15. Gabe Looks Everywhere

FIFTEEN

GABE LOOKS EVERYWHERE

I ’m practically inside my suitcase as I rummage through the jumble of clothes. “How could I lose it when I just had it?” I mutter under my breath.

But after tearing through the contents of my suitcase, the closet downstairs, and all the drawers in the guest room, there is no way to avoid the truth.

I lost Finn’s gift.

Luckily he doesn’t seem too worried about it. He sent another text message a few minutes ago saying not to sweat it.

But I am going to sweat it because I should be able to handle something as simple as keeping up with an envelope.

Something has been going on with Finn lately anyway. He's got this way of smiling that doesn't quite reach his eyes, and his laughter sounds a bit hollow. He’s doing his best to keep up appearances, but I see through the cracks.

If I’d known him longer, then I could probably figure out what’s going on with him. But that’s another legacy of our dear old Dad. Brothers from different mothers who don’t know each other as well as we could have. As well as we would have if we’d grown up together.

Tank would know. He grew up with Finn and can read his moods better. He’s got a knack for understanding all the things Finn doesn’t say.

I'm throwing shirts and socks back into my suitcase when Sasha peeks her head through the door. Her eyes roam over the mess on the bed curiously. "What are you looking for?"

“Um, nothing. Just unpacking.”

Her eyes go back to the jumble of clothes but the panicked look on my face must signal her not to ask.

“Right. Anyway, I’ve been thinking.” She comes into the room and closes the door behind her. “I know we were planning to announce tomorrow…”

“And now you’re having second thoughts. Why?” I drop a crumpled shirt on the pile.

She shifts, looking anywhere but at me. “I just saw Zack and Josie downstairs. She seemed a little down.”

"You think it's insensitive to share our good news because of Zack and Josie's struggles?"

She nods. "Exactly. I’m not sure it’s the right time."

I can't help but chuckle, though I know this is no laughing matter to her. "And when do you suggest we do it? When your water breaks at the dinner table?"

"Gabe!" She swats at me playfully. "Be serious. I was thinking we could just tell people after the New Year."

I pull her into a half-hug. “Babe, we can't put our lives on hold because of what others are going through. It's not insensitive. It's life. And when it happens for them, we'll be right there celebrating louder than anyone."

She leans into me. “I just hate the thought of hurting anyone.”

"I know but do you really think you can keep this"—I pat the belly bump that popped out suddenly a few days ago—“under wraps for any longer?”

She laughs. "I guess not. Even wearing these huge shirts, it’s kind of obvious.”

I take Sasha's hands in mine, feeling the tremble in her fingers. "Talk to me. What's this really about?"

She looks down. "I'm scared, Gabe."

"Scared of what?"

"Once my mother finds out, she’s going to barge in telling me all the things I’m doing wrong. And maybe I’m a tiny bit scared that she’ll be right. Because I don’t know what I’m doing. What if I’m not ready to be a mom?”

I pull her into a hug. "No one is ever really ready. But we've got each other, and a whole family of people who can help us. We’re not alone.”

She buries her face in my shirt. "I'm just worried I won't be a good, hands-on mom because of work. My mom was always there, you know?"

I stroke her hair. "Sasha, if being a good mom meant staying at home, we wouldn't have any women CEOs, teachers, doctors, or…anything. You're going to be an amazing mother because you care so much."

"I already know my mother is going to make a big stink about me working. She’ll say it’s selfish to not want to stay at home," Sasha admits.

"Well, this is not the 1950s. Your ambition is one of the sexiest things about you." I waggle my eyebrows, hoping to make her laugh.

She rolls her eyes affectionately. "You think my ambition is sexy?"

"Everything about you is sexy," I say with a grin. "And our kid will think their mom is the coolest for following her dreams. They are going to be just as proud of you as I am."

Sasha's shoulders drop slightly. "You really think so?"

"I know so," I assure her. "And if your mom has made you feel inferior, that's on her. Not you."

Sasha nods. "She does have a knack for that, doesn't she?"

"My mom and Zack's mom worked a lot growing up. They juggled work and us kids like pros. It made us appreciate them more, not less. So whether you're working in the home or out, our kid's going to know they hit the mom jackpot." I make a face. "Plus, it's not like their dad's some bum. I’ll be there when you can’t be. Tank already warned me about the baby goo."

"Baby goo?" Her laughter fills the room, and it's like music to my ears. “What does that mean?”

“I’m not exactly sure. But he said babies are always sticky and you don’t really want to know why so just invest in a mountain of baby wipes. I’m going to take his word for it.”

She shakes her head. "Both of you are ridiculous.”

"I’m serious. They say it takes a village and we’ve got one ready to help us so you can conquer the club scene.”

She shakes her head, a playful glint in her eye. "You've got some ambitious plans for me."

"For both of us. You’re going to open more jazz clubs and I’m going to open more auto shops. Together we’re going to achieve all of our dreams." I take her hands in mine. "This is not your mother’s life. You’re a smart, gutsy, ambitious woman. That’s who I fell head over heels for."

Sasha sighs. "You always know what to say, Gabe."

"Years of practice." I wink.

She looks over at the suitcase again. “Are you finally ready to tell me what you were looking for earlier?”

I hesitate. “Zack passed along a gift for Finn. I was supposed to deliver it to him tonight. But I accidentally misplaced it.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me that? I could help you look for it.”

“Because I figured the reason you thought we weren’t ready for a baby was because of me.”

She looks confused. “Because of you?”

“I know that I can be a little impulsive sometimes. I do things and say things and buy things.” I wince remembering her face when she found out about the garage I bought. “Zack used to tell me the same thing. I was always really good at the customer service part, convincing people to use our shop, or negotiating with suppliers to get lower prices. But not so good with the organization part.”

Sasha puts a hand on my cheek. “Gabe, no one is good at everything. That’s why we have employees and partners who work with us.”

“I know but I didn’t want you to think that I can’t handle the responsibility of being a parent. I was hoping that I could find it quickly and wouldn’t have to admit that I lost it.”

“Well, I can help you look for it. We can retrace your steps. You probably just set it down somewhere.”

“It’s okay. Finn actually said he doesn’t need it anymore. I was just trying to find it out of principle. I don’t want you to think I’ll lose our baby one day.”

She pinches my side. “You’re not going to lose our baby. I’ve been plenty absentminded myself lately.”

“Have you? Because I figured we were going to pretend you didn’t put the milk in the pantry the other day.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She smiles innocently before walking over to the jumble of clothes on the bed.

After we work together to fold them and put them in the suitcase, she sits on the bed. “I am exhausted. Everyone's busy downstairs. They won't notice if we sneak in a quick nap, right?"

I pretend to consider it, tapping a finger on my chin. "A nap, huh? That's what we're calling it these days?"

She swats my arm, but her eyes are dancing with mischief. "Yes, a nap. Although maybe just one kiss before we close our eyes..."