CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

"The sekya …" Rhain said, shattering the tense silence. "Did all of them leave the Abyss?"

"They did." Ash looked up as two draken flew overhead, their shadows deepening the night as they landed on the Rise.

My heart lurched. "How many were there?"

His attention returned to the guard's remains. "About a thousand, give or take a couple hundred."

Good gods. "Do I want to know how many made it out of the Shadowlands?"

"I would say about seventy-five percent," he answered.

"I almost regret asking," I murmured. "I couldn't kill them with eather ."

"No, you could not. Only a Primal of Death can kill them with eather ," Ash explained. "And I have just enough of those embers to get the job done."

I glanced at the draken . It was Ehthawn and Crolee . "Not even the draken ?"

"Not even them," he confirmed. "The sekya would've swarmed any draken who came to our aid, and they're capable of severely injuring even one as old as Nektas ."

"Gods," I muttered.

Ash's eather -drenched gaze locked on mine. "And they can do a lot of damage to a Primal, especially a newly Ascended one," he said, his gaze sweeping over me. "Without a weapon."

I tensed as my thoughts went immediately to the dagger he'd gifted me.

"She held her own and then some," Bele spoke up. "With or without a weapon."

Ash's gaze slid to the Primal while I shifted from one foot to the other. I appreciated Bele coming to my defense, but the thing was, I had come out to fight without a weapon, and that was idiotic.

The essence in me swirled, responding to Ash's. Outwardly, he appeared to be calming—the shadows weren't as thick. But the inside was a different story, and his barely leashed anger had much more to do with what had happened here than it did with me.

These were our people strewn across the courtyard, and even if Kolis had only summoned the sekya to him without giving them orders to attack, he knew that many of them would. Because intuition told me the creatures' bloodline was old. They had been created by the Ancients themselves. Just as the dakkais were. And their nature reflected that of their creators.

Hunger and cruelty.

This was Kolis's fault, and I was sure that knowledge fueled Ash's rage. It fed mine as I turned. Kolis was strengthening his defenses, likely in preparation for giving his answer to the offer I made. There was still time left in the eirini —at least a week—but he was already preparing for us.

For war.

I stood there for several moments in the moonlight, staring at the splashes of blood tainting the newly grown grass. The wildly churning essence calmed as a sudden prickling sensation erupted along the nape of my neck. Before I knew it, I was crossing the courtyard. I entered the palace, the stone cold beneath my feet. It was as if I were being urged forward. I didn't think it was my heightened intuition. It felt more like the eather inside me. The Primal essence continued to intensify, throbbing in the pit of my chest. I walked beneath the crystal chandelier, making out the low murmur of several voices and another sound—one too muffled for me to make out.

Crossing under the wide, sharply pointed archway, I smelled the iron-rich scent of blood. I passed the empty, white marble pedestal and the closed doors on either side of the area. Reaching where the hall split in two, I went right without much thought. It was like I already knew where to go.

And I was right.

The sound of voices picked up as I entered the palace's right wing, where the doors to the various, mostly unused chambers were closed. I kept going, reaching another branch in the hall, one where one path led outside and the other to a narrower hall with fewer but larger spaces. They had been completely empty when I'd explored the palace with Jadis and Reaver.

I went down the hall, my fingers digging into the soft velvet of my robe. Halfway down, I saw that two doors were open. I picked up my pace, the eather buzzing hotly through my veins. I jerked to a halt when I stepped into the dull light spilling out of the chamber.

I took in the horror of the space. Gods were extraordinarily hard to kill, given only a handful of things could kill them— shadowstone to the heart or the head, a blast of eather from a stronger god or Primal, draken fire.

And massive bodily damage inflicted by any creature created by the Ancients.

The dakkais and sekya were only two of them. The knowledge I'd gained during my Ascension warned me there were more—truly nightmarish things. But gods weren't infallible.

And this room was proof of that.

The large chamber had quickly been converted into an infirmary. Those wounded from the attack were laid out on thin cots—about a dozen of them. Most of the injured were unconscious. Moans came from those who weren't as Aios hurried between the cots, her arms full of bandages. She wasn't alone. A tall man with a large brown satchel was crouched beside one of the unconscious guards. I needed no introduction to recognize the light-yellowish-brown-skinned man as Kye, the Healer.

Aios had likely already been here with Bele. I had no idea how the Healer had gotten here so quickly, but I was grateful to see him.

I fully entered the chamber, my attention shifting to a guard lying just beyond the doors. She wasn't awake, but her features were still contorted in pain.

I recognized her.

