CHAPTER ONE

Ash's voice coaxed me from sleep. Feeling my pounding heartbeats slow, I forced a dry, almost painful swallow. My throat felt like I'd been screaming for days—years, even. But I hadn't screamed since the City of the Gods. Not since Dalos .

Cool lips brushed my cheek, and I immediately rolled toward the comfort of a long, hard body. An arm lifted, giving me the space to nestle against his chest.

All the tension left me as I relaxed into him. That was his effect on me. I calmed. Every part of me.

Letting my hand rest against his side, I pressed my lips to the hollow of his throat. "I didn't mean to doze off."

Ash's lips brushed the top of my head. "It's okay, liessa ."

Something beautiful .

Something powerful .

Every damn time he spoke that word, it washed over me like a gentle caress, filling my heart with an acute sense of belonging, of being wanted and cherished—two things I'd spent my whole life desperately wanting to feel.

"You were dreaming," he said quietly.

My stomach clenched. Had I shouted something? Was that why my throat felt scratchy? "I…I was?"

There was a pause. "You don't remember?"

"No," I lied, my skin prickling. "Was I, like, doing something weird?"

His lips coasted over my forehead once more. "No, liessa . You were just restless."

Oh, thank the gods.

I snuggled into him, trying to turn him into my personal cooling blanket. "How long was I asleep?"

"Not long at all." Ash folded his arm over my waist. "Less than thirty minutes."

Nuzzling the crook of his neck, I smiled. "Why do I have a feeling you're lying?"

"Because I am."

A raspy laugh left me, and his arm flexed, briefly tightening around me. "So, you were just trying to make me feel better about falling asleep after being in stasis for days?"

"The kind of sleep you experienced isn't necessarily restful," he explained with a level of patience I wasn't even remotely capable of. "Not when the body is going through such drastic changes." He paused. "And I haven't really allowed you to rest upon waking either."

Memories—some sweet and others downright scandalous—of the hours after I'd awakened from stasis rose and caused my toes to curl. "I'm not at all complaining about my lack of rest."

A darkly sensual chuckle teased the top of my head. "I didn't think you were." A hint of unadulterated male smugness had crept into his tone. "But the Ascension does take its toll. You need your rest."

"I don't feel like I need to be resting," I denied, speaking directly against the chest I was still plastered to.

"You should." He worked a knee between mine, managing to get even closer. "We have time. We have as much time as you need."

Time? What a funny concept. Sure, we had it, but how much? Not nearly enough. And we'd already spent quite a bit of it in bed, kissing, tasting, fucking, and making love while ignoring the realm beyond the bed.

Ignoring what awaited us.

And while I wanted nothing more than to remain in this place where nothing could touch us, unease bubbled beneath my skin. We had so much to deal with, and neither of us was prepared for most of it.

Starting with what I had become.

Ash's head turned slightly, and he pressed his lips against my bare shoulder, his fingers tangling in the curls there. "Have I told you how beautiful your hair is?" he asked.

My stomach suddenly twisted sharply.

That wasn't the first time he'd said that. Ash was as fascinated by my hair as I was by his smiles. He loved the pale shade. But I felt stagnant, heavy air. Breathe in. Smelled the suffocating scent of stale lilacs. And no matter how badly I didn't want to, I saw the true Primal of Death before me, his uneven smile fading. He looked at—no, he scrutinized —the color of my hair. I heard Kolis's voice—

"He hated my hair," I blurted, my heart thudding like a hammer against my ribs. I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, seeing bursts of white light.

Ash's fingers halted. "What?"

"Kolis," I whispered, realizing then that I was gripping his arm. I was with Ash, surrounded by his citrusy, fresh-air scent. It was his fingers in my hair. I was in the Shadowlands. Safe. Ascended and strong. Protected. But, most importantly, I was more than capable of defending myself. I forced my grip to relax. "He hated the color and brought it up often."

Tension poured into Ash's body, and his skin cooled even more.

Damn it.

I hadn't meant to take away his peace. Or maybe it wasn't me who had stolen it. Perhaps it was Kolis—who wasn't even here.

Ash's chest rose against mine as he took a deep breath. "Yet another example of how much of a fucking idiot Kolis is."

" Sotoria had red hair," I explained, picturing punching myself in the throat repeatedly. "I think that was the issue."

"I don't give a fuck what her hair looked like."

"It's not like it was her fault," I said, immediately defending the soul that, courtesy of Ash's father, had resided inside me until recently. Now, she—the only person who could truly kill Kolis—was in the Star diamond. But I felt protective of her.

