15. Zan

Idowned the shot before setting the empty glass on the bar and just grabbing the whole damn bottle. Even straight whiskey wasn't touching the emotions that were strangling me. Pax was sitting beside me on the stool while Viggo was behind the bar, making himself a drink.

My eyes drifted to the counter where the woman was lying. Her body was in front of me, her head close to the edge. Amaros was leaned over her, feeding from her neck. Blood trailed down her throat, dripping onto the counter. She was still struggling, and Viggo saved his glass a second before she kicked again. Amaros had gotten her from the back room. She was one of the humans we'd kept in the cages. Her life shouldn't matter to me. It didn't fucking matter to me. But knowing how Kali would react to this had my limbs heavy.

"Here." Viggo tossed a bottle at me, and I caught it before it smacked me in the face. "You need something better for tonight."

I glanced at the scotch before pouring it down my throat. Alcohol affected vampires, but not as intensely as humans. It took much more for us to even feel buzzed. Not that I needed that right now. When Kali came back, she was going to be murderous. I had no doubt that she would actually try to stake me if given the chance. I couldn't be distracted around her at all. Yet I never seemed to have a clear fucking head whenever she was near me.

Amaros lifted his head, his hold staying firmly on the woman's wrists to keep her on the counter. Blood ran down his chin as he licked his lips.

"Go ahead, Zan." He released the woman, and she froze for a moment before swinging her legs to try and escape off the counter. "I'm full."

My movements were instinctual as I snatched the blonde's arm, yanking her toward me before she got far. Her shrill scream was shrouded with panic, and she flailed against me as I dragged her off the counter. I stood up, the stool scraping the floor.

I trapped her arms to her sides, pulling her closer until her back collided with my chest. My father's bite was still bleeding, and I pushed her hair to the side, revealing the uninjured part of her throat. By now she was begging. Pleading for her life. Her screams echoed around the club, but I ignored it as I slid my fangs out. The second I broke her skin, her fighting increased, even though she wasn't near strong enough to break my hold.

My stomach twisted as I sucked, her blood pouring into my mouth. My mind was elsewhere, and I didn't even taste it as I fed. Eating was the last thing I wanted to do right now. But Amaros hadn't missed how I acted around Kali. He was already pissed about it. I wasn't about to do anything else to make him think I wasn't following his orders.

Growing up, we were taught that the needs of vampires and our Kane name always came first. What my father wanted us to do, we did without hesitation. When I stood between him and Kali in the back room, I could tell the small pause before stepping aside was enough to make him want to keep a closer eye on me. And I really didn't want to add to that by denying to feed when he offered.

"I want you three to get into Project Hope to see what they're hiding in that building," Amaros stated, using a cloth to wipe his chin. "Since Kali is from there, maybe she can help."

"Sure, Dad," Viggo said smoothly. "We'll get it done."

I didn't say a word, still drinking. Her heartbeat was getting weaker, her fight nearly gone. Amaros had practically drained her. Probably a good thing that she died now. Amaros would only torture her more if I left her alive.

"I'm serious." Amaros's stare lingered on me. "And once that is done, I'd like the three of you to come visit the property. We have more to plan."

"We'll let you know when we finish," Pax muttered, his gaze staying on the drink in front of him.

"Bring Kali."

His order nearly had me choking on the blood. My family's property was the last place I wanted her to go. Anger jolted through me, and I closed my eyes, reining it back in. Amaros had a special interest in Kali, and I didn't fucking like it. I planned to keep her far away from him.

"She's the perfect choice," Amaros said, repeating the words he'd said in front of her earlier. "You should be able to mate within the year. Make sure it happens."

The woman's heartbeat was nonexistent now. I pulled my fangs out of her flesh, holding her limp body in my arms. Warm blood coated my lips, and I set her body on the counter before lifting the hem of my shirt and swiping it down my face.

I nodded. "If it happens. It comes out of nowhere. It could be next year."

"Then we'll keep her until then. If she becomes too much, I'll move her to the property."

