Chapter Nine

“I missed you,” Grey says as soon as we settle into the wide, soft seats that cocoon me entirely as I sink into the familiar space.

The heat of the fireplace warms me and casts a soft glow around the room as I glance over at Grey. For the first time that I’ll actually allow myself to admit, his words give me butterflies, and I reply, “I missed you too.”

The way his eyes light up, and his eyebrows raise let me know that he wasn’t expecting me to admit that I missed him.

He watches me closely for a minute, an array of emotions that I don’t even begin to try and understand, crossing his handsome features before he clears his throat, and his expression wipes clean and settles on a smile.

“So, did you have anything particular in mind that you wanted to talk about?” I ask.

“Well, first I want to suggest that until we figure out what’s going on with this new gift of yours, that you don’t use it. We don’t want you to get stuck and not be able to get back. The Void might not work next time.”

“Erm, that makes complete sense, but there might be one issue with that,” I reply.

He raises one eyebrow as he asks, “What would that be?”

“I didn’t exactly call on it when I was fighting the Wraith. I’m not entirely sure that I can control when it kicks in.”

Grey’s frown is heavy, “Well, that’s not what I was hoping you were going to say.”

I shrug, “I mean, I can try not to use it, but I might not get a choice. It’s exactly like when we first get our gifts and don’t know how to control them.”

Grey looks thoughtful for a second, “Okay, so maybe that’s how we treat it, and we get you to use it in a safe environment and learn how to control it.”

I nod, “Yeah, that sounds good to me. Not yet though. We need to go to the house tomorrow and try and get somewhere with what’s going on here. We know next to nothing, and it’s overwhelming.”

“Exciting though,” he smiles, knowing me well.

I grin, “That too. Although, I am worried that someone I knew in the Underworld could reappear. I don’t know how I would handle that.”

“Are you still having nightmares?”

“Yes,” I reply honestly. There were many nights when he pulled me from mine, and I pulled him from his. There’s no point hiding that I still have them.

His gaze moves to the fire, “Me too.”

We’re silent for a while; both of us are absorbed in our own thoughts, and I once again wish that Poca was with me. I miss him like crazy, and I’m hoping that he’ll turn up at some point like he usually does.

I jump slightly as hands touch my legs, and I look down at Grey crouched down in front of me and on an impulse, my spare hand covers his.

“Farren, I promise you that you are strong enough to deal with this, and I will protect you to the best of my ability. My magic isn’t quite back to where it was, but it is a hell of a lot stronger than it was. I won't let them take you back.”

Instead of getting mad that he’s offering to protect me when I’m perfectly capable of protecting myself, I feel relief. I am sure of my skills in every other situation, but put up against someone that we met in the Underworld leaves me feeling uncertain, and thanks to what happened, there’s every chance that I could freeze or be thrown into a panic attack. Knowing that he has my back makes me feel so much better.

“Thank you, Grey,” I say sincerely, and he nods, moving back to his chair. I’ve been curious about something, and I decide now is as good a time as any to ask, “Why is it taking you longer to get all of your magic back? Mine is back and, judging from today, stronger than I was before.”

Grey shrugs, “My magic was drained a lot more often than yours, and I was there for longer than you were too. It’s just taking me a bit longer to get back to my original strength.”

“That makes sense,” I reply and then add, “you’re fucking strong as it is now. I can’t wait to see what you’re like at full strength.” He smirks, looking proud but doesn’t reply, and I narrow my eyes, deciding to go with it and speak my mind, so I state simply, “I know there are things that you aren’t telling me, things that I was too preoccupied and wrapped up in what I was going through the last time that I was here to really notice but I see it now.”

Grey tenses, and then his eyes cloud with regret as he leans forward, putting his elbows on his knees as he looks at me. I expect him to laugh it off, tell me I’m seeing things, or I’m paranoid or something else, but he doesn’t.

He takes a deep breath as if the weight of the world is on his shoulders, and he looks so torn and exhausted that I copy his position from before and move so that I’m crouching down in front of him. He immediately shifts so that he can pick me up and place me on his lap, and it feels comfortable and familiar even though we haven’t sat like this before. I turn slightly so that I can see his face, and he looks at me, his eyes studying my face intently, looking for something, although I’m not sure what. I simply wait patiently.

Eventually, he replies to me with honesty in his tone as well as regret, “I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that I’m not hiding something; I respect you more than that. But I can’t tell you Farren, I really wish I fucking could, more than anything, but I physically can’t, not yet.”

