Chapter Thirty-one

Chapter Thirty-one

I’ll be back soon, my thoughts whispered to Hans. I just have business to take care of first.

His reply came straight into my head.

I’ll be right here waiting. Just be careful to mind your grandma. She’s not going to be a happy witch. And if you need me to help you–

I shook my head in my mind. Thanks, but no. This was something I needed to do for myself.

It felt like I’d been gone years not months when the car arrived at Orcop. We crossed Garren brook and before I knew it I was in Lyston Lane, pulling up outside Mum’s place as the sun rose over the hill.

"Could you wait for me here, please?” I asked the driver.

“Of course, ma’am. I’ll wait as long as you need.”

The little red brick house seemed different. I could see the cloud of desperation for holy swirling inside like a heavy dark mist as I walked up the garden path.

I could feel it, too – a weight on the shoulders.

Mum’s car was in the driveway, and I saw the curtains twitch upstairs. I knew it was Grandma peering out with suspicious eyes. I knew they were both in there. I felt it.

It seemed Mum didn’t know it was me appearing on the doorstep, though. She jumped back in shock when she opened the door to find me there on the porch. Her eyes widened.

“Katherine! What are you doing back home?”

She looked smaller than I remembered, in her thick white dressing gown with her hair tied up on her head. I hadn’t realised before just how much white my mother wore. Trying to dress like an angel to please my grandmother.

Grandma appeared behind her, wrapping her old grey dressing gown around herself as she came down the stairs, and Hans was right. She was a lot more attuned to her skills than Mum was. I could see it in her eyes as she glared at me.

“Ah,” she said, stepping up behind Mum with her hands on her hips. “London life has been suiting you. Cavorting with sinners in the city.”

I didn’t rise to the bait, just kept my eyes on Mum.

“Can I come in?”

Mum stepped aside. “Of course you can. Have you had breakfast yet? Do you want some jam on toast? I have your favourite strawberry.”

I brushed past Grandma on my way, but for once in my life I was immune to her judgmental sneers. My self-doubt had shrivelled away.

“I’m not hungry, thanks,” I told Mum as I joined her in the kitchen.

I looked around the place as she put the kettle on, remembering all the times I’d been getting my biscuits from the cupboards late at night and pouring milk on my cereals before school.

“Why are you back?” Mum asked as she got the mugs out. “Is your bar job doing ok? It’s great to see you.”

It hurt a little to see how happy she was. I’d written her off as nothing but Grandma’s accomplice, judging me just as much as Grandma did. But Mum was a puppet on Grandma’s strings, strung up in her web of control.

“Answer your mother,” Grandma said with venom. “Why are you back here? Aren’t you too busy cavorting with dirty men?”

“I haven’t been cavorting with dirty men,” I replied, with no lowering of my head or pounding of my heart.

“Don’t lie, Katherine,” she said. “I know you have.”

I shrugged like her words meant nothing as Mum offered me my tea with trembling hands.

“I’ve been with a lovely man called Hans, actually,” I said. “I think you know him, don’t you? He’s been around Garway church quite a lot over the years. It was lovely to meet him. Finally.”

“Hans?” Mum asked, then looked over at Grandma. “Who is Hans?”

Grandma knew who he was, it was obvious. She knew he was a sinner, yes. But did she know he was a vampire?

She answered that with a smug nod of her head.

“Don’t worry, little one. I know bloodsuckers exist. They are demons. Hans isn’t a man. He’s a monster from Hell.”

I took a sip of tea without rising to it, managing to keep calm. It was tempting to break out and curse and battle, but I wouldn’t lower myself. There would be no shouting or screaming from me. It would frustrate her so much more if her nastiness didn’t touch me.

“Bloodsuckers?” Mum raised her eyebrows. “Have you met demons, Katherine?! What the hell have you been doing?”

“This little one has been playing filthy games with dirty sinners,” Grandma told her, but I took another sip of my tea and shrugged.

“You can say whatever you like, Grandma, but Hans isn’t a dirty sinner. He’s the opposite.”

“All vampires are dirty sinners, Katherine.”

Mum held her hands up, shocked.

“Hans is a vampire?! KATHERINE! What on earth are you doing messing around with vampires? Have you lost your mind?!”

It seemed that neither Mum or Grandma were quite so oblivious to the truths of my imagination as they had made out to be.