I likely always would.

"I didn't say it was." His hand delved deeper into the mass of curls, and he gently guided my head back. "Sera?"

"What?"

"Look at me."

Was I not looking at him? Nope. Face burning, I opened my eyes. Only a few inches separated us, and all I could see were thick, black lashes framing irises the color of cooled iron streaked with white and lit by a glow of eather .

"I wanted you to be looking at me as I make you this promise." His voice was hard, as icy as the coldest, cruelest dungeon, and so at odds with how he handled me. "I know Kolis can't be killed. Not yet. But I will hurt him. Badly. I will make him wish he was dead. He will beg for it."

A shiver danced across my skin. I didn't doubt that oath. Not for one second. And while I wanted to be the one to cause the bastard unimaginable pain, Kolis had killed Ash's father and mother. And so many others. Kolis had caused Ash far more pain than I could comprehend.

"I have no problem with that," I said. "As long as I get a couple of minutes with him. With a very sharp object."

"Deal." His fingers curled around the strands of hair.

"I…" I trailed off, distracted. Having gained enough distance that the entirety of Ash's face came into view, I saw him— really saw him. All at once, the constant, almost chaotic stream of thoughts slowed. I scanned his features, and all thoughts of the realms disappeared. Wonder filled me.

It was like I was seeing him for the first time.

Everything about him appeared clearer to me. Details were apparent, vivid, and varied. His thick, wavy hair—even damp—was an array of browns, some dark and others light, mixed with hints of chestnut. One strand, already forming a loose wave as it dried, kissed the corner of lush lips a color somewhere between pinkish-red and brown. Another lay against the strong, cut line of his jaw. There was a shadow of stubble there I didn't think I would've been able to see before with my mortal eyes.

Good gods. How had I not noticed this the moment I came out of stasis?

Eyebrows that matched the darkest shades in his hair furrowed. "Sera? You okay?"

"Yeah." I dragged my gaze away from him and checked out the bedchamber, rising onto an elbow.

Only a small lamp by the bed had been left on. Normally, that wouldn't have been enough to make out any real details, but it was clear to me that Ash wasn't the only thing I could see better. The entrance to the bathing chamber had been left open, and I saw straight through to the other door that led to a private chamber used for meetings when Ash wanted to be near his personal quarters. I saw the vanity and could make out the faint strokes of gray in the marble. The marks left by a brush when the wood of the door had been stained were also visible to me. Even the glint of the shadowstone walls the lamplight didn't reach.

My stomach churned as I thought about what the false King of Gods had said about shadowstone . That it was slag: a combination of whatever had been melted by dragon fire—including things like people —and then cooled.

Gods, that still grossed me out.

His hand slipped from my hair and fell to my hip. "You don't seem okay."

"It's my vision. I can see things better. The chamber. You." I looked down at him. "How was I that unobservant to only notice this now?"

The release of the tension bracketing his expressive mouth was immediate. "You've been somewhat occupied since you woke from stasis."

" That occupied?"

One side of his lips kicked up. "It's also possible your senses are only beginning to heighten." Lashes lowered, shielding his gaze. "It's not always immediate, and it often happens in stages that can take a few hours. Even days."

I glanced around the bedchamber again. Heavy drapes shielded the balcony doors. "How long did it take for you?"

The cool tips of his fingers grazed the swell of my breast as he caught a curl and drew it back over my shoulder and behind my ear. "My vision was immediate."

I rolled my eyes. "Of course."

His grin kicked up a notch. "My hearing improved within several hours, but it took a couple of days for the rest."

"The rest?"

"Sensing the subtle shifts in those around me and the environment," he explained, causing my frown to deepen because I wasn't at all sure what that was supposed to mean. "And understanding the draken took a few days."

Surprise flickered through. I stared at him, and then that strange sense of knowing kicked in. Ash really could understand the draken . All Ascended Primals could, as well as some of the oldest gods.

I'd thought he'd been joking or only sensed what they thought by knowing their emotions. But it was a combination of both. Sensing their general moods or needs and being able to hear their thoughts.

"It's called te'lepe ," he continued. "A bond of sorts. A notam that allows the draken to transfer their thoughts to us. One can even form between them and gods, depending on how comfortable they feel with the god."

Notam ? I frowned. Hadn't Attes mentioned that? I tried to imagine hearing the draken's voices in my mind and couldn't. "They can't hear us like that, can they?"

Ash shook his head. "I cannot, but I do believe my father could speak directly with them. So, you should be able to eventually."

