Chapter 34

JAX

This whole thingis fucked up.

It's a gut punch for sure.

It's a shock to realize there are two versions of reality.

Reality is knowing Mac's father was going to die. The man had cancer. And no matter what anyone said, time was just ticking away. He lived a hell of a lot longer than the doctors originally told him.

Which brings us to the second version of reality… the one where Mac's father dies.

He's actually dead.

And I'm standing across the room, staring at Mac as he sits in a chair, staring off into space.

Violet sits on the arm of the chair. She has to be uncomfortable the ways she's curled up, head on his shoulder. She hasn't left his side for a second. Now that's a loyal woman. That's someone who knows what her heart wants and isn't scared to jump into the fire. She and Mac… that's real love right there.

Violet's older sister - Vera - walks toward Mac.

She's a beautiful woman. Very gown up and very mature. I see the way Villi stares at her. He's got that puppy dog look like I've never seen before. Yet at the same time every muscle in his body is flexed. He's ready to kill to protect the woman he loves.

Vera crouches down and hands Mac a bottle of water.

I can't hear her talking but I know she's insisting Mac take a sip of water.

Mac looks pale. He looks tired. He looks sickly.

He looks like someone just told him his father died.

I look to my left and I see Knox sitting on the counter.

He's kind of looking my way, kind of not.

The room is glum. Rightfully so.

Word spread fast around campus too. Really fast.

People have been offering tributes and sorries to Mac nonstop.

That just makes everything a little touchy for Mac.

His relationship with his father… well… you know…

And not everyone knows that truth so to have people show up or send gifts to say they are sorry for Mac's loss…

Vera stands and turns away from Mac.

She's annoyed.

That's when I step in.

I approach Vera. "I'll get him to take a sip of water."

"He's numb," Vera whispers.

"I believe it. This is just what Mac does from time to time."

"Well, no offense to anyone, but I also have to look after my sister," she whispers.

"Fair enough," I say.

I take the water bottle and twist off the cap.

I get close to Mac and squeeze the bottle quick and hard.

Water splashes against Mac's face.

Violet gasps and jumps away from the chair.

Mac is on his feet a second later, water dripping down his face.

Rage in his eyes.

"You need to take a drink of water," I say to him. "You can booze it up too. But water, Mac. Water."

"I'm going to fucking kill you for that."

He tries to grab for me.

I pull him in for a hug instead and I squeeze tight.

So tight that he knows he's safe and protected and he's loved by all of us.

Mac hugs me back and let's himself go for a minute.

Behind me I hear the door open and then shut.

I look over my shoulder.

Gabriel has an arm around Ruby.

They're both staring at Mac and me.

Standing right next to Ruby…?

Mila.

She's by herself. (Big shocker.)

She looks nervous. She's frowning.

She looks at me.

Then she looks away.

I set my sight back on Mac.

He steps away from me and I hand him the water bottle.

"It does nobody any good for you to end up passing out," I whisper to him. "We're all here for you, man. Fuck the rest of the university. Let them do their stupid shit. Everyone here knows the truth, Mac. And we're here for you. We love you, Mac. Goddammit, man, I love you."

Mac takes the water bottle from me and chugs the entire thing.

He does so acting like a prick. He then slams the empty water bottle against my chest, crumpling the cheap plastic.

I grab the bottle and walk it to the trash can.

Mac sits back down.

Violet curls up on his lap.

"So any other news yet?" Gabriel asks, breaking the ice.

"Services are tomorrow," Mac says. "He had everything planned out. No lingering around. That's how he wanted it. I didn't know that. Got a call from a fucking lawyer hours after the old man died. Mike is taking care of a lot too. I'm giving him the company straight up. I decided that for sure. I don't want the company. Mike deserves it."

"Isn't that your legacy?" Villi asks.

"Fuck his legacy," Mac says. "I'm creating my own."

"We'll be there," Gabriel says. "All of us. Whether you want it or not, Mac."

"Coach Damon already worked it out with the board to cancel the game tomorrow," Knox says.

"Great," Mac says. "More attention."

"Well," I say, "Coach Damon can parade out there with backup guys then. Fuck it. This is bigger than the game, Mac. This is all of us… like a family… okay?"

Silence hits the entire dorm.

It's somber.

I keep my eyes forward, refusing to even entertain the idea of looking Mila's way.

I swear I feel her looking at me though.

Like what the fuck does this girl want?

"Bad timing and all, but should we order up some food?" Knox asks. "You guys know me, I can always eat. I'll even pay."

"Bet you will from all those fees your father is collecting," Gabriel mutters.

That sends Knox into launching himself off the counter.

I look at Villi and nod.

Villi moves toward Gabriel and shoves him back.

I block Knox. "Not the time or place."

"He's still acting this way," Knox says.

"I didn't mean it," Gabriel calls out. "Thought maybe I could get a laugh. Bad timing, like you said."

"You know what?" Mac calls out. "Fuck it. You two should fight it out. Your fathers are both assholes, right?"

"Mac," Violet says. "Don't do that."

"Do what?" Mac asks.

"Let's just get some food. Drinks. Just everyone be present in the fucking moment here," I bellow.

Knox takes out his phone.

Casual conversations start to kick up.

I turn away from Knox and Mila is two feet away from me.

"Hey," she says. "This thing sucks, huh?"

"Yeah," I say.

I walk around her and try to think of some excuse to talk to Villi.

I've got nothing.

So I make a line for the bathroom.

I keep myself as calm as I can, meaning I don't slam the door.

I walk to the sink and grab the edge.

I show my teeth to myself in the mirror.

Don't let her get to you, Jax. You know what she said was the truth. And it was right.

I manage to take one breath before someone knocks at the door.

It's this soft, gentle, caring knock and I know it's Mila before she opens the door.

She steps into the bathroom and I look at her. "What if I was taking a piss?"

"You weren't."

"Would you have looked? Huh? At my cock?"

"Jax…"

"Right, sorry. No more talking to you."

I walk toward the door and she blocks my path.

I quickly grab her hips, pick her up and move her out of the way.

"We have nothing to say to one another, honey," I whisper. "Just like you told me."

I walk out of the bathroom.

Mac is sitting forward on the chair, his face buried in his hands.

Violet and Vera are standing next to him, both rubbing his back.

Violet looks at me. She's tired, sad too.

I hear Mila leave the bathroom right behind me.

Now Ruby is giving both of us those curious eyes of hers.

This entire thing is starting to drive me nuts.

And now I have to get ready to show up to Mac's father's funeral.