24. Emma

24

Emma

M oss cushioned Emma's footsteps as she followed Keith through the deep shade of the jungle. White wisps of fog swirled between them as they walked through the fern forest.

"Look here!" Keith exclaimed, excited. "Pepeiao!"

"What's that?" Emma came level with him and looked where he was pointing. She was breathing heavily from their uphill climb, unaccustomed to walking so far.

"Wood Ear Mushrooms," he said. "Same in English and Hawaiian. Pepeiao means ear."

She bent at the waist, bracing her hands on her knees to take a closer look at the strange mushrooms that grew all along the fallen branch.

"Are they good to eat?" she asked.

"They're great! Easy to dry, too, so I like to keep them on hand to add to soups. They've got a nice crunch to them, even cooked. Sometimes you can find Tremella growing on the same tree, but… I'm not seeing any today. Might be a bit early in the season."

He produced a small knife and cut half of the mushrooms into a mesh bag.

"What does Tremella look like?" Emma asked, genuinely curious.

"Bright white and lacy. It's my favorite local fungus. Except maybe for almond mushrooms, but I haven't found many of those."

Keith walked on, scanning the ground for more treasures.

"So," he said after a while, "where did you grow up?"

"California. The Santa Cruz mountains."

"Very cool. Any siblings?"

"Three." It was an effort to get the word out, and not just because the uphill slope was robbing her of breath. After twenty years with one man, first-date smalltalk was completely foreign to her.

It was made weirder still by the fact that she had known Keith for months. They'd had long conversations about topics ranging from soil health to food preservation… but never alone. And they had never covered the basics.

She didn't fault him for asking, but the conversation felt stilted and awkward.

At least he was trying. She wasn't exactly giving him much to work with.

"Two sisters and a twin brother," she added after a beat.

"Do you miss them?"

"I do. But we talk on the phone a lot, and a couple of them have been out to visit already. How about you?" she made herself ask. "Any siblings?"

"Nah, just me. Raised by a single mom in Puna. She was a teenager when she had me, so sometimes it felt like having a big sister. In good ways and not so good ways."

"They say that eldest children and their parents grow up together, regardless of age."

"There's some truth to that, I think." He stopped again and knelt near a patch of tender young ferns. Emma crouched down and helped him gather enough to fill a bag.

When they came to a patch of mossy sunlight, they sat down and ate the food that they had packed. Keith had simple fare from the farm, like fresh vegetables and mountain apple. Emma offered him one of Tara's phenomenal ‘ulu muffins, and he ate it with gusto.

"You should come back to the farm and teach a class on cooking with local food," he said.

"My neighbor gets all the credit for that one. She runs Island Grown Meals."

"She made the muffins?"

"She did."

"I wonder if she would be willing to teach a class."

"I think she already has more work that she can comfortably handle, but I'll ask her."

"You know what they say. If you want to get something done, ask a busy woman."

"Why's that?"

"Well, lazy people will just put it off. But a really industrious person can usually manage to knock out one more thing."

"She's industrious all right."

"And you?"

"Me?"

"What do you do with your time when you're not studying permaculture?"

"Beyond my constant battle with weeds, you mean?"

"There will be a lot less of that once your food forest is established."

"So you say," Emma teased. She popped the last bite of ‘ulu muffin into her mouth and thought about the new life she had made for herself. "Taking care of the land and the goats is a full-time job. I also homeschool my son, though that's a bit easier now that he's at Pualena Playschool three days a week. Right now, it feels like any time that freed up is going to Juniper."

"She's your niece, right?"

"Right. She's very independent, but I try to make sure I'm at least available to her. It helps that we both like growing things. She's taught me a ton about herbs, and we both learned so much in your classes."

"She's an extraordinary young woman."

"She really is."

"But then, she has an extraordinary woman as a role model."

Emma's stomach flipped unpleasantly, trying to reject the food she had just eaten. She stood and stretched, turning her face up to the sun.

