10. Nell

10

Nell

N ell was folding laundry when Cassie crawled up onto the sofa. She put her hands beneath her chin in prayer pose, buttering her up to ask for a favor.

“Mommy, can I have my paints?”

“We don’t have time for paints this morning, sweetheart. I need you to get dressed.”

“But I don’t want to get dressed! I want to wear my puppy pajamas!”

“Wear what you like, but we need to leave in about ten minutes.”

“Do I have to come?” Cassie sprawled dramatically across the sofa and threw one arm over her eyes, like a Victorian lady on a fainting couch.

“Don’t you want to go get our new car?” Nell asked. “It’s exciting!”

“Not to me,” she pouted, pulling a quilt up over her head. “Not when it’s so cozy here.”

Nell sighed. “I’m glad you like our house. I love it here too. But we need a car.”

“Go on without me,” she said from beneath the quilt.

Nell snorted a laugh and went into the kitchen to pack their snacks for the day. Everett crawled in after her, headed straight for the cabinet where all of the plastic containers lived.

Of all of the messes he could make, that one was the easiest to pick up. She let him have at it.

Bowls and tupperware poured out in a hollow plastic cacophony, and Everett shrieked with delight. She stepped around him and pulled some carrots out of the fridge.

“I want to stay here!” Cassie yelled, still under the quilt.

Nell sighed and picked her phone up to text Emma.

Any chance Cassie could hang with you while I go buy that car I found?

She set her phone aside and scrubbed the carrots. They were from the back garden, dark purple on the outside with sunshine-yellow centers. A bit bitter to eat on their own, but good with dip.

A jolt of shock went through her when a man walked past her kitchen window. A second glance, and she realized that the man was Hugh, but her heart still sped and stuttered from the initial fright.

Someday, her nervous system would heal enough that fear wasn’t her first reaction to any strange man she saw.

She wasn’t there yet.

Nell dried her hands and took deep breaths to calm her racing heart. A moment later, Hugh knocked on the front door. She went to open it, stepping carefully around Everett and his makeshift drum set.

“Hi! You’re early. How did you get past Dio?”

“Who, this guy?” The Belgian Malinois nosed at his side, and Hugh scratched the golden fur between his dark ears. “He’s a sweetheart.”

“You say that, but you should see him snap and snarl any time a jogger goes by.”

“That’s because he’s a good guard dog, aren’t you, boy?”

“Come on in.”

Hugh greeted her with a kiss and closed the door behind him, leaving the muddy dog outside. Zuko – technically Emma’s cat, but more often found in the ‘ohana unit than the big house – wound around his ankles. From the kitchen, Everett shrieked a happy greeting.

“You know what they say about animals and babies,” he said with a wink.

“What’s that?”

“They have a sixth sense about people. Isn’t that right, Everett?”

The baby shrieked again and crawled into the living room at full speed.

“Where’s your sister?” he asked, picking Everett up off of the ground.

Nell pointed to the lump on the sofa and said, “She’s not overly excited about going back to the used car dealership.”

“Oh, that’s too bad.” He walked over and set Everett down on top of the quilt, keeping both hands on him to make sure he didn’t fall. “I had a joke to tell her.”

“I’m here!” Cassie shouted. “I’m under here!”

“What?” Hugh scooped a laughing Everett up with one arm and pulled back the quilt with the other. “How did you get under there?”

“I was always here!” Cassie laughed.

“Very tricky.”

“What’s the joke?”

“How does the ocean say ‘Aloha’ to the island?”

“Tell me!”

“It waves!”

Cassie giggled, putting two hands up to hide her loose tooth. “That’s silly!”

“Yeah, it is.”

Nell shook her head and smiled. She was back in the kitchen, slicing carrots.

If she had set out to date on purpose – and she couldn’t imagine doing anything of the sort – she would have waited for months and months before introducing anyone new to her babies. But Hugh was a friend of a friend, her attorney before he was anything else, and he had met her kids long before they had gone on their first date. Now, he fit right in.

What would they do if he left?

Nell would be tempted to follow him if he asked. She would move in with him in a second if there were no kids in the picture. But she had finally found some stability for her babies. They had support in Pualena. She couldn’t uproot them, not now.

She pushed the thought away and picked a container up off of the floor, popping the lid off to fill it with carrots.

“Nell,” Hugh said in a stage whisper. “Look at this!”

She looked across the room and saw Everett standing unassisted, a proud grin on his face.

“He’s so good at standing,” Cassie cooed. “Aren’t you, Evvie?”

“He’s been cruising along the couch this week,” Nell said.

“He’s ready to walk,” Hugh told her.

“No way! He’s barely nine months old.”

“Look at him, though.”

