved then, rising and falling rapidly against mine as he trembled.

Opening my eyes, I looked up at him. He tipped his chin down and stretched his neck from side to side. "Ash?" I whispered.

"I'm…" The hand by my head fisted, then his eather -filled wings flickered before collapsing in a shower of glittering sparks. "I just need a moment." He shuddered, causing my toes to curl at the sensation. "I…I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't."

Eather pulsed from his eyes before he slammed them shut. "You don't know that."

I did.

I was always safe with him.

I watched him battle himself, and that hidden, darkly sinful part of me didn't want him in control.

"Ash." I slipped my hands over the smooth, cold planes of his cheeks as I lifted my hips. He groaned, and I thought of the wicked words he'd said when he last lost control. A wave of wanton desire flooded me. "Will you fuck my pussy?"

"Fucking gods," he snarled, his hips jerking.

Then, he did.

And…gods. Ash fucked hard and fast, the force as savage as how his mouth moved over mine. I wrapped my legs around his hips, rising to meet him as my fingers tangled in the silky strands of his hair. We were frenzied as he drove into me, over and over, until I could no longer keep up with the wild rhythm. The sounds I made would surely turn my cheeks crimson later, but I couldn't stop myself as I trembled beneath him. He moved faster, harder, working an arm beneath my head. Either his fangs or mine nicked my lip, and he growled, drawing the little drop of blood into his mouth as he thrust into me all the way. With no space between us, he ground his hips. There was no steady build-up to release. I felt his cock begin to spasm, and that pushed me to the edge and right over it. A storm of pleasure, almost violent in nature, swept through me, kicking my head back against his arm as I cried out his name.

I didn't know how much time passed as we remained joined, our hearts slowing. But when Ash spoke, I knew he had complete control of himself.

"Sera?" he rasped.

"I'm here, and I'm okay." I tilted my head to the side, seeking. His lips found mine. The kiss was gentle and sweet but no less shattering than the ones that'd come before.

Ash eased himself from me, but his body didn't leave mine. Supporting his weight on one arm, he rested his forehead against mine. "Fates, Sera. I thought…"

He didn't need to finish the sentence. I knew what he thought, what must have preyed on his mind as he slept, kept under the spell and driven to lose his hold on his mortal form.

"It wasn't him," I whispered.

Ash's shudder of relief caused my heart to ache. Gods, I didn't think it was possible to hate Kolis more than I already did, but I was wrong. I knew this would always be a fear until Kolis was dealt with.

For both of us.

I cleared my throat. "It was the riders."

Ash lifted his head, and his brows rose. "What in the fuck?"

My lips twitched. "That about sums up my initial reaction."

His fingers coasted over my cheek. "Tell me what happened."

I did, sharing how I'd ended up in a cavern on the outskirts of the Abyss. Ash quietly listened as I explained how I'd had to prove myself worthy. His eyes narrowed as I described the three-headed beast. When I got to the Tavius portion, he went rigid.

"But it wasn't really him," I assured.

"No shit," he growled. I arched a brow. "He's a special case. I would know if he left where I last left him." He paused. "In pieces."

Pieces?

"How did—?" I stopped myself. "You know what? I don't think I want to know."

His smile was tight, toothless. "You sure about that?"

Actually? Yes. I ran my finger over the faint scar on his chin. "He was just a representation of me."

"How in the fuck is he supposed to be a representation of anything of you?" Ash demanded, the eather whipping through his eyes.

"The part of me that…reacts violently when I feel like I don't have control," I admitted. It was hard to share when his lips thinned, peeling back until the tips of his fangs became visible. "I didn't realize it wasn't really Tavius at first. I…I beat him."

"Good," Ash snarled, his eyes fierce. "What did I tell you before when it came to him?"

"Not to let him leave a mark."

"Exactly." He drew his thumb over my chin. "That hasn't changed, whether it was really him or not."

"I know." I smiled for him. "At first, I thought he was the monster I needed to slay next. I was about to kill him until I realized that if I did, it would be a final death. I would've…"

"You believed you would've destroyed his soul," Ash finished.