I started to draw my lower lip between my teeth, catching the flesh on the tip of a fang before I could process what he said. "Gods," I hissed, wincing. "I'm not going to have a lip left at this rate."

He laughed roughly, the sound barely audible. Still, I heard the difference in the timbre. I loved his laughs because, like me, I knew he'd lived a long time without laughter. But now, there was a weightless quality to the sound. No restraint. A reminder that he no longer kept large portions of himself closed off from me.

Even though my lip stung, I dipped my head, bringing my mouth to his. The kiss started gentle, a soft proclamation of love, but a spark ignited, fanning the flames of desire coursing through our veins. His mouth molded to mine, catching the small droplets of blood I'd drawn. He parted my lips with his tongue, and he tasted like the oak and spice of the whiskey he'd drunk before I fell asleep.

And I knew that if I kept kissing him, we'd never leave this bed.

Reluctantly, I lifted my mouth from his and then collapsed onto my back with all the grace of a feral hog. "So…" I glanced over at Ash. His lips were still parted and slightly swollen, and the hue of his irises was a heated silver streaked with brilliant lines of eather —the Primal essence. The way he looked at me as if he wished to devour me… Gods . I quickly averted my gaze before I lost the rest of the restraint I was barely holding on to.

I cleared my throat. "I wonder how long it will take me to develop your special hearing. Hours? Days? Weeks?"

"It shouldn't take weeks." Ash settled onto his side, propping up his head with a fist.

"What if it does?" I questioned, twisting the ends of my hair between my fingers.

"It won't."

"You sound so confident." Meanwhile, I teetered on the edge of an anxiety spiral, even though I knew it was unnecessary. That was the messed-up thing about my mind that hadn't changed during the Ascension. Knowing there was no reason to worry didn't mean I wouldn't. It usually meant I worried more . "It's not like it's impossible. I was mortal. I wasn't supposed to Ascend. Something could've gone wrong. If it did, you'll need to, I don't know, exchange me for a…non-faulty Primal."

"Possibly."

My mouth dropped open, and my gaze slid to his.

Ash winked.

"Don't you be cute and wink," I ordered. " Possibly ?"

He laughed, the sound still unshackled. "As if I would ever consider such a thing. Even if it were possible, which it's not." He caught my hand, pulling it away from my hair. "There's no one else for me but you. There never has been," he said, and my breath snagged, our gazes locking. "And there never will be."

"There is no one but you," I swore. "Ever."

"I know." His jaw hardened just a fraction, but his gaze was still soft and warm. "Which is why I'm still a little angry with you."

I frowned. "About what?"

"You wanted me to move on," he reminded me, gnawing at the words as if they left a bad taste in his mouth. "You wanted me to find a way to have my kardia restored and find someone to love. You actually said that to me, even though there is no way you, of all people, would've been okay with that."

"I said that because I was dying."

"Likely excuse."

"I think it's a very good excuse," I countered. "And what does you of all people mean? I spoke the truth when I said I wanted you to find love."

"That's bullshit, Sera."

"It's not."

His laugh was full of blades. "If I had somehow managed to restore my kardia and actually found someone else, you're telling me you wouldn't have found a way to haunt my ass?"

Crossing my arms below my breasts, I lifted my chin. "Absolutely not."

An eyebrow rose.

I held his stare.

He waited, then asked, "Really?"

"Yes."

Ash tipped his head down, stopping when only a few inches separated us. "I know who you are, Sera."

"I would hope so," I retorted.

"I know you are far more caring than you acknowledge. I know you're capable of unbelievable acts of kindness and sacrifice, which is only rivaled by your fierceness and stubbornness," he said, the glow of eather behind his pupils pulsing. "But you are not some holy, altruistic creature."

My lips pursed. "Well, I can't deny the last part."

"No, you cannot." Ash slid his hand over my folded arm, curling his fingers around one forearm. "Because, like me, you have a little bit of a monster in you. You're capable of cold, quick retribution. And I'd be lying if I said forgiveness pumps just as hotly in your blood as vengeance does."

I couldn't deny that I had far more monstrous tendencies than he did. He didn't attempt to wash away the stain of the blood he shed. He memorialized the lives he felt responsible for. My hands had never been stained. I didn't live with the lives I took. That would send most fleeing in the opposite direction.

Ash tugged my arms apart and brought his mouth to mine, nipping at my lower lip. "You give without thought, and you can take without hesitation. And, liessa , you're possessive."

"As if you're not," I said. "Did you forget how you basically promised to murder anyone I sought pleasure with? Or was that just…?" I smiled tightly. "More talk."

