CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

"Did you or did you not," I began, holding the sword straight and steady, pointed directly at the fair-haired and muscular guard's throat—"offer to train me before?"

"I did." Kars' gaze darted left and right as he answered tentatively. "But that was before."

My lips pursed as I eyed him in the bright morning sunlight. "Why is now any different?"

"Well, you see…" He glanced desperately at the other guards filling the southwestern side of the courtyard. They offered no assistance. "It's because…"

"I'm now the Queen?" I supplied for him. "Because I'm the Primal of Life? Or is it because my husband is Nyktos ?" I tipped the sword so it came within an inch of the underside of his jaw. "And you're more worried about what he will do to you if he learns you sparred with me than you are concerned with what I will do?"

"It's none of those reasons," Kars objected.

"He's lying."

Kars' narrowed-eye gaze swung to our left. "I am not lying."

"Yes, he is," the quiet voice came again. "I can smell it."

Frowning, I glanced over my shoulder at Reaver. He was seated on a large, gray boulder, his blond hair shielding most of his face as he eyed the burlap sack nestled in his lap.

Shortly after Ash had left for Vathi this morning, I'd crossed paths with Reaver and Jadis, and they had been by my side ever since. Well, he had been. Jadis…

My gaze flickered over the courtyard, looking for the girl. I found her in a few seconds.

Jadis was otherwise occupied.

The greenish-brown draken ran through the newly grown grass, trailing a strip of blue silk. I had no idea where she'd gotten that piece of cloth, which meant I probably should've kept a better eye on her than Pax, who trailed behind her.

It felt like forever since I'd seen the orphan Ash had brought into the Shadowlands nearly a decade ago. The fifteen-year-old now lived with a family in Lethe but spent a decent amount of time in the palace, doing odds-and-ends jobs. He eagerly tackled those tasks, and I thought it was because he liked being around Ash and wanted to prove himself useful. Maybe even show gratitude.

I refocused on Reaver. "You can smell it?"

"It's in his sweat." Reaver reached into the sack and rooted around. "The stench changes."

"What the fuck?" Kars muttered.

"Language," I warned him. "There are younglings present."

Kars' mouth dropped open. "Five minutes ago, you shouted that very same word."

"I did not."

"Really?" Kars replied dryly.

I had, in fact, yelled it. At the top of my lungs, too. But that was because I'd decided that my time was better spent training instead of pacing and waiting for Ash to return so we could go to the Thyia Plains and speak with Keella —who he'd sent word to this morning. When I first approached Bele and asked her to train with me, she had, without warning, thrown a godsdamn dagger at my head right before running back into the palace like some kind of psychotic woodland nymph—

Which reminded me of those Nektas and I had seen when we returned from the Vale. I wondered if they had changed after the balance was restored. Returning to…well, non-psychotic versions of themselves.

I needed to check on that later.

"You must be imagining things," I said.

Reaver giggled, and the sound was so unexpected that it drew Kars' and my attention.

The godling's lips curled into a smile. "By the way." Kars pointed his sword at Reaver. "I do not stink."

"You can't smell it, but I can." Reaver pulled a glistening red apple from the sack—his fourth or fifth of the morning. "Your scent becomes more…bitter."

I wondered if I should intervene with his snacking because that seemed like a whole lot of apples. But apples were healthy, weren't they?

"You are the Queen and the true Primal of Life. None of them will want to fight you," Reaver said, sounding far too wise for his age. He bit into the apple with a crunch. "And he's worried what Nyktos will do."

I faced Kars, raising an eyebrow.

"Someone needs to fight with her," Reaver added before Kars could respond. "If not, she's gonna start pacing again."

I would.

"It's because she worries a lot," he went on between mouthfuls of apple. "Even though she'll say she doesn't."

I opened my mouth.

Half the apple was already gone. "I can sense when you lie, too," he said, which I already knew. I was trying not to be anxious around him. "Your sweat changes, too." His upper lip curled. "It becomes tangy."

I stared at the draken , resisting the urge to sniff myself. "You know—"

A shrill screech interrupted us as one of the palace side doors opened, and Aios stepped out with Bele.

Well, I finally knew where Jadis had gotten that piece of silk. It matched the missing lower section of the blue gown Aios wore.

