Chapter 37: Zayna

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Zayna

I ’m only listening to Gideon because he’s bigger than me and Tamiya, and he has a weapon, and we both agree that if anyone in this house is staying tied up for days, it won’t be the two of us. Gideon made himself clear. Curtis isn’t making it easy on himself. Gideon has him in the shed so the screaming doesn’t wake Eden. He’s been there for five days while we decide what to do with him. Every day, Gideon gives him the choice – to get cut loose and disappear, never to return again.

Every day, he says no. But on day five? Tamiya gets suspicious.

“That man isn’t here for love,” she says over our morning coffee together. “He’s broke.”

“Is that a theory or a fact?”

“I mean… it’s a solid theory. I didn’t bother checking his credit. Stalking his social media was way too much information.”

“Okay. So he’s broke. Why would he think I can help?”

“That’s a good question…” she says. “Where is Gideon?”

“Taking the dog out.”

“Again?” she says, shrugging it off immediately. “Okay. I don’t have trustworthy Wi-Fi out here and we need to use a VPN, so I’ll text my business partner about running a credit check.”

“...And see if he has any active warrants.”

Tamiya raises an eyebrow. “That guy? No offense, Zayna but… he’s a bit of a dweeb.”

I haven’t heard the word dweeb since MTV Cribs last aired a new episode. Possibly even a decade before that. Tamiya clearly stands by her opinion and it’s not worth arguing over. Who among us hasn’t given the doofus a chance? I’ve been a new woman for years. This is Ruger’s fault for dragging out my cringiest ex-boyfriend.

“We should let him go. It doesn’t matter if he protests. He has a better chance of survival out there in the woods.”

“There are bears out there,” Tamiya says. “Would you really choose a bear over a man if you were stuck in the woods?”

“We are talking about Ruger. Who you know personally.”

“Fair point. But Gideon doesn’t want him doing anything to hurt the family. That includes you.”

I could feel good about being included if I wasn’t scared out of my fucking mind over Ruger coming back and what he might do. Might!? This is clearly his plan. If it’s not some fucked up test of loyalty.

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what he wants me to do.”

“What do you want?”

“To be in a normal relationship with a crazy guy. I think I’m crazy.”

“If you’re crazy, I’m crazy. But your ex is even crazier.”

The front door swings open. We both assume it’s Gideon, because there’s nothing dramatic at all about the door opening up. It’s exactly like you would walk into your own damn house. Which is exactly what Ruger Blackwood is doing. He looks red in the face, probably from the long road back here.

My body reacts to him before I even realize he’s standing there. I flinch and then my body races towards him. We’re like magnets. Beautiful, fucked up magnets. He stretches out his arms, even if his face maintains his stoic detachment. He left on a bad note, but I know from looking at him and his stern ass face… that man missed me.

I ignore the smell of herring on his cut when I throw my body against his. I don’t think at all, actually. I just act. My arms wrap around Ruger’s muscular torso and my heart flips. I’m crazy. This man made me fucking crazy. That’s the only explanation for this. My head presses against his chest. His heart is racing. I’ve never heard it beat this fast. He hugs me back — despite everything. I feel like choking. This feels so good… but so serious. I don’t want to pull away, but I couldn’t if I wanted to. Ruger holds onto me so tightly that I feel every emotion in his body surging through mine. He wants to protect me. He’ll do anything. He’s the first man who ever did anything.

“I love you,” Ruger whispers. Only I can hear him. “I’m sorry, baby. But I’m not letting you go and I’m not letting your ex-boyfriend leave here alive.”

His arm around me suddenly feels threatening. Ruger’s body tightens and his bicep becomes more like a constrictor. Air heaves through my lungs as my body presses against him. This dangerous bastard is hard right now. That scares me.

“I know he fell for it,” he whispers. “Which means I have to kill him. I’m sorry.”

He releases me. I freeze, completely overwhelmed by what I feel for him. He’s back, which means the last of my attackers is dead.

“Gideon has him in the shed,” I say, and then I pull back. “But you can’t kill him, Ruger. We should let him go.”

“Can’t go to jail if a bear does it,” Tamiya says in a clear effort to break the tension. She must know as well as I do that once Ruger’s mind is set on something, he won’t change it. This man is stubborn if nothing else. Firmly convinced he’s always right. Deeply possessive. Loving like no other man I’ve met.

“Gideon has him in the shed?” Ruger repeats. There’s no getting through to him now. He’s a missile locked on to a target. His eyes narrow, black covering his blue irises. I feel chilly.

Before Ruger takes a step, a loud gunshot echoes throughout the house. Not from the house, but loud enough to be from the shed.

“GIDEON!” Tamiya yells, running for the door. I almost go after her, but judging from the look on Ruger’s face, my ass better stay right where I am before he goes absolutely fucking psycho on me. Ruger glares at me like there isn’t potential chaos happening outside his door. A gunshot. Something far more important than his anger towards me.

