32. Thirty-One

The next morning, I stretched and rolled over, expecting to find empty space but instead colliding with a solid form beside me.

My eyes flew open to find familiar brown eyes inches from my face. But instead of their usual intensity, they sparkled with something bright and unfamiliar.

“Hi!” The voice from Shepherd was higher pitched and younger. “I’m Dex!”

I blinked, my sleep-fogged brain struggling to catch up. Dex? Right, Shepherd's child alters I’d never met, only heard about.

I pulled the blanket over my naked body and frowned. Dex had managed to put on pajamas. “Um, hi Dex,” I said, my voice raspy. “I’m Eli.”

“I know. Azreal told me. He knows everything!”

Azreal. Another vaguely familiar name for someone I hadn’t met. How many alters were in Shepherd's head? Every time I thought I had a handle on them, a new one popped up, dizzying to keep track.

A huge grin spread across Dex's face—Shepherd's face, but softer, more open. “I like your hair, Eli. It's so white and fluffy, like a bunny!” He patted my head.

Before I could respond, Dex shot off, words tumbling out in excitement. “Do you like dinosaurs?”

“Dinosaurs are pretty cool,” I said, sitting against the headboard.

“What’s your favorite dinosaur? Mine’s a T-Rex!” he said, practically vibrating.

I thought for a moment, trying to recall one that wasn’t a T-Rex. “The one with the big spiny tail.”

“Stegosaurus!” he exclaimed, stomping in place before bouncing onto the bed, sitting cross-legged. “Can we play dinosaurs, Eli? Please? I never get to play with anyone 'cept Az.”

I glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It was still early, not even seven o'clock. Shit. I was supposed to be at the studio soon, but with Dex out… He might’ve been in an adult body, but he was clearly a child. I couldn’t leave a child unattended in Shepherd’s apartment, could I? Gavin would know what to do. I should call him before deciding.

“Let’s deal with breakfast first, huh?”

“Okay!” he exclaimed, leaping off the bed and darting out of the room.

I took advantage of his absence to run a hand through my sleep-mussed hair and rub my eyes. Meeting a new alter was always jarring, especially in the morning, but Dex's enthusiasm felt refreshing. I reached for my phone on the nightstand and found Gavin's number. He picked up on the second ring. “Eli,” he said, his voice crisp and alert despite the early hour. “Is everything OK?”

“Hey Gavin. So, Dex is here. I don't really know what to do with a kid.”

There was a brief pause. “I see. The most important thing is to keep him safe and occupied until I get there. I’ll leave right away.”

“Okay. Any advice in the meantime? He's asking to play dinosaurs.”

“Indulge him as best you can. Dex doesn’t get much time in control, so he’ll be eager to play. Just keep him calm and content. He has coloring books and toys in his room, or you can watch one of his shows. He can’t watch TV, but there are some VHS tapes. Do you know how to work a VHS?”

I sighed, suddenly feeling old. “Yeah, I can figure it out.”

“Good lad,” Gavin said, sending a small thrill through me. It wasn’t quite like when Shepherd called me his good boy or Keres called me little rabbit, but I liked it. “I'll be there soon. Call if you need anything.”

“Will do. Thanks, Gavin.” I hung up, tossed the phone aside, and groaned as I got out of bed. I pulled on sweatpants and a t-shirt and headed into the hall, pausing at the open door to the locked room—Dex’s room probably, since I’d never seen Shepherd go in there.

He was in the kitchen, reaching into a high cabinet. Snacks were strewn across the countertop. “Dex, buddy, whatcha doing?”

Dex spun around, grinning as he held up a box of Pop-Tarts. “Breakfast!”

I chuckled. “I see that. But how about we eat something real first and save the Pop-Tarts for later?”

His face scrunched in a pout. “Aww, but Pop-Tarts are the best!”

“I know. If you eat a good breakfast, we can have Pop-Tarts while we watch a movie later. Sound good?”

Dex’s eyes lit up. “Can we watch The Land Before Time ?”

I smiled, remembering it from my childhood. “ The Land Before Time it is. But first, breakfast.” I opened cupboards. “What do you want, Dex? Cereal, oatmeal, or eggs?”

Dex bounced on his heels. “Can we have Fruity Pebbles?”