Mum dashed past me to stare out through the window, scoping out for other visitors along with me, no doubt afraid to see dirty sinners on the driveway. She let out a shriek when she saw the blacked-out limo, visible through the garden hedge.

“Is he in there?! My God! Is there a vampire in there?”

“The demon won’t be out there,” Grandma scoffed. “How could he be? He’s confined to the darkness, right where he should be.”

“No, he’s not out there,” I said. “That’s a regular human driver waiting for me, not Hans, and definitely not a demon from Hell.”

I couldn’t be doing with any bullshit debating about vampires, or how much of a filthy sinner Hans was, or what I had or hadn’t been doing down in London. I wanted to lay my cards on the table, and watch the lies face the light.

“But I’m not a regular human, am I? I’m a witch, and I know it,” I said to both of them. “Apparently I’m a psychic and a ghost whisperer too. And my father, Thomas, is an occultist, isn’t he?”

They both sucked in breaths.

“You could have just said so,” I said, holding onto my calm as best as I could. “It would have been better than calling me stupid and telling me I was delusional every day of my life.”

“Why in God’s name would we do that?” Grandma said, and I could feel the anger in her as the kitchen units started shaking all around us. “Why would we want to lose you to Hell?!” she yelled and the cupboard door by her head flew open.

I addressed her with a steady tone, my eyes firm on hers.

“You already pushed me into Hell every day you punished me for being myself.”

“Being yourself? A puppet of the devil? The good Lord Jesus will be weeping for you, stupid girl.”

“Jesus can weep for me all he likes, but I think he’s weeping for you more, Grandma. And he’s definitely weeping for Mum, isn’t he? You made sure of that.”

“Jesus isn’t weeping for me,” Mum said, but there was a flash of fear in her eyes. “Why would he be? I’m not a sinner.”

“No,” I replied. “You’re not. It’s just a shame Grandma made you feel like one when you were young enough to believe her. And it’s a shame you made me feel like one along with her.”

Mum’s eyes were like saucers, and I didn’t blame her for the outburst when it came out loud.

“This is crazy! Are you on drugs or something?!”

She looked at Grandma, expecting her to step into the situation, just as she always had done. But Grandma didn’t. Not this time. She read the strength in my stance and the pure truth in my soul, and for once in all the time I’d known her, she looked unsteady.

“Mum!” my mother pushed, gesturing at me. “Is Katherine on drugs? Is she lost to the Devil?”

Grandma was silent, staring at me as I stared back. She was raging, challenged, but I wasn’t. I felt a lightness to my soul that raised me high, and it made sense.

She had no power over me anymore. Grandma’s spite and judgement had no hold over my life.

“Katherine is well and truly lost to the Devil,” Grandma whispered. “She needs to leave now, Serena. She’s finished.”

She turned her back as my mother looked on.

“But wait… wait! Surely she can’t be damned after just a few months?”

“She’s damned,” Grandma said, already on the way into the hall. “See her out, Serena. She doesn’t belong here anymore.”

We’d see about that.

Time to play my first Ace card.

“Grandad says hello, Grandma.”

She spun in an instant, eyes like hot coals. “Sorry? Excuse me? What the hell did you just say?”

“Grandad says hello,” I repeated. “I’ve been up on the tower turrets with him through the night, chatting about his life. And his death. He says he loves you, by the way. He misses your cooking, but not your rotten egg omelettes.”

“Your grandfather wouldn’t be on the tower turrets,” she hissed. “He’s gone to the Lord.”

“He has now,” I told her. “But he’s been waiting an awfully long time to leave. He’s seen you trying to make up for your lies. He’s been watching you attend church every weekend since he fell, trying to tell yourself that lighting a candle makes you a saint, when it doesn’t.”

Mum was white-faced, bracing herself against the sink. It was obvious I’d touched a guilty nerve at the mention of my grandad.

She truly was more of a fragile woman than I’d ever realised. I got a flood of sympathy I’d never expected to be feeling.

“It wasn’t your fault, Mum,” I said. “Grandad told me that himself. Grandma can hint at it all she likes, and tell you the world is made up of sinners who need to atone for their sins, but she’s talking bullshit. If anyone’s committed any sins in this house, it’s her.”

Mum shook her head. “Stop it! I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Grandma’s eyes were simmering when they locked onto mine. It was a challenge. I felt her vicious soul squaring up to mine. But mine would win. I was sure of that now. She could spin the house up into the sky like the wicked witch of the west, but it wouldn’t make any difference, I’d still be secure in my heart, ready to come out unscathed.

