Chapter 23

TWENTY-THREE

Anders

It’s been about a decade since I was nervous about sex, but this is different. There are so many levels to what she wants me to do, I’m struggling to unwrap them all. There’s the physical part. That’s the biggest and most important. Allowing me to put my penis inside of her vagina. It sounds ridiculous to phrase it that way, even in my head, but until we can do that, without fear or pain, nothing else matters. I’d planned to start with fingers, but she seems anxious to get this over with.

I never like to think about sex in terms of getting it over with, but I understand it in this scenario.

Mostly, I don’t want her to be afraid.

I also don’t want to hurt her.

Intellectually, I’m sure I won’t.

She’s been to the doctor and gotten the okay.

She had surgery to remove her hymen.

There shouldn’t be any problems.

People have been inserting peg A into slot B for millennia. It’s the most natural thing in the world.

Unless you had a medical anomaly that left you with a bad taste in your mouth. So to speak.

But her nervousness makes me a little anxious as well, and I’m not sure whether I should communicate that or if I should simply man up and be strong for her. She needs me to take the lead, but this is one time where I’m reluctant. Frankly, I probably want to get this over worth even more than she does.

Except I can’t just throw her down and shove it in.

I need to make sure she’s ready. Aroused. Focused on me and not thinking about the past.

“Anders?” There’s a hint of insecurity in her voice and I realize I’ve been so caught up in my own thoughts, I haven’t answered her.

“I just don’t want to hurt you,” I say, grateful I’ve just pulled into my parking spot and can turn off the car. I turn to face her. “You know how much I want to be with you, make love to you, show you everything you’ve been missing. But the idea of possibly hurting you makes it hard to get it up.”

To my surprise, she smiles and reaches out to put one hand on the side of my face. “My doctor assures me that’s not going to happen. The only obstacle here is my overactive brain. Which is why I need you to take the lead and just do it. If you let me keep mulling it over, I’ll never do it. And I have to. I have to get past this, Anders.”

“I know, baby.” I reach out and brush her hair away from her face.

She’s so pretty.

I love staring into her beautiful eyes.

Right now, those eyes are a little haunted, and there’s no doubt she’s battling an inner demon that I need to help her conquer.

“Are you scared too?” she whispers, pressing her forehead to mine.

“A little.”

“I’m sorry. You don’t have to do it. I just thought?—”

“Shh.” I take her hand and bring it to my lips, pressing soft kisses to the back and her fingers. “I want you so bad I can’t even think straight when we’re together. But I want it to be good for you.”

“I’ll just be happy if everything works the way it’s supposed to.”

“Let’s go inside,” I suggest.

“Okay.”

We head to the elevator hand-in-hand, and she leans against my chest on the ride up to the eighth floor. I’d been hoping for flirty and playful, but clingy and needy works for me. I don’t mind taking on the role of protector, even though it’s new to me. My girlfriends over the years have been strong, independent, and sexually adventurous. Claudia has independence in spades, but she needs a bit of support in the other areas, and I realize that I want to be there for her, even if it’s a bit out of my comfort zone.

In some ways, it’s like she’s a virgin, and I’ve never been with one before. My own first time was with someone older and more experienced, so this is a first of sorts for me as well.

Neither of us talk as we head up to my condo, and there’s only one light on in the kitchen as I open the door.

“Felix is out, right?” she asks quietly.

“He promised, but I’ll doublecheck.” I call out to him. “Felix—you home?” I head down the hall and knock on his door before opening it. His bed is made, and everything is dark and quiet, so I close the door again.

“I, uh, bought something for you,” Claudia says, her voice a little shaky.

“For me?” I ask in surprise.

She nods, and then gives me a shy smile before pulling her dress over her head.

Holy shit.

She’s wearing a black lace bra that makes her boobs look even more amazing, and matching lace thong panties, which I know because she does a little twirl to give me the full view.

“Damn,” I breathe, slowly approaching her. “You’re fucking beautiful.”

“Th-thank you.”

“I love lingerie.”

“I wasn’t sure if you would,” she whispers, gazing up at me. “I’ve heard some guys don’t.”

“Any guy who says that is a liar,” I grumble, putting one hand on her waist and pulling her against me. “Especially when you buy something specifically for him.”

“Then I wasn’t sure if you would like black or…something softer… like pink or white or maybe?—”

“I like you,” I interrupt, nuzzling her lips with mine. “I like you in a bathing suit.” I nip her lower lip and tug on it a little. “I like you in those cute sundresses you wear.” One of my hands travels around to cup her firm, round, bare little ass cheek. “I love you in nothing.” I drag my lips across her shoulder and nibble the skin above her collarbone. “But this? A lacy bra and a thong? This might be my favorite yet.”

I capture her lips and slide my tongue between them.

Our mouths move together easily and she’s less timid now, meeting my tongue stroke for stroke. I take my time, as much for her comfort as my own, caressing her skin as we kiss. The curve of her ass.

The indentation of her waist.

Trailing the bumps of her spine.

Until finally, I dig my fingers into the hair at the base of her neck and deepen the kiss. I want to touch every inch of soft, creamy skin, but I also need to work up to it. I need her to want it physically as much as she wants it mentally.

Without warning, I break the kiss and scoop her up into my arms, carrying her groom style to my bedroom, and kick the door shut behind us.

“Oh!” She lets out a little yelp of surprise but doesn’t hesitate to wrap her arms around my neck.

I gently dump her on the bed before pulling off my polo shirt and toeing off my sneakers. I grab a condom out of my nightstand before sliding onto the bed next to her and rolling on top of her. I start kissing her again, picking up where we left off in the living room, hoping to keep her mind on how she’s feeling, instead of on what we’re about to do.

That’s almost counter-intuitive, wanting her to think about something other than the fact that I’m about to make love to her, but these are extenuating circumstances.

She wraps one slender leg around me, drawing me closer, and my dick is practically screaming to be released from the prison of my khaki shorts. I’m commando beneath, and I reach down to unbutton them, so I’ll have easier access once we’re ready.

I let my lips skim her jaw, move across her throat, and then down to her chest. When I get to her cleavage, I nuzzle between her breasts, cupping them with my hands. Her nipples are hard little peaks, and I suck on one right through the fabric of her bra. She arches her chest, and I reach behind her to unsnap the bra. Her breasts fall free, begging for my attention, and I’m up for the job.

She likes when I touch her breasts, especially when I suck on them, so I focus on her pleasure, hoping to keep my cock at half mast until she’s ready.

“God, that feels good…” She moans, fingers digging into my hair.

I suck harder while using my fingers to pluck at her other nipple, keeping her body on high alert.

“Anders, please!” Her cry is soft but filled with the kind of need I’ve been desperate to bring out in her.

With the fingers of one hand continuing to pluck and pinch her nipple, I slowly lift my head and find her eyes in the semi-darkness. “Tell me what you want, baby.”

“Y-you.”

“I’m right here.”

“You know what I want. I’m ready.”

I take a breath and reach out my hand, gripping the condom. I rip it open as I turn on my side, shimmying out of my shorts and sliding the condom down my erection. She’s watching, and as our eyes meet again, wiggles out of her panties.

Fuuuuck .

“Say it,” I whisper hoarsely. “I need you to say the words.”

Her fingers fist my hair hard enough to make my scalp sting and her eyes are bright with intensity.

“Do it, Anders. Make love to me.”

In what universe do I say no to a request like that?