Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty

“Katherine?” the ghost asked with a trembling voice, peering through the darkness. “Is that really you? My God, you’ve grown!”

He grew in colour as he got up and walked towards me, bathed in the moonlight. His ghostly presence was cold as he wrapped me in his arms, but his soul wasn’t. I could hear his heart singing loud. I held him back as tight as I could.

My emotions came unbidden. My heart singing as loudly as his.

“What happened to you?” I asked, my thoughts whirring back through old snippets of unanswered questions from when I was a little girl.

What happened to Grandad, Grandma?

An accident.

What kind of accident?

He fell.

Fell from where?

From where the Devil wanted him to fall from…

I shuddered at the memory of her vicious face.

“She doesn’t mean bad, my Rhona,” my grandfather whispered. “She may seem like she does, but she doesn’t.”

I could see the love he had for her shining in his eyes.

“What happened to you?” I asked again. “Hans said that Mum… he said she…”

I had to take a breath.

“Did she murder you, Grandad? Did Mum murder you?”

My ghostly grandad pulled back from me, looked at me with sadness in his eyes. “She didn’t mean to. Lord above, she really didn’t. And believe me, it wasn’t that simple.”

I couldn’t understand it.

“How did she do it, then? How did it happen?”

He beckoned me over to the side of the tower. The ground looked miles away, gravestones like little rocks in the grass.

“I fell, from here.”

“She pushed you?”

“No, no!” he said, and clutched my hand in his cold fingers. “I was searching for her and your grandma. They’d been arguing for hours before your mother stormed out of the house, and I knew Rhona would be going crazy, threatening all sorts if your mother left with Thomas. She was convinced he was the Devil, and convinced you were the Devil’s daughter, but I promise you, she truly believed you could be saved.”

He sighed a sad sigh.

“She does love you, Katherine. Your grandma loves you very much, despite how she shows it.”

It had never felt like it. She never seemed to think I could be saved of whatever madness she thought I was blessed with.

Hans must have seen my expression, talking to the man who was invisible to him.

“Listen to whatever he’s telling you,” he said. “He knows the true soul of everyone involved.”

“I needed to see the grounds because I knew they were here somewhere,” Grandad carried on. “It was dark when I got here, and I couldn’t see them. I could hear them rowing but I couldn’t see where they were.”

He clutched his hands together, shaking his head in frustration.

“Their voices were going crazy, screaming, and I was shouting for them, but they didn’t listen, and I thought it would come to serious blows. I really did. Otherwise I wouldn’t have been such a fool and climbed up here. I was just trying to bloody see them. To stop them.”

I could picture Grandma’s cold face telling me he fell, and was there a hint of something else in her eyes I’d never noticed before?

Pain?

Grandad pointed over to the far side of the grounds, in the corner by one of the old graves.

“They were over there, arguing. Your mother was packed and ready to go, and you were crying in her arms. She was screeching, saying she was leaving, and she didn’t care if Thomas was the Devil or not, she was going anyway. Rhona couldn’t take it. She said she didn’t raise your mother to be like that, and I was so angry with myself for not stepping in sooner, but Rhona was Rhona. Trying to argue with her is like raising a red rag to a bull.”

I knew that well enough.

He waited a few moments before he continued. Hearing him speak was like hearing a confession. He seemed so relieved to be telling the story.

“I waved at them from here, trying to get their attention. I shouted for them to stop fighting, but they didn’t hear me, they were too busy screaming at each other. I’d have gone down there if I could and tried to scream some sense into them myself, but I didn’t have time. It was all happening so bloody fast. Thomas was on his way to get you and Serena, and Rhona went into a rage.”

I could imagine that, too. I knew Grandma’s rage when she lost her temper.

Grandad carried on.

“I yelled as loud as I could when she tried to tear you from your mother’s arms, but she didn’t mean harm, not really. She believed she was trying to protect you and Serena from the Devil. I just should’ve stepped in sooner… Damn it. DAMN IT!”

I braced myself. “How did you fall, Grandad?”

He shrugged. “I was leaning out, trying to get their attention, waving my arms around like a bloody madman, and your mother exploded and lost her temper along with your grandma. But with your mother it was much stronger, desperate. And the power… oh my life, the power. It all came out of her in one huge blast that shook the ground. I mean it, Katherine. It shook the earth of this whole churchyard,” he told me. “The tower rumbled, and I was leaning out from the turrets like a fool, and your mother was screaming in the middle of the night. I should have backed off… I should’ve…”

I placed my hand on his shoulder.

“It’s not your fault, Grandad.”

“No,” he said. “But it’s not your mother’s either. She didn’t know what she was doing with her powers. Rhona never gave her the chance, and I can see that now.”

He laughed a little.

“Hindsight is a great thing to have when you haven’t got anything left to focus on. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it.”

I turned around to see Hans looking at me. He looked so sad for both of us, even though he could only hear my side of the conversation.

“Your mother didn’t mean it,” Grandad told me again. “She’s a lovely girl. Sorry, woman now. I see her here often, alongside Rhona, and I saw you too. I had to stay hidden, of course. Your grandma would have torn you apart if she knew you could see me. And me along with you, most likely. She’s definitely a fiery one, my Rhona.”

