Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

While I was curious about what Brolrath had to say, I was also on guard. The Demons and I had the same goal… to win. There could only be one winner. I planned to take that title.

"Bitch Goddess Cecily," Brolrath said with a respectful nod of his Pee-wee Herman head. "We'd like to cut a deal with you."

I raised a brow, crossed my arms over my chest and waited.

They'd been huddled together and plotting when I'd been out of earshot plotting with Pandora. Something I was sure wouldn't bode well for me. Was doing a deal with Demons smart? Especially Demons who had an eye on my prize and wanted to win it for themselves. I didn't trust the three brutes as far as I could throw them, which wasn't far. They were huge.

"We," Brolrath continued, referring to all three of them, "don't want to do this."

"Do what?"

"Play this game," he replied.

"And?" I asked.

"And," Drogruzun said. "We've decided to aid you in your quest instead of competing against you. You're the only competitor who seems truly invested in this deadly game."

"Don't believe that shit," Pandora warned. "Isn't that the voice of the asshole who called you a plebian?"

"It is," I told her.

The Demons were confused. They looked around to see who I was talking with.

"I talk to myself," I explained.

"Ahhh," Ezzanod said. "You have a split personality? Or multiple personalities?"

"Something like that," I told him. "It's an actor thing. A way to get into character."

Brolrath's eyes lit up. "I knew I knew you." He waved his hand like a nerd in math class. "Holy moly! What would Dracula do?" he exclaimed.

His cohorts looked at him like he was losing his mind. I groaned. My past had caught up with me once again.

Brolrath smacked Drogruzun on the back. "It's the girl! You know, the one from Camp Bite ."

"The vampire show with the brother and sister?" he asked, suddenly staring at me as if starstruck.

Brolrath, who had the biggest Pee-wee Herman smile pasted on his face, nodded enthusiastically. "Say the line."

"No," I declined.

"Come on," Ezzanod cajoled. "Say the line. Just once, okay?"

"Nope. Nada. Never. Not going to happen." I cut them off with a sharp wave of my hand, my fingertips flaming candles. "Besides, it was already said."

"It's not the same," Brolrath complained.

"Please, please, please," Drogruzun begged. "We'll never ask again."

"For fucks sake, give them what they want so we can't get on with this bullshit," Pandora griped.

I rolled my eyes and groaned again. "Fine." I gave the Demons a withering stare. "Holy moly," I said with as much enthusiasm as I had for a root canal. "What would Dracula do?"

Brolrath's mouth dropped open, and he rubbed his arms. "I've got chills."

Ezzanod nodded. "Same."

Drogruzund was speechless for the first time.

Oh boy. These fans had loose screws.

Heff Brobst yelled, "Players, five minutes until go time!"

Fans or no fans, the Demons suddenly deciding to throw the contest to me wasn't sitting right. "Why the change of heart? About the competition, I mean? When I arrived, you three acted like you wanted me dead. What gives?"

Brolrath appeared sheepish. He cocked his head to the right, indicating that we should move ourselves out of the sightline of Phyllis and Heff Brobst. That was either a smart move or one that would get me killed. I went with my gut and meandered to the spot he'd suggested.

Once out of sight, Brolrath proceeded to explain. "The smoker told us a woman was coming to end us—a woman of great power and fury. A Demon who had the power of two."

"Correct," Ezzanod confirmed. "The power of two must be referring to your split personality issue. And other than when Drogruzun rudely insulted you, you haven't seemed all that furious to me. It was very polite of you to offer to get Brolrath up to speed when Heff Brobst was being such a psychotic dick."

"The woman who smokes made it very clear that our job was to end you," Drogruzun revealed. "We might look evil, but down deep, we're just nice guys with unfortunate body odor and large physiques. We're more into Camp Bite and Pokémon than murder."

The other two gave Drogruzun a look. Ezzanod elbowed him.

"Oh yes! And I'd like to apologize for calling you a plebian. It was unnecessary and uncouth. In my defense, the redhead who smokes told us to insult you. She said if we got you angry enough, you would get messy. It gave us a better chance at survival."

I walked back into sightline, glanced up at the bleachers and flipped Phyllis off. She waved. The talking ashtray was on my shitlist. After I'd profanely expressed myself, I rejoined the guys.

As sincere as the Demons seemed to be, I was having a difficult time believing their story after the way we were introduced. "Keep talking," I said.

Drogruzun ran his huge Demon hand through his Mr. Rogers' hair. It was all kinds of bizarre. "Like my comrade, Brolrath, said earlier, we have no clue as to why we're here."

I studied their confused faces. They seemed to be telling the truth. "How did you get here?"

"OH MY HELL," Pandora shouted. "They're from your fucking imagination. They're not real."

Shit. Was that why they were fans? Because I made them that way? The thought was mortifying. "You don't know that," I shot back.

"Know what?" Ezzanod asked.

This had to be confusing. "Sorry, I was talking to my split personality. How about from here on out, I'll call her Shitty Whore? Will that help?"

"Immensely," Drogruzun said. "Shitty Whore is a lovely name. I once dated a shitty whore, and we had a couple of good decades before she moved on." With his British accent, Shitty Whore sounded kind of nice.

"I'm sorry for your loss," I said.

Droguzun shrugged. "She moved on to Ezzanod."