It was the guard with the pretty name.

Iridessa.

Beside her shredded tunic, a pile of blood-soaked linens lay on the floor, and bright, shimmering blue-tinged red already stained the bandage across her chest.

Iridessa was alive—but barely. And I doubted whatever vial Kye had pulled from his satchel while he assisted another could reverse the damage of the sekya's claws.

A faint series of tingles erupted behind my left ear as I knelt at Iridessa's side, careful to avoid the mess on the floor. Like with the guard on the Rise, knowledge of her filled my thoughts.

She was a fighter . A goddess who'd originally served Hanan, having defected from his Court a few years back after guards sworn to protect the people of Sirta slaughtered her family. She was young compared to the others. Younger than even Ash. She'd seen a hard century of life.

Lifting my hand, I placed my palm on her uncovered shoulder. Her skin was damp beneath mine as I closed my eyes. Summoning the essence, I felt it rush to the surface. It came to me easier when used for this than it did when using it as a weapon or to move objects. I didn't really have to think much about it as I channeled the energy into the goddess. Sekya talons had punctured her lungs, her left arm was broken, and several vertebrae were cracked. The essence repaired those injuries.

The reason this was easier didn't really occur to me until Iridessa's brow smoothed out and her breathing deepened. The eather was designed to protect life. To heal. And that had shaped Eythos and even Ash before the embers were removed from him. It wasn't as strong as in his father, but the essence of life had played a role in who they each were at the very core of their being. Because it belonged to them. And that was why Eythos could forgive his brother. Why Ash felt each and every death so deeply.

Aware that my presence had gained attention, I rose and moved to the cot of another unconscious guard. Something else occurred to me. It was also why I hadn't slain the monster while with the riders.

Using the eather to heal or restore life was natural to me only because it was natural to the energy itself. But it hadn't shaped my nature.

Only I could.

If I could.

As I healed the guard beside Iridessa, I thought about what Odetta had said to me. That I had been touched by both life and death. Really, it was Sotoria's soul that had been touched by death.

Time blurred as I healed the injuries of several more guards. While doing that, I felt Ash's presence. He watched me as intently as one of Attes's silver hawks. He didn't try to stop me, simply gave me space as I moved from one cot to the next. Neither did Kye or Aios , the former flushing pinker each time I drew closer to him. When Rhahar arrived, I heard him informing Ash that the sekya hadn't headed toward Lethe. That brought me some relief.

The arm beneath my hand trembled as I healed wounds not as deep as some of the others. This guard had awakened upon my approach. His name was Liam. He was only a little older than Iridessa, and his past was nearly the same as hers, except he'd escaped Kyn to join the Shadowlands. I didn't speak as the pallor of death eased, revealing his olive-toned complexion. Neither did he. Not until I made to leave.

Liam clasped my hand. "Thank you," he rasped.

I nodded, not wanting his gratitude, as I moved to the last of the unconscious guards. My skin chilled as I reached the godling's side. Blood stained his hair to the point where I couldn't tell if the strands were normally coppery. There had been a reason I'd been avoiding him.

He was no longer with us.

His soul had left him before I entered the chamber—possibly only seconds beforehand—because Kye and Aios still seemed unaware of his passing.

I lowered myself to my knees and swept my gaze over him. His injuries were significant. If he had been mortal, his body would've been in even worse condition. Still, even as a godling, it was bad. If I had to guess, I'd say he'd been one of the guards dropped from the Rise.

Eather swelled as I stared at him. My body tensed, and then I reached for him.

A cool hand caught mine, startling my heart into skipping. My gaze flew to a pair of beautiful silver eyes. Holding my stare, Ash drew his thumb over the imprint on my palm. In the silence that followed, I realized something.

"It must be hard for you," I whispered hoarsely, thinking of his abilities. "To be around so much pain and be able to feel it."

"It's manageable," he assured me, but I couldn't see how. He had to be drowning in it.

Drawing in a shallow breath, I looked back at the man. I knew his name. The Court he originally served. How old he had been. I didn't want to know those things. I wanted him to remain a faceless, nameless stranger. It was easier that way.

Ash's other hand wrapped around mine, causing me to look down. A ripple of surprise went through me as he threaded his fingers through mine. I hadn't even realized I'd lifted my left hand.

"He's gone, liessa ," Ash stated quietly. "His soul is no longer with him."

"I know."

"Do you?" he asked quietly.

A knot lodged in my throat. I nodded.

Ash pressed a kiss to my left hand, then my right. "You've done more than enough." He straightened, holding on to one of my hands as he helped me to my feet.