I grinned at his enthusiasm. It was strange to see such pure excitement on Shepherd’s usually stoic face. “Fruity Pebbles it is.” I grabbed the colorful box and two bowls. “Can you get the milk for me, bud?”

“Okay!” Dex darted to the fridge and returned with the milk jug. He watched intently as I poured the cereal and milk. “Az never lets me have this much sugar for breakfast,” he said, eyes wide as I handed him a heaping bowl.

I shrugged and poured my own. “I won't tell if you don’t.” I winked at him.

Dex giggled and dug into his cereal with gusto. I leaned against the counter, eating my own while watching him with amusement and unease. I’d never been great with kids, even as one. But for some reason, Dex was easier.

After breakfast, I stepped into the bedroom to call Cherry. She picked up on the third ring, her voice raspy with sleep. “Eli? Everything okay?”

“Hey, Cherry,” I said, watching Dex dart around the living room, gathering plastic dinosaurs. “I hate to do this last minute, but I can’t come in today.”

“Oh?” Cherry teased. “Did somebody have a late night with a certain tall, dark, and handsome dom? I won’t judge.”

My face heated. “No, it’s not that. I mean, yes, I was with Shepherd last night, but...” I trailed off, unsure how to explain Shepherd’s DID. “Something came up, and I have... babysitting duty today.”

“Babysitting?” Cherry sounded surprised. “I didn’t know Shepherd had kids.”

“It’s a long story,” I said, watching Dex carefully arrange the dinosaurs on the coffee table, lining them up in a way that made sense only to him. “But I’m stuck.”

“No worries. Family first, right? Let me know if you need anything.”

“I will,” I promised and hung up.

I stepped back into the living room. Dex was engrossed in his dinosaur setup, making little roaring noises as he moved them around. I watched him, feeling an odd protectiveness wash over me. I’d just met this kid, this alter, but somehow I felt responsible for him.

A sharp knock startled me from my thoughts. Dex's head snapped up, eyes wide. “Gavin!”

He scrambled to his feet and raced to the door, flinging it open without checking who it was. I tensed, ready to intervene, but it was indeed Gavin, impeccably dressed in a crisp charcoal suit.

“Gavin!” Dex exclaimed again, and to my shock, he threw his arms around Gavin in an exuberant hug.

Even more surprising was the way Gavin's usually stern face softened into a warm smile. He ruffled Dex's hair. “Good morning, Dexter. I see you’ve been keeping Eli company.”

“Uh-huh! We had Fruity Pebbles for breakfast, and Eli said we could watch a movie and have Pop-Tarts later! Look!” He grabbed Gavin's hand and dragged him to the coffee table. “I found all my dinosaurs! Even the triceratops!”

Gavin listened attentively as Dex chattered about his dinosaurs, asking questions and making appreciative noises. I stood back, marveling at this new side of Gavin. I’d always seen him as Shepherd’s strict, professional right-hand man. But with Dex, he was... softer. Almost paternal.

After a few minutes, Gavin straightened. “All right, Dexter. Why don’t you queue up The Land Before Time in the VHS player in your room? I need to talk to Eli for a moment.”

“Okay!” Dex gathered an armful of dinosaurs and scampered to his bedroom.

Gavin turned to me, his expression shifting back to neutral professionalism. “Thank you for handling this morning, Eli. I know meeting a new alter can be... disorienting.” I shrugged, shoving my hands in my pockets. “It’s fine. Dex is a good kid. A bit excitable, but sweet.”

Gavin nodded. “He is. Dex doesn’t get much time in control, so when he does, it’s important to let him be a child. Within reason, of course.”

“Of course,” I echoed. “So, what now? Do we just let him watch movies all day?”

Gavin smiled, a rare sight. “Essentially, yes. We let Dex enjoy his time. I’ll need to send a few emails to cancel Shepherd’s classes, but after that, I’m all his. We’ll watch movies, color, play games. Whatever Dex wants.”

I nodded slowly. The idea of a grown man having a child alter was still strange to me. But I was learning to roll with the punches when it came to Shepherd and his system. “Sounds good. I’ll just hang out, I guess? I already called off work. Figured it’d be a good time for me and Dex to get to know each other.”

“Wonderful. I’m sure Dex will be thrilled to have you here.” Gavin pulled out his phone. “Let me handle these emails, and I’ll be right with you both.”

