Chapter 59

WILLOW

I'm awake,coffee in hand, dead set on doing some yoga so I can exclaim to the world that I'm able to take care of myself.

I am a healthy person! Look at me!

Of course, I'm not going to admit to how much sugar I've put in my coffee.

Or cream.

Just… let me do my yoga and go from there.

Plus, I need that wonderful mix of caffeine and relaxation right now. It's been more than a minute since I last tutored Jax and I need to track his ass down and get him to hit the books again so this doesn't reflect poorly on me.

Not to mention if he actually ends up getting booted off the hockey team, everyone will blame me.

Lots of pressure dealing with a hockey player like that.

I'm just glad we didn't end up complicating things by hooking up.

We were close though. Really freaking close.

I'm not sure I ever had that happen before with a guy…

Getting that close. Being that turned on. And then suddenly feeling like… eh, this isn't going to work.

Of course, that opened the door for something just as messy.

There are no secrets around here.

At least not when you're sort of near a group or people, if that makes sense.

I'm well aware that Jax is screwing Mila.

Yeah, the Mila that had been with my brother for a while.

I'm not sure where lines are clear or blurred, and I'm avoiding it all as much as possible.

Part of the reason I haven't tutored Jax in a little bit.

But I have to face him. No matter what. I have to keep things… professional.

I mean, his dick isn't inside me, right? So what's it my business to care what he does with his dick?

Just as I leave my dorm, ready to get my yoga on, Mila calls me.

Mila.

The Mila.

I wonder what in the world she's calling me for…

"Hey, Mila," I say.

"Your brother is in serious trouble," she says.

"What?"

"Willow, it's bad. It's really bad."

"Let me talk to her quick…"

That other voice… Jax?

I cringe.

"Willow," Jax's voice says.

"Jax?"

"I know, this is weird. Listen to me. Your brother tried to drink himself to death last night."

"He did what?" I ask, my heart sinking. I drop my yoga mat and my coffee. "What do you mean…"

"Willow, you need to get here right now."

"Where is here?"

"His dorm, Willow."

"You're in my brother's dorm right now? With Mila?"

"Yeah," Jax says. "Fucking weird, I know. It's been a long night."

"Wait. What did you just say? You spent the night in my brother's dorm?"

"Just get your cute little ass over here, Willow."

I blush. "You think I have a cute little ass?"

"You think Willow has a cute little ass?"I hear Mila's voice ask.

The call goes dead.

Now I'm on the run. With a lot of thoughts racing through my head.

Like, yeah, okay, Ward likes to drink. A lot.

But he's always been that way.

I remember him sneaking drinks out of our father's liquor cabinet at the age of thirteen. That was just how Ward was. He wanted to be cool and edgy.

He always passed his classes though.

Hangovers for him were badges of pride.

And it wasn't like he was alone in it either.

I mean, look, college is… it's supposed to be wild and fun, right?

Jax meets me outside Ward's building.

I basically jump into his arms.

He catches me.

"What is going on?" I ask.

"It's pretty bad in there, Willow. He really tried to do himself in last night. Booze and I think he mixed in some pills too. He texted Mila that he was going to end his life. She showed up and he started to get nasty with her. She asked me to come over."

"I'm sure that helped things," I say. "You're fucking his girlfriend!"

"Ex," a voice says behind Jax.

I jump out of his arms and watch Mila appear.

"Ex," I say. "Right."

"Don't think I don't feel like the worst person in the world right now," Mila says. "But your brother has a problem. It's not just about last night. It's constant."

"Constant…" I whisper.

"He needs help," Jax says. "And believe me, I don't give one damn about the guy. But he definitely needs help."

"He's in college," I say.

"Willow!" Mila yells. Now she's in my face. "He's going too far. Do you know he knows how to make himself puke?"

"What do you mean?"

"When he drinks too much… which is every single night… he has this method…" Mila's jaw begins to quiver. "He hangs over a toilet and sticks his fingers down his throat. He makes himself puke. All the time."

"And nobody said anything to me?" I ask.

"I'm sorry, Willow. I was just… stuck…"

"And now you're not stuck," I say. "Because you're fucking a hockey player."

"Willow, come on," Jax says.

"Both of you, fuck off," I snap, then push between them. "Just fucking leave, okay?"

I know I shouldn't be mad at them.

But now I'm scared. Terrified.

I keep telling myself this won't be a thing…

My brother just went too hard. That's all. Everyone does it once in a while.

And, yeah, there's a risk in that.

I'm not stupid.

But…

Willow, you know the reality though. You've known it all along. The puking trick… don't lie to yourself. How many times have you seen it yourself?

My body shivers as I enter the dorm.

There's a faint smell in the air. That rotten, stomach acid smell from vomit.

"Ward?" I call out.

"In here," his groggy voice says.

I walk to his bedroom and I almost throw up when I see him and I see his room.

I've never seen so much vomit in my entire life.

Dried all over the floor.

And then my brother himself.

Crusty vomit stuck to his face.

All over his clothes.

He just sits there, staring at me.

"Ward," I whisper.

"Willow," Ward says. "Willow, I think I need to get some help."

I nod.

In that exact moment I don't want to be alone.

I'm a little jealous of Mila for having Jax right now.

My brother leans forward and groans.

He throws up.

He leans forward even more and falls from the bed to the floor.

That's when I realize I need to call home and I need to get Ward into some kind of rehab as soon as possible.