As I rose, I caught Aios's gaze fastening on the fallen guard as she gathered some soiled linens. Her eyes glimmered with unshed tears. The knot in my throat increased as Ash and I turned to the doors.

The Healer stood before us. "Your Majesty." Placing a palm over his chest, Kye bowed. "Thank you for your aid."

I thought I said something appropriate and didn't just stand there, staring at him with a slack jaw. At least, I hoped I did. Kye glanced at Ash and then nodded, stepping aside.

Ash led me toward the hall, and as I looked over my shoulder when we reached the doors, I saw Kye draping a sheet over the guard.

Once in the narrow hall, Ash folded an arm around my shoulders. Wisps of shadowy eather spun out, coiling around our legs. He said nothing as we shadowstepped back to our bedchamber.

I looked up at him and remembered the anger I'd seen in his features in the courtyard. I didn't think all of it was directed at Kolis. A good ten percent was likely due to me getting involved in the sekya attack while relatively weaponless.

And, honestly, I deserved to be taken to task for that. It had been foolish of me to rush out without a weapon.

"I know what you're about to say," I began.

"I doubt you do," he said, his voice rumbling as tendrils of night coiled around his legs.

My spine stiffened. "I'm pretty sure I—" I squeaked.

Ash moved faster than I could track. His cool hand clasped my cheek, and he tilted my head back. The scent of leather mingled with citrus and iron.

Within a heartbeat, his mouth was on mine, our lips melding.

The kiss was so untamed and relentless in its passion it left my senses spinning. It wasn't just hungry. It was starved. And every part of my being immediately responded. The realm around us and all its problems vanished in an instant. His kiss had that kind of power.

Our teeth gnashed. His fangs grazed my lip, drawing an illicit shiver from somewhere deep inside me. Lifting me onto the tips of my toes and pulling me against his chest, his lips parted mine. I grasped the nape of his neck, kissing him back just as fiercely.

Ash's palm slid down, trailing over the side of my throat and then my shoulder. He backed me up and drew my tongue into his mouth, sending waves of pleasure cascading through me.

Surprise rippled as my lower back abruptly came into contact with the hard edge of a table. Ash's chest left mine, and I felt his fingers there, quickly undoing the robe's buttons. A heartbeat later, the sides gapped, and he grabbed hold of my hands, lowering them.

"Ash," I gasped.

He shoved the sleeves of the robe down, letting the garment fall to the floor. "Hmm?"

Cool air danced over the bare skin of my arms. "What are you doing?"

His mouth moved over mine once more as his hands went to my waist and then my hips. "What does it look like?"

"It looks like you're undressing me." I tipped my head back. The sight of him sent my already racing heart to fluttering.

Ash appeared mortal, but he also didn't.

Shadows churned under his skin like storm clouds. Tendrils of eather still seeped from his body. His irises were now visible, but streaks of eather pierced the silver.

He looked stunningly otherworldly as he stared at me. "That's exactly what I'm doing." Thick lashes swept down. "Unless you'd prefer I not." His head cocked as he inhaled deeply, his nostrils flaring. The tips of his fangs became visible, causing muscles low in my stomach to curl. "Though I sense you have absolutely no issue with me doing so."

The deep rumble coming from his chest heated my blood. "I don't."

"I know." His hand coasted up my side.

"I'm just surprised," I said, sucking in a shallow breath as his hand drifted higher. The thin, silk nightgown was no barrier against the coolness of his touch. A wave of shivers followed in the wake of his movements. "I didn't think undressing was what you had in mind."

"Undressing you is always what I have in mind." Cupping my breast, he grinned, and my breath caught.

My lips felt swollen as they parted. "I figured you were going to lecture me about being outside."

He drew his thumb over the peak of my breast, the hollows of his cheeks becoming sharper as my nipple beaded. "I told you that you had no idea what I was going to say."

"I sensed—" I gave a little jerk as his other hand folded around my right breast. "You were angry when you first returned."

"Was I?" he asked, watching himself draw the same response as he had seconds earlier.

A heaviness settled in my chest. It wasn't the all-too-familiar warning of anxiety but a thick, languid sensation that also bloomed between my thighs. "Yes."

"Perhaps…" he murmured, lowering himself to his knees.

My heart thudded as my hands fell to the table on either side of my hips. The sight of Ash on his knees before me never failed to stun me into silence.

He stretched a little, his head now level with my chest. "I was wrong earlier."