"She'll be fine with me," I gritted out.

I'd found out I could mate three years ago. So far, that had been the only time my mating window had opened. At that time, there was no woman to mate with, so Amaros didn't push it. Not like he would now. The timing depended on each vampire, but three years between mating times seemed to be the average. Which meant my time was coming up again.

"I have business in Holt," Amaros said, naming an area that was about four hours north. "I just wanted to see all my sons on the way. I'm glad I stopped by. Meeting Kali was…a delight."

I stayed absolutely still, keeping my face void of any emotion other than nonchalance. It seemed like he was purposely pushing about her. He probably was. To see if she was important to me. If she was a threat to the hierarchy he had with us.

"One month." Amaros grabbed the bottle of whiskey I'd abandoned. "I want Project Hope by then. We can't make any other moves until it's done."

"We'll make sure it happens," I promised. "Good to see you, Dad."

Amaros nodded at us before spinning around and heading to the exit. He disappeared into the night with his loyal vampires flanking his sides as he strode away. Viggo let out a sigh and grabbed the woman's body, heaving it over his shoulder. He walked to the back, putting her in another room. Before the end of the night, we'd have someone dispose of her body.

Pax bounced his foot as he stayed sitting on the stool, resting his chin on his crossed arms that were on the bar. Neither of us said anything. He was doing the same thing I was—listening to Amaros until he was out of earshot so we could talk freely. Viggo returned, rounding the bar and making all three of us another drink.

I kept glancing at the entrance, wondering when Gia would bring Kali back. I had to restrain myself from going after her when she ran from the club. The only reason I held back was because I knew Gia would follow her. That and Amaros would have wondered why Kali hadn't listened to me. It was best he thought she'd gone upstairs like I'd told her.

We sat in silence, sipping our drinks for another ten minutes before Viggo finally blew out a breath. He took out his rolled cigarettes and lit one. Pax didn't lift his head from his arms, but his body relaxed slightly now that Amaros was gone.

"Fuck," Viggo muttered, shooting me a small grin. "What a shit night."

"You could say that," I grumbled. "It's only just starting. I need to talk to Kali."

Viggo arched an eyebrow. "What are you going to tell her?"

I bit my tongue. "I have no fucking idea."

Everything my father said was true. But I never intended to use Kali to mate. I didn't want to breed at all. Amaros would never take that for an answer.

Viggo looked at me thoughtfully. "Don't apologize to her."

"What?"

"You can't," he stated as if he was so confident that he was right. "You did all this to protect her, right? That's why you never told her the whole truth."

"Right," I said slowly.

He shrugged. "Then you have nothing to be sorry for. If you fold now, then she'll think you were wrong. Which you weren't."

Pax lifted his head, his eyes darting between us. "I don't think that's the best way?—"

"No offense, but you don't deal with women," Viggo cut him off. "You fuck when you feel the need, but that's it. You have no idea how to talk to them."

Pax snorted. "And you do?"

"I have conversations." Viggo grinned. "With girls I care for. Like Dee."

"You don't give a shit about her, or any girl," Pax tossed back. "Not like Zan does for Kali."

Viggo raised his hands. "I'm just saying. If he apologizes, it would be a mistake. He did it for her. She'll get over it. And let's not pretend that this will be the last time he lies to her about something when it comes to our family."

I didn't get a chance to respond because I heard Gia's voice just outside the doors. By the time I turned around, Gia and Kali were already entering. My heart sank as I watched Kali storm across the room without so much as a glance at me. Rage radiated off her, and a couple of seconds later, she disappeared from view. Her footsteps were loud as she climbed the stairs toward our place.

"She's still upset," Gia murmured, moving behind the bar.

"I can see that," I muttered, giving my brothers a long look. "I'm going to go talk to her."

"Remember what I said," Viggo called out as I hurried to the stairs. "You're in charge, little brother."

I grumbled under my breath, taking each step slowly as I racked my brain for what to say once I got up there. If she'd even talk to me. The door at the top of the stairs was still open, and I crept forward, entering the living room area.