"I couldn't do it." My laugh was short and humorless. "It felt wrong. I dropped the sword, and he disappeared. That's when I realized I was supposed to slay the monstrous part of me. The cold bit."

His jaw flexed. "There is nothing cold about you."

"But there is," I insisted, my voice barely above a whisper. "I don't know if I was born this way, if the embers did it, or if it was how I was raised and the choices I made because of that. But I told you before, Ash. I don't feel things the same way you do."

"Sera—"

"I know you must sense it, that part of my soul. There's no way you haven't. And you don't have to lie. I don't want you to because, gods, the fact that you must have always sensed it yet still accepted me makes me love you even more." My gaze searched his. "I'm not like you. You carry those marks. Bear them. I don't. Not really."

"That's not true. It's not," he insisted, lowering his chin so we were at eye level when I opened my mouth to protest. "Kolis is someone who doesn't feel empathy or regret. Kyn doesn't. Veses is another. Are you like them?"

I was nothing like Kyn or Kolis, but Veses … What had she said after she told me she'd leveled half her Court when Kolis brought Sotoria back?

Our violent reactions regarding the ones we love is something we have in common.

We did have that in common.

But that was the only thing.

"No," I said. "I'm not like them."

"Thank fuck you said that," he replied. "You just carry those marks differently, Sera. The fact that we're even having this conversation proves that." His gaze found mine. "All of us, the good and the bad, are a little monstrous. I am no better than you."

A damn knot lodged in my throat, just as it had when he said this before we left to meet with Kolis to gain his approval for the coronation.

"But those parts?" Eather streaked across his irises. "They don't define you. They are not the sum of who you are. They never were."

"Do you believe that about yourself?" I asked, knowing he had far more good in him than I did in me. But he didn't see it that way. "And the monstrous things you've done?"

"I'm starting to," he admitted.

Surprise flickered through me. "What changed that?"

"You."

I rocked back. "Me?"

"Yes, you." His smile returned. "Because someone like you couldn't love me if I were the sum of the worst things I've done."

My breath caught as my emotions swelled. His features blurred. "I think I'm going to cry."

"That is not the response I was going for." Concern filled his tone as he rose slightly.

"It's because you're being sweet!" I exclaimed, blinking tears from my eyes. "And I don't know why I'm so damn emotional. I was never this way until I met you. It's annoying."

Ash chuckled, relief easing into his features. "It's cute."

"I completely disagree with that statement," I muttered, pulling myself together. "But back to the riders. They said I didn't slay the monster, but I did wound it."

A moment passed. "Did they find you worthy?"

"They did. So, I can now call on them if I want to end the realms." I rolled my eyes. "Or something."

"Well, that's a relief," he remarked, earning a sidelong glance from me. "But I'm not surprised. Because what I've sensed in you is not cruelty, Sera. That is not what feeds this monster you speak of."

I almost asked him what did but stopped myself. What Ash sensed in me now was totally influenced by how he felt about me, and I didn't need my intuition to tell me that.

The truth was, Ash was right about some of the stuff he said. I wasn't evil. Kolis, Kyn, and even Veses were . None of them had started out that way, but they'd become evil. Me? I felt like I was somewhere in the middle of good and evil, teetering on a fine line. And I couldn't help but think that the true Primal of Life should be all good. Or, at the very least, mostly good.

Like Ash.

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

"I…I was just thinking about you," I said after a moment. "Like how your father wanted you to be the true Primal of Life. Everyone here wanted that."

But something went wrong when Eythos struck that deal with the desperate Roderick Mierel and placed the embers and Sotoria's soul in my bloodline. I wasn't reborn as Sotoria , and the embers became mine. Those two things were only the start of what had gone sideways with Eythos's plan.

"They were expecting me to Ascend to be the true Primal of Life, but I didn't," he said, propping his cheek up with a fist. "You did. There is no changing that, Sera."

"I get that. I'm just…" Words I shouldn't speak bubbled up. "I never desired to be a Queen or to rule anything or anyone." I sat up then, pulling my knees to my chest. Ash followed suit as I said, "I never wanted that kind of power, and I still don't. But I understand this cannot be changed. I just don't know how I'm supposed to be a Queen, let alone the Primal of Life."

