Chapter 12

It's been three days and we haven't talked about it.

Three long fucking days.

I can't stop thinking about Ada and what we did the other night. And because I'm off the ice for the week, I've been spending more time at home, which means we're around each other a lot. But even then we're not talking. What happened that night on my bedroom floor wasn't something I planned. It wasn't something I had ever thought about doing. But it happened. Thinking back on it, I find it hard to believe she even went along with it after how I treated her when I got home earlier that night.

I was a complete dick to her and she still came to my aid.

I was practically naked and she was still willing to touch me, to rid me of my pain.

I was an asshole yet she still let me kiss her.

She let me take her in my arms.

She made out with me like we were two horny teenagers because I encouraged it.

I wanted her.

I still want her.

But the longer these days go by and she doesn't acknowledge what's going on between us, the more discouraged I become.

Maybe she's just not that into me.

I guess I'm just as much at fault for us not talking as she is. Whenever there's down time in the house, when Elsie is napping or when she's gone to bed, I've made myself scarce. I've spent time watching hockey plays for the team. I've communicated back and forth via phone and email with my agent and the couple of charities I work with. I've been reading a romance book that Milo and Charlee recommended because Milo's right. Those books can tell guys exactly what women want if we're paying attention. And now? Now I'm about to fold laundry because I'm that desperate to hide from the one person I wish I could know better.

I know I should be a man and strut downstairs and refuse to leave her alone until she talks to me. But what if after finally growing my balls, she turns me down? What if she tells me she regrets what we did? What if she didn't like it? What if she was underwhelmed and disappointed? Or my biggest fear, what if she decides she doesn't want to be Elsie's nanny anymore because of me?

I don't want to be the guy who drives her away.

I don't like being the guy who crossed a line he had no business crossing, but I got caught up in the moment and went for it anyway. She was beautiful…and kind and…fuck, she was adorably nervous and now I think I'm attracted to everything about her.

So why am I upstairs holding a laundry basket in my hands instead of holding her?

Because I'm a scared dumbass, that's why.

I empty the dryer of the clean laundry inside it and carry the basket to my room to fold. Several of Elsie's outfits are in here along with a few of my gym pants and t-shirts. It's the rest of the contents of the basket that catches me off guard.

Panties.

Several pairs of panties.

They're soft. Like satin or silk.

Purple ones.

Red ones.

Black ones.

Pink ones.

Then there's red lace, white lace, black lace, and pale blue.

"Fuck, I picked the wrong load of laundry," I murmur to myself, admiring the pile of Ada's panties I just folded.

I'm trying to hide from Ada, not be reminded of her over and over again, so what the fuck am I doing?

Does she always wear panties like this?

Fuck me, now I'll always be imagining her in these panties.

I'd die to see her in any one of them.

And then I'd die again to rip any one of them off of her.

Picking up a few of the folded panties, I bring them to my nose and inhale deeply. They don't smell like her, obviously. They smell like laundry detergent and dryer sheets.

What did you expect perv?

Shit. I need to get out of here.

I need to talk to someone before this boils over.

She's making me crazy.

I need my family.

Leaving the rest of the laundry unfolded in the basket, I grab my keys and phone from my dresser and head downstairs where Ada and Elsie are hanging out. Or so I thought. When I turn the corner into the living room I see Ada sitting on the couch running her fingers through Elsie's hair as she sleeps on her lap. The sight of the two of them together like this is like a sucker punch to my gut all over again. Elsie loves Ada so much and I'm pretty damn sure, from the sight in front of me, that Ada would do just about anything for my kid. Ada brings a finger to her lips letting me know Elsie is asleep and I nod. I whisper to her that I've got to run into the arena quickly for a meeting and then I high-tail it out of there before the sweetness overload makes me do something I might regret.

Less than twenty minutes later and I'm pulling open the door to the gym where I know the rest of the guys will be.

"Miller?" Milo asks with a furrowed brow from his treadmill. "Didn't think we'd be seeing you here this morning."

"Yeah man, are you cleared?" Quinton asks.

"Not yet, but shit happened and I need to talk about it."

