Chapter 26

26

D ays later, Siasia sat on a rock watching the sun set and the waves crash onto the sand. Her eyes were bloody red from the downpour of tears that didn't seem to end. To give herself a break from trying to hide it, she decided to sit at the beach that was merely feet away from Qamar's condo.

As she sat there, she wondered why it had taken her so long to take advantage of being in a high-rise that sat on the beach. It was calming and peaceful— made her feel closer to her mom since she wasn't able to officially bury her.

Cynthia's body was burned to a crisp and all they had were some bullshit ashes that was probably more of the trailer than her actual mom. To make matters worse, she knew Stacy was probably mixed in too. That didn't matter because Qamar paid for her mama to be sent home in style. With just the three of them and a pastor, it turned out beautifully. Cynthia would’ve loved it.

Now, after so much had gone on around her, Siasia was finally able to process and grieve. The grieving seemed to have a vendetta with her by the way water poured from her eyes. Not only did she not want Qamar to worry, but she also didn't want Noodle to be sad. It was why she had made the executive decision to take her ass outside to cry as much as she wanted, hoping the tears would run into the ocean without leaving any evidence of her broken heart.

“Oh, mama,” she cried. “I wish you could see the way this man loves me.” Siasia wiped her face as her chest shook. “I was scared at first, and I kept running because your version of love was all I knew, and I didn’t want that. Hell, for you or me.” She laughed just a little, thinking about all the times she told her mama Stacy didn’t love her. “Now I understand how dumb and blind love can make you.” A breeze swept across her face. Siasia knew it had to be her mama hugging her. “Ma, I went to this man’s baby mama’s house. Chile, I just knew she was going to be ready to fight but love carried me there and love gave me patience.” Snickering, she looked off into the sky, seeing the seagulls flying in a circle.

A deep sigh deflated her chest. “I just miss you. I know you’re somewhere in heaven dancing with the other angels and you’ve found peace. That’s all I wanted for you because I’ve found it too.”

Talking to her mama was better than talking to God. It aided in her search for understanding. As her tears settled, relieving her of the pain in her chest, tiny hands caused her to jump.

“You okay, SiSi?” Noodle asked, looking back to make eye contact with Qamar who’d walked her down after they saw Siasia sitting on the beach.

Siasia reached out her arms to lift Noodle onto the rock with her. “I’m okay, now. What about you? I know I haven’t been feeding your feelings, and I apologize for that.”

“I think I’m okay. I know what dying is but maybe I don’t all the way understand how I should feel. I loved my daddy and mama, and I’m sad a little but I’m happy that I still have you,” she confessed, looking up into her big sister’s eyes. “And Qamar. He has been the best since he came into my life.”

Siasia nodded, understanding how Noodle felt about Qamar because she had the same feelings. Her life became better the day he wrapped his arm around her mid-section at that party.

“Well I want you to know I’m here for you and if you want to cry, you can cry until your heart is content.”

“What about if I want to get to know Jackie?” Noodle eased her eyes back up to Siasia. She’d always known of Jackie but Cynthia was her mother no matter what DNA said.

Siasia swallowed the bile that threatened to spill. “Um, that’s okay too, Noodle.”

Her mind said it was okay but her heart told her to take her sister and get her brain erased. The thought of having to be cordial with Jackie didn’t sit right with her but the speech of being dumb in love with her mama replayed in her mind. Just like she was in love with Qamar, she was also in love with Noodle and when love was involved you often tossed ill feelings to the side.

Noodle hugged her. “I’m so happy I still got you, SiSi.”

“Me, too.” Siasia returned the gesture, kissing her on the head. “It’s us forever.”

“Beyond the stars.” Noodle snickered.

“You really like that little saying, don’t you?” She peered down at Noodle in her arms.

“I like how it makes me feel.” The corners of Noodle’s mouth perked up.

“How does it make you feel?” Siasia asked.

Noodle shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know how to say it. Ask me again when I’m older.”

The statement caused Siasia to laugh. She loved the way Noodle was certain Qamar would still be in her life as they grew older.

