7. Lumber Zack with the Axe

SEVEN

LUMBER ZACK WITH THE AXE

A s the axe bites into the tree with a satisfying thunk, I let out a little grunt. The white fog of my breath floats in front of my face as I survey the tree that will take pride of place in our living room. My brothers have all gone soft and hired out for their Christmas decorations, but not me. I’m doing it the good old-fashioned way, with nothing but an axe, and some elbow grease.

"A bit to the left, Zack!" Josie calls out, her voice muffled by her scarf.

Oh yeah, and my own personal photographer.

I adjust my swing, aiming lower. "How's that? Am I hitting the sweet spot yet?"

She giggles, a sound that warms me instantly. "You always hit the sweet spot, baby."

I look over my shoulder at her and wink. "It's all in the wrist."

She rolls her eyes. "Okay, I just need one more shot as the tree is falling. Just don't let it hit you on the head. I’m not sure how we’d explain that in the ER."

“Got it. One Instagram-worthy tree coming up!” It only takes a few well-placed swings before the tree starts leaning. I cup one hand around my mouth and shout, "Timber!"

The tree falls on the bed of snow with a disappointing lack of fanfare.

“Okay, I was expecting something a little more dramatic.”

Josie peers at the small screen on her DSLR camera. “It’s okay. I got some great shots.”

I shrug, placing the axe over my shoulder. "I just figured it was big enough to make more noise than that.”

“You know what they say. It’s not the size that counts.”

“ Who says that exactly?”

She shoves my arm playfully. "I have to admit you were right. This is exactly what I needed, Zack. Thank you.”

“I told you. Those fake trees have nothing on the real thing. We couldn’t have bought a more perfect tree."

“Money definitely can’t buy everything,” she says softly.

I look at her, really look at her. There's a twinkle in her eye, but it's not as bright as it used to be. I think both of our lights have dimmed over the past year. Money buys a lot of things, but not the pitter-patter of little feet on the floor. Not yet anyway.

The first few months that we decided to try for a baby, we weren’t concerned when it didn’t happen right away. We figured it would happen when it was meant to. Then those months turned into a year. One year turned into two. And as much as we try to keep our hopes up, every day it gets harder.

"We'll get there, baby."

She looks up at me. “I know. And when we do, it'll be like this tree—worth the effort."

After putting the axe away, I bundle the tree up in ropes and start dragging it back to the house. My boots sink through the snow, leaving deep footprints as I trudge forward. When I’m a few feet from our back door, Josie whistles.

"I have to say, I'm enjoying the hot lumberjack service." She looks me up and down suggestively.

I can't help but chuckle, shifting the tree to a more secure grip. "Babe, I chop wood once a year. I’m not sure I qualify as a lumberjack."

She taps her chin, eyes sparkling with mischief. “You’re hauling lumber . And you are jacked . So, you are a lumberjack.”

I crack up. “Is that how it works?”

“Absolutely. I don’t make the rules.”

Without warning, I drop the ropes and scoop her up, bridal-style. She yelps, her arms wrapping around my neck so tightly she’s almost strangling me.

"Zack! What are you doing?"

"Carrying my lovely bride over the threshold."

Her smile fades slightly. "It’s a bit late to be superstitious. Considering our luck."

I press my lips to her forehead. "We're not unlucky, Josie."

"Two years, Zack. Two years, and nothing,” she whispers.

The sorrow in her voice hits me right in the middle of the chest. "I hate that I can't give you the one thing you want."

She pulls back, searching my eyes. "It's not your fault. It's no one’s fault."

Now that we’re in the living room, I set her down gently next to the couch. "I know. Besides, who knows what will happen. Maybe being around all the kids screaming this Christmas will make us change our minds.”

She shakes her head. "You're terrible."

While I go outside to get the tree, I think about our plans for next week. Spending the holidays with my brothers and their families might be a bit much considering how sensitive Josie has been feeling lately. Being around all our nieces and nephews is always a joy but will watching the children open their Christmas gifts be putting too much strain on my already tender wife?

I shake my head. Tank will be disappointed if we don’t show up. He’s been so excited to show off his new cabin and it’s not for the reasons everyone assumes. I can tell he’s really excited about having a place big enough for the whole family to celebrate Christmas together. My oldest brother might be a gruff, alpha, military guy but underneath he’s a bit of a softie. Especially for family.

When I get back inside, the sweet scent of chocolate fills the room. Josie appears in the doorway of the kitchen holding a mug, steam curling up toward her face. She watches as I heft the tree into the tree stand and make sure it’s secure.

“I can’t wait to start decorating.” Josie takes a sip from her mug but then she looks up at me warily. “You shook it before you brought it inside, right?”

“Don’t worry. I banged this thing around so much that nothing alive could still be in there.”

“Whew. Okay, good. I definitely don’t want any surprise visitors.”

She comes closer, reaching out to touch the needles of the tree. Although she looks happy outwardly, the slight lines bracketing her mouth tell the real story. She’s not really looking forward to doing all this Christmas stuff.

She’s faking it.

Josie goes back into the kitchen while I finish cleaning up all the stray needles that fell off the tree when I was setting it up. I go into the hall bath to clean up after I’m done.

When I come out, Josie is standing in front of the tree. “I guess we should go get the decorations, huh?”

