Chapter 37

JAX

I end up alone outside with Mac.

He's in his suit, his tie loose.

Holding a bottle of beer, staring out into space again.

I just stand next to him for a little bit. I don't say a word.

Something people don't realize too often is that sometimes you just need to be present. No words. No jokes. No trying to give advice or compare yourself to the person.

Just stand there and shut up.

Mac hands me the beer bottle. "Have a drink, man."

I don't question him.

I take a swig. The beer is kind of warm. It's a little gross.

I hand the bottle back.

"See those trees?" Mac asks. "Of course you do. It's like a forest back there. He went out there and made a trail. That's where he'd make me run in the mornings before we went to the rink. And I'm talking… run… I'd put some serious mileage in out there." Mac looks at me. "One morning I was in a bad mood. So I asked him why he doesn't run it too. If he's able to force me to do it… he should do it too. I'm not sure if that was the first time he really went after me or not. But he grabbed me by the shirt and pulled me nose to nose with him. He challenged me to a fight. A real fight. Me against him. He wanted to go punch for punch. It scared the hell out of me. Funny enough… the next morning I woke up and he was already outside. Running. I really don't know when he slept. Ever. I have no idea why I'm telling you this, Jax."

"I'm here to listen," I say. "Anything and everything."

Mac sips the beer and makes a sour face. "This tastes like shit."

Mac quickly throws the beer bottle as hard as he can. He makes a small grunting sound like he's ready to burst into tears.

I grab his left shoulder.

"What a fucking bastard though," he says. "You know?"

"I can't even imagine it," I say.

Mac then looks at me. "Hey. At least I get to bury him, right?"

I appreciate Mac offering me that moment with him. Knowing I could hear that kind of stuff and let it roll off my back. Knowing Mac was just blowing off some steam and feeling the pain.

And now I'm at the actual funeral.

In a cemetery.

The casket. The flowers. The whole thing.

It's not the most pleasant feeling and experience of my life.

It also doesn't help matters that Mila is here too.

I mean, of course she's here.

Mila, Ruby, and Violet are close.

Violet is with Mac. Ruby is with Gabriel.

Even aside from that, Mila is the kind of girl that would show up to a funeral to offer support. Just to show she cares.

And damn if that doesn't feel like someone punching me in the gut…

Because she's here alone.

Can you believe that?

After all the nonsense…

And Ward still can't show up? Not even to a fucking funeral?

You're telling me that guy can't stand next to his girl and be there for her?

If that were me…

It could easily be me.

I can just walk right over there to Mila. Slide my hand around her waist. Grab her by the hand. Pull her close and let her know without saying a word that she's safe.

Instead I just stand there.

I keep my focus on Mac.

I listen to the priest speak.

The entire thing is just so damn sad.

The guy who is running Mac's father's company now - Mike - he's bawling. He's blubbering and shaking and the woman he's with is rubbing his back and handing him tissues.

That's what a real woman does for her man.

The same as a real man would stand next to his woman no matter what.

I take my eyes off the scene for a second and look around and sure enough, Mila is looking right at me.

Our eyes lock.

Granted, it's only for a split second before she looks away, but still…

I take a step and the priest then makes an announcement that anyone who would like to place a flower on the casket can do so now.

It's also a chance to see Mac again. Pay our final respects.

Not that any of us really knew much about Mac's father.

But again, we're here for Mac.

A decent sized line forms and I keep my hands at my sides and just look straight ahead.

My feet shuffle slowly when I walk.

I'm the first of the hockey players to get to Mac.

I take a white rose and gently place it on the casket.

Then I grab Mac and pull him in for a hug.

"Love you, man," I whisper.

Mac nods.

I look at Violet.

She nods too.

As I walk and turn to my left, I see Mila again.

She's just a few feet from me now, in line.

There's a moment when I think she's going to talk to me. She doesn't.

I'm sure she's thinking the same about me.

I don't say a word to her.

My eyes go down to the ground and I keep walking.

There isn't much making sense right now. Everywhere I go and everywhere I turn… it's just one thing after another.

Now I've got this gut punch feeling that I've turned my back on Mila.

That feeling makes me no better than Ward himself.

What if I don't give a fuck about Mila's rules?

What if I don't give a fuck about her relationship status?

As far as I can see, the status is on full display right now.

She's alone. And I don't care what she tells her friends or even herself, she does not want to be alone.

At that point… she might as well just be with me, right?