I shifted my attention back to Reaver. The little brat had been mostly correct with his earlier statement about my pacing. If I didn't do something, I would get stuck in my head, and I didn't want to be where I would stress over how things were going between Ash and Attes , if I had made the right choice by offering Kolis a deal, and how the upcoming meeting with the Primals would go. And if I wasn't thinking about any of that, I was half-afraid my mind would end up revisiting my time in Dalos .

And I didn't need that in my life.

I also didn't need Reaver pointing out every time I lied. "Perhaps you should assist with Jadis," I suggested.

Reaver's eyes widened. "I'd rather not." He clutched the burlap sack. "She'll want to eat all my apples."

"You mean there are actually some left?"

He nodded earnestly. "She always eats my apples."

"And would that be a problem? I think you've had enough," I said. "For a lifetime."

"Nek said you can't ever eat too many apples," he argued.

I started to explain that Nektas probably didn't mean he should eat a dozen of them but decided against it. I had a feeling I'd have an even harder time convincing Reaver of that than getting Kars to fight me.

Turning back to Kars, I spotted Saion. As he crossed the courtyard, he cut a striking figure in a sleeveless, dark gray tunic. I was surprised to see him since he had spoken of surveying some of the lands for crops after the meeting with Attes .

An easy smile appeared on his handsome face as he approached. "Heard you were looking to do some damage."

Curious as to exactly how he'd heard that, I shifted my grip on the sword. "I wouldn't say I was looking to do any damage."

The curve of his lips kicked up a notch as he nodded at Kars and then focused on me. "Walk with me?"

The look of relief on Kars' face didn't pass me by. "Sure."

Saion extended an arm toward the section of the Rise opposite where Jadis was. "You can leave the sword."

Sighing, I thrust the blade into the grass. The god ducked his chin, coughing faintly in a poor attempt to hide his laugh. I frowned as Kars pivoted, practically running toward the rest of the guards as they gradually dispersed.

"I'll be here," Reaver announced, pulling yet another apple from the bag. "Waiting."

Nodding, I joined Saion and fell into step beside him. "That has to be his sixth apple."

"Only six?"

My head snapped toward him.

"I've seen him eat fifteen in one sitting."

"Good gods," I murmured.

"Draken have crazy appetites," he reminded me, tilting his chin. The sunlight glanced off his warm brown cheek. "Especially when they're this young. They'll eat you out of house and home if you're unprepared."

"No doubt."

"By the way, a little bird told me what you were up to," he said, squinting as he turned his gaze to the pale blue sky.

"Uh-huh." My lips pursed. "And does this little bird also happen to be a guard?"

"I'll never tell." He winked, and my eyes rolled. "But the chirping this bird did wasn't out of malicious intent. Only concern."

"Can we stop pretending that you were speaking to a bird?" I asked. "And get to the point where I tell you I'm completely fine and capable of training, even though I just completed my Ascension?"

"Oh, I know you're more than capable of training and fighting." He stopped as we reached the shadow of the Rise. "The concern wasn't regarding your well-being."

"Kars?" When he nodded, my frown deepened. " Nyktos wouldn't have done anything to him." I saw the look of doubt cross his features. "Okay. I wouldn't allow him to do anything."

"No, you wouldn't allow that." He rested a hand on the hilt of the sword at his hip. "But I'm not talking about Nyktos ."

"Then what…?" I stiffened. "You're talking about me? I wouldn't hurt Kars."

"You wouldn't intend to hurt him," he corrected gently. "But you could."

I opened my mouth.

"You brought life back to the Shadowlands overnight. That is how powerful you are now, and that kind of power will also affect you physically. You don't know your own strength, Sera. And that will take you a bit to learn. The same goes for a god once they complete their Ascension." His gaze met mine. "Even Nyktos didn't train with gods for a while after completing his Ascension. He had to make sure he fully understood his strength. What feels like a soft blow to him is like a sucker punch through the guts to one of us, and that's not an exaggeration," he said. "One hit from you, the true Primal of Life, and you would've likely broken Kars' arm."

If not worse went unsaid.

"I…" I didn't know what to say as my stomach sank. "I didn't know."

"Probably just hasn't been a topic that's come up yet."