While Gavin typed on his phone, I wandered into Dex's room. He sat cross-legged on the floor in front of an old TV with a built-in VHS player. Stepping inside felt like stepping back in time. Posters of movies and cartoons I vaguely recognized covered the walls, and his bed was shaped like a racecar with a colorful quilt.

Dex looked up, grinning widely. “Eli! Come watch with me!” He patted the floor beside him.

I lowered myself to mirror his position. The movie was queued to the colorful opening credits. Dex grabbed a box of crayons and a coloring book from the floor, flipping it open to a half-finished page of a cartoonish T-Rex outlined in bold black lines.

“I’m gonna color while we watch,” he said, selecting a green crayon. “You can join me if you want.”

“Thanks, bud.” I grabbed a deep purple crayon and began filling in the spaces between the T-Rex's toes.

As the movie played, I got lost in the simple pleasure of coloring. It was soothing to focus on staying inside the lines and picking colors that felt right. Dex chattered beside me, providing a running commentary.

About halfway through the movie, Gavin poked his head into the room. “Eli, could I borrow you for a moment? I thought we could prepare some lunch for Dex.”

I glanced at Dex, engrossed in the movie and mouthing the dialogue he knew by heart. “Sure thing.” I pushed up from the floor, knees popping, and followed Gavin to the kitchen.

He was pulling ingredients from the fridge—bread, peanut butter, jelly, bananas. The quintessential childhood lunch. As he assembled the sandwich, he spoke quietly. “Thanks again for being so understanding with Dex. I know this is all new for you.”

I leaned against the counter, watching his precise movements. “It's definitely not what I expected when I woke up this morning,” I admitted.

Gavin nodded, his hands never faltering as he smoothly sliced the banana into perfect rounds. “Dex is a special case, even within Shepherd's system. He's what we call a time-stuck alter. In his mind, it's always 1993.”

I frowned, trying to wrap my head around that. “So, he thinks he's living in the past?”

“In a sense, yes. He knows time has passed and is aware of some current events and technology. But emotionally, he’s still a child in the early '90s.” Gavin layered the banana slices onto the peanut butter-slathered bread with precision.

“That’s why his room looks like a time capsule,” I mused, picturing the faded posters and chunky plastic toys.

“Precisely. We keep his environment consistent to avoid confusion. It’s best to limit adult topics or current events when he’s around. Others in the system keep Dex protected from all that.”

I watched as Gavin cut the sandwiches into triangles, like my mom used to do. “So, what’s his role in the system? Shepherd’s other alters seem to have a purpose.”

Gavin paused, considering. “Dex’s purpose is to be a child. To experience the joy, innocence, and simplicity of childhood—something that was lacking in Shepherd's early years.”

I nodded slowly, absorbing the information. It made sense, in a sad way. From what I knew of Shepherd's past, his childhood was far from idyllic. It was no wonder his mind created an alter to experience the carefree joy he had been denied.

Gavin arranged the sandwich triangles on a plate with some baby carrots and apple slices. The bright primary colors looked cheerful against the white ceramic. “There is one more thing you should know,” he said, his voice taking on a serious note. “Shepherd's legal name, the one he was given at birth, was Dexter.”

My eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Dexter? So Dex is... what, the original? The core personality?”

Gavin shook his head. “No, not exactly. Dex is an alter like the others. But he holds the memories, the emotions, of Shepherd's earliest childhood. When Annie adopted Shepherd, he chose to legally change his name. A fresh start, a way to distance himself from his traumatic past.”

“Wow,” I breathed, trying to wrap my mind around this new piece of the puzzle that was Shepherd. “That's heavy.”

Gavin's lips quirked in a small, humorless smile. “Indeed. Dex's existence is a testament to the severity of the trauma Shepherd endured. But he also represents hope and resilience. The human mind is elastic and amazing.”

I nodded. The human mind was amazing, and Shepherd's mind was a labyrinthine marvel, intricate and complex. Each alter was a facet of him, a shard of the whole, coping with unfathomable trauma in their own unique way. And Dex, with his childlike innocence and wonder, was perhaps the most poignant of all.

“You know,” Gavin said, interrupting my contemplation, “the fact that you're meeting Dex at all is a good sign.”

I glanced up at him, eyebrows raised in question.

“Dex is... selective about who he interacts with. He won't come out unless he feels completely safe and trusts the person he's with.” Gavin's gray eyes met mine, solemn and intense. “The fact that he's chosen to spend time with you today speaks volumes about his level of comfort with you.”