“How come you’ve been stuck up here on your own?” I asked him.

“Don’t know quite how,” he said. “Suddenly I was staring down at myself as your mother and grandma came rushing over. Your mother was screaming, and you were crying, and Rhona was bellowing, and I was stuck up here, not knowing quite what to make of it.”

He pointed to the ground.

“I was down there, flat on my back. Glad I wasn’t closer. I’d have looked a right bloody mess, I’m sure.”

I could see his thoughts in my mind. I saw my mum and grandma down at the foot of the tower through his vision, shaking my grandad’s dead body as they tried to wake him. I saw myself screaming in Mum’s arms.

And then I saw my father’s car pull up at the gateway at just gone midnight.

I saw his powerful figure, even in the moonlight. I watched him run from the gate towards the screams to see Grandad’s dead body on the floor.

I sucked in a breath as the images grew stronger. I didn’t want to see them, but I couldn’t push them away.

“Don’t try to hold back from whatever hits you,” Hans told me, breaking into my thoughts from the other side of the tower. “Your soul won’t listen.”

I kept tuned in to the memories.

Grandma had got up and met Thomas – my father – on the path. She’d shoved him out of the way before he could reach the carnage, while Mum was still wailing in shock along with me. I saw Grandma’s hate in her eyes as though I was there next to them. I saw the way she jabbed a finger at his chest while Mum was oblivious to everything going on around her.

Leave now, and I’ll make sure Serena doesn’t know the truth,my grandma had told him. Otherwise, I swear to the Lord Almighty, I’ll make sure she knows she’s a murdering sinner who killed her own father with her witchcraft, and I’ll let her know she deserves to meet the Devil in Hell.

Mum would have listened.

My father had known it.

Mum would have thrown herself off the turrets to make amends.

“You won’t be able to hide the truth for ever, Rhona,” my father had said to her, but she was smug. She knew her own power. Not power over my father – Thomas – but over her daughter. Over her own flesh and blood.

“I won’t NEED to hide the truth for ever,” she said. “Serena deserves to die for what she’s done, using her evil sinning witchcraft to kill her own father, and that’s what she’ll do. She’ll kill herself by her own hand, and so she should. She’s a murderer now.”

“This is YOUR fault, Rhona, not Serena’s. Let me get to her.”

He’d gone to push past her, but she’d gripped his arms in bitter fingers.

“You know I’m right, you sinning demon,” she’d hissed at him. “And then what will happen to her? What will happen to your daughter? Will she grow up knowing her mother killed herself as a murderer because of you, a demon of a sinner?”

He’d paused. Thinking. He’d watched his love crying, with a broken heart.

Why was Grandma such an evil witch to him, and to Mum, and to me?

I realised I’d spoken that question out loud when Grandad answered me.

“She was grieving, too,” he said, as though he was trying to reason with my memories. “She was lost herself, she just didn’t want to be. She was as upset as Serena was, I swear it. And after that she was even worse. She wanted to blame your mother because she couldn’t face blaming herself.”

It all felt like one horrible explosion of grief and carnage. Repressed power and truth. I felt sick.

“So, my father left to save my mother from her own self-hatred,” I said aloud. “Is that what happened?”

It was Hans who replied.

“Yes, that’s what happened. It was a sacrifice. It was the ultimate bargaining tool your grandmother could ever have, and she’d have used it. Plus, your mother would never have left with Thomas while your grandmother was grieving. Rhona would have been too selfish to let her go.”

The ghost of my grandfather spun to face Hans, and he was angry.

“Tell him not to think about my wife that way! He doesn’t know Rhona like I do. He never did!”

I cleared my throat before I spoke to Hans.

“Grandad says you don’t know my grandma. He says she doesn’t mean it.”

“That doesn’t excuse the inexcusable. It doesn’t cleanse the sins as your grandmother likes to call them.”

“That’s why she goes to church every bloody weekend!” Grandad said. “I see how upset she is under the surface, even if you don’t. She may gripe and moan like she always did, but she’s carrying her own demons, just like we all are. She just can’t stand the thought of facing them.”

“What’s he saying now?” Hans asked, and I repeated Grandad’s words to him.

“Hmm. Maybe he’s right, or maybe she doesn’t want to face them because she’s a nasty bitch who can’t break her own ego. I can’t say I’m all that convinced she’s some little saint under the surface, if I’m honest.”

“He doesn’t need to be convinced,” Grandad said. “She’s my wife, not his, and she’s your grandmother, not just some woman he can moan and whine about.”

There was something so simplistically honourable in the way my grandad spoke. I wished he hadn’t died when I was just a baby, because who knows… who knows how different life could have been for me. For all of us…

“The past is the past,” Hans said. “Understanding it can help us make sense of ourselves and our destinies, yes, but we can only live the future through the present.”

I didn’t try to interpret his phrases through rational thought, just let them sink into me. I also didn’t give a shit about the ins and outs of sinners, and witchcraft, and who’d done what to who. Not right then. Not with my long lost grandfather in front of me. I wanted to sit with him. Talk with him. Get to know him, even just a little.