To my surprise, Kali hadn't locked herself in my room. No, she was standing behind the kitchen island, staring at the bowl of apples I'd made sure to keep full since I brought her here. Her arms were crossed over her chest, her entire body tight and on edge as her eyes flicked up, meeting mine.

The fire in her gaze was just as lethal as when she'd walked out of Impulse earlier. I was hoping that talking to Gia might have helped calm her down, but that clearly didn't happen. I scrubbed my hand over my jaw, not moving from my spot just inside the doorway.

"Did you enjoy your dinner?" she asked, her voice emotionless.

I frowned, not expecting that question. Was she outside Impulse before I heard her? But then her focus lowered to my mouth, and when I ran my hand over my chin, I felt some dried blood that I missed.

"Where's Amaros?" This time her voice betrayed her, and she couldn't hide the fear. Or the hatred.

"Gone."

"Not for good," she muttered.

"No…" I trailed off and sighed. "Kali, what my father said?—"

"Was all true," she spat out, venom slicing her words. "Right?"

My jaw ticked. "It's not that simple."

Her nails dug into her arms as she kept them crossed. "Then explain it to me, Zan."

"Amaros gave me that necklace when he found out I could mate," I said, choosing my words carefully. "I was supposed to give it to a woman that would be able to carry a pregnancy."

"But you locked it on me," she hissed, her eyes clouding with rage.

"When I thought you were a vampire," I shot back. "I did it to make sure you stayed in this city without anyone going after you."

"Then you did it again." Her voice cracked, and she cleared her throat. "When you were fully aware that I was human after you dragged me back here."

"Not for that reason," I ground out. "I never wanted Amaros to find out about you. I have no intention to get you pregnant."

She scoffed. "Sorry if I don't fully believe you."

I strode toward her, halting halfway when her eyes flashed dangerously with warning. I sucked in a long breath and then blew it out slowly as I thought about what to say. Whatever trust she had for me didn't exist anymore. Viggo's words rang in my ears, and I hesitated for a moment before speaking again.

"I did it for you. I lied to my father to protect you."

"You lied to me." She uncrossed her arms, resting her palms on the counter. "How did that protect me?"

I let out a humorless chuckle. "What would you have done if you found out what that necklace really meant? Fall into my arms and be completely okay with it? I'm guessing not. You would have tried even harder to leave."

"I don't want this," she said shrilly, waving her arm around the room. "I'm not a fucking object that can be used at your discretion."

"I know that?—"

"I don't want to be anywhere near Amaros Kane." She hissed out his name like it was acid on her tongue. "If I had another chance, I'd try to kill him again."

"That's not going to happen," I said, feeling my own anger rise. "You make trouble with him, and he won't take that well. When it comes to him, you'll listen to me, Kali. Because it's the only way you're going to survive this."

Rage simmered in every inch of her, and she glared daggers at me. "Survive? So I can carry your spawn?"

"That's not what I said," I gritted out.

"Will you let me walk away?" she asked tightly. "Let me leave for good?"

"No."

My answer had her face flushing, her lips pressing together as she stayed silent. She was nearly shaking with anger, and I stayed rooted in my spot, knowing going closer to her would only make this worse. But I couldn't give her what she wanted.

Amaros was aware of her now. If she left, he would want to go after her. Especially since his abilities didn't work on her. There was nowhere she could go where she'd be safe. From vampires or PARA. Or the Clovers. There was no escaping it. Though reminding her of all that would not help the situation.

"And what if I'm a Shadow?" Her words were barely audible, as if it was the worst possible existence she could imagine. "What happens if Amaros finds out you lied about my age?"

I was fucking torn on that aspect. If she was a Shadow, then that meant Amaros's interest in my mating with her would cease. But Shadows were different from regular vampires. I didn't want that for her either.

"We'll deal with that if it happens."

"Are you going to lie to me again? To protect me?" The sarcasm of the second question was thick, and I took my time answering.