She doesn’t sound very enthusiastic. I move to stand next to her.

"We don’t have to spend Christmas with everyone, you know.” I watch her face carefully as she absorbs the words. “We could spend the holiday on a beach somewhere drinking mai-tais.”

Her eyes finally meet mine. “What, just throw a dart at the map and go?”

“Why not? We could pick any resort we want. A kid-free resort.”

She puts her mug down on the coffee table and then comes back to stand in front of me. The kiss she brushes across my lips is soft and sweet, like a whisper.

"Christmas is about family. We’re lucky to have a family that we love so much. And we can’t avoid kids just because we haven’t been lucky yet."

My hands settle on her hips. "I know. But it's not just about the kids. It's everything. According to Finn, the new cabin is huge. Tank is going to be out of control this holiday."

She smiles. “He’s just excited. Now that everybody has kids it’s harder for you all to hang out. He misses you guys.”

“That’s true.” I remember Finn’s strange comments when we met for lunch. The idea of Josie avoiding me for any reason would absolutely kill me. I feel a pang of sympathy for Finn. He has the family that I’ve been hoping for but what does it mean if his wife isn’t happy?

The grass is definitely not greener in that case.

"Maybe we should appreciate some of the advantages to our situation. Tank says the only movies he’s seen lately have cartoon puppies in them. At least we can still watch our favorite shows.”

Josie nods. “That’s true. And we don’t have to share our snacks. Or our sleep.”

We look at each other.

“Poor Luke,” I say.

“Poor Seven,” Josie mutters.

We laugh together. Josie loves to sleep in so the idea of not sleeping for months is her worst nightmare.

“There are other advantages, too.” Josie grabs my hand and leads me toward the hallway.

“Like what?”

"Privacy," she says, as we cross the threshold into our room. "We can be alone whenever we want.”

“Is that right?” I watch as she inches her leggings down until she can step out of them.

“Uh huh. And do you know what we can do when we’re alone?” Her cheeks flush as she pulls her shirt over her head, leaving her in just a lacy black lingerie set. She bites her lip in that way that drives me wild.

"I know what I want to do," I growl.

Josie squeals as I tumble her back onto the covers, securing her wrists overhead in one hand. My head dips to take a playful nip at her collarbone, then the curve of her breast. She is so damn beautiful and all mine.

As we lie there, tangled in the white sheets, I marvel at the sight before me. Josie's body is a masterpiece and I want to explore every inch. She wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me closer as my fingers trace over the lacy fabric that barely conceals her breasts.

"Look at you." I pull one of the cups down, capturing one taut nipple between my teeth when it pops free. "You are so fucking beautiful."

She arches her back, offering her chest to my hungry lips. I reach below to unhook her bra before pulling it down. I can feel the heat radiating from her core as I settle between her thighs.

"You know what else we can do," I whisper against her skin.

Her fingers tangle in my hair as she pulls me closer. “What?”

My fingers trail down her quivering stomach, brushing against the lacy fabric of her thong. I hook my finger beneath the delicate fabric and pull it down, revealing her glistening folds.

Without another word, I bury my face in her pussy.

She moans and the sound sends a chill down my spine. My tongue dances against her slick heat, teasing her swollen clit as her hips move with me. I’m still fully clothed while she’s riding my face and something about the contrast makes me absolutely feral. Suddenly Josie stiffens and a soft cry escapes her lips.

Fuck, I love that sound.

But I'm far from finished. While she tries to catch her breath, I quickly shed my clothes. Slowly, I help her roll over onto her stomach. The position brings her lush ass in view and the sight alone is enough to make my cock ache.

"Always so ready for me," I mutter, palming one curvy ass cheek. I position myself at her entrance, teasing her with the head of my cock.

"Oh my god.” She arches her back. "Zack, I want you."

Normally, I would love to tease her longer but I feel like I’m about to burst. I push forward, slowly burying myself in her wet heat. The way she gasps and moans as I stretch her is so arousing to watch.

Pretty soon, the room is filled with the sound of our moans and the rhythmic sound of our bodies slapping together. Her nails curl into the sheets beneath us as she absorbs the full force of each thrust. Soon my hips have set a punishing rhythm, slamming her into the bed over and over. My fingers cover hers, holding her down.

Her body tenses beneath me. "I'm so close."

The coil of tension winds tighter and I know I’m going to come at any moment. She feels too good and she’s too beautiful for me to hold back.

"Come for me," I growl. "I want to feel you fall apart.”

She stiffens and lets out a hoarse little cry. I can feel the waves of pleasure rolling through her. With one final thrust I let go, white-hot lightning shattering me into a million pieces.

We both collapse on the bed, tangled in each other’s arms. As our heavy breathing gradually slows, I move closer and curl my arm around her waist.

"That was incredible," she whispers.

I brush a strand of hair away from her forehead. "You’re incredible. We might not have the family we imagined yet, but we have this. We have us."

She reaches up to touch my lips. "I love us."

As I pull her closer, I think of all the amazing things about our lives that would change if we had kids. After watching how my brothers have handled the changes, I’m starting to wonder if it hasn’t happened for a reason.

Josie and I have the perfect relationship. She calms the restless energy inside of me and I nurture the artistic spirit inside of her.

Maybe that’s enough.

Maybe it’ll have to be.