Chapter 24

TWENTY-FOUR

Claudia

My heart is beating double-time, pounding against my ribcage so hard I’m afraid he can see it. I’m a nervous wreck, but there’s excitement mingled in there too, along with a little bit of awe that this gorgeous man is mine. Maybe just for this week, maybe for longer, but right now—in a moment I’m positive I’ll never forget—he’s all mine. Ready, willing, and able to do something I haven’t been able to bring myself to do since that night nearly five years ago.

He covers my body with his, pressing soft kisses on my mouth, my cheeks, the underside of my jaw. He’s warm and hard, his much larger body engulfing mine, though he’s resting on his elbows to keep the bulk of his weight off me.

His thoughtfulness warms me, and I realize my body is at war with my mind as I attempt to push away the panic lurking at the edge of my psyche.

I’m tense, but I can do this.

More than that, I want to do this.

With Anders.

It hasn’t been long, but I trust him.

I know he won’t hurt me.

My body might betray me, but he won’t.

If I say it hurts, he’ll stop.

That’s who he is. I wouldn’t be here otherwise.

He shifts, settling between my legs, and I squeeze my eyes shut.

“No.” His voice is gruff, serious, his body frozen as he waits for me to comply.

Slowly, I lift my lids and find him watching me.

“I need you looking at me when we do this. That’s how I’ll know if you’re okay.”

I manage a tiny nod and then?—

He’s right there.

I feel the head of his cock nudging my entrance.

A memory starts to wash over me—back to a place I don’t want to go—but then it’s gone almost as quickly as it comes, replaced by something else. Something slow and gentle and…magical.

“Look at me, beautiful.” His voice is warm and husky, his blue eyes intense as he stares into mine.

“Anders…” I don’t recognize my voice.

It’s breathy and filled with wonder.

Because he’s inside of me.

I feel it. Feel him. His thick erection gradually pushing inside, stretching me open, but unlike last time, there’s no pain. No discomfort. Nothing but the beautiful sensation of lovemaking.

“That’s it, baby. That’s all there is.” He doesn’t move, staring down at me as I gaze up at him.

“It’s…oh wow.”

“Oh wow? That’s all you can say?” he teases, a small smile playing on his lips.

“I…it doesn’t hurt.”

“Not normally, no.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“What do we do now?” I ask, suddenly a little self-conscious, because I’ve never gone beyond this point.

“Anything we want.”

We smile at each other, and then he kisses me again. His mouth is soft but firm, taking control without making me feel smothered or afraid. Our tongues tangle and touch, slow and then faster, passion building from our connection.

And still, he’s not moving.

I shift restlessly as I begin to adjust to how it feels to have him stretch me open, filling me as he gradually starts to move. He pulls out, almost completely, and then glides back in. The sensation is wonderful, and he’s not in any hurry, giving me time to get used to this plethora of new sensations.

“Yes?” he asks carefully, his eyes boring into mine.

“Yes. Please, yes.”

“Easy, sweetheart. We’re not in a rush.”

“But it feels so good.”

“I know.” He bends his head, sucking on the side of my neck until I squirm.

“New job Monday!” I protest, but I’m laughing, and he nods.

“Bummer. I wanted to give you your first hickey.”

“Can you do it somewhere I can cover with clothes?”

His eyes glitter.

“Hell yes, I can. But not when I’m making love to you like this. Later.” He drops his mouth to mine and inches deeper, grinding against me.

A low moan escapes me because a new set of sensations are filling me now. Each time he pulls out and pushes back in, my body clenches and squeezes, anxious for more. I didn’t know there was more. Didn’t know I could want more. Didn’t know there are places inside me that can make me see stars.

“Oh my god!” I cry out, lifting my hips to take him deeper.

“That’s it, beautiful girl. Listen to what your body tells you. I want to feel you come on my cock.”

I should have been embarrassed.

No one else has ever talked to me like that.

But this is Anders.

And I love when he does it.

He picks up speed, moving in and out firmly, each thrust taking me closer to a destination I hadn’t been sure existed. He’s gotten me off with his mouth, but I’m not prepared for how it feels to be filled by him like this. It’s like nothing else I’ve experienced, and out of nowhere, pleasure coils in my belly like a fist, exploding out with enough force to make me jerk against him.

“Anders!” I gasp through his kisses, but he doesn’t stop, grinding and thrusting as my orgasm shakes both of us.

“Fuck!” He growls through his, pounding into me a few more times until he collapses.

My heart is beating even more wildly now that we’re done and for a minute or so, I can’t move, think, breathe. My world is reduced to the myriad feelings and sensations going on inside of me. He is still inside of me, his cock thick and hard, pulsing every so often and making me shiver.

I’d never imagined sex was like this.

It’s so much more than I expected, and yet, instead of feeling awkward or embarrassed, I’m surprisingly relaxed.

I wind my arms around him neck and bury my face against his shoulder.

“I didn’t know,” is all I say.

“But I did.” He kissed my hair and the side of my face. “You okay?”

“So okay. I might not be alive anymore, though, because I can’t feel my legs.”

“Can you feel my cock?”

I chuckle. “Oh, yeah. That I feel.”

“Then you’re still alive.”

“Please don’t move yet.”

“I’m not going anywhere, beautiful girl.” He holds me closer, and we lay like that until I feel some semblance of normal coming back.

He finally shifts his weight, kissing the tip of my nose before he says, “Okay if I move? I’ll be right back.”

I want to say no, but that’s silly. This is his house. It’s not like he’s going to run out the front door and leave me here in his bed.

“I’ll be right back,” he reiterates when I hesitate.

“Okay.”

I feel a chill as he lifts off me and slides off the bed.

I’m not embarrassed so much as incredibly vulnerable.

What we’d just shared was the most intimate thing you could share with someone. I don’t know what he’s feeling, but I’m sure he’s shared something similar with a lot of women, and that part makes me uncomfortable. Even though it shouldn’t.

“Hey.” He slides back into bed and pulls me into his arms. I wind my arms and legs with his as if we’ve done this a million times.

“Is it always so good?” I ask softly. “I mean, was it good because you’re experienced?”

“Yes and no. To both things. It can be this good, but not always. Sometimes the chemistry is just off. My experience made it easier for you, especially under these specific circumstances, but the rest happens organically.”

“And sometimes it doesn’t?”

“A lot of times it doesn’t. You can feel really good in those seconds as you’re getting off, and then roll over feeling like you can’t wait to get the hell out of here. Or sometimes it’s just nice, comfortable, and you roll over and go to sleep.”

“But this wasn’t either of those scenarios. At least, I hope not.”

“Look, I’m not going to lie. Sometimes, good sex is just that. Two people who share an attraction and want to fuck. It’s quick, passionate, feels really good. But that’s all it is. It’s possible to have amazing sex without the emotional bond.”

Crap.

He did what I asked of him and now he’s trying to let me down easy.

I try to move, rolling onto my side, but his arms tighten, and he holds me against his chest.

“Claudia. Stop. I’m not saying that’s what’s happening here. We both know it’s not. I’m just trying to be honest about sex, because you haven’t had it with anyone else. Your attempt with that idiot doesn’t count.”

Somehow, I feel the same way.

“So…does that mean that this is my official first time?” I ask quietly.

“It is in my opinion, but my opinion doesn’t really count in this instance. What do you think?”

“I think I love knowing that it was you,” I whisper, relaxing against him again. “I couldn’t ask for a better first time. Is that weird?”

“Not at all. I love that I was able to share something so beautiful with you.”