26. ‘Ōlena

When ‘ōlena got home from the hospital, Nate was sitting on her front steps.

She paused and frowned, taking in the sight of him against the home that she was making for herself and her girls. A home that didn’t include him.

So why did seeing him there feel so right?

‘ōlena shook her head and rubbed a hand over her eyes. They were gritty and dry with lack of sleep. When she opened them again, Nate was still sitting there looking at her, all calm compassion.

She just wanted to rest a while. She didn’t have the energy to deal with her ex-husband, to keep up the stone-faced wall that she needed to maintain between them. Not today.

“Are you here to pick up the girls?” she asked. “They’re with my parents.”

“No, I’m here to see you.” He stood and took a step towards her, but she turned away.

“I can’t do this right now.”

“Did you just come from the hospital?”

She nodded, still looking away.

“How is he?” Something in Nate’s voice made her turn towards him. There were dark circles under his eyes, and she saw the same fear that had robbed her of sleep. “I went first thing this morning, but he was still in surgery.”

“He’s fine. I mean, not fine. But he’s awake, he’s talking. He’ll be okay.”

“Thank God.” He seemed to collapse in on himself. It was more energetic than anything else, a release of fear and tension, but she saw it in the set of his shoulders and the quick drop of his chin.

Then he looked her in the eye and opened his arms to her. It was a small, hesitant gesture, like he knew that she would reject him but he couldn’t help but try.

Her mind blank, acting purely on instinct, ‘ōlena stepped into his embrace.

Instantly, the tension that she had been carrying for days (years, really) fell away.

Nate’s massive arms cradled her gently, almost hesitantly, as if afraid that she would push him away. But when she leaned into him, his chest was steady as a tree trunk.

A peace settled over her of a kind that she could hardly remember, the sense that someone else could hold things together for the moment. The felt knowledge that there was someone capable of holding her up. Not only capable, but willing.

She started to cry – not out of grief, exactly, but simply because there was so much pent up emotion in need of release. The immediate shock of Tenn’s near brush with death and all of the fear and adrenaline surrounding that, yes. But there was more to it than that.

In his arms, she could finally let go of all of it, all the years of grief and loneliness that she had repressed in order to deal with the constant daily demands of mothering two little girls and running a business.

“You saved his life,” he told her.

She shook her head and took a ragged breath in. “That was terrifying.”

“It was. But you held it together. You kept him from bleeding out.”

“I was only able to do that because you had Zeke pinned to the pavement.”

“We make a good team.”

‘ōlena could hear the smile in his voice. She went silent, her face pressed against his shoulder.

“I missed you, Lei.” He was the only one who had ever called her that, the only man who had ever made her feel feminine and beautiful instead of overgrown and intimidating.

There were advantages, definitely, to being larger than most everyone she met. Even when she was a teenager, grown men had been afraid of her. She’d never had to deal with the sort of harassment that girls like Lani did; she had never even seen it up close, because no one hassled her cousin or her friends when she was nearby.

But it was exhausting, too, always being the strong one.

That was one of the reasons she had fallen for Nate. When she was near him, she was able to relax and let someone else take on the role of protector. With him, she’d felt like her truest self.

And each time that he left, it hurt her down to the marrow of her bones.

Gently, she pushed herself away from his embrace.

He let her go, though she could see in his eyes how much that pained him.

“You were always the only one for me,” he told her. The words were low and heartfelt, almost desperate in their intensity. She wanted so badly to believe him, to fall into his arms and let the rest of the world fade away.

Fresh tears rolled down her face as she shook her head.

“But you still left,” she said, her voice cracking.

“Aren’t we ever going to get past that?” he pleaded. “I’m done with the ships, Lei. Give me one more chance.”

“I’m all out of second chances.” Her voice was heavy with grief and exhaustion. “I don’t know how to trust you again.”

He stood and watched her go as she walked up the front steps and into the house.