Chapter 8

8

LARKIN

I t took what felt like forever to take a shower, dry my hair and get dressed. It also might have been because I spent an insane amount of time trying to figure out what set of underwear to put on and then adding a few coats of mascara to my eyes.

And maybe a flavored lip balm.

I drew the line at curling my hair.

I texted my mom, letting her know I was fine so my parents wouldn’t worry. They weren’t due to come home for another couple of days, so hopefully the roads would be cleared by then.

I packed an extra set of clothes to change into after trudging through the snow, but I realized I didn’t need them as I walked outside and saw Rhodes had shoveled a path between our houses.

I smiled at the thoughtful touch and started walking across the yards. His front door was unlocked when I went inside, and I could hear his shower running in the bathroom on the second floor.

A braver girl might have gone up to the shower and joined him.

But I wasn’t quite that brave yet, especially before coffee... which I smelled coming from the kitchen.

I dropped my bag of clothes by the door and toed off my shoes, wandering through the living room on my way to the kitchen, marveling at the change.

Rhodes had clearly spent time cleaning. His dad definitely wasn’t big on cleanliness, and every time I had come over when we were kids, I could tell it bothered Rhodes.

It bothered him enough that I knew his room here and at GPA was white-glove inspection ready. Even the garage, which was notoriously dirty by nature, was always organized and clean, the scent of lingering diesel fuel the only hint that he often spent days elbows deep in oil and grease.

I knew his kitchen almost as well as I knew my own. I walked in and poured myself a cup of coffee from the pot he had brewed into the mug he had set out for me.

I tried to ignore the pang of my heart at how sweet he was. Instead, I made myself a cup of liquid energy and started pulling ingredients out to make a few quick omelets. I was just plating them when Rhodes came downstairs, padding into the kitchen in bare feet, jeans, and a t-shirt that said “No Pants Are The Best Pants”.

I snorted, shaking my head.

He wasn’t wrong.

His arms came around my waist as I set the second plate on the table, pulling my back against his front. Taking a deep breath, I inhaled the scent of soap and Rhodes.

I needed to bottle this scent and carry it around.

Waking up with him this morning, I had quickly realized why Skye needed Remy to stay the night.

My sleep had been dreamless, and the best I’d had since my parents left.

I wasn’t stupid enough to think that having a guy next to me was a fix for the nightmares that sometimes crept in. But not being alone helped.

Rhodes made me feel safe, awake or asleep.

His lips found the curve of my neck, gently nipping and suckling at the tender flesh there until I shivered. I felt his smile against my skin.

“This smells amazing,” he murmured, sweeping my hair to the side for better access.

I tried not to squirm. “It’s just eggs.”

He gave a soft hum, his teeth sinking into my neck for just a second. The quick flash of pain created a sudden tug between my thighs that had me gasping.

“I wasn’t talking about the food, baby girl,” he said, his hands squeezing my waist.

My stomach trembled at the term of endearment. Rhodes had actually called me that before, adopting the nickname since I was a year younger than him and our friends. But he had never said it with so much heat behind it as his mouth moved across my neck.

Another delicious shiver wriggled down my spine.

He chuckled, his breath warm. “We should eat. Then talk.”

Logically I knew he was right, but the second he pulled away, I was fighting the urge to reach for him. Now that I finally had him, now that we were finally together , I was terrified of letting him get too far away. Like the dandelion fluff we made wishes on in the summer.

One strong blow and it would all be over.

We ate in relative silence. I tried eating fast, but the more I chewed, the more the food settled like bricks in my stomach. I kept sneaking glances, but Rhodes didn’t seem phased by anything. If he had the same worries I did, he was keeping them locked down.

After watching me push the last half of my omelet around the plate for several minutes, he finally got up.

“Let’s go.”

He held a hand out for me, but it took me a second to accept it. A small frown deepened on his face as he noted my hesitation.

He pulled me into the living room, sitting on the couch. I went to sit beside him, but he surprised me by yanking me down onto his lap.

With a startled yelp, I fell on top of him, barely catching myself on his massive shoulders before I completely toppled over. My knees went on either side of him so I was straddling his lap. I went to adjust my position to something less intimate, but his hands came down on my hips, holding me still.

“Don’t move,” he said softly, his eyes drinking me in.

“Rhodes—” This felt too intense, too intimate.

He never stopped looking at me. “We’re having this talk, and I want to see your eyes the whole time. No more secrets. No more hiding, Lark.”

I slowly nodded, letting the lower half of my body relax onto his strong thighs. I dropped my hands from his chest to his wrists, letting him study me.

“I need the truth,” he started quietly, never breaking eye contact. The submissive wolf in me wanted to yield, to look away from him, but I knew he wanted me to keep his gaze. Rhodes might have been my best friend, and slowly was becoming more, but he was still a beta. Still someone with a high rank in our pack that deserved, demanded, deference.

“Kyle and Konnor,” he went on, and I sucked in a sharp breath, not expecting that.

His thumb stroked over the curve of my hip. “If you want to be with them, I’ll step aside. I just want you to be happy.”

“I don’t!” I blurted the words out as fast as I could, nearly stumbling on the simple syllables. I shook my head vehemently. “I don’t.”

A ghost of a smile flitted across his face. “Lark, all I’m saying is that if you have feelings for them, I understand. We can stop this... now. Go back to how things were before.”

Before ?

My mind couldn’t wrap around that word.

Before, when we barely talked? Before, when it felt like I was being stabbed every time I saw him with a girl? Before, when I let two guys kiss me under some stupid mistletoe and felt sick about it the entire time?

An oily, insidious thought came to me. “Do you want me to say yes?”

He blinked. “What?”

I swallowed hard, terrified to ask. “Do you want me to say that I would rather be with them? To give you an out?”

His eyes drifted shut. “Lark—”

“If that’s what you want, then just say it, Rhodes,” I spat, fury rising. On its heels was the realization that I would never survive this. There was no going back to before for me. Not after last night.

“Larkin, I’m not saying that,” he told me firmly, his dark eyes flashing. “Last night wasn’t some random hook up. But I also know I’ve been an asshole this last year, so I can’t blame you if you wanted something less complicated.”

I sighed. “No, Rhodes. I don’t want them. I’ve spent the last few months trying to prove to myself that I could move on from you. That’s all that was.” I shook my head. “I did a pretty crappy job at it, too.”

“So no Kyle, no Konnor?”

“Only you,” I breathed, loving the way his entire expression shifted to a strange mix of hunger and peace at the same time.

“Only you,” he echoed.

I arched a brow. “That’s going to seriously curb your harem.”

“Harem?” he repeated, brows rising dramatically. His hands tightened on me.

I let him go, wrapping my arms around my waist, feeling stupidly jealous and angry at all the girls I had seen come and go the last couple of years both at school and in the pack.

“I don’t have a harem,” he told me uneasily.

Now I snorted. “Right. The endless parade of women the last few years?”

“Larkin—”

“I get it, okay?” I cut him off, trying to be mature even if just thinking about it left a rancid taste in my mouth. “We weren’t together. You’re allowed to... do whatever you want. Or, I guess, whoever you want.”

I flinched at the bitterness in my voice. I sounded like I was whining or harping or some other annoying verb.

He was quiet for several beats.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized. “That came out a lot more judgmental than I wanted.”

“Truth is, I lost track of how many girls, women, I’ve slept with,” he admitted quietly, shame coloring his tone. “But every single time I was with them, I only saw one face. In my mind, I was only ever with one person. Each one started as a distraction, but it all ended the same way.”

I held my breath, eyes huge.

“You,” he whispered. “I only ever saw you.”