“Yes, of course,” Hans said, and approached me with open arms. “Take your time, little one. Enjoy some space with your grandfather and then do what you will. I’ll be waiting at Edwin’s. Send me a thought and I’ll come for you.”

“Thanks,” I said and hugged him. “I know this was hard for you to do – to bring me here – and this must be shit, and this whole thing must be a crazy whirlwind, but thank you. For everything. Without you I’d be nothing. Just a girl running away from all this without a clue, trying to live a life I was never supposed to be living.”

“This is the life you should be living,” he said and laid a kiss on my forehead. “And you are more than welcome, little one. You always will be. From now on I’m not going to be a figure in the shadows. I’m going to be a part of your world.”

I chanced a bit of humour.

“I can’t wait to introduce you to the family. That’ll be a fun one.”

Hans laughed. “Hopefully nobody will fall off a turret to their death when they kick off next time around. At least I wouldn’t die from a fall. I’m too immortal for that.”

“Neither will I when I’m a vampire. Better hurry up and turn me into one, hadn’t you? And if you even think of saying patience.”

Hans grinned and stroked my face.

“Send me a thought when you’re ready.”

“Thank you.”

There was going to be so much to do, and learn, and think about. My mother and grandmother, and how I was going to approach them about this. If at all. Trying to find out how much they knew about our family history, or if they’d even care.

If they could care about me when they knew the truth of it. That I really was a witch, a psychic and a sinner. Whether they’d ever accept Hans.

And what about my father? Would I ever get to meet him?

But now wasn’t the time for it. Now was the time for my grandad.

I bid my vampire lover farewell for a short while, looking at him with love and pride as he left us, and then I sat down with the man I’d never had the chance to know.

One of them.

He told me about Orcop and growing up in this small village, and what a feisty girl my grandmother was. Stubborn and proud, but a tender soul in the heart of her, even if nobody could see it.

He shared stories about their life that made me laugh, and tales about my mother that had me grinning, and slowly he was coming back to life again. As a ghost. His pain was replaced with happiness as his memories returned in colour.

And then, when the dawn started to break, I knew it was time for him to go.

I felt heartbroken.

“I’ve never climbed down these steps,” he admitted as he rose to his feet, indicating the spiral of steps that led to the ground below. “I’ve always been waiting.”

“For what?” I asked.

He gave me a grin and ruffled my hair. “For someone to walk down with me, I guess. I always hoped it would be you. Give your vampire love my thanks, will you? It’s time for me to step into the light. My time is done. Good timing, isn’t it? Halloween morning, when the veils are the thinnest of them all. Anyone would think it was fated. Ha. I guess they’d be right.”

Fated or Hans’ careful planning.

I welled up as we made our way down the steps, the morning dawn giving a mist to the air.

“You’re really going, aren’t you?” I asked him.

“Yes,” he said. “Now I’ve said my piece, it’s time. I’m sick of this place, to be honest. I’ll be waiting for your grandma on the other side. She’ll be getting an earful, believe me, but no doubt I’ll be getting one in return.”

I didn’t want to broach the obvious, but he did it for me.

“And as for you, sweetpea, I have no idea when I’ll be seeing you next. Not now you’re giving yourself to a vampire.”

It felt shit, but I nodded.

“Hopefully quite a long time.” I managed to smile. “I don’t want to be burnt to cinders anytime soon.”

He looked up at the breaking sun when we reached the bottom of the tower.

“Enjoy this dawn. You won’t get to see many more of them.”

Or any at all.

He was right. I was going to savour every second.

“Bye bye, then, my little kiddo,” Grandad said, with another joyous bit of simplicity. I saw his full outfit in the light. His loose farmer trousers and the old green shirt he had on. He was in welly boots, and looked like he was off to work for the morning.

“Goodbye, Grandad,” I said, and gave him a hug. “It was amazing to see you.”

“You too, sweetpea. You too.”

I was rooted to the spot as he walked away. His outline faded with every step, but he looked back at me just in time to raise his hand in a wave.

“Say hello to your mother and grandmother for me, And tell them both that I love them. I miss Rhona’s cooking, even now. Though her omelettes always tasted of rotten eggs.”

I laughed along with him.

“Don’t worry, Grandad. I will.”

I was still smiling as he disappeared from view, a tear running down my cheek as he stepped into the light.

I didn’t realise I was crying until I looked up at the sun to take in the beautiful sunrise, savouring the pinks and reds of the heavens.

Then I thought of Hans. He couldn’t come out here for me. I’d have to go back up the tower and into the tunnel. I turned to leave when his voice came into my mind…

No need for that, little one. The car is already at the gate for you, he told me, and I looked up. Sure enough, there was a car waiting.

I walked on over with my arms tight around myself, in a distant state between dreaming and waking, midway between pleasure and pain.

Love and loss, grief, and anger, and hate. And forgiveness, and joy and hope.

Too many feelings to balance all at once, so I didn’t even attempt it.

I got into the car with a hello to the driver, and then I sank into the back seat, preparing for the ride. We were on the way when I got the urge to change direction.

I leant forward between the seats.

“Not back to the manor yet, please. I need to go home… to my mum’s house.”