The flash of a camera almost ruined their peaceful moment but Siasia decided to ignore it. If they were going to be in Qamar’s life, they had to get used to the paparazzi invading their privacy. It all took her back to she and Qamar spending time in his room away from the world. If only they could go back to that place and hide out.

Since the beginning, so much had changed in a hurry. Her mama was gone. Qamar had been expelled from school. Siasia had gained two step children, and Noodle was almost taken away from her. However, none of that compared to her being wrapped in love by a man who would travel the universe for her.

A smile settled on her face as her phone continued to vibrate in her pocket. When she posted the collage video of Qamar, her social media had been buzzing. So many people had so much to say yet Siasia wasn’t bothered by any of it.

Qamar’s gourmand flavored skin wafted into her nose, alerting her that he was close. The sound of sand shuffling between his feet became music to her ears. Her smile grew wider when his arms encompassed her from the back.

“Is girl time over?” he asked, nuzzling his chin into Siasia’s neck, making her squeal with laughter.

“If it wasn’t?” Noodle playfully rolled her eyes.

Qamar mushed her head and she cackled too. “You see them over there?” His eyes went to the men off to the side, snapping pictures of the private moment.

“I didn’t at first.” Siasia waved at them with a forced grin on her face.

“Yea, I need to get y’all to Emerald City. They don’t do all this there.”

“Yes!” Noodle jumped from the rock to do a little dance. “I get to be around my family,” she expressed, pulling on her sister’s heart even more.

Seeing how Noodle embraced Qamar’s family made Siasia want to open her heart to them as well. They never had a strong family unit, and she could tell Noodle really looked forward to it.

Noodle was worth that.

And so was Qamar.

Because the truth was, if it wasn’t him then it wasn’t anybody. No one could fix her life, make her whole, and love her the way Qamar did. In his presence she felt protected. So, she would embrace his family, praying they could love her like she was willing to learn to love them.

Kissing the side of Siasia’s lips, Qamar asked, “Another yes day?”

“Yes!” Noodle’s arms went up in the air.

“Whatever the princess wants, she gets.”

“And what about me?” Siasia chewed the corner of her lip.

“What you want, Mama?” Qamar’s love filled eyes gazed at her in anticipation. “Done,” he blurted when she opened her mouth, never giving her time to actually request anything.

Noodle snickered. “Qamar, you gotta let her talk.”

“Thank you,” Siasia spoke to Noodle before cutting her eyes back at Qamar.

His beautiful eyes always put her in a trance. Qamar just had to own the sky by the way it always seemed to make his eyes twinkle more. Day or night, it never mattered.

“Tell Daddy what you want, Mama,” he said before pecking the side of her face with a series of gentle reminders that he would do anything for her.

“I want to go to school.”

“I’ll sign you up tomorrow. What else?”

“Um.” Siasia looked down at Noodle who gave her a subtle head nod. “I want my own studio.”

“Too fuckin’ easy. You gotta put some pressure on me, Mama,” Qamar challenged. “I’m putting you through school, buying you a massive studio so you can design as many sets as you want. I’m going to put you and Noodle up in a big ass house, love both of y’all like my life depends on it because my life does depend on it. I’m going to make you my wife and give you my son. What else Do. You. Want?”

Siasia’s heart threatened to burst out of her chest. Instead of speaking, she pulled him into her arms before snaking her tongue in his mouth. “Close your eyes, Noodle,” she pulled away long enough to say. “I love you, Qamar.”

“I’m going to love you with so much love your mama gone feel it in heaven because God took her back before she could fully experience this. But know, you are her and she is you. It’s beyond the stars for Cynthia too.”

Siasia would never get over how Qamar could always read her like a book. It took him no time to figure out how guilty she felt for having him when her mama wasn’t so lucky. Another round of tears slid across her face. This time they were tears of joy.

“Can I open my eyes now, dang?” Noodle reminded them they weren’t alone, making them pull away from each other.

“Don’t be a hater, Noodle,” Siasia teased as the three of them made their way back to the condo.

“I’m not. I’m just trying to get my yes day started.” Noodle rolled her neck.

They cackled.