"About—?" I swallowed, and my entire body bowed as his mouth closed over my breast. The combination of the silk and his cool mouth was downright sinful. "About what?"

His head lifted, and he pressed a kiss to the swell of flesh above the lace. "About your senses developing faster than I expected."

It took a moment for the meaning of what he said to pierce the fog of desire. "What?"

"There is no way you sensed anger from me."

Before I could respond, his mouth moved to my right breast. He sucked deeply as his thumb and forefinger closed around the still-tingling nipple, drawing a sharp burst of dual pleasure from me. My hips twitched when he did something rather wicked with his fingers.

The shadows beneath his flesh thickened and spread. "Anger was the very last thing I was feeling."

Gripping the table, my chin fell forward as I struggled to focus on what we were talking about. "I never said I sensed anger from you."

He chuckled, nipping at my skin through the silk. "Yes, you did."

"I misspoke, then." I was breathing fast as Ash rose with fluid grace, his stare fixing on mine. The heat in his eyes scorched my skin. "You looked angry."

Tsking under his breath, he shook his head and stepped into me. His chest brushed my already sensitized breasts. "That is not how I appeared when I looked at you."

I had to crane my neck back to hold his stare. He towered over me. Anyone else crowding my space like this would've drawn out my temper, but he caused an entirely different reaction. My body throbbed with arousal as my gaze soaked in the brutal lines of his features. It was almost the same expression I'd seen in the courtyard. "You sure about that? You look the same now."

"I was angry when I saw what had happened to our people. You are correct in that sense, but that's not what I felt when I looked at you . Nor is it what I feel when I look at you now." His fingers curled under the thin straps of my nightgown. His head dipped as he tugged the lacy straps down, baring my breasts to the featherlight touch of his chest. When he spoke, his lips brushed mine. "Want to wager a guess at what I'm feeling?"

I didn't even attempt to do so as his fingers left the straps at my wrists and grazed the sides of my breasts. Nor did I try to put a stop to what he was doing. There were important things to be discussed: the sekya . Kolis. Those wounded and lost. But it was almost as if his touch, the sound of his voice, and his words had woven a sensual spell.

"When I saw you, I wasn't thinking about you being out in the courtyard, fighting alongside our people," he said against my mouth. "I asked you not to come to the Abyss, and while I would have preferred that you stayed out of trouble—"

I opened my mouth.

Ash took that exact moment to kiss me, silencing my protests regarding staying out of trouble . "I do not expect you to stand by and do nothing while those you care about are under attack." His lips brushed mine. "The moment I learned that the sekya had attacked the palace, I knew my Queen would be out there, holding her own. That is what I expect from you."

Good gods. That was possibly the hottest thing anyone had ever said to me.

" Always ," he added, dragging strands of my hair over my breasts. "What I didn't expect was what I would see when I saw you."

The way he said that caught my scattered attention. "What…what do you mean?"

"You were shining. Gold. Silver. You were ethereal." His palms coasted across my waist. "It was as if the moon and the sun had finally come together. I saw you, only you, and you were the most beautiful being I'd ever seen."

My eyes drifted shut. I leaned into the table as he urged the nightgown farther down.

"And all I could think about was how badly I wanted to be inside you," he said, and I felt his lips curve upward at the breathy sound that left me. "How I needed to be inside you."

I shuddered as desire twisted sharply deep inside my core.

His hands settled on my hips. "That was what I was thinking about in the courtyard. And as fucked up as this is, it was also what I was thinking about when I found you with the injured. You were luminous then, too. It's also what I'm thinking about now."

Without warning, he spun me around and slid one hand to my stomach. My eyes flew open as he pressed his hips against my rear. I could feel him, thick and hard. The sudden change of position had a startling effect, stirring that hidden part of me that loved it when Ash took control. It brought forth a rush of wet heat and a little seed of trepidation. The unwanted anxiety was like a noxious weed, threatening to take root, but the feel of him —of Ash and no one else—against my back kept me grounded. His hold on me was firm yet comforting as his thumb moved over my skin, just below my navel. The caress was soothing, and after a few moments, the fires that burned with a dark, welcoming heat beat back the apprehension.

When Ash dominated, I didn't know why it aroused me to a fever pitch. Or maybe I did know why I liked it like this and wasn't yet willing to face it. But I knew why I allowed him to take my hands and place them on the table. I knew why I didn't put up a fight when he bent me forward, forcing me onto the tips of my toes. I understood how I didn't panic when his large hand smoothed down the center of my back, pushing me onto the cool, glossy surface of the table.

I could give up control and let go.

Ash could take me.

And I could allow it.

