Chapter 24

"Fuck! Fucking fuck!" I shout the moment I'm in the car and peeling out of the parking garage. Snow covered roads be damned, because I'm racing home to my girls as fast as humanly possible. It'll be worth any speeding ticket I have to pay. "Ada…"

I want to pound my fists on the goddamn steering wheel.

I want to crash into every moving vehicle on the road out of complete rage toward my…fuck.

She's still my wife.

"What have I done?" I push my hand through my hair, trying as hard as I can to stay calm on these slick roads. The snow is coming down at a faster clip than it was this morning and I remind myself I have to stay focused.

I have to get home.

In one piece.

But the quiver in her voice…

Her resignation…

It destroyed me having to listen to her sound like I just broke her.

Like everything that's happening I'm doing to her on purpose.

Like it was my fucking evil plan.

My phone rings through the car and I tap the steering wheel to answer it.

"Miller."

"Yo, Zeke. It's us," Quinton says through the car speakers. "I've got you on speaker in the locker room. Carissa filled us in. What can we do?"

Tears well in my eyes and I blink them back several times. "I wish I could answer that, but I can't. Pretty sure I just fucked everything up with Ada and if she walks…if she leaves Elsie there..."

"Nah. I'm sure she would never do that," Milo says. "She'll be alright. Have a little faith. She's not Lori. You know that."

"You didn't hear her on the phone. She's gutted. I lied to her guys. You know it and I know it." I shake my head in disbelief. "FUCK! Why did Lori have to fucking show up at the house? Why now?"

"What are you going to do, bro?"

"I'm going to come clean to Ada and pray like hell that she'll forgive me. I'm going to sit her down and explain everything to her in as much detail as I possibly can and then I'm going to leave it up to her because that's all I can do, right? I can't force her to stay with me."

Hawken chimes in, "No, you can't do that."

"Listen, Zeke," Dex adds. "I know it's a little different of a situation but when Tatum was pissed at me, I showed up at her place that night and we talked it out. We worked together because deep down we knew we were a team. You love Ada. And she clearly loves you."

"And Elsie," Colby reminds me. "She loves you both. Don't underestimate her. She's stronger than you think. Look what she's been through."

"It's knowing what she's been through that has me scared. She shouldn't have to put up with this kind of bullshit. The kind I just flung at her out of nowhere. I did this. I did this to her."

"Take a deep breath, Zeke." It's Milo's calming voice again. "We're here for you, alright? Is there anything we can do for you right now?"

"Yeah can you get some snow plows out here because it's a —Shhhhhhhhhhiiiit!" The connection cuts out as I make the left turn and slip on the unplowed roads. I hit the brakes and try like hell to maneuver the car through the slide but it's no use. The back tires slide first to the left and then to the right and before I know it, the car skids into the ditch and rolls to its side and I'm going nowhere fast.

"Ze—you—ay? Wha—out—re? Ze—? The connection to my phone is way too fucked up for me to say anything and I can barely hear what the guys are saying to me.

"Fuck!" I slam my fists on the steering wheel and then take a deep breath and go through any type of mental checklist to make sure my body is okay.

Legs? Check.

Feet? Check.

Back? Check.

Neck? Check.

Arms? Check.

Hands? Fingers? Check. Check.

Head? No bleeding.

I can feel everything. I think I'm good.

Knowing nobody is going to find me out here with the exception of the dog from down the street, I push my door open and climb out into the snowy weather. Fuck the car. It can sit here until I get the mess I'm in figured out.

I was ready to buy another one anyway.

Grabbing my coat from the backseat, I put the driver side window back up and then lock the car and begin my jog home.

Ada.

I just need Ada.

___

"What on Earth?" Ada exclaims when I push through the front door, a freezing cold mess of a man with snow covered hair and wind-whipped skin. "What happened to you?"

"Lori happened to me," I tell her, pulling her into a massive hug if for no other reason than to simply feel her body against mine. I need her to calm me. "Lori happened and now everything about me feels like it's falling apart and I never meant to hurt you, Ada," I plead with her. "I know I fucked up. I know I didn't keep you in the loop as all this shit was going on and I'm so fucking sorry. I really was trying to make all of this easy for you but somewhere along the line everything blurred and now it's a fucking mess and I need you. God, Ada, I need you to help me. I need to get us through this. For you. For me. For Elsie."

Please. I can't let Lori do this.

"Zeke." She takes my face in her warm soft hands and stares at me, the unshed tears in her wide hazel eyes breaking me all over again. "What happened? Where is the car? Why are you covered in snow? Why are you panting?"