Extending an arm, he brushed his fingers over the curve of my cheek. A faint charge of energy followed the contact. "Just be yourself."

I barked out a short laugh. "Really? Do you think that's good advice? Because being myself usually ends with me punching someone when they irritate me, and that doesn't sound like queenly behavior."

His lips twitched. "Depending on how irritating they are, I'm not sure I'd have a problem with that. But that's not all you are."

"Ah, yes. When I don't want to punch someone, I'm panicking and thinking I can't breathe," I said as he tucked a few strands of hair behind my ear. "And yes, I know I'm saying this stuff because I'm anxious. But knowing that doesn't mean I can stop myself from thinking it." I huffed out an aggravated breath. "You'd think Ascending into the true Primal of Life would mean I wouldn't have to deal with out-of-control anxiety anymore."

"This anxiety?" he said. "I told you before that Lathan experienced something similar."

My heart ached at the mention of the friend who'd been killed while watching over me in the mortal realm. Lathan used to experience the feeling of not being able to breathe before falling asleep as a child, leading him to believe it was the sekya . Obviously, that wasn't the case. It had been all the things that lingered in the back of his mind, catching up to him when his thoughts were finally quiet—something I had firsthand experience with. The godling hadn't grown out of it. He had simply learned to manage it. How? I wished I knew because not even my new ability of foresight spewed out the answer.

"It didn't make him weak or somehow less than," Ash continued. "As I told you before, he was as strong and recklessly brave as you are. The anxiety he had was just a part of him. Like it's only another part of you."

"There sure are a lot of parts to me," I mumbled.

"But the rest of who you are?" he continued, skipping over my comment. "The rest of you is brave and strong. Clever, loyal, and far kinder than you give yourself credit for. You were more than worthy of being a Consort to the Shadowlands, and you are more than worthy of being the true Primal of Life and the Queen of the Gods."

Giving his words time to sink in, I hoped they stuck. "Thank you."

"You don't need to thank me for speaking the truth," he said, slipping his fingers through the strands of my hair. "Nor should you ever feel like something is wrong with you—especially when it comes to this. Anyone would be nervous."

"Would you?"

"Yes."

The corners of my lips compressed as I shot him a sideways look.

"I would be, Sera. It's a lot of responsibility to carry." His fingers sifted through my hair some more. "It's a lot of power."

It was a lot of power. And authority that could be wielded in the worst ways. Kolis was proof of that. Still, anyone could fall prey to misuse. Common sense told me that my temperament would likely make me more vulnerable to such.

But it wasn't merely an abuse of power where things could go wrong. It was also the failure to use that authority and know when and how. Would my intuition kick in and guide me? Or would that also be something I had to figure out? I didn't know, and it all sort of terrified me.

"What are you thinking?" Ash asked quietly, curling strands of my hair around a finger.

"I…I don't know." My eyes closed. That was a lie. "I just don't want to disappoint anyone."

"You won't," he stated without a second of hesitation.

"I feel like you have to say that."

His forehead creased. "No, I don't."

"You're my husband," I pointed out. "So, yes, you do."

"I want to be supportive because I'm your husband. Not because I have to," he corrected, and I thought I melted a little right there. "And while I don't know much about relationships, I think I know enough to recognize that lying to you isn't being supportive."

I didn't know much about relationships either, but I thought he was right.

"I know they will not be disappointed in you, Sera." He tugged gently on the strand of hair he toyed with. "Ask me how I know."

"How do you know?"

"You have these knee-jerk reactions when it comes to your well-being," he said. "Reacting first and thinking about all the possible consequences afterward."

I started to frown because none of that really sounded like a good personality trait.

"But you don't when it concerns others," he said.

That wasn't always true.

"You thought about it," he continued, "taking what you felt and what the realms may need, and met it halfway. That is how you have earned respect and loyalty from the gods here, Sera. You've done so by fighting beside them to defend the Shadowlands more than once and risking yourself to keep them and their home safe."