“Silencing spell?” I ask, referring to a spell that effectively stops you from mentioning things that someone doesn’t want you to talk about. There are different variants and levels right from only lasting a day or so and being able to speak around the order, so if you’re clever, you can still tell the secret. The more extreme end of the spectrum can change who you are as a person, making you act and behave differently than you usually would in order to protect the secret. That one is entirely binding, and it is impossible to go against it. When you are alone, you should be able to act like the real you and possibly around a select few people who don’t pose a threat and even then, only when it starts to wear off but not around anyone else ever.

Grey nods. “Yes, a high-level one. But I’m still me, no change in my behaviour.”

“Well, at least that’s reassuring. Do you have any idea when it will wear off and you will be able to tell me?” I ask because somehow I’m even more curious than I was before now that I know for sure there is something that he was hiding.

Grey’s eyes meet mine, and he shrugs, “When the time is right, I presume. These things tend to work that way.”

I sigh and finish the rest of my hot chocolate, “Yeah, there’s a lot of when the time is right things happening at the moment. Life just got a hell of a lot more complicated, and that’s saying something considering my life wasn’t exactly easy breezy before.”

It starts off as a light sentence, but by the end of it, my voice is soft, and there’s no denying the emotion that’s saturating it. I’m pulled out of my spiralling thoughts when Grey’s large palm cups my cheek. My eyes meet his, and something sparks between us, something else that I wasn’t equipped to notice before. Time seems to slow as he leans closer to me; and I half expect music to start playing from somewhere, but it remains silent as we both move closer.

The sudden popping and sparking of the fire has us both jumping away from each other, and I stand up. That was close.

“We have a long day tomorrow,” I start, and he straightens, a soft smile coming over his features as he nods in agreement, and I add, “I’m just going to head to bed.”

Turning quickly, I practically run from the room and all the way back to my bedroom. As soon as I close the door behind me, I lean on it and take a deep breath.

What the fuck just happened, and more to the point, why did I run away like a scared little bitch? Would it have really been so bad to kiss him? No, it wouldn’t have, except for the fact that I want to kiss the guys too and although relationships with multiple partners are normal here, especially since we have the Centres and their bonded, warrior bond relationships are not. The bonds just aren’t like that; they’re more familial, like brothers or sisters.

I have no idea what that kind of relationship would do to our warrior bond, but I can tell you for fucking certain that I do not feel a sisterly bond toward any of them, not even Zev, although he’s not technically part of the Warrior bond, just the next head Seer as if that’s not complicated by itself.

For fuck sake.

All I’m doing is talking myself around in circles, and I fucking hate it. It should be simple, but it’s so not, and I’ve kissed several of them, which isn’t bad, but I have a feeling that the secret that Grey is unable to tell us is a fucking big one, and I’m not sure that I want to add anything more complicated to the mix.

My own thoughts are exhausting me.

Alright, that’s enough of that fucking bullshit. I have a lot bigger things to focus on and think about, there were a number of revelations today, but first, I need to shower and get into bed. Once that’s done, I end up staring at the ornate painted ceiling for a while, as, of course, my mind wanders back to the men that I find myself surrounded with. Eventually, I start to think about what happened in Monty’s store and about the voice that I heard, which I am certain no one else did. I am beginning to think that the voice may have been connected to a goddess, which blows my fucking mind, and I don’t think she knew that I could hear her, although Monty certainly seemed to figure out that I could, as always though Monty knows more than he lets on and he won’t tell us not unless it’s absolutely necessary.

We knew that finding the parts of the key that will prevent the princes from opening the gates of the Underworld would be difficult; I mean, it’s a task in the Warrior games for a reason, but knowing that not all of the parts are going to be in the Shadowlands makes things especially complicated. The border is fucking locked down. How are we supposed to get to the other parts of the key that could be fucking anywhere, in any of the multiple realms, when we can’t even get out of the Shadowlands. I guess that’s going to be one of the things that we trust the process with because right now, I don’t even have an inkling of how it’s all going to work.

With my mind spinning with unanswered questions, I succumb to sleep.

**********

The next morning I feel a hell of a lot better than I did last night, and I successfully managed to push away any questions that I had. We’ll find answers, or we won't, and that’s pretty much fuck all we can do about it. It’s in fate's hands.

“Morning, guys,” I greet everyone as I walk into the kitchen and take a seat at the large table that’s already laid with breakfast food.

“Morning, Darlin,” Killian greets me and kisses my forehead as he walks past me to get a coffee from the kitchen.