"Uh oh." Dex smirks from his treadmill sprints, sweat beading on his face. "Is this good shit or bad shit?"

I plop down on one of the nearby workout benches and sigh heavily. "Both."

"Girl problems," Hawken says. "Am I right?"

"How did you guess?"

He shrugs with a laugh. "Because it seems like anytime any one of us is stressed about a girl and needs to talk it out, we're in this gym."

"Of course we are." Colby nods. "This room is how we work through our frustrations. And it's a safe place to talk because we're the only ones in here." He turns to me. "The floor is yours, Zeke. What's on your mind?"

"Ada. Ada is on my mind."

"Iiii KNEW IT!" Dex beams. "We're fucking the nanny!"

The rest of the guys are about to tell Dex to shut the hell up but when I don't fight him on the subject they all turn to look at me.

Colby's brow lifts. "You're not saying anything, Zeke."

"Nope."

Silently he takes in my meaning and wipes a hand down his face. "So that's what happened? You and Ada?"

"We didn't fuck. Not exactly."

"Not exactly?" Dex chuckles, wiping his face with his towel. "Dude, I hate to tell you this but there is no not-exactly when it comes to fucking. You either did or you didn't."

"So dry humping on my bedroom floor in nothing but my underwear doesn't count?"

Dex cocks his head. "Dude, I'm sure it goes without saying if any part of either of you was dry, then no it doesn't count, but please explain. Inquiring minds want to know all the juicy…er…non juicy bits."

Milo backhands Dex in the chest. "Speak for yourself hornball." He looks back at me. "We don't need to know all the juicy bits, but you clearly came here to talk about it. So, tell us what's bothering you."

Quinton swings his leg over the bench I'm sitting on and joins me. "Yeah, did the uh, the dry hump not go well or something?"

"Just the opposite. Or so I thought," I tell them. "Long story short, Elsie had a bad dream and when I got up to run to her, my groin muscle kinked up again and I couldn't move so Ada got to her and took care of it and then came back to check on me."

"Were you naked, Miller?" Dex smirks. "This story would be fantastic if you were naked."

"No asshat. I wasn't naked."

"Damn."

"I said I was in my underwear."

Dex perks back up. "Okay! There's potential here. Continue."

Milo cringes because he's a half decent human who understands my pain. "And Ada?"

"Shorts and a t-shirt. Anyway, I had her do exactly what Jason did for me when I was off the ice. She put pressure on the muscle and then massaged it until it relaxed."

"Oh no." Milo chuckles. "Let me guess."

I bow my head, shaking it in disbelief. "Believe me I tried everything to not think about her hands being that close to my junk, but I couldn't stop thinking about it and before too long I was…you know."

Hawken claps my shoulder. "Bro, did you pop a boner in front of the nanny."

I nod. "I sure did and there was no stopping it. And then she accidentally brushed it with her hand when she was massaging and…" I start to chuckle. "It was adorable the way she completely freaked out and I suddenly had the urge to kiss her so I did. Then one thing led to another and I couldn't stop myself. I wanted her."

"And she didn't say no? She didn't deny you?"

"No."

Dex narrows his eyes. "I fail to see the problem here."

Standing from the bench, I start pacing across the floor. "Well, for starters when we…you know, finished, she didn't have much to say and then she got all apologetic and left and we haven't talked about it since."

"When was this?" Colby asks.

"Three fucking days ago."

"You guys made out in the middle of the night three days ago and you haven't so much as mentioned it?"

I shake my head. "Negative. I tried to bring it up the next morning but she skirted around the subject and we haven't talked since. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Is she not into me? Did I do something wrong? I mean I know it wasn't full blown sex but—"

"You didn't do anything wrong Zeke," Quinton tells me.

"How do you know?"

He cringes. "Uh, well, because I live with Ada's best friend."

My head snaps to where Quinton is still sitting. "Wait, what? What does that mean? Have Ada and Kinsley been talking? About me? About us?"

He shrugs. "I mean, you were definitely the topic of conversation a few days ago according to Kinsley. They met for coffee the other day."