“Don’t do this to your mother, it’s vile,” Grandma said, and I laughed, still holding my mug of tea.

“Don’t do what to Mum? Don’t tell her that you threatened to destroy her life unless my father walked away from Garway church that night? That you told my father she’d kill herself from the guilt of killing Grandad if he didn’t drive away and leave us alone?”

“This is ridiculous!” Grandma yelled, but I kept going.

“How about I don’t tell Mum you’ve been a vindictive witch reading into everyone’s secrets and using them to spread hate? How about I don’t tell her that Grandad sends his love and assures her she wasn’t to blame for his fall?”

“STOP!” Grandma screamed and every cupboard door flew open, the cutlery drawer shunted to the floor, spilling cutlery in a clatter. Mum jumped back, cowering.

I didn’t even flinch, just smiled at Grandma.

“You’re disgusting,” she went on. “You’re a delusional liar, beyond redemption!” She turned to Mum. “Tell her, Serena! Tell her to get on her way and out of our house!”

I felt genuinely sorry for my grandmother’s hatred of everything. The crucifixes on the walls meant nothing. Her soul was dark and hidden in bitterness, and it was lashing out at me.

“Tell her!” she yelled. “Tell her to get out of here, Serena. She has no place here anymore!”

But Mum didn’t say a word. She was still white-faced, braced against the kitchen sink, eyes like saucers, but she didn’t tell me to leave.

“I mean it, Mum,” I said. “Grandad says you did nothing wrong. He knows Grandma has been controlling you since you were a baby, and he regrets not trying harder to stop her scheming.”

Grandma jabbed a finger at me with a get out, but Mum shook her head, dismissing her.

“Is Katherine telling the truth? Did you tell Thomas to leave that night? Remember, lying is a sin. Don’t lie to me!”

Grandma didn’t speak, just folded her arms.

“Is it true?” Mum asked again. “Did you use Dad’s death to threaten Thomas into leaving me?”

“Thomas is a sinner,” Grandma said. “I was doing it for you.”

“Lying is a sin actually,” I said. “If you want to preach the virtues, maybe you should start practicing them. You threatened my father away and used it to keep Mum where you wanted her. Admit it.”

My poor mum was staring at Grandma in shock, eyes silently begging her to deny it.

“You sent Thomas away from us?” she asked again.

“Like I said,” Grandma answered. “Thomas is a sinner. A servant of the Devil. I did what I needed to.”

“So you sent him away from Garway church when he came to collect me?”

Grandma’s arms were still folded. Her chin was high.

“Yes, I did. And I’d do it again, because people of magic are destined to Hell. Thomas and Katherine will both face the gates of the unholy, don’t join them there, Serena. I didn’t raise you for that.”

“BULLSHIT!” Mum snapped. “THAT’S BULLSHIT! Thomas isn’t destined for Hell, and neither is Katherine.”

“Oh, they are,” Grandma said. “And if you turn your back on our holy life, you will face the wrath of our Lord. You will finally be punished for what you did to your father that night.”

Mum was quiet, and Grandma nodded.

“Oh, Serena. Stop pretending. You know your witchcraft powers threw your father to the ground. I’ve been trying to help you redeem yourself, and I thought it was working, but now this little sinner has shown back up, determined to drag you down with her.” Grandma looked at me. “We should have turned our backs on you when you were born. You are made of your father’s blood.”

“Yes,” I said. “And I’m made of Mum’s too, and yours, and Grandad’s. And all of our family members before me. If I’m a demon child, then surely we all are? Aren’t you just a demon sinner as well?”

“I’ve had enough of this!” my grandmother raged. “Serena, tell this godawful little witch to GET OUT of our home!”

I didn’t even look at Grandma. I looked at Mum.

“Do you want me to leave?” I asked her calmly. “I can leave if you want me to.”

Mum didn’t answer, torn in two.

“TELL HER TO GO!” Grandma screamed.

“I can go, Mum.” I said. “If you can’t love me for who I am, then I’ll walk away right now. I’d rather be alone than be with people who try to stop me being myself.”

“TELL HER TO GO!” Grandma yelled again, but my mother shook her head. She stood her ground.

“I don’t want to tell Katherine to go. I want to know the truth!”