“As soon as we’ve finished breakfast, we’re heading over to your place, Farren,” Storm says, sipping his own drink.

“Sounds good to me,” I reply, “my place is only a couple of miles down the road.”

“Good. Any sign of Poca?” Reaper asks.

I shake my head, “No, and I miss him.”

“Hopefully, he will turn up,” Mayhem replies.

Killian drains his coffee, still standing and then asks, “Is everyone ready to go?”

“Yep,” Loki grins, “I’m incredibly curious to see this place that you bought.”

I smile as I stand, “It’s not much. As I said, it needs a lot of work.”

“I’m still curious about the kind of place that could catch your eye,” Loki admits.

We once again take the carriage to get my place, and I’m missing Revel. Travelling by carriage is okay, but it’s nothing compared to actually riding, and I can’t say that I’m particularly fond of it.

The carriage lands just outside of my gates. The gates are huge, made of metal and still have the initials of the last occupants in script on the front. I hadn’t planned on changing it since it seemed a bit stupid to announce where you live, especially here, where enemies are as plentiful as friends. The grounds are extensive, and I haven’t managed to explore them all since my main priority was to get the house sorted and livable. Although I liked living at Grey’s place and having the company was nice, as I said before, it never really felt like mine, and after so long being forced to live in the cells at my father's place, I desperately wanted somewhere that was just mine.

“Why can’t we land inside the gates?” Loki asks.

“Because my wards and protections are state of the art and work slightly differently from Grey’s,” I reply.

“Meaning?” Zev asks.

“Meaning that if I don’t put your magic signature into the wards so that they know that you are allowed access and we flew over and landed inside the wards, you’d die an excruciating death,” I explain.

“Well fuck, yeah let's not do that,” Loki mutters.

Killian looks at me with a proud and heated look, “Very well done, Darlin’. I’m impressed.”

I wink at him. “We need to get this done fairly quickly. With the Wraiths on the prowl, it’s too dangerous. We’re like sitting ducks out here.”

Storm nods, “Okay, good point. What do we need to do?”

“That’s easy enough. I need you to all slice your palms, put them on the ward at the exact time that I do, and then repeat the spell after me. Even after you say the spell, if any of you mean me harm, you will be expelled from the grounds. The magic of the wards will read you and your intent.” I explain, making sure that they understand. I don’t think that any of them wish me any harm, but I am cynical and paranoid, so a small part of me is glad that they have to go through this; call it another reassurance that I can trust them.

Without hesitation, they all get up and start to get out of the carriage, with me following quickly behind them.

“Let’s do this,” Mayhem smiles as he pulls out a knife and slices his palm. All of the others do the same except for Loki, who extends his fangs and bites down on the fleshy part of his hand. I watch in fascination, and he winks at me when he sees me watching. I’ve heard stories about what a vamp bite can feel like, and I have to say I’m more than curious. As that thought takes root, I remember something that I had forgotten about vampires and dragons. I’m incredibly unlikely to find out because when they bite, not for food but instead for pleasure, they only bite their mate, the one that they will be with forever, and unlike other species, Vamps are much like dragons, and they only mate with their own kind.

That thought has an array of emotions going through me, including sadness and jealousy, and I realise that I like Loki and Reaper far more than I should. Suddenly remembering that Loki is a part of my bonds now, I shut down my flow of feelings to all the bonds before I give something away that I don’t want to. I must let something slip through because Loki’s cheeky look becomes confused, and he frowns, studying me closely.

I know he’s going to ask me something, and I don’t want to answer or explain, so I quickly pull out one of my knives, and I slice my palm, “Alright, on three place your palm on the gate and repeat after me it might sting a little bit, and the magic that will assess you might feel slightly uncomfortable, just stick with it okay.”

They all nod, and I notice that Grey has his palm sliced. Looking at him curiously, he mutters, “Just so you know, I’m still one hundred per cent on your side. They’ve also been upgraded since you left.”

I smile; he knows me well enough that he knows my insecurities, “Thank you.”

“Erm, Love, I’m healing, and it’s cold; my nipples could cut fucking glass. Can we get on with this?” Loki teases, making me laugh.

I nod, “I’ll say the first part and then tell you when you need to repeat, okay?”

“Got it,” Killian replies.

“Hosce homines aditum ad meam domum concedo. Grata sunt com et eunt ut libet, dum mihi nihil noceant.” I place my hand on the gate and then nod to the guys, “Put your hands on the gate and then repeat after me.”

They all repeat after me, and I feel the barrier buzz with the power and blood from the guys.