I flail my arms out to my sides. "And you didn't think you should tell me this?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." He lifts his hands in defense. "Listen, Kinsley is my person, but I don't tell her everything that is discussed in this room or between us as brothers, so I try to show her the same respect. Ada told Kinsley things that she mentioned to me, but this is between you and Ada. It's none of my business."

"Come on man, you have to tell me something. Don't keep me hanging here, Shay. What did she say? Wait, no." I squeeze my eyes closed. "You know what? Maybe I don't want to know. Do I want to know? Because if it's bad, then maybe it's better if I you don't tell me, but if it's good I want to—"

"Zeke?" he interrupts.

"Yeah?"

"Shut your pie hole." Quinton rolls his eyes and then releases a long sigh. "From the sounds of it she enjoyed things just as much as you did."

My shoulders relax and I release a huge sigh. "Thank you, Jesus."

"But she's feeling very guilty because of her husband."

Hawken's eyes practically pop out of his head. "Husband?"

"Late husband," I reassure him. "He passed away several years ago in the service."

"Oh." Hawk swipes his hand over his forehead. "Phew. You had me worried there for a minute."

"Yeah well that's the other problem I have."

"You're still married," Dex remembers, pointing at me. "See? I told you, you needed to get that shit taken care of."

"Yeah, I know. And trust me, the very next morning I fired off an email to my lawyer asking him what I could do about serving Lori with divorce papers when I haven't heard from her in years. I don't know how I'm supposed to find her when she clearly doesn't want to be found. I don't know enough about the law in Illinois to know whether three years away from each other means we're no longer married or not, but I've never signed anything so to me that means we're still legally together and if that's true, then I can't be a cheater. I won't."

Dex scowls. "Uh, why the fuck not? Lori left you and never looked back. It's possible she's slept with hundreds of men since then. Ada, on the other hand, is right fucking here and you two are clearly attracted to each other."

"You may be right about all those things, but I cannot and will not give Lori any fuel whatsoever to come after me for adultery. I won't allow her to take Elsie from me. I'll be damned if she ever lays eyes on her again. When Elsie is old enough and can decide for herself, I'll support whatever she wants to do but right now? No fucking way is Lori running in and out of her life whenever it conveniences her."

Colby folds his arms over his chest. "So, all the legal issues aside, do you feel like this thing with Ada is something you want to pursue?"

"I don't know. Yes? Maybe?" Rubbing my hands over my face, I inhale a deep breath and release it in one heavy sigh. "It's like she's taken over my mind, you know? I can't stop thinking about her. I want to be wherever she is. I want to spend time with her and get to know her more, but it's been so long since I've tried to pursue a girl. I'm a fucking shy teenager all over again."

Dex's brow lifts. "You weren't shy the other night."

"Right. But I've been literally hiding from her ever since."

"Then cut that shit out. Be a man and talk to her."

Hawken laughs and throws his towel at Dex. "Says the guy who found out the girl he couldn't stop thinking about all summer was carrying his child and then literally ran away from her."

"Fuck you Malone." Dex gives his best friend the middle finger. "I came around eventually."

"Dex is right," Quinton adds. "You don't want to keep hearing how Ada is feeling by talking to me or Kinsley. Ada needs the chance to explain her feelings to you and she needs to feel safe talking about it. I'm sure three years ago she never in a million years pictured her life being as it is now, life changes people."

"Three years ago, I didn't picture my life as a single dad, either.

Milo nods. "True. The good thing is, you two are both adults. And neither of you have done anything wrong, so take a deep breath and remind yourself it's okay to be attracted to each other. It's okay to have feelings for each other if that's what's happening. You're allowed to explore those feelings and decide for yourselves what you want."

"I guess you're right. I just need to bite the bullet and find some time to talk to her."

The door to the gym opens and Coach Denovah steps in with his clipboard in hand. He spots me with the guys and double checks his papers.

"Miller? You haven't been cleared yet have you? Did I miss something?"

"No, Sir. I uh…just needed to…uh…see Jason," I lie.

"Good. He's in the exam room now."

"Great. Thanks." I turn to my brothers and give them a half-hearted shrug and a quick roll of the eyes. "I'll see you guys later."