Chapter 38: Ruger

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Ruger

Z ayna waits for me in the bedroom after Gideon and Tamiya leave. I ordered her there, my face contorted with frustration, purely from the physical exertion of burying her ex-boyfriend. According to Gideon, the dude tried to grab his gun and accidentally set it off. Not even a clean shot, but enough that he suffered from a large amount of blood loss. Gideon doesn’t bother to address whether we could have saved him or not.

Doesn’t matter now that he’s dead and buried. Gideon thinks that Tamiya’s private investigation service can handle making the rest of this disappear. I don’t know if I care. After all of this… I don’t know if I want to stay in this house. I built this house planning for a long life alone waiting for Darlene to get out of prison. I spent most of my money on her. I didn’t think of a future that included a baby girl. Or Zayna.

I knock on our bedroom door, which isn’t my usual habit, so she doesn’t respond. She’s angry. I push the door open. Zayna sits on the bed with a full backpack next to her. She has her arms crossed over her chest, putting distance between us. The heat from burying that body fades into a deep, worrisome chill.

“What’s all this?”

“You’re a man of your word. I’m ready to leave.”

“Unpack.”

“Ruger…”

I exhale slowly. This is it, right? I have to get real with her if I want her to stay with me. If I want her to work.

“Fine,” I tell her. “I’ll pack my shit too and we’re both going to get out of here.”

She looks confused.

“I love you, Zayna.”

“But you don’t trust me.”

“I don’t trust other men,” I tell her. “Not the ones I killed. Not your ex-boyfriend.”

“You definitely killed him too.”

“Fine,” I say to her, forcing myself to stuff all my frustration. I just want her to stay with me. That’s all I ever wanted the moment I laid eyes on her. But it’s hard for me to wear my heart on my sleeve with all the heartbreak I’ve been through. It’s hard to know if a woman means what she says. It’s hard to know if there’s another soul who would do the crazy shit that I would do for love.

“I killed him. Happy?”

“No. Very obviously I am not happy.”

“Because you don’t want to leave.”

“I don’t,” she says, her voice just gentle enough that I feel some of my nerves fading. Maybe this isn’t the end of us. Maybe I didn’t screw this shit up too badly…

“And that means something is deeply wrong with me,” Zayna continues.

“I don’t care what’s wrong with you. I love you. Isn’t that enough.”

She looks at me like I’m a ten-foot tall bear.

“I love you,” I tell her. “I will always love you. It’s just the way I am.”

The distance between us hurts suddenly. I don’t want to scare her off. For once, I don’t want to show her only the darkest and ugliest parts of me. I don’t want to hide. I missed her too damn badly while I was out there.

She remains seated on the bed unflinching as I move towards her. I take her hand. Just enough to show her that I want to touch her. Zayna’s eyes meet mine and I hold her gaze. That part has always been easy, no matter how much she outwardly denies her attraction to me. Her hands are soft. And they remind me of how pretty she looks when she’s standing there slicing up food in my kitchen. I love her hands. Pretty, soft, dark brown hands.

“Stay with me. We can get married and more importantly… I’ll build you the house of your dreams. I’ll be with you every day. You won’t ever have to worry about money, or bullshit, or other people. I can protect you, Zayna in a world that never did.”

I’ve never spoken like that to a woman before. It feels weird and embarrassing at first to say those words and to feel Zayna’s dark brown eyes piercing straight through me while I talk. But as I hold her and wait for her to consider everything I said, the rush of adrenaline twists that emotional pulse into a blissful high. I want this. I want this so badly.

“Do you think you can handle a home life that doesn’t include frequent murder?”

“The club will always be a part of my life. But I love you enough to protect you from that too. I already put you through too much. If that’s what you need to stay, I’ll do it.”

“So we start off with lies and secrets?”

I get it now. She pushes the same way I push for the same reasons that I push. She’s scared. And when you’re scared, you just need to know that there’s going to be someone to hold your hand. Someone to stabilize you when you’re about to fall.

“I will only keep the darkest shit away from you if you ask. But if you ask for the truth, I can give you that. Whatever you want, Zayna.”

I drop down to my knees in front of her, giving her what I imagine must be the most pathetic look.

“I’ll give you whatever you want if you marry me,” I repeat.

Her hand feels so small in mine. I want to let go and give her even more of a choice, but I just can’t let go. I don’t want to.

“Yes,” she says. “If it’s just the fucked up way today played out talking, I’ll worry about that later. Right now… I just feel so fucking good that you’re home.”

My heart pounds. Home. It’s the way she says it – like it’s a place we share as a unit.

“I’ll do whatever you want,” I whisper, bringing her hands to my lips. “Whatever you want.”

She doesn’t have to tell me what she wants because once we look at each other over a few moments, it’s clear. It’s written on both our faces. It’s something we both wanted once we saw how the other got alone with Eden. She swallows slowly and I feel like I’m fucking reading her mind. I drop my hand away and touch Zayna’s stomach. She shudders.

“You want me to put a baby in you?” I whisper, dropping my eyes to her thighs and taking in every sexy goddamn inch of her on the way down. My dick is already prepared before I have her agreement.

“Yes,” Zayna nods. “But we have to be quiet.”

Our eyes meet again. That flinch in my chest is stronger. Holy shit, this woman has mind control over me. I stumble forward through my final hesitation – and what honestly brings me confusion about Zayna’s agreement.

“You changed your mind on the racist thing?”

Her lips tighten in immediate frustration.

“What does that mean?”