"Accident," I breathe, gesturing with my thumb. "I slid off the road and rolled into a ditch but it's fine. I'm fine. I just needed to get to you."

"Daddy!" Elsie comes around the corner and spots us in the foyer.

"Hi Sweetpea." I try hard to smile at her like nothing is wrong, but she's one perceptive little girl.

"Daddy, why is Ada crying? Did you play in the snow?"

"No, I didn't play in the snow Elsie, but I had to walk in it for a little bit and it's coming down pretty hard. And Ada is crying because I wasn't very nice to her. I did sort of a mean thing even though I didn't mean to and I need to apologize to her."

"Yeah Ms. Cathy tells us at school that if we say we're sorry then everything can be okay."

I nod, hoping to God my little preschooler is right. "You're absolutely right. Do you think if I put on your favorite show to watch you could give Ada and me a minute to talk so I can say I'm sorry?"

Ada shakes her head, her voice soft and resigned as she says, "Zeke, that's not neces—"

"Please, Ada." I give her a pained stare and grasp her hand in mine, bringing it to my lips. "Please. Just five minutes."

She searches my eyes and I'm desperate for her to see my entire fucking soul. The part of me that burns for her. The part of me that loves her more than anything. The part of me that would do absolutely anything for her. The part of me that shattered into pieces the moment Carissa pulled me off that ice.

She nods silently and I nod back to her thankful she's agreed to let me explain myself. Though we exchange no words, I step aside and lead Elsie into the family room where she can sit and watch her favorite shows while I talk to Ada.

I find Ada in the kitchen a few minutes later stirring hot chocolate for us both reminding myself how fucking blessed I am to have her in my life.

Even if it's only for five more minutes.

"You're married."

She doesn't ask me. She simply states the fact.

"I don't want to be."

Her eyes fall to her drink as she methodically stirs the marshmallows in her mug. She may think I don't notice, but I don't miss the quick swipe of her tears from her cheek. It's killing me that I can't tell what she's thinking.

"Ada…"

"What Zeke?" Her eyes pull up, her features more resolute. "What could you possibly have to say to me that isn't a lie? This whole time. This…" she gestures between us. "Everything we've…everything is a lie."

"None of it is a lie, Ada." My brows pinch together as I grab her hand in mine and squeeze it. "I love you. I love you with my whole self. I'm crazy about you. I would do anything for you, you know that."

"You didn't divorce her," she quips. "She's still your wife. She's Elsie's mother and I pushed her away even though she does have every legal right to be here."

I shake my head adamantly. "No, she doesn't. Don't you see?"

"See what, Zeke?" She flails her arms. "Did you push her away? Did you leave her and not the other way around? What? Tell me."

"No, Ada. Lori walked out on Elsie and me four years ago. When Elsie was about one."

"Why? What did you do?"

"It's more a question of what I didn't do, I think," I tell her, shoving my hand through my hair. "I knew she wasn't happy but in the middle of the hockey season there wasn't much I could do about it. I didn't have the seniority on the team that I have now. I was still proving myself. I couldn't just take time off. I would've lost everything. I needed Lori to stick around until the end of the season so we could talk and work out our differences but in the end, she wasn't happy. She told me she didn't want to live the hockey wife life anymore. She said she had a much bigger life to live than to be my shadow all the time. She said she didn't want to be bogged down with a kid at home. That…" I choke on my words when I mention the girl I would literally bend over backwards for.

Ada senses my anxiety and my desperation and covers our clasped hands with her other hand, squeezing gently. It means everything to me that she's supporting me through this very raw history of my marriage. "God, I'm sorry." I swallow back the tears and continue softly so Elsie can't hear me.

"She didn't want Elsie, Ada. She didn't want her." I pat my chest. "She didn't want me."

"Oh, Zeke."

Exposing my emotions, I shake my head as a few tears slip down my face. "I could take it, Ada. It sucked, it hurt like a bitch, and I was depressed for a long time. Not because she was gone from my life but because the situation happened to me in the first place. But I'm an adult. I knew in time I would be okay. But she fucking left her child. Her baby. Her little girl. She literally left Elsie sleeping in her crib and grabbed some of her stuff and fucking left."

Ada gasps, her hand clutching her chest. "Oh, my God."