"I only did what any halfway-decent person would do."

"Most people, be they god or mortal, say they would be the hero and ignore their instinct for self-preservation to rush in and defend others. Even good people believe that about themselves. But the truth is, their instinct for self-preservation is too great. What they say they would do is not what they will do. It's only what they have convinced themselves." He touched my cheek. "So, no. You didn't do what any half-decent person would do. You did far more despite the monstrous parts you may have. You always have."

I looked away, feeling my cheeks warm at his unwarranted praise. The way he saw me was a version of myself I wanted to live up to.

"I'm going to ask you what you asked me before," he said, pulling me from my thoughts. "What will you do about the Chosen?"

"Seriously?" I asked.

"Yes. Seriously. The Chosen were something you were clearly concerned about before. You are now in a position to change how things are done once Kolis is dealt with."

I opened my mouth to answer, but the realization that I would be able to do something about the Chosen struck me silent. He wasn't asking to hear my irrelevant, at-the-end-of-the-day opinion.

Gods, this felt far more real than being summoned to prove myself worthy to the riders.

I tightened my arms around my legs as my mind bounced all over the place. "I…I saw some of the Chosen while in Dalos . Some appeared to be in positions where they served the gods. They still wore white and remained veiled. Others didn't." I could still see Jacinta and the god, Evan, that Kolis had manipulated me into killing— easily . He'd manipulated me. I swallowed. "Kolis said he gave the Chosen a choice: remain cloistered and be Ascended, or not. Those who chose not to act as servants could spend time with others. I didn't see any being forced to be intimate, but I also knew they weren't valued. I saw Callum kill one without hesitation. So, I know that just because I didn't see anyone being treated poorly, it doesn't mean it wasn't happening."

"I believe Kolis spoke the truth about giving them a choice," Ash said. "But I've seen the limitations of that choice with my own eyes."

I nodded. Too many had seen it for themselves. And then there was Gemma, one of the Chosen Ash had rescued. She had been so traumatized by what she'd experienced in Dalos that after spotting a god from there, she'd panicked and run into the Dying Woods, nearly losing her life. Actually, she did lose her life. I'd brought her back.

A lot of evil happened in Dalos that I hadn't been able to see.

"But it will not be that way under your rule," Ash pointed out. "If you choose to continue with the Rite."

I thought about it. "My immediate answer is to end it. As I said before, what the Chosen go through before they are brought to Iliseeum is bad enough. But you said it wasn't always that way." I lifted my gaze to him. "Right?"

"Right," he confirmed. "When my father ruled, the Chosen were not prevented from interacting with others, and they only went to the Temples the year of their Ascension, where they were taught the customs of Iliseeum ."

Customs of Iliseeum ? I hadn't really seen any of them, but I figured they were something else that went out the window during Kolis's reign. "You also said that the purpose of bringing in the Chosen and Ascending them to godhood was to ensure there were always gods serving in each Court that remembered what it was like to be mortal."

Ash nodded.

"And that is necessary." I folded an arm across my now-unsettled stomach. "So, I think I would continue with the Rite, but only if the third sons and daughters choose to be Ascended." A thread of excitement wove its way through me. "Like they would have until the year they would've entered the Temples under your father's rule to decide if that is what they want."

"Okay."

"And they could change their minds at any time," I added. "Well, up until the point they Ascend—wait." My eyes widened. "That means I would have to Ascend them."

"It does."

"Do you know how your father Ascended them?" I asked, wondering if what Kolis had said was true.

"The same way I Ascended you," he answered.

Another thing Kolis hadn't lied about.

"As for the Rite, that's how I thought you would answer," Ash said. "That is also why I know you will do right by Iliseeum and the mortal realm," he said. "I will not be the only one who sees this."

I nodded slowly, my heart thumping. Perhaps now that there was a true Primal of Life, the other Primals would be more likely to end their support of Kolis.

His gaze flickered over my face. "But you have to see it, too."

Gods. I wanted to believe that, as well as everything else he'd said, but it was hard. And I spent far too many years feeling like a disappointment to my family. It'd become what I expected. I wanted to have the kind of faith in myself that Ash had in me. I needed to try, though. If I didn't, I would mess up.