I hadn't mentioned thinking about training to Ash before he left. He probably would have said something if I had, but… "It didn't even cross my mind." A bit of shame scalded my cheeks as I focused on the glossy surface of the Rise. I should've been more considerate. "And it should have, but I wasn't thinking beyond occupying my time." And my mind , I silently added. But it was more than that. " Nyktos doesn't rely on the essence when fighting. None of you do. I want to make sure I don't either."

"I get you." His chin lifted. "Fighting is a lot of muscle memory, but it's not something one retains any real skill for without practice."

"Yeah." I shifted my weight. "And I've been out of practice for…" I cleared my throat as I watched the clouds momentarily blot out the glimmer of the stars. Everyone knew how long. "It's been a while."

" Nyktos will work with you," he said. "After all, he enjoys getting his ass kicked by you."

Cracking a grin, I forced myself to meet his gaze. "Thank you for coming to say something. If you hadn't, I probably would've done some damage." I swallowed a sigh and scanned the sparring guards. "I think I owe Kars an apology."

"I don't know if that's necessary."

"It is." I inhaled deeply, squaring my shoulders. "He was trying to tell me why he couldn't train with me, but I wasn't listening. I should have."

Saion didn't respond. I glanced at him and found him watching me as if I'd sprouted a third hand from the center of my forehead. "What?" I asked.

"Nothing." He blinked and looked away. A moment passed. "You know what? It's not nothing. I was thinking that you've changed. You're not so irrational."

My brows shot up. "Wow."

A sheepish look crossed his features. "But then I realized you weren't always irrational. Just prone to moments of irrationality."

"If this is supposed to be a compliment, you're failing," I stated.

"You've always been thoughtful, though." His stare came back to mine. "Considerate of others. I don't think we always saw that. Except for Ector."

Feeling my heart squeeze, it was my turn to look away. "If I were truly considerate, you wouldn't have had to intervene."

"I don't agree with that." A moment passed. "Your Majesty."

I shot him an arch look.

"I don't think being considerate means always doing the right thing. If that were the case, none of us would be," Saion said, scratching his chin. "I think it sometimes means acknowledging when you should've been more considerate and then doing it. You—" A shout from across the courtyard drew our attention. "What the…?"

Jadis was hopping on her hind legs, clutching that strip of blue material in one hand as she spat short bursts of silver flames toward Bele. The Primal stood with her arms crossed, her features pinched in a way that said she was utterly done with whatever was happening while Pax grinned from where he sat, safely behind the draken .

"Jade, baby," Aios called out to the youngling. "Don't scare Bele."

Bele scowled, but Jadis stopped, screeching happily as she threw herself onto the several-inch-tall grass. Two thin legs stuck straight up as she waved the slip of blue material like a victory flag.

Pax grinned wider.

Behind Bele, Rhahar looked like he wanted to run face-first into the shadowstone wall.

"Man," I murmured, shaking my head. "Children— draken or not—are absolutely terrifying."

Saion chuckled. "That, they are." He glanced over at me. "By the way, I did have another reason for coming out here. Rhain is looking for you."

My stomach dipped. "What for?"

"Not sure," Saion said, "but he said it was important."

" Seraphena ."

I opened my eyes. "What?"

"Have you been listening to me at all?" Rhain demanded.

"Of course." Tilting my head from where it rested on the arm of the chair, I slid a quick look at Reaver.

He grinned, returning his attention to the piece of parchment the god had given him that he'd been scribbling on. Reaver had followed me when I went to find Rhain while Jadis was still, well, I imagined terrorizing Aios and Bele.

I smiled.

"I find that hard to believe when you appear half-asleep," Rhain stated. "And rather uncomfortably."

"I'm not half-asleep, and it's perfectly comfortable," I grumbled, pushing up with an obnoxiously loud sigh. I then sat like an adult in the chair. "Happy?"

"Thrilled," he deadpanned.

My eyes narrowed on the god. We had vastly different ideas about what was important.

When Saion said that Rhain wanted to see me, my mind immediately went to the worst-case scenario: that he wanted to talk about how I had convinced Kolis to free him, even though that seemed unlikely. As it turned out, he'd wanted to go over the day-to-day functions of the palace.

Adjusting the bound parchment in his lap, Rhain leaned back. "Since you weren't half-asleep, you should be able to tell me what I've said."