Ezzanod elbowed Droguzun and giggled. "Too right, she did."

"Do you all live somewhere?" I asked, trying not to lead them. If they were characters from my imagination, they wouldn't be able to answer.

"Oh yes," Brolrath said. "We live in Snoz."

Blow me over with a feather. "With the munchkins?"

"I'm not sure what a munchkin is, but if you mean the delightfully small and violent people with fangs who make cookies, then yes," Brolrath confirmed.

"You have the most warped imagination in the Universe," Pandora muttered.

"Zip it, Shitty Whore. That's not helpful." I smiled apologetically at the Demons. "Help me out here. You look like evil Demons, but you're telling me you're not."

Ezzanod leaned in close. The smell of sulfur was intense. It was all I could do not to gag. "In Snoz, we learned that we needed to stop being the people we think everyone expects us to be and just be the people we really are."

"Holy hell," Pandora yelled. "That's the lesson to be gleaned from The Wizard of Oz ."

Shit was getting weirder by the minute. "Do you all know of the Higher Power?"

"Shaun Cassidy?" Brolrath inquired.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me," Pandora groused with a laugh.

I ignored her. "Umm… sure. Do you know It?"

"Oh no," Drogruzun said. "No one knows Shaun Cassidy. Shaun Cassidy is a mystery."

"But," Brolrath chimed in. "We do know Shaun Cassidy's motto. Good always triumphs over evil. That's the main reason we've chosen to be good."

Of all the ways I thought this might go, this wasn't one of them. However, the clock was ticking.

"I believe them, Shitty Whore."

"Strangely, I do as well," Pandora said.

Brolrath patted my shoulder. "I find it quite endearing that you check in with your other personality. Very charming!"

"Mental instability is not a deterrence. It's a gift!" Ezzanod added. "Lucky you. I'd love to have someone along for the ride of life. Makes it less lonely."

His words hit me surprisingly hard. They didn't apply to me. I had people I loved in my life. Lonely wasn't a word I'd use to describe my existence. However, Pandora was a different story. I wondered if a small part of her enjoyed being stuck inside me. Asking was out of the question. She'd rip me a new one. In the end, it didn't matter. It was what it was, and hopefully, it would be over soon.

"Okay," I said, staying focused. "If I were to take you up on your deal, how would we do it without Heff Brobst and Phyllis catching on?"

The three Demons grinned so wide it made me grin. They were heinous-looking, but their outer shells belied very sweet and pretty interiors. Considering I was a Demon, and so was the man I loved, my uncle, my mom, and some of my besties, maybe I'd have to rethink the idea that Demons weren't trustworthy.

"Picture this." Ezzanod splayed his huge hands out in front of him.

I had a horrible déjà vu of Candy Vargo sharing her version of the Higher Power's plane. Thankfully, Ezzanod's plan wasn't a repeat of the Keeper of Fate's experience.

Ezzanod continued to explain. "When the competition begins, you shall pretend to lose your mind and kill all three of us. It will give you a lead and an advantage as we will be goo on the ground for at least five minutes!"

"Umm… kill you?" I choked out.

"I like it," Pandora commented.

Of course, she did. "Guys, I'm kind of starting to like you, and murdering you seems...way harsh."

Drogruzun patted my head. "It would only be harsh if you didn't have our blessing."

"No pain, no gain," Brolrath added with a double thumbs up. "The next part of the plan is Ezzanods idea." He saluted his buddy as Ezzanod blushed a deep scarlet. "When we regenerate, we fight each other. Drogruzun will end Ezzanod. I will end Drogruzun. And then, I will trip over Ezzanod's body and accidentally decapitate myself!"

"It's brilliant!" Ezzanod gushed. "That buys you another five minutes!"

"It actually is rather ingenious," Pandora stated.

While it was ingenious, it also made me feel wonky. I'd never killed for sport. It wasn't in my DNA. However, the way the guys laid it out, it was more of a battle plan than random mass murder. If I really thought about it, it was one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for me.

The trio stared at me in anticipation. Their eyes were wide, and their huge hands were clasped in front of them. I bowed my head in respect. "I accept your deal."

The three smelly, unfortunate-looking beauties squealed their delight. It was a surreal moment. My next words surprised me and horrified Pandora.

"If you're ever on the human plane, you're all welcome at my home," I told the Demons.

"Are you fucking crazy?" Pandora shouted.

"Shut up, Shitty Whore," I told her. "I might be crazy, but I choose to own it."

"We would be honored, Bitch Goddess Cecily," Ezzanod replied as tears rolled down his cheeks.

"I am speechless," Drogruzun whispered. "No one ever invites us places. Thank you, Bitch Goddess Cecily."

"What they said," Brolrath added, sniffling. "I do believe our absence might be suspect. I'd suggest we do some play-acting now. Let's pretend to despise each other in the open so the killing will look like a natural consequence of demonic behavior."

"So smart," Ezzanod said, patting his friend on the back. "You're always thinking ahead!"

It would be nuts if they actually showed up at my bungalow in LA, but I would welcome them with a hug and a nose plug. This was a very good lesson in never judging a book by its cover or a Demon by his stank. As bizarre and scary as the dream state was, I realized I was growing as a person and a leader.

It was time to do a little acting. That was one talent I definitely had. The party was just starting to get good.