A warm flush crept up my neck at the implication. I'd only known Shepherd and his system for a short time, but the idea that even his most guarded, protected alter felt safe with me...it was humbling. And a little overwhelming.

“I...wow.” I rubbed the back of my neck, unsure how to respond. “I'm honored, I guess. I just... I want to do right by him, you know? By all of them.”

Gavin's usually stoic face softened into a small smile. He placed a hand on my shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. “You're doing wonderfully, Eli. Trust your instincts. Dex already does.”

Gavin stayed for a while, but there was no need. When I caught him dozing in a chair, I told him to go home and get some rest. I could handle Dex on my own, and he was a phone call away if I needed him.

We spent the day alternating between coloring, watching TV, and eating junk food. By the time eight o’clock rolled around, Dex was absolutely exhausted. He had me tuck him in and read him a bedtime story about T-Rex at the dentist. It was strange to be in reversed roles with the man who’d been vowing to protect me the night before. Now, I was the one protecting him. Though I supposed that wasn’t quite right. Dex and Keres might have shared a body, but they were completely different entities with their own quirks and needs. I liked spending time with them both in their own ways.

As the story wound down, I glanced up from the book to find him fast asleep, clutching a dinosaur in each hand. I smiled and put the book aside as quietly as I could. Carefully, I extracted the plastic dinosaurs from his hands and placed them on the floor next to the bed. Then I smoothed a hand gently over his head. He looked so peaceful, so sweet. I couldn’t resist leaning down to plant a kiss on his forehead.

As I leaned to kiss Dex's forehead, his body went rigid. A vice-like grip seized my wrist, yanking my hand away.

I looked up, startled, into cold, dark eyes. The innocent sparkle was gone, replaced by an intensity that turned my insides to ice.

“What do you think you're doing?” The voice that came out of Shepherd's mouth was low and menacing, dripping with barely restrained fury.

I tried to pull my arm back, but the iron grip only tightened, grinding the delicate bones of my wrist together. I winced in pain. “I was saying goodnight to Dex. I didn't mean any harm.”

The newcomer sneered. “Didn’t mean any harm? Is that what you tell yourself while preying on innocent children?”

My mouth fell open in shock. “What? No! I would never—”

He surged to his feet, towering over me. I stumbled back, but he followed, crowding me until my back hit the wall. His forearm pressed against my throat.

“Don’t lie to me,” he snarled, his face inches from mine, his breath hot against my skin. “Do you think you’re the first of your kind I’ve encountered? You’re not. I know your kind. Lying, selfish predators.”

My heart pounded as I stared into those cold, pitiless eyes. This wasn’t Shepherd or Dex, but someone new—someone dangerous.

I swallowed and took a wild guess. “Azreal?”

“So you know who I am. Good. Then you know what I'm capable of.” His arm pressed harder against my windpipe, threatening to cut off my air supply completely.

Black spots danced at the edges of my vision as I clawed at his arm, desperate for breath. “Please,” I choked, “I would never hurt Dex... We’re friends!”

“Lies,” Azreal hissed, his face a mask of fury. “You touched him. I saw.”

“I was... tucking him in,” I gasped, my lungs burning. “Like you... would tuck in... a little brother...”

Azreal’s lip curled in disgust. “You’re a wolf in sheep’s clothing, a viper waiting to strike. I see you lurking in the shadows, biding your time to sink your fangs into an unsuspecting child. I won’t allow that. Ever.”

“I’m not like that,” I gasped out. “I’m not one of them. I’m like Dex. They hurt me too.”

One of them. The words tasted bitter, dredging up memories I’d rather forget—of the cult, the things they made me do, the lies they forced me to swallow. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out the images.

Azreal's grip on my throat loosened slightly. “Then what are you? Why are you here where you don’t belong?”

I drew in a ragged breath, my vision clearing as Azreal's arm eased back enough to let me speak. “I’m with Shepherd. His…his submissive.”

Something flickered in Azreal’s expression, gone too fast to read. “So you think that gives you the right to get close to Dex?”

“What? No! It’s not like that!” I was seriously pissed off. Who did this asshole think he was? “I’m not some creep trying to hurt Dex. I swear, I would never hurt him or any of you!”

