3.What We Do in the Shadows

3. What We Do in the Shadows

This is awkward. The tense silence goes on and on. Until…

"About what you saw—"

"So, I’m not sure—"

"Oh, sorry. Go on."

"No, you first."

We both lapse into silence once more. So much for that talk we need to have.

The professor escorted me to his office, and we sat down in the darkened room with only a lamp on instead of the overhead lights. The desk between us feels like an entire continent of space. We’re both unsure of how to begin.

He’s sitting rigidly in his chair, tense. I’m… I’m just confused. The arousal has faded fr om the tension in the room. I try to forget it was ever there in the first place.

Liam clears his throat and drags a hand over his face. "You must have a lot of questions."

I nod. So many questions. What comes out first is, “Is that man your boyfriend?”

“Argyle? No,” he huffs. “That’s one of the things I need to stress. We were doing some exercises together. None of what you witnessed was sexual.”

"That wasn’t sexual?" I laugh.

"No." He crosses his arms and glares at a spot right over my head.

"You were alone in the dark with a half-naked man."

"He’s a water nymph! There was water involved."

Right. I saw the liquid glistening on his skin, the water. The blue scales, a water nymph. If this was just some strange magical ritual that I’m not familiar with, then I responded to an apparently innocent situation in the most inappropriate way possible.

"Oh, so your magic, you… it wasn’t sexual, so I just… oh my god."

The embarrassment I feel is permanent, I’m sure of it. I’ll feel humiliated for the rest of my life.

He cracks a meager smile. “This is awkward.”

I nod rapidly.

Unable to look at him in my mortification, my gaze falls down to the pocket watch in my hands. Liam returned the watch to me when we arrived in his office. He noticed I left it behind and put it here in his office for safekeeping. I turn the pocket watch over in my hands, barely seeing it in front of me. It’s back, it’s safe in my possession once more… it’s hard to muster enthusiasm at the moment.

“Teaching and mentoring students is what I do during the day. What I do at night is usually something I keep completely separate from school,” he explains. “With this o ne exception that clearly should never happen again. So, I’m struggling with how much to tell you, but if you had any physical response or sexual reaction—”

"Sorry, so sorry." I mumble apologies while staring at my hands.

"There's nothing to apologize for.” His tone is gentle yet firm. I find myself unable to resist looking up at him. “If you had a response, that’s natural. What you witnessed wasn't sexual, but that's not usually the case. The exchange between Argyle and I is not the rule, it’s the exception.”

When I read between the lines, it sounds like what he was doing, whatever it was, is usually sexual.

He's hesitant to be blunt, which I understand. We are in his office at his day job, and he finds it difficult to bring up sex in this context. Good. I’d be worried about him as a teacher if he did feel comfortable discussing sex in the office with someone young enough to be a student.

"So, I’m not weird?" I ask hopefully .

"No. I tried to reign in the… sensuality.” Liam looks at me with a thin smile. “Clearly, I wasn’t entirely successful.”

“You did call him a good boy,” I blurt out.

“No, I didn—shit, I did, didn’t I?” he sighs. “It’s so second nature to present a certain persona in… these situations. There’s nothing sexual or romantic between Argyle and me. He’s a dear friend. This isn't appropriate for school, so I wouldn't have brought him here if a sexual component existed. Argyle and I are doing some exercises with his powers, so he has something to focus on. The real point is just that we’re here in a school environment, so he can adjust to his surroundings and get more comfortable being here.”

“Like exposure therapy?” I guess.

“Exactly. Argyle is a 42-year-old water nymph who grew up underwater. He has no formal education, but he needs a certification to become a nurse’s assistant. He has a high level of anxiety about taking classes here and going to school for the first time. He’s just started setting foot on campus, so I'm walking him through simple instructions and giving him a push with my powers when necessary. He’s working up to taking classes here and being here in the day with others and doing schoolwork."

Okay, I understand. Liam’s helping expose his friend to a school environment and exerting control and calming him down when Argyle falters. I’d be terrified too, going to school for the first time as an adult and taking college courses.

“This, this ability,” I ask around a suddenly dry throat. “Your ability. How does it usually work?"

He's careful about how he elaborates. “My brand and …extracurricular interests have shaped my powers in a particular way. What you need to know is that the exchange was entirely consensual. Any power I take is voluntarily given and temporary.”

"Did you really take his powers?" I whisper.

"No," he answers calmly.

"He said you did."