"Oh, I haven't forgotten. And I would've skinned the fucker alive, friend or foe." He kissed me, flicking his tongue over my fang. A sharp slice of pleasure cut through me, stealing my breath. "And you know what?"

"What?" I breathed.

"My promise to eviscerate whoever you used to satisfy your needs made you…" His lips brushed mine. " Wet ."

My chest rose on a sharp inhale. A mixture of embarrassment and desire scorched my cheeks. Well, it was mostly desire, with a tiny, barely-there dash of shame because he spoke the damn truth.

"And I know you would do the same. That part of me, right or wrong, recognizes that side of you. You love as fiercely as you hate." He lifted his head. "And just so we're clear, I believe you meant what you asked of me. It is the kindness in you that wanted me to find happiness. To live. But you wouldn't have rested peacefully knowing I was with another."

I opened my mouth but then shut it again. He started to grin. I had meant what I'd said. When I thought I was dying, I'd wanted Ash to finally and truly live. But would I have been at rest? Without him? Or would I have been one of those souls who refused to cross over? Deep down, I knew the answer. "Okay, I might've haunted you."

"No shit."

My eyes narrowed. "But I would've done it lovingly."

A laugh rumbled from his chest as he dropped his forehead to mine. "You are…adorable."

"Adorable?"

"Uh-huh." He brushed his lips over mine. "An adorably faulty Primal."

I moved to smack his chest, but he caught my hand and returned his cheek to his other hand.

He brought my palm to his mouth and dropped a kiss to the center. "Anyway, going back to the Primal changes." He lowered my hand to my stomach. "Have you noticed anything else yet, other than your heightened vision?"

I thought that over. "I don't think so—" I stopped myself, realizing there was something else. The intuition that was more a sense of knowing .

"I don't know if I mentioned it or not," I began, "but there's this uncanny sense of intuition I didn't have before. Answers—or knowledge—just form in my head at times. I experienced a little of it even before you Ascended me." I gave a small shake of my head. "It sounds ridiculous, but didn't your father have the ability of foresight? One he wasn't born with but developed upon his Ascension?"

"He did," Ash whispered, his eyes widening slightly. " Vadentia ."

"Foresight." Surprise flickered through me when I realized I understood the unfamiliar word spoken in a language I hadn't been fluent in before. "See! I don't know how I knew that, other than I just did."

"My father had the ability before Kolis stole the embers."

Curiosity sparked, fueled by the need to understand exactly what this ability was and its limitations. "Did he ever tell you about this… vadentia ? Like how it worked?"

He shook his head. "If anyone would know the ins and outs of that ability, it would be Nektas . I'm sure he'll be around soon."

Making a note to ask the draken about it when I had a chance, I rolled onto my side to face him. "Is he not here?"

"I believe he's with his daughter and Reaver," he shared, skimming his fingertips down my side.

My heart squeezed as raw emotion twisted in my chest. I hadn't believed I would see the two young draken again. "I want to hug them," I blurted, feeling my cheeks warm. "Maybe just Jadis. I don't think Reaver would like it if I hugged him."

"He would." Ash pressed a kiss to my forehead, and I wondered if he had picked up on what I was feeling or if I had projected it. "You hungry?"

My stomach immediately woke up, grumbling rather loudly. I peeked up at him. "I might be a little hungry."

He chuckled. "There's fresh water in the bathing chamber," he told me. "Once you're finished in there, I'll get us something to eat."

"You don't have to wait on me," I told him.

"But I want to." He dragged his fingertip over my cheek and glanced down. "Plus, I get to continue enjoying the scenery."

Knowing that he was wary of leaving me alone no longer embarrassed me. Instead, his thoughtfulness and concern made my heart feel like it was doubling—maybe even tripling—in size. I leaned over and kissed him. "I would love for you to continue enjoying the scenery."

"Glad we're on the same page."

I grinned, letting my forehead rest against his. "But there are things we must do."

"There are." His fingers skated over my arm, leaving a wake of shivers behind.

"Important things," I said. "And I have a feeling the longer we stay in this bed, the less likely we'll be to get around to any of the important stuff."

"And I have a feeling," he said, his nose brushing mine, "that we fundamentally disagree on just how important the scenery is right now compared to those other things."

I laughed, relishing this playful, relaxed side of Ash that I'd only really gotten to see while still in the mortal realm before he brought me to the Shadowlands. That seemed like an eternity ago, and I hated to cut this short. "How am I being the responsible one right now? That's your job, not mine."

His lips curved. "I'm not sure I want that job anymore."

"If you retire from such a position, it will be pure chaos," I told him. "All day. All night."