“You better sit your ass right there,” Ruger says. “Don’t move a muscle to go crying over your dead ex-boyfriend.”

I glare at him. “I am not in love with my ex-boyfriend, Ruger.”

“But look at all that he did for you,” Ruger says, dropping his army duffel on the ground and moving close to me so quickly, I swear that crazy man is going to hit me. But he stops about a foot in front of me. I hear Tamiya screaming. I want to push him out of the way and run around him so badly, but what exactly would be the point of slamming my body into this impossibly stubborn wall of muscle.

“I don’t care what he did for me. I don’t want him, Ruger. I want you.”

He scowls. “I don’t…”

“Don’t you dare say you don’t believe me,” I snap at him. “I could have been deep in fucking nowhere Texas right now with all the time you’ve been gone.”

He loses his ability to hold up that tough I-don’t-give-a-shit expression and I see the love on his face that he’s so fucking scared to show me. I touch his cheek. The stupid copper and blond stubble just makes him look more evil and more handsome. It isn’t fair. Nothing about this man is fair.

“I missed you,” Ruger whispers.

Tamiya reappears in the doorway. “You all have to get out here,” she says. “Now.”

“I’m busy,” Ruger says.

“Okay well get un-busy, because that dumbass shot himself and nobody here is a nurse.”

Ruger turns visibly red. His body tenses up. I wonder if I’m getting through to his stupid conscience, or if he’s really going to let jealousy control him and he’s really going to let my ex-boyfriend bleed out on the ground.

I want to believe in him. So I close my eyes and I tiptoe as high as I can go, kissing him on the lips. Kissing the devil shouldn’t feel this good. Ruger makes it impossible to pull away from what should have been a quick, guilt-inducing peck. His hands drop instantly to my hips and he squeezes me possessively before yanking my body against his and thrusting his tongue into my mouth.

I missed you, his tongue seems to say. I fucking missed you.

His body shudders with utter relief as we kiss and I know I should be the one to break away, but I can’t. It hurts how much I missed this man. I don’t want him to kick me out. What the hell would I even go back to? And why the hell would I want to leave someone who fought like he did to protect me when nobody else would? I can handle his darkness.

And he can handle mine. Ruger’s dick presses against my thigh and it almost makes me pull away from him out of guilt, but I still can’t stop myself. He’s the one who slowly pulls away from me, but only because Tamiya is yelling at both of us. I’m too deeply sucked in by Ruger’s kiss to make out her words at first.

Emotions flood through me and when he breaks away from me, I grab onto his cut and slowly lower myself back onto my heels. I don’t want to let go of that cut. BUCKY. I don’t know why they call him that, but I know the leather cut smells like him and reminds me that he’s different from every man I ever knew in all the right ways.

“You are the only man I will ever love again,” I whisper. “I know it. I feel it in my bones.”

“I killed for you,” he whispers. “Let this one die for me.”

We look at each other and I know that I am completely fucked up for allowing this. Gideon pushes the cabin door open.

“He never stood a chance,” Gideon says bluntly. “Ruger. We gotta bury this guy so you don’t end up in prison.”

Tamiya and I glance at each other and then glance away. We both share that same mysterious attraction to their strange mixture of brutality and stoicism. I see then that they both have it and that Tamiya doesn’t judge me for a reason.

“Do you want to… do anything?”

I don’t know how anyone expects me to react. My ex wasn’t a part of my life for years. He popped up like a ghost – a ghost that I didn’t want to interact with. I never wanted him dead and now that he is… I don’t know if I can see him.

“What about his family?” Tamiya asks.

“Well we can’t fucking invite them to the funeral,” Ruger says. He kisses the top of my forehead when he sees how disturbed I look. “But we can do something respectful.”

“We should do it quickly,” Gideon says.

“He was innocent,” I whisper, sudden guilt and numbness overwhelming me. That idiot should have never come here. I begged him to leave. I begged.

Ruger wraps his arm around me like he wants to comfort me, but also like he wants to remind me that I belong to him. A shiver runs straight through me.

“I love you,” he whispers. “I’ll take care of this like everything else, baby. You and Tamiya… maybe you both ought to check on Eden.”

“I had no intentions of touching a shovel,” Tamiya says, walking over to me and offering me a sympathetic look. “I’ll talk to Zayna and we’ll handle the baby. You two go handle the club business. Because this wasn’t Zayna. This was the club.”

We open the door to Eden’s room and this little girl is just… fast asleep. I don’t know how she managed to sleep through all the conflict outside, but she did. Opening the top drawer of her bureau is what manages to wake her.

“Oops,” Tamiya says. “I was just looking for the fresh nappies.”

“It’s fine she’s awake. Baby girl needs a change, anyways…”