"You were talking about…" What had he been talking about? "You were saying something about…cleaning."

One eyebrow rose.

"Is that wrong?"

"Technically? No."

I smirked.

"But you're only in the general vicinity of what I was talking about," he said, tapping the slender quill against the parchment. "I know you weren't listening. I called your name three times before you heard me."

I clamped my mouth shut, only grazing the inside of my lips with my fangs this time.

"I was speaking about how there really hasn't been any household management."

I nodded. I had heard him say something like that.

"No actual schedule for any of the staff, be it for cooking or cleaning ," he continued. "In other Courts, it typically falls to the Chosen to organize such things." He stopped and frowned. "Or it used to. But it has been Aios and…was Ector," he said, and my heart twisted sharply, "who handled it in the past."

"I haven't seen any staff here besides Pax and Baines," I said, referencing the stable hand. "And I think I've only ever seen one of the cooks once. Valrie ."

"Exactly," he replied. "That's my point. Nyktos has never really focused on those areas."

It wasn't for lack of caring. Instead, it was due to the exact opposite. Ash hadn't wanted staff in his house at all since Kolis could target them.

"I think it's time we establish household management."

My brows lifted. "And you thought I'd be the person to talk to about it?"

"I know a Queen doesn't oversee such—"

"It has nothing to do with being a Queen and everything to do with me having no household experience," I said. "I wasn't exactly raised to be a lady of the house."

Rhain pinched the bridge of his nose. "I wasn't suggesting that you personally oversee such things. And if you had been listening, you would know that."

"Oh," I murmured, starting to sink into my chair as Reaver's grin went up a notch.

"I said we'd hire someone to do it," he said. "And since you don't know the people here, and we will likely be busy in the coming weeks, I was also going to suggest we ask Aios to assist with that."

"You think she'll want to do that?"

"I wouldn't have suggested her if I didn't," he replied.

"Then it's fine with me."

Rhain wrote something down. "Whoever Aios determines is fit to run the household should live on-site, and the option to do so should be offered to any of the staff."

"Do you think it's wise for us to start bringing in staff now? All things considered?"

Rhain got what I was referencing without me having to say it. "I think it's time to start living free of Kolis's shadow."

I agreed with that sentiment, but we weren't free. We were far from it.

"I think we should bring in staff, as long as Nyktos is okay with it. But things ," I said, nodding at Reaver's bowed head, "will need to be settled first before we allow anyone to live here."

"Agreed."

As Rhain reviewed how the staff would be paid, I watched Reaver scribbling away. We were making plans, which felt both amazing and terrifying. Even a bit risky. Like we might jinx ourselves.

"You're not listening again." Rhain sighed. "Look, I know you probably have a lot of stuff on your mind, and this feels like the last thing you need to be considering right now—"

"I wouldn't say it's the last thing." I tapped my fingers on the arms of the chair. "But yes, I do have a lot on my mind."

A moment passed, and then he asked, "Do you want to talk through those things?"

I huffed out a dry laugh.

"It's a genuine offer," Rhain insisted. "And not an entirely altruistic one."

"Really?" I drawled.

"Yes. Maybe you can focus if you get out whatever is on your mind." He paused. "Though I feel focusing isn't one of your strong suits."

I snorted.

With another heavy sigh, the tapping of his quill increased. Glancing over at him, our eyes met. We both quickly looked away. I rose from the chair. "That neat talent of yours? The telepathy? Do you always need to have an item belonging to the person to do it?"

His brows squished together. "What made you even think of that?"

"I don't know," I said, lifting a shoulder. "It just popped into my head."

He blinked slowly. "To answer your question, yes. I need a token or to be in contact with them."

I thought that over as my gaze swept along the bare shelves. "So, what token of Nyktos's do you have that allows you to communicate with him?"

"What makes you think I have something of his?"

I shot him a knowing look.

Two pink splotches appeared in the center of his cheeks. "I carry a medallion."

Interest sparked. "Can I see it?"

One more heavy, ground-shaking sigh left him as he reached into the breast pocket of his tunic. Opening his fingers, he held a small silver disc. A wolf's head had been carved into the metal. The detail was intricate, down to the tufts of fur.

"It's beautiful. Who made…?" I trailed off, lifting my gaze to his. The skin beneath my ear tingled. "You did."

