Chapter 41

FORTY-ONE

Claudia

A month ago, I had it all.

My dream job, dream man, and dream life.

That life has now turned into a nightmare.

I’ve lost the guy, and the only thing keeping me from giving Randy my letter of resignation is the baby growing inside of me. The same baby that’s the cause of everything going wrong for me now.

I’ve got a broken heart, I can’t sleep but I’m always tired, and an ex-boyfriend who’s become the bane of my existence at work. He hovers around me every day, as if he truly believes we could be friends again, chattering like no time has passed. I fluctuate between wanting to punch him in the face and screech at him, but since neither of those options would be professional, I wind up gritting my teeth and being as polite as possible.

The only good thing is that Hana arrived last night, and I was able to complain about Seth to her, so she’s now on a mission to get him fired. She’s obviously kidding, even though we both wish she wasn’t, but it’s nice to have that emotional support. Of course, the thing I need the most support on—my pregnancy—is the one thing I haven’t told her. She doesn’t even know that Anders and I broke up, but I’m going to have to tell her about that soon since she thinks he’ll be here for Thanksgiving, which is in three days.

“I have to talk to you about something,” I tell her on the drive to work Monday morning. She has a full day of meetings and interviews so I figure I should get this over with before we get there.

“I knew something was wrong,” she says, glaring at me. “But I thought maybe it was just the Seth thing.”

“Yeah, I know.” I take a breath, because it’s going to be hard to lie to Hana, and I’m simply not ready to tell her about the baby.

“Claudia?” She sounds worried now and I hate myself a little for keeping things from her, but if I tell her I’m pregnant, I know she’ll tell Johan and he, in turn, will tell Anders. So I’m going to have to lie until it’s not physically possible to hide it anymore. At that point, I’ll try to make her understand why I don’t want Anders to know until after the baby’s born.

“I broke up with Anders,” I say.

“You what?!” She gapes at me.

I’m trying to focus on the road, but I can see the shock on her face in my peripheral vision.

“It was getting to be too much,” I say. “Too much pressure on all sides. From work, from him, from?—”

“From him?” she interrupts. “He’s crazy about you. What kind of pressure are you talking about? Please don’t tell me you mean sex.”

“No, no, nothing like that. He was nothing but kind and thoughtful. I’m talking about adult relationships. Upcoming trips. Finding time to see each other. He was constantly trying to find a time to fly me to Florida, or to meet him somewhere, and it’s…a lot. I’m busy as fuck at work, and while I know he makes a lot of money and could potentially support me, that’s not where I’m at in life. I want to accomplish something—make a name for myself professionally—before I settle down.”

“And he doesn’t want that for you?”

“He said he did, but his actions said something else.” Part of this is true, because I was feeling torn between wanting to focus on work and spend time with Anders, but that isn’t the real reason I ended things.

“I’m having a hard time with this,” she says. “You’re in love with him—you told me so. And then you just dumped him? What did he say?”

“I kind of lied,” I whisper, feeling like shit about everything all over again.

“You lied? About what?”

“I told him I’d met someone at work and that I didn’t cheat, but that I thought maybe I should see what else is out there before getting serious with someone.”

“What in the ever-loving fuck is wrong with you?” she demands. “Seriously, Claudia, what are you thinking? You know I adore you, but this might be the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.”

Tears sting my eyelids.

I hate everything about this, and it’s so hard not to tell her everything.

“Claudia, I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me. You’re not seeing Seth again, are you?”

That makes me shudder in revulsion. “Jesus, I’m a little broken, but there isn’t enough broken anything to make me date Seth Crandall.”

“Well, at least you haven’t completely lost your mind. So…was Anders upset?”

“Yeah. I mean, we didn’t fight or anything. He told me he hopes I find what I’m looking for and then hung up.” I get teary-eyed all over again. That had been one of the worst days of my life. And there had been a lot of bad days in the last few weeks.

“Damn, girlfriend.” She pauses. “So…you seem pretty fucking miserable. Are you happier without him?”

I snort. “Not hardly.”

“So why did you do it? And why haven’t you called him back to say you were having a terrible day at work, Seth Crandall is making you crazy, and you fucked up?”

“He’ll think I went and fucked some other guy, that guy dumped me, and now I want him back.”

“Not if you talk to him and tell him the truth, that you panicked and lied about that.”

“It’s too late,” I say miserably. “Trust me—he was hurt and upset.”

“Do you want me to?—”

“No!” I’m probably a little harsher than I intended, but the last thing I need is for her to get involved. “Please. This is my first adult relationship, my first real broken heart, and my first job…I need to learn to navigate all of it. Please. Let me find my way own way out of this mess I created.”

She sighs. “It’s a bestie’s job to help. That’s all.”

“I know. And I love you. But I need to do this my way. Although, I am totally down for you getting Seth fired.”

We giggle together and I’m grateful for her presence and support and friendship.

Lying to her is going to be incredibly hard and I’m going to have to think long and hard about how and when to tell her about the baby.

But not today.

She has to be at the top of her game for the next three days—she’s staying with me for Thanksgiving—so she can hopefully get the job offer she so desperately wants.

“Hana!” Seth is standing near the conference room as we walk into the office, and I barely suppress my groan.

“Seth?” Hana can be the world’s best actress when she has to. “Oh, my God, what are you doing here? I thought you were moving home to Mississippi after college?”

He’s caught off-guard and I want to laugh because he hates talking about the fact that he’s from Mississippi.

“Didn’t Claudia tell you I was working here?” he asks, frowning slightly.

“No.” She shrugs. “We had so much to catch up on, it didn’t come up. Anyway, good to see you again.” She turns as Randy and Glen approach her.

Then she’s lost in a flurry of introductions, so I head to my desk.

“Claudia, hey, wait up.” Seth is behind me, and I momentarily close my eyes, praying for strength.

“What can I do for you?” I ask politely, turning with what I hope is a neutral look on my face.

“I was wondering if I could take you to dinner or something. You know, catch up. It’s been a long time. And seriously, you look great, so I thought?—”

“I don’t know what you thought,” I interrupt him, keeping my voice low and my tone firm. “But I have no interest in being friends or anything else. We didn’t end on good terms, and the only thing we have in common is an employer. I’m not going to dinner with you or anything else. Okay?”

His eyes widen and then he has the audacity to look sad. “Hey, I mean, we were young and stupid. We?—”

“We’re not having this conversation. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.” I sink down at my desk and turn on my computer. I’m battling another wave of nausea, but I’ll be damned if I let him think he’s the cause of me not feeling well.

Asshole.

He hovers for another twenty seconds or so but then walks away.

Thank fuck.

I don’t care if he’s hurt, I just hope he doesn’t try to sabotage my job here.

I’m going to have a baby to support in about seven months, so I can’t afford to get fired. That’s the main reason why I haven’t quit. Working with Seth makes everything in my life that much harder, and I’m hanging on by a thread as it is. I need a job and the income I’m making if I’m going to support myself and a child, and that means I have to pull up my big-girl pants and make this work.

A wave of dizziness reminds me I have to eat, but everything makes me sick.

I’ve lost another two pounds, so I need to find something I can keep down, but the constant nausea is starting to get on my nerves. And I’m going to have to fake it with Hana too, because she’ll notice that I’m barely eating.

I sigh, trying to focus on the screen in front of me.

Everything sucks right now, and the only thing I want is the one thing I can’t have.

The person I can’t have.

Anders.

I miss him so much.

I rub my temples trying to fight against the brewing headache and the ever-present nausea.

Something is going to give.

I just hope it’s not me.