I beat my chest, anger building inside me, my emotions hitting full tilt as I talk about my flesh and blood. "What kind of parent walks out on their partner after having a fucking child because they just decide they don't want to parent anymore?" I ask, my voice shaking with the quiver of my chin. "And what kind of f-f-f-fucking monster leaves their living breathing baby asleep in her crib and just walks away? I'll tell you who, Ada. Lori. That's who."

I shake my head. "I tried so hard to find her for a year after she left. I wanted to divorce her then and press all the charges I possibly could, but nobody could find her. It's like she walked off the face of the Earth. Grady said if she didn't want to be found there were ways she could've hidden herself. For all we knew she was in Europe living her best life avoiding authorities. And she clearly succeeded."

"So, what did you do?"

"There was nothing I could do. Grady told me to give it some time. That maybe after a while she would make a mistake when she didn't know I was looking for her and she would be easy to locate."

"Is that what happened?" Ada asks me, sitting back in her seat and bringing her hot cocoa to her lips. "You finally found her?"

"A few months ago, yeah." I nod. "I'm so sorry, Ada. I kind of forgot that we were still married until you came into my life. I knew I wanted you. I wanted to explore things with you, but I didn't want Lori to be able to say I had cheated on her because I didn't want to lose Elsie. So that's when I called Grady. I begged him to do all he could to find Lori and he did it. He fucking did it and then he served her divorce papers immediately."

I bow my head, sniffling and trying to rein in my overwhelming sadness. "She doesn't love her own child, Ada. She doesn't want her."

"No, she doesn't," Ada says softly. "And I'm so sorry for that. But it's nobody's loss but her own. Elsie had no idea who Lori was when she was here. And I got the vibe she was here for one reason only."

I bring my eyes back up and notice her sympathetic expression. A tiny glimmer of hope flutters inside my chest that maybe, just maybe, she believes me and we can get through this together.

"What did she say?"

Ada leans forward, her elbows on the table. "She said she refuses to sign the divorce papers until she has at least half of your millions."

"Pfft." I scoff. "She can have it all. I don't give two fucks. I don't care about the money. I care about Elsie. And I care about you. If money is what she wants to get her out of my life forever, she can have it."

"Oooh I don't fucking think so," Ada says scowling at me.

"What?"

"I said absofuckinglutely not, Zeke Miller. You've worked your ass off for that money and she doesn't deserve a dime from you. Not one penny. You owe her nothing. She abandoned you. She abandoned her kid."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying if your lawyer knows how to do his job, he should be able to make sure Lori is out of your life for good and walks away from any potential reconciliation with not one more penny to her name."

"So, you believe me?"

She nods slowly, her eyes never leaving mine. "I believe you, Zeke."

I sink back in my chair, my emotions overwhelming me now as tears fall down my face. "Oh, thank Christ."

Ada drops to her knees in front of me and takes my hands in hers. "I believe you and I love you. I'm here for you. I'll fight with you. I'll stand by your side. I'll do whatever I need to do to help you through this."

I lift her up from the ground and wrap my arms around her in the tightest hug I can give her. Allowing myself to revel in the feeling of her warmth, her hope, and her love.

"Thank you, Ada. For understanding. Or for at the very least loving me through this horrible clusterfuck."

"There's nothing we can't get through together," she whispers against my ear. "That's what love is, remember?"

"I swear to God, I'll never forget."

The doorbell rings again and we stiffen in each other's arms. I grab my phone from my pocket to look at the doorbell notification but it's too late. Whoever is at the door is already making themselves known.

"Zeke! Ada! Open up! It's us!"

"The fuck?" I mumble as Ada looks on in confusion. I step toward the foyer and open the door and I'm immediately wrapped in a team hug from Colby, Carissa, Milo, Dex, Hawken, and Quinton.

"What the hell guys?"

"Are you alright man?" Quinton asks.

"Yeah, of course, I'm alright," I answer. "What's going on?"

"Dude, one minute we were talking to you and then we weren't," Colby explains. "You mentioned a snowplow and then bad roads and then we heard you shout and that was it. The line went dead."

Quinton nods. "Yeah so we hopped in Colby's truck and drove out here hoping we wouldn't find you dead in a damn ditch and that's exactly where we found your car."

"Shit, I'm sorry guys. I should've called you. I just…I hit a slick spot and wound up in the ditch but I was fine. And then I was focused on getting back here," I gesture behind me, "to Ada and Elsie."

"We understand. Thank fuck you're alright, man," Dex nearly cries, smacking me on the back in a bear hug.

"Uncle Dex?" Elsie's tiny voice comes from behind us.

"Yeah, Squish?"

"You said the bad fuck word."