"Yes, that's what it must feel like. The powers aren't really gone. It’s more... I remove a person’s awareness of their magic, and I can control a caster's ability to access and use the power."

My mind reels at this revelation. "W-whoa, how, what… what does that mean?"

"Yes, this is partly why I don’t advertise my magical gifts,” he says dryly. “It tends to break caster’s brains. Sorry if you have nightmares tonight."

"B-but-but how is it even possible?" I ask distantly.

"Your powers are safe. I can’t just,” he snaps his fingers, “influence someone and their magic at will. I can manipulate certain factors under the right conditions. Again, temporary and voluntary exchanges are a key part of those conditions.”

“Oh. ”

It’s all I can say. All of this, everything I witnessed tonight and what he told me, has left me entirely stunned. I'm not totally sure how I feel, but I'm not scared or horrified like he's worried about.

Liam can control the powers of others. Why do I find the idea exhilarating instead of horrifying?

When I find my voice again, I apologize, feeling guilty for interrupting their private session. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to barge in like that. I hope I didn't set Argyle back in any way."

Liam gives me a reassuring smile. "No, he seems to have taken everything in stride. Don't worry, I'm going to check on him again after we're done here."

"Are you sure?"

"If anything, he's amused that I was flustered." Yes, that does seem like a feat to catch the powerful, confident wizard off guard.

I take a deep breath and nod my head, trying to calm down my racing thoughts. "Okay, thank you for explaining everything to me."

With everything cleared up, Liam sees me out of his office and locks his office door. He clears his throat as he turns back to me. "Oliver, I would appreciate it if you kept what you saw tonight between us."

"I promise," I assure him quickly.

"And if possible, forget about the matter altogether?"

"Consider it forgotten."

~

I told Liam that I’d forget what I saw. That was before I knew it would haunt my dreams.

“Breathe. Open your eyes.”

Liam's gaze is focused and predatory as he looks at Argyle with an intensity I feel across the room. His glowing eyes are hypnotic and impossible to look away from.

“Should I make you do what I say?”

I jump in bed with a gasp. After a full night’s sleep, I’m exhausted. Images of Liam and Argyle keep replaying in my dreams, even days after the encounter.

The moments I witnessed are jumbled and cut together when they play in my mind, twisting into new scenarios, each more intimate and perverted than the last.

All the dreams are centered around Liam.

At first, I try to ignore the dreams. I pretend that I slept soundly and have no recollection of anything I dreamed about. But several days of waking up hard and refusing to acknowledge my erection and where it came from leave me extremely frustrated and unsatisfied.

Next, I tell myself that my subconscious clearly finds the professor attractive, and I haven’t been with another man in a while. That’s all it is.

But that isn’t the truth .

Liam was helping Argyle that night. Maybe he can help me too. Even when alone in my room, the thought makes me blush and look around frantically, afraid someone will realize what I’m thinking. Am I really considering this?

It's tempting. Maybe a night with Liam is just what I need. One night with his magic and his control…

Having full wizard powers at my disposal feels like a mistake. Why should I have free reign when the people who taught me use to magic and love metal abused their gifts?

I do not feel comfortable using my power anymore. But I am aware that my erratic powers need to be addressed... and I do miss magic.

If he can be trusted, Liam is the answer to my problems after all. He can control my magic…and me. My magic will be happy to get some use, and the responsibility won't fall on my shoulders alone.

... Getting some relief with my magic isn't the only part that interests me.

Liam's eyes are bright in the moonlight as he growls, "Come here."

On shaky legs, I find myself before him.

"Good boy." His fingers brush through my hair, sending shivers down my spine. "You're mine now, Oliver. Understand?"

I nod, unable to look away from his intense gaze. Liam's hand wraps around my neck, squeezing lightly.

"Say it," he demands .

"I'm yours," I gasp out, barely able to hear myself over the furious pounding of my heart and--

And then I wake up, sweating and panting, alone in my bed.

The thought of Liam controlling me in bed is interesting too. So interesting that my body aches with arousal, my pajama pants tenting with a visible erection.

I sigh deeply and bury my face in the pillow, trying to calm down. But it’s no use — the images of Liam still play through my mind like a movie reel: his commanding voice, his hard body against mine…

I’ve never been very adventurous in bed. Even talking about sex makes me blush. Can’t believe I’m considering this, but I can’t stop thinking about it.

