39

WITH EVERY DM, EVERY MESSAGE, EVERY NEWS STORY, POST, MY WORLDshrinks and presses down on me till I can barely breathe. Although it's only been three days since Vern leaked this story online, it feels like an eternity has passed. I can't imagine how bad it must be for Royce.

Thinking about Royce and Vern and Zee, about the whole fiasco, incapacitates me. I can't even pretend I'm okay in front of my parents, my mom.

I have locked myself in the room, dazed and nauseous. It doesn't matter that I have two more weeks of school after this, or the Young Comedians Competition, I decide. I will never leave my room again.

Vern calls me and I ignore it, but after a dozen more tries, I shakily pick up.

"Hey, are you okay? I've been trying to reach you for ages," he says, sounding concerned.

"Why?" I choke out. "Why did you leak it?"

There's a silence, a silence so long and profound, I worry I might have lost my mind and had imagined him calling me, when I hear a soft chuckle.

"Because you wanted me to."

My stomach bottoms out. "I wanted no such thing."

"Well, Agnes, you could have fooled me. Anyway, if you're recording this, I am admitting nothing, and if any texts were exchanged between us on the subject matter, they've been erased."

Fool. I've been a fool.

"I thought you'd be happy with the fact that the expose happened when all your exams were done with, at least."

"I didn't ask for this," I say shakily, as though I could undo everything, turn back time. "I didn't."

He actually laughs out loud. "You asked for it in everything but name."

I'm shaking my head. "No. No I did not. I thought…I thought you had something less—less life-wrecking!"

"God, Agnes, face it, stop being a faux innocent. You knew this is what I was going to do. The fact is, Agnes—you want to win as much as I do. We're winners. This is what we do."

Is he right? Could I be as heartless and vile as Vern? Because that is what he is, I realize now. Cold and manipulative. "No. This was disproportionate, what you did."

"It did spin a little out of control, I'll admit," he says. "But you know how these things go. They always go away for guys like Royce. Don't you worry about it. But at least we—we'll get a chance at the fair competition we were supposed to have."

"I don't want anything to do with you, ever again," I say.

A note of uncertainty cracks his bravado. "Y-you don't mean that."

"I'm not kidding, Vern. You're not a good influence on me. I'm done."

He scoffs, "You say that now, but when you're all alone, when all your popular friends have dumped you—again I might add—you'll come back. And guess what? I'll be here for you when no one is. Where's Zee in all of this?"

"She's—she's standing by me," I lie.

"Uh-huh." His voice smooths again. "Don't you see? You can't rely on any of those flaky fakes. I'm your best friend. Your only friend. Your true friend."

He made it sound so…so…true. Panic rises in my throat. The only constant in these bewildering months has been Vern—I can't deny it. But why does being his friend come with so much toxicity? I shake my head to clear it. "No. No more of your bullshit, Vern. Th-this isn't what friendship is supposed to be like….I don't even think you see me as a friend.

He raises his voice. "Agnes, I told you—you're more than that. You're family. That means I'll be here waiting for you until you realize how much you need me. I—"

I hang up, trembling. If Vern is right, then I'm all alone now. I wrap my arms around my body and wait for the shivers to leave. They don't.