"I'm not sorry for what I did," I said slowly, watching her reaction. "I lied because I knew the truth was worse."

"You're not sorry," she repeated, and I knew instantly that my words were the wrong fucking thing to say. Clearly, taking Viggo's advice was a mistake. "Would you lie to me again? To protect me?"

I stayed silent, knowing she wouldn't like my answer. This was larger than us now that Amaros was involved.

"What do you want, Kali?" I murmured. "I can't tell you everything. I can't."

"I'm not sorry either," she stated, her eyes dropping to the bowl of apples before she picked one of them up. "I'm not sorry for stabbing you. I'm not fucking sorry that my group held you captive."

I opened my mouth, but then she raised her arm and threw the damn apple at me. I caught it before it hit me in the chest, and I let it fall to the floor. A second later, another apple flew through the air, and this time, I was too slow. It hit me in the shoulder before bouncing to the floor and rolling away. It didn't hurt, but my temper flared when she whipped another one at me. I ducked out of the way, hearing it hit the wall behind me.

"Kali," I growled out in warning. "Stop."

"You know what I am sorry for?"

She flung another apple at me. I managed to dodge that one, striding toward her. She grabbed the bowl and backed away, keeping the island between us.

"I'm sorry that I trusted a vampire," she said, her voice smothered with rage. "For letting you touch me. For protecting you when I should have chosen the Clovers."

"You don't mean that," I snapped.

She let out a dark laugh. "I don't? How do you know that, Zan?"

I didn't even attempt to duck away when another apple smacked into my ribs. I was too busy rounding the island to get to her. She scrambled away from me, but I caught her above the elbow and ripped the bowl from her grip with my free hand.

"I will never forgive you if you force me to carry a child," she hissed, her chest heaving. "I will do everything in my power to ruin you. To wreck your family."

I tossed the bowl onto the counter, grabbing her other arm and backing her into the island. Her struggles to free herself ceased when I pressed my body into hers, and she lifted her chin to meet my eyes.

"I don't want a child," I snarled. "I don't want to get you pregnant. I fucking want you. That's why I did all this."

She stared at me, her eyes widening slightly. Tense silence filled the room, and my fingers tightened around her arm when she tried pushing me away.

"Then promise me," she pleaded. "Swear that it won't happen."

"I can't," I ground out. "But I will promise that I'll do what I can to make sure it doesn't happen."

"What does that mean?" she spat out. "How can you not promise that? You told me that you don't force yourself on women. Or was that another lie? It's your dick that would get me pregnant. You're the only one who can make that promise."

"No, I'm not," I shot back. "It's complicated, Kali. I might not get a choice in the matter either."

I didn't elaborate, knowing I couldn't tell her the reason. If Amaros discovered I blurted out one of his secrets, there would be hell to pay. And he wouldn't focus on me, but on Kali.

There were only three ways this would end. Kali staying human and Amaros forcing me to mate. Or if she was a Shadow, which would create its own problems. Then there was the option of turning her after her birthday. None of those thoughts made me feel better.

"Sorry to interrupt, but I need to get to my room."

I lifted my eyes to see Viggo leaning in the doorway. The amusement in his eyes made me want to murder him. Kali glanced over her shoulder, her body going tense when she spotted my brother. This time, I let her go when she shoved away from me.

"This—" Viggo pretended to shudder "—is why I don't do feelings or love. Way too fucking messy."

"This is not love," Kali bit out.

With one last scathing look at me, she stormed down the hall, disappearing into my room before she slammed the door shut. I pinched the bridge of my nose, steadying my breath as Viggo let out a chuckle.

"I guess my advice didn't work," he drawled.

I grabbed an apple and whipped it at him. He caught it with ease and took a large bite as he stared at me.

"I'm never listening to you again," I grumbled.

He shrugged. "At least you two talked. Better than nothing."

I wasn't sure about that. She was still pissed, and I had a feeling that wouldn't change for a while.

If ever.