Rhain's eyes widened.

I straightened. "You…you also made the box Ash keeps on his bedside table."

"How did you know that?" he demanded, then cursed.

"Foresight," Reaver said what Rhain had likely surmised.

"Yeah," Rhain said, clearing his throat. "I forgot."

Reaver nodded and then returned to his drawings.

"Do me a favor," Rhain stated. "Don't use that on me."

I arched a brow as I started walking. "Wasn't planning to."

"You just did."

"It was accidental. Sometimes, things just pop into my head," I told him, reaching the pillared doors again. "I'm still trying to get a handle on it, but I will do my best not to use it."

And I meant that. Even though I was really curious why he was so worried I would seek to know more about him. Then again, he could just simply value his privacy.

"Thank you," he said. "What else were you thinking about?"

"Oh, you know. Everything." Crossing my arms, I faced him.

Rhain eyed me for several moments, clearly waiting for me to elaborate. When I didn't, he glanced down at the bound parchment. "I'm sure you're nervous about meeting with the Primals ."

"Obviously."

He grinned slightly, making me wonder how often Rhain actually smiled. "Being nervous is understandable, but just remember that you are the true Primal of Life and the Queen. I know that sounds easier said than done, but you have earned the title and the respect."

What he said struck me silent. Had I earned it? I guessed almost dying qualified as such, but I doubted many of the other Primals cared about that. To them, I was not only unproven, I also hadn't earned shit.

"There's just one more thing I didn't mention before regarding meeting with the Primals ." Rhain closed the leather folio on the bound parchment. "Yesterday, you did amazing during the speech. I have every belief that you will do the same with the Primals as long as you keep your temper in check—"

"Yeah, I wasn't planning to threaten the Primals into siding with us, but thanks for the advice."

Rhain let out what was becoming one of his infamous sighs. "I'm being serious."

"So am I." I frowned. "Why would my temper be incited?"

"Does it need a reason?"

"Funny," I said. "But contrary to what you may think, I know when not to run my mouth."

The look on his face said he doubted that.

Irritation flared. "I know you've seen me lose my temper on more than one occasion, so I get why you're doubtful, but you also have to know that I wouldn't be standing here if I didn't know how to keep myself in check."

Reaver's quill stopped again as Rhain's head flinched back. "You're right. I do know that." His gaze lowered and then returned to mine. "I'm—"

"Don't apologize. It's not necessary," I cut him off, sounding like, well, Ash. "Thank you for helping me with all of this, but I think that is enough for now," I said, then winced at the bite in my tone. "And I do mean that. Thank you."

Rhain nodded awkwardly as he stood. He started for the door but stopped beside me. He appeared to want to say something more but changed his mind. Giving me a quick bow of his head, he left the office.

Pushing the last bit of conversation between Rhain and me aside, I began pacing the length of Ash's office.

My mind kept alternating between what Rhain had said and why Ash hadn't returned yet. I'd suspected that his trip to Vathi would be an in-and-out sort of thing. He'd been gone for almost two hours. But Ash was fine. He and Attes were likely just talking.

Honestly, I hoped he and Attes were genuinely speaking to each other and talking things through. They may not have been friends before, but there had been mutual respect between them.

I looked around the office. "I need to be doing something…queenly right now."

"I hope it's not more pacing," Reaver muttered.

I shot the little smart-ass a look, which earned me a boyish giggle. Grinning, I refocused. There had to be something I could be doing. I was Queen, right? I was to be this great Primal power—

"Wait," I whispered, my lips parting. "Great Primal power."

Reaver cocked his head to the side, his eyes alert.

"The prophecy," I told him, although I doubted he had any idea what I was talking about. I hadn't thought about it, not even when I was with Aydun. "Kolis said there is a whole other part. Something about great powers stumbling and falling—" My eyes widened. "It was about the Primal of Life and Death."

"No such Primal exists," Reaver said.

"Right." I ran my fingers down my braid. "I totally forgot about that supposedly unknown part of the prophecy. The third part—the end—that wasn't seen by Penellaphe but dreamt by the Ancients."

Was it true, though? Kolis could've been lying, but I didn't think so. So, who did that part reference if he was speaking the truth? The one who would basically wipe out the other Primals . Because that was what Kolis had said he wanted to do—well, he'd claimed that initially.