“Our kid is gonna be… I don’t know… dark-skinned.”

“Do you want me to change my mind?”

No. I don’t want her to change her mind about anything – especially not me. I want us to be a family. I want us to have something that feels… better than anything I ever had.

“I want to have a baby with you. But I don’t know… I’m not perfect. I’m probably not even very good. But I’ll try to do better for our kid.”

“I’ll slap you if you don’t,” she says. Pushing. Testing me a little bit.

“I can handle you slapping me,” I whisper, leaning forward and kissing her. No regrets. I’ll never have any regrets about this. Or her. I know it. She kisses me back. Fuck, she’s so soft.

“I love you, Zayna,” I whisper, holding her face between my hands and kissing her even harder. She kisses back. I know she loves me back, but I need to hear her say it. I need to feel it and I need to know that both of us have a reason to stay together forever. A baby.

When I pull away from her, she looks at me like she really cares. Like she wants to stay. Even through her sadness, I can tell.

“I love you too,” she says. “But I need you to promise that you won’t kill anyone else unless absolutely necessary. Like if Eden’s life is in danger or something.”

“Or our baby.”

“Our baby,” she whispers. “We have to get pregnant before we have our baby.”

“I can do that,” I whisper. “I need to feel you, baby. It’s been way too long.”

We fall into bed together kissing. Zayna rips my clothes off, forcing my shirt and pants down so the fabric of my underwear is the only thing standing between us. The first time I looked at her, I wanted her – instantly. I just keep wanting her. Nothing satisfies my craving for her. I just need her.

But tonight, I don’t rush. I want to take her nice and slow. I want to feel her . I kiss all over her neck and shoulders until my lips start to go numb. Only then do I take her shirt off, leaving on whatever sexy bra she has on and focused on kissing her chest and stomach. Every inch of this woman belongs to me. My dick thumps against her thigh impatiently as I kiss her stomach. I fantasize about watching her grow with my seed.

When I can’t take it anymore, I strip her lower half completely and taste every inch of her. I can’t stop myself from immediately diving between her legs and pushing my tongue into Zayna’s pussy. I want her soaking wet and ready for my seed. My tongue slides over her smooth outer folds and the louder she moans the more I keep sucking on her lower lips until Zayna is wet enough to take my dick without breaking in half.

She’s still so much smaller than me and so fucking tight. When Zayna’s ass cheeks wriggle around in my palms and she bucks her hips against my lips, I know she’s close. I tongue-fuck her slowly until she cums all over me, expecting my next urge to be getting my dick all the way inside her.

But I can’t pull myself away from her cunt. I just can’t stop eating her pussy until she cums a few more times. I only stop because she pushes the ball of her foot against my forehead and begs in a sexy ass voice, “Please, Ruger…”

I love hearing the way she says my name. This woman has complete fucking mind control over me. And… I trust her. I would have trusted her. If that bastard hadn’t shot himself trying to get the gun from Gideon, I know I would have come around. I love her too much more than I ever loved anyone else.

When I finally take her bra off, I have to stop myself from mauling her tits and actually hurting her. I just want to taste her. And maybe sink my teeth into her soft flesh. She moans when I dig my teeth in a little too deep. I kiss my way apologetically up her neck. She moans when I get to the softest part of her throat. I like kissing her there. Her moans are perfect.

I slide my underwear off and waste no time pressing the head of my dick against Zayna’s entrance. Fuck. She’s so wet.

“I can’t go slow, baby,” I whisper, brushing aside some of her thick curly hair to get better access to her neck while I slide my dick inside her. I bite her neck to give her some other pain to think about and Zayna cries out, allowing my dick to enter her in one deep thrust.

“You’re so fucking tight,” I whisper. “I love you, baby. I love you…”

She spreads her legs and shudders as she struggles to adjust to the pain. I can tell from her face, her tight body that I’m hurting her. I kiss her softly, easing some of the tension and she melts after a few seconds as I struggle to stop myself from pounding her tight pussy with the urgency I feel. She reaches for my back and I nearly cum from the soft way her hands graze my muscles.

My hips move slowly and she holds me closer as my breathing slows and I exercise control over my deep thrusts between her legs. I need her to cum for this to work. I push her legs up to control the movement of her hips so that all my cum can slide right where it needs to go and then I massage Zayna’s clit and thrust between her legs until she climaxes.

She looks so fucking hot when she cums, especially with that angelic halo of soft ass hair behind her head. I lose control once she finishes. When she cums her pussy squeezes me so tightly that she forces me to take her harder and deeper. Her nails dig into my back as I get closer and when she cums again, her pussy grips my dick so hard that she pushes me over the edge.

I hold her legs back and push Zayna into the pillow, groaning as I empty every last drop of my cum inside her. When I can finally breathe, I pull out of her and drag her body against mine so she doesn’t even dare leave our bed. I don’t think it crossed her mind. Zayna presses her ass against me. I love how dirty and wet we both are. Her hair smells incredible too.

“I love you, crazy Ruger,” she whispers.

“I love you, Teacher Zayna,” I whisper back. “And I’ll do anything you want forever. I swear it.”

“Be a good father. Be a good man. That’s all I want.”

She waits for a beat and then adds, “And never leave me like that again.”

“I won’t,” I whisper. “I swear, baby.”

I press my nose into her neck and hold Zayna tight. I don’t want to fall asleep. I want to hold her here and dream about our future. And our baby. My hand moves to her stomach and she presses her hand over mine.

“I know,” she whispers. “I want it too. I really do.”