25. Lani

The nurses had looked the other way for a while, but eventually a new shift clocked in and informed Lani that only Tenn’s parents were allowed to stay outside of visiting hours.

Between that and the arrival of Tenn’s mother, who looked at her with such cold condemnation that it rendered her mute, Lani retreated. Tara put an arm around her and encouraged her to go home and get some sleep.

She left, even though every step she took away from him felt excruciating and wrong.

He hadn’t woken up yet. Not really. He had come to for a while after surgery, but he’d been in such a haze that she doubted he would remember seeing her.

Both of the girls were at New Horizons. Rory had spent the night with her cousins, and Olivia had stayed with her grandmother until Sonya dropped her off at the playschool. Neither of them knew yet what had happened.

Zeke was in jail. Maybe when more time had passed, she would feel some way or other about that. Right then, she only felt tired and numb.

Without the cortisol that had fueled her for months, Lani was tired down to her bones. She had ridden to the hospital in the ambulance, and now she rode back to Pualena in Tara’s van. The ride passed in a blur, her mind blank with exhaustion.

When she got home, she collapsed onto her couch and slept like the dead.

It was late afternoon when she woke up, still feeling groggy and slow. She made herself a cup of coffee, forced down a piece of toast, and checked her messages.

There was one from ‘ōlena assuring her that Rory could stay as long as she needed and another from Emma that read, I’ll be there as soon as I can. She couldn’t remember if she had told her what happened or if Emma had heard it from someone else, but she was too tired to reply. She acknowledged each message with a heart and set her phone aside.

Her mind cleared slowly as she drank her coffee.

Then a message came in from Tenn: The coast is clear.

On my way,she replied.

She finished her coffee in one gulp and grabbed her car keys.

This time, the drive from Pualena to Hilo felt interminable. Her left knee bounced restlessly as she coasted up the highway, forcing herself to drive safely instead of speeding through traffic and careening around trucks like she wanted to.

The coast is clear,he’d said. So his parents were gone? Just his mom? Was he alone?

Did Sonya blame Lani for what had happened?

She had every right to…

But Tenn had messaged her. He wanted her there.

Incredibly, after everything that she had put him through, he still wanted her around.

And she needed to be near him. After nearly losing him, being away from him caused her physical pain. Sonya could glare all she liked. Lani wasn’t going to let herself be chased away again.

All that silent blustering began to fade as she parked in front of the hospital and walked in.

What if he had called her here to end things?

Was that why he wanted to see her alone?

She summoned her courage and walked in. As soon as she saw his smiling face, her heart lifted. He looked pale and tired, but worlds better than he had that morning.

Lani said a quick, silent prayer of thanks to the donors whose blood had restored some of his strength.

She hurried to his side and then hovered near the bed, unsure of what to do. He patted the mattress and she perched there next to him, careful not to jostle the IV that went into his arm.

“How are you?” she asked softly.

“Better. I slept all day.”

She just nodded. Everything that she wanted to say to him was caught in her throat, a pressure that rose and burned behind her eyes.

“Lani?” He frowned and put his hand up to her face, cupping her cheek in his palm.

She met his eye and swallowed, trying not to cry.

“This wasn’t your fault.”

The dam broke and she folded forward, sobbing. She couldn’t stop. She buried her face in a thin hospital pillow, ashamed of herself. The man had a gunshot wound. He was recovering from surgery. And here he was, comforting her, rubbing her back while she cried.

“It is my fault,” she said when she finally managed to take a gasping breath in. “This never would have happened if I hadn’t come here.”

“This is your home,” he said firmly. “You belong here.”

“But–”

“You’re not responsible for him.”

She sat up, grabbed a box of tissues, and blew her nose.

“I should have broken things off with you as soon as he showed up,” she said.

Tenn frowned. “I’m glad you didn’t.”

“You can’t mean that.”

“They got him, didn’t they?”

“What?”

“Zeke is in jail.”

“Yeah.”

“And soon he’ll be in prison. Attempted homicide, that’s twenty years.”

“Right.” She blew her nose again.

“So you’re safe.” He brushed a strand of hair out of her face and gazed into her eyes. “It was worth it.”

She buried her face in his uninjured shoulder, all cried out but completely overwhelmed.

The guilt was still eating at her, no matter what he said, but that bitter feeling was eclipsed by the sheer overwhelm of knowing that he loved her this much.

The man had taken a bullet for her, and he didn’t regret it.

How could she ever live up to that kind of love?

They must have dozed, because when she opened her eyes the sun was low in the sky. Golden light slanted through the open window.

Tenn was asleep, but he opened his eyes the moment she sat up.

“Hi.” He smiled at her and blinked, sleepy. Then he winced, and she sat up all the way.

“Are you okay?”

“It’s about time for more pain meds, that’s all.” His voice was hoarse.

“Are you thirsty?”

“Yeah.”

Lani slid off of the bed and fetched the jar of tea that she had grabbed on her way out the door. She took the lid off and handed it to him.

“It’s mamaki with honey and lemon.”

He drank deeply and sighed, handing the jar back. “Thank you.”

She set it aside and hesitated, standing near the bed. He held his good arm out and she sat next to him, holding his hand in both of hers.

A nurse came in, and Tenn washed a dose of pain meds down with more tea. Then they were alone again.

“Are you hungry?” Lani asked.

He shook his head. “No appetite.”

“Are you sure? How about some of the soup that Tara dropped off?”

“Maybe later.”

She nodded and looked down at his hand in her lap. Gently, she turned it over and started massaging his palm. He put his head back and closed his eyes.

“Has Livie seen you yet?”

“No, not yet. We decided to wait until I’ve healed a bit.”

“But does she know what happened?”

“My mom told her I’d been hit by a car.” He chuckled, then winced. “She told me that the truth would be too scary, and that this has the added bonus of reminding her to look both ways before she crosses the street.”

“She hates me,” Lani said quietly.

“Who?” Tenn opened his eyes. “My mother?”

“Yeah.”

“She doesn’t hate you. This scared her, that’s all. She’ll get over it.”

“Would you get over it? If it was your kid?”

He frowned. “Livie’s a little girl. I’m a grown man. It’s not the same thing.”

“I’m not sure mothers work that way.”

“She’ll be fine.”

Lani didn’t agree, but she let the subject drop.

“Tenn?”

He opened his eyes and smiled softly at her. Even through all of the pain and exhaustion, he radiated love. She might never feel as if she deserved him, but it was time to stop denying that what he felt for her was real.

For as long as she had known him, she had been too wrapped up in her own problems to fully appreciate him or acknowledge what he meant to her. She was always worried, always second guessing everything and waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Well, the worst had happened. Or near enough. And he was still here.

“I love you,” she said.

He smiled, holding her eyes. “I love you too.”