This is the first idea for controlling my errant powers that I actually like. I’ve been searching for a solution and here it is. Nothing conventional is helping me, so maybe it’s time to try something unconventional. Submitting to a 36-year-old professor in the bedroom certainly fits the bill.

I debate for a few days and work up my courage, but I don’t change my mind. I need to do this.

Professor Monroe's office hours are listed online at the university's website. Gathering my courage, I head to the professor’s office hours. The door is wide open when I arrive .

I peek inside and see Liam in conversation with a student, completely engrossed.

The student looks around 20. Square glasses and baggy sweats cover up what looks like an open face and a lithe frame. He wears an easy smile as he tells some story and leans forward across the desk. Liam listens with a patient smile on his face. They seem comfortable together and... close.

I feel like an intruder suddenly and take a step back into the hall. Leaning against the wall, my mind goes over what I saw a handful of times until the student breezes past me down the hall with an, “Go on in. He’s all yours.”

If only.

I debate for a few minutes on what to do. What I walked in on could be completely innocent. All they were doing was sitting and talking. I’m probably imagining things.

I’ve come this far. No sense in losing my nerve now or talking myself out of it. Time to see it through.

Liam’s writing something down when I enter, and the pen falls from his hand as he looks up. “Oliver, I wasn’t expecting to see you again. You didn’t seem interested in mentoring.”

"You were helping Argyle,” I say, too anxious to do anything other than cut to the chase. “Maybe you can mentor me after all."

"I can?" He sounds doubtful.

"Yeah, I really think I’ll be able to get it this time. Let’s see… "

I focus my magic on the stapler on his desk, willing it to levitate in the air. The stapler floats about a foot above the desk and starts shaking violently. It opens up like I'm about to take out the staples, but then it jerks and breaks into two pieces. The top half flies off in one direction and the bottom half shoots out in another. They hit the office walls around the same time and crash down to the floor.

“Oh darn,” I snap my fingers and put on a disappointed expression. “I messed it up.”

"I’ve seen your powers in action already," He gets over his shock and jumps in. "If you want to continue—”

"Right. If at first you don't succeed, try try again."

I see a lamp made of chrome next to Liam’s computer. I focus my magic on the lamp, letting it flow through me and into the object. The lamp starts changing shape, bulging outwards and then quickly becoming taller and narrow. The power keeps surging through me until finally the lamp collapses in on itself.

“If you want to continue, we should set up a time and meet,” Liam says firmly. "That's enough demonstrating."

"Right, you're the boss."

Except he isn't in charge of the situation. Here I am wrecking his office, messing it up on purpose. None of his metallic possessions are safe. Liam seems upset, firm, serious... yet he isn't taking control .

What's wrong? Why isn't he taking control?

With a quick jerk of power, I reach out for the metallic properties inside the office phone on his desk and the receiver goes flying into his bookshelf, knocking down some of the books. "Oops. I really thought I had it that time."

"Stop." Exasperation colors his tone as he drags a hand over his face. "Stop destroying my office."

Yes! Did I finally rile him up enough for him to put me in my place? Is that a command? Nothing feels different.

Reaching out, I grab onto the watch around Liam’s wrist. It lifts in the air, and I drop it a second later, his arm thumping onto his desk. He glares, both at his arm and then at me.

"Sorry, sorry,” I mutter. “Just checking." My powers are still under my control. I failed.

"Checking?"

"You told me to stop, but…"

"You still have your powers?" Liam fills in as he realizes. "Of course, I wouldn’t take... why don't you sit down? We need to discuss some things."

Feeling very small and foolish, I drop down into the chair in front of his desk.

"Oliver, I told you my powers work under certain conditions. I couldn't take your magic now even if I wanted to."

If I'm trying to get a reaction from him and waiting for him to take control, isn't that voluntary? Doesn't that meet the conditions he mentioned earlier? Does him holding back mean he isn't interested?

Of course, there may be other factors I'm still in the dark about. From the show I witnessed with the water nymph, Liam is a nightbrand. Except this definitely doesn’t relate to moon magic in the traditional sense.

Uh-oh. I definitely got carried away.

I look around and see everything in a new light. "…so, all I'm doing is wrecking your stuff?"

"Can you fix any of it?" he wonders.

"Probably…" The lamp is a melted mess on his desk. The phone isn't much better. With my powers so chaotic, breaking things is a lot easier than fixing them. "Or I might make it all worse.”