I would be that monster.

" Liessa ," Ash called softly.

I turned my head toward him. "I know you said I shouldn't say this, but I'm going to anyway. Thank you."

Ash sighed.

I fought a grin as I tucked my chin against my knees, but I could feel his gaze on me. He was worried, likely sensing that I didn't carry the same level of faith in myself and wanted to push. It was time to change the subject. "This was an entirely too-serious conversation to have while naked. Good thing none of that matters. You know what does?" I latched onto the first non-related thing that popped into my mind.

"I have a feeling whatever you're about to say won't matter more than what I have to say," he replied.

"That's rude. And you're also wrong."

"Prove it."

"Your cock."

Ash leaned away, his mouth open, though he was clearly at a loss for how to respond.

"It's bigger when you're in your Primal form," I continued.

He blinked. "Is it? I never noticed."

"Really?" I replied dryly. "It's noticeably bigger, Ash. There's no need for modesty."

He chuckled, and I started to relax the moment I heard it. "Now I'm curious as to which cock you prefer."

"I don't know," I teased, unfurling my legs. "I'll have to think about that before I make up my mind."

"You can do that." Ash's hand landed on my side, then slid to my hip. His gaze followed. His grip firmed. "But I have a better idea."

"And what is that?"

Ash shifted onto his back and lifted me so I straddled him. "I can help you make up your mind."

I gasped, feeling him harden beneath me. And then he helped. Or at least he tried. There was no choosing between his two forms.

Both were perfect.

I stood alone, eyes closed, taking in the silence of the bathing chamber after cleaning myself in the water Ash had reheated.

As determined as I was to be responsible, I had failed gloriously. Ash and I had spent most of the day in bed once again, and the only things we'd accomplished were sleeping and sex. The sky had darkened before we finally decided to get it together.

Ash had left to find some food—thank the gods. I was starving. Not much time had passed, but he hadn't yet returned. I figured that whoever was currently present in the House of Haides wanted to know what had happened overnight and hear from Ash himself that I was not only awake but also fully aware of who I was.

Which was Seraphena Mierel , daughter of King Lamont and Queen Calliphe . A once-unnamed Princess and the savior of a kingdom that never knew I existed. A blank canvas—part assassin and part seductress. A figure of hope and of failure. But I couldn't be her any longer. Now, I just had to be me .

A wife.

The Queen.

And the true Primal of Life.

Kolis must be infuriated .

At the thought of the Primal of Death, red-hot anger pounded through me, mingling with the eather . Energy surged, crackling and hissing through my veins like lightning. The intensity of the power caused my breath to catch. I'd gotten used to the ebb and flow of eather , and even its intense force the handful of times I'd tapped into the essence of the Primals , but what I felt pulsing through me now was something else entirely. It was a storm of near-absolute power, hot and endless like the very sun itself. The air in the bathing chamber charged, causing my skin to hum. The rush of energy felt destructive, capable of creating true chaos if unleashed.

But I didn't think the Primal of Life was meant to be a being of chaos and destruction, so I drew in a deep breath and held it. I willed my heart to slow because far more dangerous, stifling emotions simmered beneath the fury.

"I'm not there," I reminded myself, gripping the edge of the vanity. "I'm not Kolis's willing prisoner any longer. I will never be that again."

And dwelling on my time with Kolis—my time in Dalos —served no purpose when I needed to focus on figuring out what to do about the Primal of Death. He couldn't be killed. Not without a god of his original Court to Ascend. And even though Ash carried embers of death, he didn't count.

In the quiet, I searched the library of knowledge erected in my mind during stasis. There was so much information there—almost too much. Like I now fully understood why Ash and the other Primals and gods often fought with weapons instead of the Primal essence. Using that raw energy against one another impacted the realms, usually manifesting as severe weather events. The impact wasn't always immediate, but whenever it was used against another, it would build and build until the realms could no longer contain the energy. The effect and consequences wouldn't be as severe as Primals using it against one another, but there was still a price to be paid in blood.