“Cassie didn’t walk until she was one.”

“Come here, Everett,” he encouraged, crouching in front of him. “You can do it, little man.”

Nell stared, astonished, as Everett took a wobbling step forward. He took three more – quick, tiny, unsteady steps – and then Hugh caught him when he toppled forward.

“He did it!” Cassie shrieked. “He walked!”

Hugh stood with Everett in his arms and grinned at Nell, who was still staring in astonishment.

“Mama and baby are on the move,” he said.

“Me too!” Cassie said. “I’m on the mood too!”

Nell had to smile at how loud her once-wilting wallflower had gotten. When they lived with the kids’ dad, Cassie had always been painfully shy and quiet. Now that they were in safe spaces, around people they could trust, the full force of her personality was starting to shine through.

Nell’s phone chimed with a text from Emma: Sure, send her over.

“Cassie, Auntie Emma says you can stay here with her.”

“What?” she cried. “Why?”

“You just said you wanted to stay home.”

“You’re just gonna leave me here?”

Nell sighed and went back to packing snacks.

“I want to come too!” Cassie whined.

“Then go get dressed!”

“Fine!” she ran into the bedroom and slammed the door.

“Sorry.” Nell met Hugh’s eyes across the room. He looked so beautiful standing there holding her son that it made her heart hurt. “We’ll be ready in a few minutes.”

“I’m in no rush.” He smiled at her and then looked down at Everett, who cackled and arched his back, throwing his weight backwards – a new death-defying stunt that he used when he wanted to get down. Hugh caught him in both arms and set him down next to a pile of foam blocks.

Not even thinking, just caught in his gravitational pull, Nell crossed the room and put her arms around Hugh’s waist. He was nearly a foot taller than she was, and her head rested on his chest.

Hugh put one arm around her and stroked her hair with his other hand, over the crown of her head and down her back.

Without warning, Nell began to cry.

All of her fear came rushing to the surface at once, a pressing dread that she was going to lose something extraordinary just a moment after she’d found it.

She tried to marshall her emotions and control her breath, but she couldn’t. The more that she worked to control it, the more the sobs seem to build. After a moment, she gave up and gave in, burying her face in the hollow of Hugh’s shoulder as silent sobs wracked her body.

For a while, he didn’t say anything at all. He just held her close.

When the storm had calmed, he spoke softly into her ear: “What’s wrong?”

Nell stepped backwards and wiped her face with the sleeve of her shirt. “Nothing.”

Hugh just waited, dark eyes intent.

“It’s stupid,” she said, still balking.

“I’m sure it’s not.”

She inhaled deeply and then let the confession out in a rush of breath.

“I love you, and I’m terrified that you’re going to leave.”

He leaned in, took her face in both hands, and kissed her soundly.

“I love you too. And I’m not going anywhere.”

“Not even Honolulu?”

A pained look came into his eyes. He felt torn; she could see that.

“I don’t want to be what’s keeping you from your daughter.”

“It’s more complicated than that, and you know it. My business is here, and my mother–”

“I know. I know you had a whole life here already, and your mother’s not well.”

“That’s an understatement,” he muttered.

“But I can also see the look on your face every time Daisy calls. Not being there with her is tearing you up inside.”

“It would be easier if she were happy over there… but she’s really struggling.”

“I know.”

“I don’t want to move there. That school is crushing her, and living in a little apartment in the city is no kind of life. I just want to bring her here, where she can be out in the sunshine all day like Cassie and the rest of the playschool kids.”

“Is there any chance of that happening?”

He hung his head. “Her mother would have to agree.”

“Which isn’t likely.”

“It’s darn near impossible.”

“And in the meantime…”

“…she’s growing up without me.” He sighed heavily and touched his forehead to hers.

“I want to be with you, Hugh. But I’m terrified of going deeper into something just for you to leave. My kids are getting attached to you, and they deserve stability.”

“So where does that leave us?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Mommy!” The bedroom door slammed open as Cassie ran out waving a threadbare plushie in the air. “I found Princess Mittens!”

“That’s great,” Nell said, putting space between her and Hugh, “but you were supposed to be getting changed.”

Cassie hugged the plushie to her chest and pouted. “I want to wear my puppy pajamas.”

“Right.” Nell massaged her temples, fighting off a dizzying sense of deja vu. “Fine.”

“Hooray! Pajama day!”

“Pajama day it is,” Hugh said. “How about we go get Everett into the car while your mommy bags up the snacks?”

“I wanna do the buckles!” Cassie shouted, running out the door.

“Thank you,” Nell said to Hugh.

He crossed the room for one more kiss.

“Let’s go get you that car. We can figure everything else out another day.”