"I can't take credit," she said over her shoulder. "My brother raised her, and my sister Toni took care of her the past year or so."

Keith stood too. "Ready to head back?"

"Yeah." Emma set off down the narrow path, walking double speed now that she wasn't fighting the incline. She set such a fast pace that she was soon breathless again, and Keith didn't try any more first-date questions.

The trail leveled out just before it reached the little dirt parking lot where they had started their hike, and Emma had her car door open before she turned to say goodbye.

"What are you doing for dinner tomorrow?" Keith asked. Unlike Emma, he wasn't out of breath at all. "I could cook us up a foraged feast with what we found today."

"No. Thank you."

"Okay." He looked down, scuffed at the dirt with one hiking boot, and glanced back up again. "No to tomorrow, or no to seeing me again?"

Emma sucked in a breath and squeezed her eyes shut, summoning her courage.

"It's okay," Keith said.

"My husband's been dead less than a year." It wasn't what she meant to say, but that's what tumbled out when she opened her mouth. She looked at him apologetically. "I'm just… not remotely ready for this."

"Not ready for a friend?" he asked softly.

"I think we both know that's not what this is."

Keith held her gaze for a moment, and the intense blue of his eyes unsteadied her.

He looked away first.

"Here," he said, handing her the bag of mushrooms. "They're good in soup."

A bag of ears, she wanted to tease him. How romantic.

But she didn't want to send mixed signals. He was such a great guy that she had agreed to a hike against her own better judgment… but it all felt wrong.

Adam was a part of her. She still thought of him constantly and saw him everywhere… even here, in one of the few spots on the island where they had never been together.

She wasn't ready to date again. She wasn't sure she ever would be.

"I'll see you around," Keith said as she accepted the mesh bag.

"Thanks," she blurted after he'd already turned away.

He glanced over his shoulder, gave her a sad smile and a parting wave, and walked to his truck. She stood watching him for a brief moment before climbing into her car.

As soon as she was alone, she felt a powerful sense of relief. Some guilt, sure, for giving Keith the wrong idea. And maybe a small amount of frustration with herself for not being capable of casual dating. Mostly, though, she felt relieved.

On the drive home, she blasted an old CD that Kai hated and sang along at the top of her lungs.

Dio heard her coming before she even turned onto their street, and both dog and boy were waiting at the front gate when she pulled up. Kai opened the long gate and then latched it closed behind her. He looked so grown up in that moment.

When Emma climbed out of her car, Kai nearly tackled her with a hug.

"I missed you!" he shouted joyfully.

"I missed you too, kiddo." She ran a hand over his near-black hair, now highlighted here and there with sun streaks. "What have you been up to?"

"Me and Cassie made fairy houses!" he grabbed her hand and pulled her through the front garden. Dio ran circles around them, whining his excitement. "Come see!"

Deep beneath the podocarpus trees that shielded their yard from the road, the kids had constructed a whole little village of fairy houses. There were log houses made of sticks and twigs, half-buried breadfruit topped with flowers, and houses with walls of broad tropical leaves.

"Kai, this is amazing."

"I know, right? Juniper helped."

Their lanky orange cat slinked through Emma's legs and towards the fairy village.

"Zuko, no!" Kai hurriedly scooped him up. Holding the cat around his middle, the seven year old let out a long-suffering sigh and looked up at his mom. "He's been terrorizing the fairies all day."

"Oh no!"

"Oh yes," he sighed. "It was funny at first, but then it got really annoying. Dio doesn't destroy our houses, do you Dio? Even though you're way bigger."

"Come on." Emma took the cat from Kai's arms and walked towards the house. "Maybe if we feed Zuko he'll stop terrorizing the fairies.

"Good thinking," he agreed. "Come on, Dio! I'll race you!"

Emma sighed in contentment as she wound her way through their lush front garden, cradling the adolescent kitten to her chest and soaking in the beautiful chaos of it all.

She was exactly where she wanted to be.