Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

I Can’t Fall in Love with You

Ruby

It’s been three weeks since Macklin agreed to help me with my virginity, and we’ve been like two ships crossing in the night. He’s either at school, playing hockey, or hanging out with the guys. I should have asked him how this would work that afternoon, but our little conversation ran longer than I expected, and I had to get back to campus for a class.

With my best friend sneaking around with the hockey captain and coming close to getting caught on more than one occasion, I am a little hesitant to suggest to Macklin that we sneak around too, but I am also damn frustrated Macklin isn’t following through on his word. So I finally decide to text him.

Me: We need to talk.

I figure the message doesn’t carry any inuendo just in case my brother is beside him, which he usually is.

I wait for a response, but it doesn’t come right away. I stop by the quad and bump into Annie.

“Hey,” I greet her. I take a seat on a bench beside her.

“What’s up?” she asks.

“Not much. That’s the problem,” I tell her.

She frowns.

Knox walks by and glares at me. I broke things off with him when Macklin told me he’d take care of my V-card. Knox said he was a one-woman kind of guy, and I respected his wishes but now he’s giving me attitude. I don’t understand why he is so sour. I didn’t lead him on, even though he said he feels like I did. I apologized for any misunderstanding but when he sees me, he gives me dirty looks.

“Damn.” Annie cringes. “He’s not over you.”

“I guess not,” I sigh. “I feel terrible, but I was genuinely hoping to feel something with him.”

“You can’t force chemistry, Ruby,” she advises.

“Tell me about it. I really tried with him. Sometimes I think I’m broken,” I confess.

“You aren’t broken, you just need to meet the right guy who will light your body on fire. Someone who you’re drawn too so much that you lose control when he’s close,” she explains. It makes me think of the attraction between Charlie and Finn. They can’t seem to stay away from each other, even though it can get both of them in trouble.

“Have you felt that before?” I ask her.

“I thought I did but it wasn’t real,” she says with a far-off look. “I can still give good advice even if I’m a broken mess when it comes to guys.”

“You’re not a mess. You’ve just met the wrong guys,” I assure.

“There’s a pattern for me babe,” she replies.

My phone buzzes.

It’s a message from Macklin.

Macklin: Sorry, Periwinkle. Your brother is always around me and I am feeling hella guilty.

Me: Don’t back out on me now.

Macklin: Guys are going to a bar in town tonight. I’ll stay behind.

“Thank goodness,” I cheer.

“What’s going on?” I find Annie watching me with a curious smirk.

Oops.

“Oh, nothing. Just a group meeting for one of my classes. They were hard to pin down,” I fib. I don’t like lying but it’s a half truth. It’s hard to get Macklin alone.

Annie watches me like she is trying to get in my head. “Is something going on, Rubes? I swear, between you and Charlie, I feel like you guys are hiding something.”

“Absolutely not,” I protest. I promised Charlie I wouldn’t share what is going on in her life, and I am at a point where I can’t even share with Charlie that Macklin has agreed to take my virginity because there is too much at stake.

“Okay, if you say so,” Annie says. “I better get to class.”

“Me too,” I tell her.

We both stand and hug, then we part ways.

I head to my software construction class. A nervous excited energy radiates through me as I anticipate seeing Macklin tonight. Will tonight be the night?

After class, I head to the track. It’s just outside the sports complex. I get ready for practice and see Charlie as I’m leaving the locker room.

“I’m happy we have practice, or I feel like I would never see you,” I tell her.

“I’m sorry, Rubes, this semester has been crazy,” she states. “I better get changed quickly. I’ll see you on the track.” She leans in to give me a quick hug.

I head over to the track and stretch. I wish I could talk to Charlie about this whole situation with Macklin. I kind of know what to expect from sex, but I’ve really only ever kissed a guy. I’m pretty sure my brother scared off all the guys back home and that’s why no one wanted to date me.

Charlie heads on to the field and Coach Rutledge blows her whistle. She instructs us on what to do for practice. At least the weather is cooling so these afternoon runs aren’t as brutal as they were a few weeks ago. When we are done with our run, Charlie is watching me carefully.

“Is everything okay?” she asks.

“Yeah, why?” I ask her back.

“I don’t know, you seem a little antsy.”

I want to laugh at her choice of words.

“I just have a lot of work I need to get done. I think I’ll head home and do it there. Are you planning on coming home tonight?”