And that was good to know. Obviously. But randomly realizing such things made it harder for me to focus on single items.

However, even if I could focus better, it wouldn't matter. Nothing came to me. No weird feelings. No answers for how to stop Kolis without destroying the realms. Sudden knowledge didn't simply pop into my head. There was just a void of humming whiteness and questions that only led to more confusion.

There had to be more to Eythos's plan. He wouldn't have risked the destruction of the realms by creating—albeit failing at—the only weapon that could kill Kolis without knowing something could be done about the embers of death.

But even if we figured out a way, it required using Sotoria . Again. And, gods, she deserved to be at peace. Not forced to be reborn yet again, only to be used as a tool with no autonomy. I'd lived that life, and I didn't know if I could be a part of allowing another to do so. Especially someone who had already been forced to live far too many lives.

Kolis and what to do with Sotoria weren't the only things I needed to figure out, though. I also needed to learn how to, well, act like an actual Queen and be the true Primal of Life.

To find the faith Ash had in me, within myself. To be better. Less monstrous and…knee-jerky.

And not do what I desperately wanted to do, which was find Ash and demand that we seize Dalos and lay waste to any Primal who stood against us—especially Kyn for what he had done to Ector, Orphine , Aios , and so many others.

Eather thrummed beneath the surface as I closed my eyes. I could do it, too. I could Ascend gods in their Courts to replace those who fell, ensuring minimal impact to the mortal realm. I could take control, releasing the Chosen and any draken Kolis had forced into servitude.

But that was the part of me I hadn't slain talking.

Doing something like that would start a bloody war. Innocent gods and draken in the Shadowlands and throughout Iliseeum would die. It would spill over into the mortal realm, costing countless lives.

And as the true Primal of Life, none of that should feel as right as it did.

But as Ash had said, there was no changing this. And he was right. I didn't need intuition to tell me there would be no abdicating the throne. There would be no period of adjustment. This was my present and future, and there wasn't time to pretend that my entire existence and that of the realms hadn't changed—or freak out in a spiral of self-doubt.

So, I needed to be…well, less like the version of me who could lie as easily as I could kill. I couldn't continue being the temperamental, anxiety-ridden mess I was. Sure, Ash accepted all of that, even the part where I had attempted to kill him. He accepted me . But this was bigger than me—than us. I had the gods to think of now. The draken . Mortals. I needed to be better.

And standing in a bathing chamber with my eyes closed while giving myself the worst pep talk in history wasn't where I should have started.

Taking another deep breath, I opened my eyes. The first thing I saw was the golden swirl of the marriage imprint on the top of my right hand. The sight helped to calm me. I lifted my gaze to the mirror.

Oh, dear.

My hair was a nearly silver, pale-blond nightmare. Wet, tangled curls and waves fell past my shoulders, brushing the curve of my waist. I was so not looking forward to attempting to brush out the knots. My gaze shifted to my face. I looked the same as I had before: freckled, stubborn jaw, slightly pointy chin, arched brows. But the pallor and bruises I had while in Dalos were gone.

I lifted my upper lip to reveal two canines barely longer than before. Tentatively, I prodded at one of them with my tongue and immediately winced as I nicked it. They were definitely sharper, even if they were, at least according to Ash, small.

Nothing else had changed about me except for the fangs—

"Holy gods," I whispered, my lips parting in surprise.

The fangs weren't the only thing that was different about me. My eyes had changed, too. I leaned in closer to the mirror as if that would somehow change what I saw.

It didn't.

I looked past the glow behind my pupils. The aura had been there leading up to my Ascension, so that wasn't unexpected.

My eyes were still green—well, sort of. Streaks of silver now splintered the irises, giving them an almost shattered effect.

I blinked once and then several times, but the shimmery lines of silver remained. My heart rate kicked up, and the streaks and flecks brightened .

How had Ash and Nektas not mentioned this?

I pushed back from the vanity and forced a dry swallow. "Well. Okay, then." I nodded jerkily. "This…this is also who I am now. I can deal with it." My chin lifted. "I will deal."

And I would.

Because I had to.

The realms depended on it.