Azreal's eyes narrowed, searching for any hint of deception. His grip on my throat loosened slightly, letting me suck in a breath. “You claim to mean no harm, yet you presume familiarity with Dex and us. Why should I believe you?”

I met his gaze. “Because it’s the truth, dickhead. I care about Shepherd and all of you, even if you’re being a complete asshat.”

Something almost like amusement flickered across Azreal's face before his expression hardened again. “Caring is a weakness. It leaves you vulnerable.”

“Yeah, maybe that's a risk I'm willing to take.” I jutted my chin defiantly. "I've been through serious shit, and I learned that having people who care is what gets you through. So excuse me for trying to be that person for Shepherd and Dex.”

Azreal was silent for a long moment, his dark eyes boring into mine. I maintained eye contact, refusing to look away. Finally, he released me and stepped back.

“Get out,” he said, his voice low and even.

I blinked in surprise. “What?”

“You heard me. Leave. Now.” Azreal's tone left no room for argument.

I rubbed my sore throat, eyeing him warily. Part of me wanted to tell him to fuck off, that I wouldn’t leave until I knew Dex was okay. But the cold look in Azreal's eyes warned against it.

Slowly, I edged toward the door, keeping my eyes on him. “This isn’t over,” I said stepping into the hallway. “You can throw me out tonight, but I’m not leaving Shepherd.”

Azreal's lip curled in a humorless smile. “Do what you want. It changes nothing.”

With that, he slammed the door in my face. I stood there for a moment, my heart pounding, trying to process what the fuck had just happened.

Azreal. Jesus Christ. If that’s how he protected Dex, I’d hate to see what he did to actual threats. My hand drifted to my neck, still feeling the imprint of his arm.

I needed to clear my head. I hurried to my room and changed clothes, not bothering with my shirt buttons. Grabbing my keys and phone, I stalked out, slamming the door behind me.

I stumbled out into the cool night air, taking deep breaths to calm my racing heart. My mind reeled, replaying the confrontation with Azreal. The cold fury in his eyes, the certainty I was a threat... It chilled me.

I didn’t have a destination; I just needed to move, to distance myself from the suffocating tension of Shepherd's apartment. My feet carried me down the dimly lit street, past darkened storefronts and flickering streetlights. The city was eerily quiet, the usual bustle replaced by unsettling stillness.

I shoved my hands in my pockets, hunching against the crisp breeze tugging at my hastily buttoned shirt. In my rush, I hadn’t even grabbed a jacket. Stupid. But I hadn’t been thinking straight.

As I walked, I tried to make sense of what had happened. Azreal's reaction had been extreme, to put it mildly. I understood his protectiveness of Dex, but to accuse me of being some kind of predator? It stung, dredging up painful memories I'd rather forget. Memories of the cult, of the twisted things they'd tried to make me believe about myself...

I shook my head, trying to dispel the dark thoughts, and kept walking, head down.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice the dark figures emerging from the shadows until it was too late. Rough hands grabbed me from behind, one clamping over my mouth while another pinned my arms to my sides in an iron grip.

I tried to struggle, to cry out, but the hands holding me were too strong. I was dragged backwards into a narrow alley, the rough brick scraping against my back. Panic clawed at my throat as I thrashed against my attackers, but it was no use. They had me completely immobilized.

“Hello, Elias.”

That voice. That smooth, oily voice that haunted my nightmares. My blood turned to ice in my veins as the speaker stepped out of the shadows. Father Ezekiel. He looked just as I remembered him - silver hair, cold eyes, that infuriatingly calm smile. The sight of him sent a wave of nausea rolling through me.

I tried to speak, but the words stuck in my throat, choking me. His eyes gleamed with something that looked like satisfaction, like he’d been waiting for this moment, savoring it.

“Did you think you could escape us forever?” His voice was almost soothing, the kind of voice that used to lull the others into obedience. It was a lie, all of it, but it had worked on me once.

My heart hammered in my chest as I thrashed again, the hands holding me tight like iron shackles. I knew this was it—I was trapped. I could feel the walls closing in, the weight of the past crashing down, suffocating me.

“Please,” I whispered, my breath shallow. “Please don’t.”

Father Ezekiel took a step closer, his presence swallowing the alley like a dark shadow. “Welcome home, Elias.”

There was a sharp pinch in my hip and I looked down to see a needle jerk out of me. The world spun, my knees buckling as darkness swallowed me whole.