“To sleep, yes.” She gives me a sheepish smile.

“How long are you planning on staying away from him?” I ask of the hockey captain, Finn Heaton.

“As long as it takes,” she replies. “I’ll be at the library until late.”

I hate that relief washes over me at her words. I feel guilty about not sharing this momentous occasion with her, but Macklin and I are crossing a line that can’t be uncrossed. I know the stakes are high. I trust him and feel close to him. I’ve crushed on him since I was a teenager. The situation seems like a no-brainer and, most importantly, it isn’t any of my brother’s business.

We head into the locker room to shower after practice. Charlie and I are always careful about what we say in the locker room. Everyone can basically hear everything and some of the girls on the team love gossip, especially about guys on the hockey team and basketball team.

I head back to the hockey house after practice. No one’s home and I head to the kitchen to make some dinner. Finn, the hockey captain, likes to cook a lot of the meals in the house and Charlie usually helps, but since they aren’t coming home tonight, I figure I should whip something up for Macklin and me.

I make a quick chicken stir-fry with some rice. Then I head to my room and get some homework done at the desk. My new bookcase sits beside the desk. I stare at it and smile when I notice a little note. For you, Periwinkle.

I hear the front door open, and my heart stutters with excitement. He’s home. I don’t want to seem overeager and run into his arms, even though that’s kind of what I want to do.

“Periwinkle,” he calls out and it feels like his excitement matches mine.

Butterflies flutter inside me from the special name he calls me, which feels more like an endearment now.

I open the door to my bedroom. “Hi.”

“Are we the only ones here?” he asks.

“Now you ask after calling out Periwinkle?” I joke.

“Damn, you’re right. I need to be more careful.” He winces.

“Charlie’s out for the night and you said the guys are going out too,” I remind.

“They left,” he confirms.

“I made some dinner. Do you want to eat first?” I ask.

“First?” He watches me with a deer in the headlights look in his eyes.

“Rubes, we’re not having sex tonight. You can’t just have sex with someone. We need to work up to it.”

“Work up how?” I ask. “I thought you just take girls to bed all the time.”

“True, but you aren’t just any girl. If you’ve waited this long, then it means you have to feel things,” he says.

“I can’t fall in love with you, Mack.”

His lips pinch. “That’s not what I meant. I just meant we need to slowly work toward sex. We can’t just go at it.”

“Is it because I’m inexperienced? Be honest. Because I’m a quick study.”

Macklin groans like I am causing him physical pain. “Let’s start with dinner.” He rubs at his face.

We head into the kitchen and I heat up the food on the wok. I place a serving on each plate I prepared on the counter.

We sit beside each other at the kitchen table.

“Thanks for making dinner,” he says, and he places his hand on my thigh and gives me a squeeze. My breath hitches from the intimate touch.

“Is this what you mean by slow?” I ask him. Because if he keeps touching me, I’ll want to jump his bones.

“Yes,” he confirms, and he pulls his hand away.

We start to eat dinner. “I spoke with Abuela today. She was talking about Thanksgiving already.”

“It feels like school just started. I can’t believe Thanksgiving is in two weeks,” he replies.

“I can’t believe I’ve been living here that long.”

“Tell me about it,” Macklin says dryly.

“Will there be other girls while we are doing this?” I ask awkwardly.

He drops his fork. “Of course not.” He looks offended. “I would never do that to you. I haven’t touched a girl since you moved in here.”

His cheeks turn a light shade of pink.

“Why?” I ask.

“Because you ruined me the day I saw you naked,” he admits.

I watch him silently, unable to speak, let alone eat.

“I was so embarrassed. No guy has ever seen me naked and my first time was with you in the most awkward way. You seemed like I repulsed you. Like you couldn’t get away from me fast enough,” I confess since we are being open with each other. Although speaking so openly with Macklin feels forbidden and makes my heart race.

“I wanted to run because you made me as hard as a rock. I couldn’t show you or tell you what seeing you did to me,” he shares, and his eyes drop to my lips.

I lick my lips, feeling my mouth water.

I’m no longer hungry for food.

“What do we do now?” I ask. I’m hoping he’ll want to kiss me because I want to kiss him so badly.

He fills a forkful of stir-fry and then he feeds me. “We take things slow, Rubes. Even if it kills me.”