And what had Aydun said? That a war among the Primals wouldn't be won until there was blood and bone. What the Ancient had said and the prophecy felt related. How, though? My intuition was unsurprisingly quiet, but I knew who'd probably know. Who could likely shine some light on what Eythos had been thinking when he devised his plan and would also know what could be done about Sotoria's soul and why Eythos had ended her second life.

"Holland," I announced, smiling. "And being the true Primal of Life, I can summon a Fate."

"Are you sure you want to do that?" Reaver asked, sounding nervous. "Summon a Fate?"

"It'll be okay," I promised. "Holland is…he's like family. The kind who spends your entire life lying to you, but still, family."

My words didn't seem to reassure Reaver, but I wasn't worried about Holland being a threat. He may be an Ancient, but he was still, well, Holland. And since he'd already talked openly about the prophecy with Ash and me, it had to be something the Fates didn't consider overstepping.

The question was, how did I summon him? Just…call out to him? The skin behind my left ear tingled. It wasn't just calling out to him. Doing so also involved using the essence. My will.

Stopping between the chair and the couch, I closed my eyes and focused on the faint thrum of eather . As an image of Holland formed in my mind, complete with the single crease between his brows, the essence pulsed intensely from my chest. "Holland," I spoke, my stomach twisting sharply as the resonance of my voice reverberated with the intertwined strands of power. "I would—" I shook my head curtly. "I need to speak with you." Pausing, I opened one eye. "Please."

Letting go of the eather , I felt it calm as I opened my other eye.

"Did it work?" Reaver asked as he scooted forward so his feet touched the floor.

"I'm not sure." I swept the tail of my braid over my chin. "I suppose we will need to wait and find out."

So, that's what we did.

We waited.

And waited some more.

Holland didn't magically appear before me.

"Maybe I did it wrong." I started to ask if I should try it again, but a sound came from the hall. A series of soft thuds.

My head swung to the closed doors, eyes narrowing. Wait, was my…?

A knock came.

"Aha!" I shouted, shoving a fist into the air. "My hearing is finally improving."

Reaver stared at me.

Grinning, I turned back to the doors. "Come in."

Reaver shifted forward as the doors opened, positioning himself so he stood half in front of me. It was a clear, protective move and made me want to hug him.

My two shadows, Rhahar and Kars, stood in the doorway. The latter shifted to the side. A guard with short, spiky dark hair and a complexion that reminded me of a smoky quartz appeared in the alcove of Ash's office. I was sure I hadn't met her before, but the name Iridessa came to mind. More information started to form, but I thought about Rhain's request not to use the foresight on him and stopped myself.

She bowed her head. "Your Majesty."

Rhahar raised a brow at me as I started to speak. "It's either that or meyaah Liessa ," he informed me, and I snapped my mouth shut. "One or the other."

"Does it really have to be one or the other?" I countered, glancing between the two. "Because I'm not like Kolis. I don't need my ego repeatedly stroked."

"Kolis is greeted as such out of fear." Rhahar's hand fell to the hilt of his sword. "And because he demands it. We address you as such because it is owed. Deserved."

I started to argue that I hadn't done anything as their Queen to deserve such, but Reaver tugged on the sleeve of my tunic.

"Yes?"

" You are respected," he said in that quiet, far-too-wise voice for one as young as he was. "And Nek told me that acknowledging the thoughts and emotions of others is how you repay their respect with yours."

I stared at the youngling, my lips pursing. The fact that a ten-year-old was giving me sage advice was probably a good indication that I had a lot of maturing to do.

"Okay," I said, turning back to the two guards. "I won't continue to complain."

Rhahar ducked his chin, but not before I saw a look that said he didn't quite believe that.

Couldn't blame him.

I faced the other guard. "I don't believe we've met before."

"No, we haven't," she said, her bright amber gaze meeting mine. "I'm Iridessa."

"That's a pretty name," I said.

"Thank you." Pink blossomed on her cheeks, spreading across the small bridge of her nose. She was clearly as good at accepting compliments as I was. "Some visitors are quite insistent that they speak with you."

Rhahar's expression hardened at once. "Who is it?" he asked before I could.

"It is the goddess Penellaphe ," answered Iridessa. "And a man named Ward."