“You already know the truth, Mum,” I said gently as Grandma seethed with rage. “You know who I am, and you knew my father for who he was, and you know who you are yourself, down deep inside. The only one denying the truth here is Grandma, and that’s because she can’t face her own lies.”

I sounded much more wise and confident than I felt, but that was Mary inside me. It was my ancient past holding me strong – a beacon of calm in the storm.

When Mum smiled I knew it was at the memory of Thomas, my father. I could read it in her.

“I can’t believe it,” she whispered. “I really thought he’d abandoned us…”

“He didn’t abandon us,” I said. “Grandma sent him away.”

“BECAUSE HE IS A FUCKING SINNER!” Grandma raged, and her fury made the whole room rumble. “GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HERE!”

I tried to ignore the shudders of the house around us, but when Mum looked over at my grandmother there was a whole other level to the tremors.

“You lied to me! You’ve been lying to me my whole life.”

“FOR YOUR OWN SAKE!” Grandma yelled. “Don’t let this evil little witch turn you away from God, Serena. Don’t!”

The tremors kept rumbling. Louder.

“You lied…” Mum whispered. “I thought Thomas left us…”

Grandma screeched in rage.

“I SENT HIM AWAY TO SAVE YOU, AND I SHOWED MERCY ON YOU! BECAUSE YOU KILLED YOUR FUCKING FATHER!”

Holy hell, how the walls shook, but it wasn’t just from Grandma’s anger anymore, it was from Mum’s too. The plates rattled on the shelves, cupboard doors flew open and banged shut, and it was like Grandad’s vision of them from the tower. Both of them waging a war.

But I was right there next to them, in the same room, not screaming with waving arms from a turret in the distance.

“Don’t let Grandma win,” I said to Mum. “Because the greatest power you have is forgiveness. Don’t battle with her demons. There’s way more strength in making peace with yours.”

It wasn’t me speaking, it was Mary. It was my past. It was my heritage.

“Honestly, Mum,” I said. “Don’t let her win. Your spells are stronger than hers. Have faith in them. Have faith in yourself, like she should have had right from the start.”

I was silent, daring to hope my words would make a difference and speak to her soul, and it worked. My God, it worked.

Mum looked at me, and she nodded. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, and just like that, the tremors in the walls turned to stillness.

It was incredible. In one heartbeat the air of the house lightened in a heartbeat. Fresh, and bright, and new. Cleansed of bullshit lies.

I smiled at my grandmother. Her spell was finally broken, and she knew it.

“Mum has better control over her skills than you do, doesn’t she?” I said. “You should be proud not ashamed.”

“Curse you both to Hell and eternal damnation,” my grandmother spat, and stormed out of kitchen, out through the front door and down the garden path.

“Don’t worry,” I told Mum. “She’ll be back. She’s nothing without you.”

Mum’s eyes filled with tears. “I’m so sorry, Katherine. For all of this. I’m truly, truly sorry.”

I shook my head. “You don’t need to be. I’m fine now.”

“Maybe. But it’s because the man called Hans saved you, isn’t it? Not me. I’m the one who should have saved you. I’m your mother.”

“Hans isn’t a man,” I said. “He’s a vampire, just like Grandma said.”

Mum laughed a teary laugh.

“And you know what? I don’t care anymore. Please, just don’t make the mistake I did. If Hans is the one you’re in love with, do whatever it takes to be at his side and don’t let anyone stand in your way.”

“I won’t, don’t worry,” I assured her.

She nodded. “Good. I only wish I’d had the chance to do the same.”

Her words hit me in the gut. I wondered if she’d ever see my father again.

I hoped so.

At least the storm was passing now. My grandmother’s ultimate spell was breaking apart, and Mum was breaking her chains. Thank God, I could be part of it.

I looked up at the clock on the kitchen wall. One daytime of sunlight left before I did whatever it took to be with my vampire lover for ever.

I was going to enjoy every second before my transition. I was going to spend my final hours of sunshine with my mother, asking her about my father, and for once, finally, I knew I was going to get the truth and not the lies.

Mum smiled, and I knew she could read my thoughts. She had the same gifts I did. She’d just been denying them to herself for years.

“I have some of the same gifts you have,” she told me. “But a lot of yours are from your father’s side. And yes, I’ll tell you all about him. So how about we get you your jam on toast and have our breakfast out in the sun?”

“I’d love that, Mum,” I said.