Because he understood. I trusted him, and I knew I was always safe with him.

"Just do me a favor next time and take the dagger with you," he said, working his forearm between the table and my cheek.

"I…I can do that."

"Good." Ash leaned into me. His lips were cool against my jaw. " Liessa ?"

"Yes?" I breathed, staring at the open doors of the balcony beyond the pitcher and empty glasses on the table.

He lifted my gown, running his rough, calloused palm up my thigh as he used his knee to spread my legs. "I'm going to fuck my Queen."

Oh, gods.

His hand delved between my thighs, and I bit my lip hard enough to draw blood at the contrast of his cool fingers and my damp heat. At the rumble of approval that radiated from him and vibrated against my back. I shivered as his fingers brushed the taut bundle of nerves. My hips jerked, and I felt the thick head of his cock against me.

"And I'm going to do it"—his voice was a silky whisper in my ear—"just as you like it."

And he did.

I cried out as he began thrusting into me. Every inch of him sent a wave of pleasure so powerful through me that it bordered on pain. My breath quickened as he continued to fill me until not an inch of space remained between us. Gods, he…he felt bigger. I looked down at the arm beneath me, the one protecting my cheek, and saw that his shadows had nearly solidified. I could feel myself tightening all around him, and then he began to move, and the glasses started to clink softly against one another.

There was nothing slow or tentative about the way Ash took me. Each plunge of his hips was indescribable—each pull and push stimulating every nerve ending I had. I wanted to meet his thrusts, but his weight held me in place as his lips brushed across my cheek and jawline.

"I can taste your desire." His lips neared the shell of my ear as his strong body caged me in. "I'm drowning in its sweetness."

Fingers curling against the wood, I moaned as ribbons of shadows swirled along the surface of the table and around my hands. My eyes closed as I whispered, "Harder."

"Fuck," he grunted, picking up his pace and going deeper, harder . "Like this?"

"Yes," I panted, pinned firmly between him and the table, completely at his mercy. " Yes ."

He drove into me with such intensity it was both a punishment and a reward. And, gods, I loved it.

Muscles tightened low in my stomach, and I felt myself rushing toward release when Ash suddenly shifted behind me.

He straightened, folding one arm between my breasts and the other across my waist, sealing me to his chest. My feet no longer touched the floor as Ash drove into me, seamlessly stopping and thrusting, grinding against me between pushes. His fingers curled around my chin, and I clasped his arms.

The rising friction created an incredible wave of pleasure that quickly swelled. Able to move my hips just a bit, I rocked against him. It was a raw need, caressing me like soft flames, arousing a blazing fire as intense as any before it.

A tight knot of tension formed, curling and unfurling. Ash drew me down on his length, hard, holding me tightly against him.

" Liessa ," he rasped against the flesh beneath my jaw.

His head dipped, and I felt the sharp graze of his fangs at the space between my shoulder and neck as he started to shudder. It was all too much. Ash's release sent me over the edge, and I fell with a throaty shout. I came apart, fragmenting into ecstasy-soaked waves that rose and crested for what felt like a small eternity. Ash held me the entire time. He didn't let go until his breathing slowed, and he then kissed my shoulder.

"Sera," he murmured, his lips coasting up my throat and over my still wildly beating pulse.

A dual burst of lust and anxiety sliced through me. My eyes flew open as pressure clamped down on my chest, punching the air out of my lungs.

I saw gold.

Gold bars.

And I felt heat against my back. Oppressive heat instead of the comforting chill of Ash's flesh. Just for a second—no more than a heartbeat—my breath lodged in my throat—

Stop this .

I squeezed my eyes shut. Stop this now. I'm not there. I held my breath for five seconds. I am here. I exhaled slowly. I'm with Ash . I inhaled. I'm not there. As the panic loosened its grip, I slowly became aware of Ash's hand rubbing the center of my back through my nightgown. That didn't make sense. I hadn't pulled it up. Had he?

My throat tight, I opened my eyes and realized I was gripping his arm and once more staring at the open balcony doors, but it was from a much lower position, and I could feel Ash's heart pounding against my arm. It took a moment to realize that not only had Ash turned me in his arms without me realizing it and fixed the nightgown so I was covered, he'd also sat us on the couch.

Good gods. How long had I been freaking out? My heart turned over heavily. It had felt like only seconds, but clearly, it had been longer than that because I…I was in his lap, my feet dangling a few inches above the floor, and his hand was in my hair. Then I smelled—

"Lilacs," I rasped, my body shaking. "I smell stale lilacs."