"Good thing I like your brand of chaos." Ash's hand dropped to my hip, and he tipped his head back. His eyes, now a warm shade of steel, searched mine. "You sure you'll be fine?"

I nodded, and my heart filled to the point where it felt like it might burst.

"And you're telling me the truth?"

"I am." After everything with Kolis and almost dying, nearly being strangled to death in a bathing chamber no longer factored on the scale of things to be worried about. I didn't tell Ash that, though. Bringing up Kolis in that way or reminding him of what the godling, Hamid, had attempted wouldn't help.

"I'm good," I assured him. "You can go."

Ash hesitated but then nodded as if telling himself it was okay. I watched him rise from the bed and turn. My gaze immediately swept over the swirls of ink filling the length and width of his back as he retrieved a pair of pants. Those black blood drops were more pronounced against the warm, wheat- ish shade of his skin that held lustrous golden-brown undertones I hadn't been able to make out before.

The inked blood drops traveling over his back, along his sides, and down his inner hips represented those he'd lost. Lives he felt responsible for. And while the design was beautiful, it was also so very tragic.

There were far too many of them.

Hundreds.

He would never add another drop to his flesh. That was an oath I would not break.

Sitting up, I reached for the first piece of clothing, which turned out to be one of Ash's long-sleeved tunics. I pulled it on and rose to my knees, my gaze landing on the small wooden box with silver hinges sitting on the bedside table. There was a beautiful design carved into the wood, delicate vines that resembled the scrollwork I saw on the tunics of those in the Shadowlands and the throne room doors.

Ash had collected my hair ties, keeping them in that skillfully crafted box. It may seem like nothing to many, but it meant so much that he treasured something so simple merely because it belonged to me.

"By the way," he said as he pulled on loose-fitting linen pants. "The clothing Erlina made for you is hanging in the wardrobe." He faced me, showing off all his stunning scenery. And then he grinned. "Forget what I said about the clothing in the wardrobe. I want you like this. Always. It is the sexiest thing I've ever seen."

I raised a brow and glanced down at myself. The soft shirt was so long on me that it could double as a nightgown—a shapeless, baggy one. "Me wearing one of your shirts?"

"Yes," he said, the word a vibrating purr.

I looked up at him, and whatever I had been about to say vanished off the tip of my tongue when my gaze swept over Ash. He'd finished pulling his hair back into a low knot at the nape of his neck, showcasing the striking angles and planes of his face. There had always been an innate grace to how he moved, but now, even the fluidity seemed more apparent as he prowled toward the bed. It was like he was a part of the very environment around us.

My gaze lowered. The lines of his chest and the tightly packed muscles of his abdomen were more defined. I tracked the inked blood drops that appeared on either side of his waist and disappeared beneath his waistband.

" Liessa , you shouldn't look at me like that." The change in his tone drew my gaze to his. His voice had become richer, taking on a velvety resonance that caressed each word like a symphony of arousal.

I inhaled sharply, catching an increase in his citrusy scent. Was I imagining that? No, I knew I was really sensing his arousal. Not in the same way he could, by reading emotions, but there was no denying the newly discovered sense of awareness. I could feel his arousal in the echo of each heartbeat. This had to be one of those other developing senses Ash had mentioned. "Are you sure about that?"

"Unfortunately. Because you need to eat." He bent and curved his hand around my cheek. "I'll only be gone for a couple of minutes."

"Okay."

His eyes met mine as he tilted my head back. He moved closer, and when he next spoke, his lips brushed mine. "I love you."

My breath snagged on those three words. They should be impossible.

He tilted his head. The press of his cool lips was gentle at first but became fierce and hard.

My pulse was thrumming when he finally lifted his mouth from mine. "I—"

The balcony doors suddenly flung open, sending the thick curtains snapping toward the walls.

"What the…?" I trailed off. White mist rippled over the floor and began to rise. A strange scent reached me. Musky. Almost sweet. Eather throbbed intensely in the center of my chest, and every instinct in me told me this—whatever it was—had nothing to do with Kolis.

The change that came over Ash was swift. Shadows erupted beneath his flesh, swirling up his arms and across his chest as he whirled around.

Wisps of dark eather whipped out from his back, taking the shape of wings. I stared into the mist. Something was taking form. A guttural growl of warning rumbled from Ash, and he bared his fangs.

The skin along the nape of my neck tingled. I sensed something… " Ancient ."

I lurched from the bed and reached for Ash. My fingers grazed his skin as a charge of energy rolled through the chamber. "Ash!"

Darkness descended.