Oh goodness. This is mortifying. Under normal circumstances, I’d never even dream of using magic on someone else’s possessions without permission. And I’d certainly never destroy anything on purpose.

This isn’t a normal circumstance, however. I thought it was part of the game, for lack of a better word. But if Liam isn’t playing, then I’m just being terribly rude. The worst part is that I’m not totally confident I can put everything back to normal when so embarrassed and my powers have a mind of their own.

"Okay then. I’ll call the metalbrand professor in here later." He starts to make a note, then glances at the metal wreckage and realizes there is zero chance he'll forget about this item on his to-do list .

Nerves are already tying my stomach in knots when he looks up at me with understanding. "Correct me if I’m wrong here, but were you trying to provoke a reaction from me?”

"Um... what happens if I am?" I whisper.

"Well, that's a very bad idea," he replies firmly.

"Oh... then I'm not," I reply, unable to fully hide the disappointment in my voice.

"Do you know why it's a bad idea, Oliver?"

I take an educated guess. "You're not interested?"

"Guess again."

The unexpected answer gives me the courage to raise my head and look him in the eye. "Does that mean you are interested?"

"It means guess again," he says flatly. His face and his voice give nothing away.

“Uh, this isn't the right environment?” I stammer, recalling he had mentioned something about that, but I wasn’t sure how else to reach him. “I mean, during school…”

"Warmer."

Not that? I'm out of ideas.

"That's certainly part of it," he adds when he sees me stumped. "It isn't the most important reason."

"It isn't?"

Liam leans back in his chair, stretching his arms behind his head and pulling his suspenders tight against his chest. "Look, ask any of my students, check the teacher reviews online, and you’ll see that I'm tough but fair. I expect a lot from others, and yes, I make demands of students and those around me. I know what I want. But none of that applies to a remotely sexual or magical context. That's just me being a stubborn, decisive bastard.”

"O-oh?"

“Being stubborn and bossy is fair game. Dominating someone is off-limits. Oliver, I will not ever , under any circumstances, attempt to dominate someone or exert magical control if they haven't given me explicit permission. It takes more than being interested and role-playing to do this. There are discussions, limits, agreements to figure out first.”

That is news to me. But it makes sense. God, I’m such an idiot.

I was just so excited I jumped right in. And I didn’t want to give myself a chance to lose my nerve. That isn’t very fair to Liam.

“I’m so sorry,” I say, hardly able to even look at the destruction I caused as shame catches up with me. “I let my imagination run wild without considering any of the practical concerns. And I never should have surprised you with this.”

“Oliver, it’s all right.”

“Really? Tell that to your lamp.”

“Lots of beginners get excited and want to jump right in, not even realizing there are rules to follow. Don’t beat yourself up about it. If you’ve never done this before, it isn’t your job to know better. It’s mine.” Liam starts scanning the carnage on his desk. “Where did my pen go? Let me put together a list of websites for you so you can start researching this. Give me your e-mail address and—”

“Um, hold on… is it, would it be possible… could you teach me what I need to know?” When his eyes widen, I cough and add, “Oh god, I’m not asking for a demonstration! I heard what you said. Could you explain , talk me through what I need to know?”

The professor shakes his head. “We probably shouldn’t get started down this road. If there comes a time when you are ready for a demonstration, I’m not sure that would be appropriate for us. You came to me for magical tutoring because I’m a wizard and professor.”

His polite, reserved expression seems a lot different than the friendly professor who teaches with enthusiasm and the fierce man I saw in the moonlight. There wasn't any of the same distance with the student here before me either. Before I can stop myself, the words blurt out of my mouth.

“Are you with that other student? The one in here earlier?”

The surprised look on Liam's face is almost comical, as if I've just asked him something completely outrageous. Maybe I have. But he's not denying it either.

“I'm sorry Oliver, but my personal life is not up for discussion.”

I feel like an idiot, embarrassment creeping up my neck and flushing my cheeks. Of course he wouldn't tell me even if he was seeing someone else. It's none of my business anyway.

There is one question he might answer.

"Why tell me the correct way to do things if you’re not going to show me what you’re talking about?”

"You need to know,” he says. “In case you explore this with someone else. Anyone you give powerto must be trusted to use that power responsibly."

I nod to show I heard him, but I'm not focused on a hypothetical future scenario with someone else while enduring the sting of this rejection.

“Good luck, Oliver. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

I thought I had. All I wanted was one night of fun and freedom. Instead, I’m back to being lost.