Chapter 25

25

T he air in the apartment was thick with tension and the need to speak what was on their heart, but Siasia was being stubborn, and Qamar allowed it—stifling every unspoken word.

Siasia sat on the edge of the couch, her body coiled tight, the flickering sun battling with the clouds, casting shadows that danced across her face and revealing the struggle within her. She wanted to voice the turmoil that churned in her heart, the fears and insecurities that clawed at her, but pride held her tongue captive.

Qamar, on the other hand, watched her with a mix of yearning and pain. His heart aching to bridge the distance between them. He understood the weight of her silence. It was a silence filled with longing and unresolved emotions, each moment stretching into eternity. Sex couldn’t sure this one no matter how much they fucked all over the house the night prior. They were in the big leagues now—only words would suffice. In the big leagues, love wasn’t the star. Love was the coach while compromise and communication were the big two. They got paid the big bucks to score all the points and bring the win home.

He always wanted to give Siasia what she wanted, even if it meant enduring the sharp sting of his own heartache. It was a bittersweet sacrifice, knowing that sometimes love meant standing back and allowing her to wrestle with her demons alone. Qamar felt the sharp edges of his own vulnerability pressing against his chest. The fear of losing her gnawed at him like a relentless tide. Yet, he remained steadfast, a silent sentinel in the storm of her emotions, willing to bear the burden of her stubbornness if it meant she could find her way to the truth.

The room pulsed with unspoken words, a longing for connection that hung in the air, begging for release. Each glance exchanged was heavy with meaning, every sigh a testament to the love that tethered them, even in the moments when they felt worlds apart.

“Talk to me, mama.” His resolve breaking down because this time, he couldn’t give her what she wanted. This time his needs were more important, and life without her wasn’t an option. So, as the man, he had to force her to bring compromise and communication off the bench. They didn’t belong there anyway.

“What do you want me to say? I just want my sister back. Anything else is irrelevant!” she snapped, the bite in her voice showing off her canines.

Qamar didn’t like the tone or dismissiveness in her voice. She was ready to fight about who’s problem was more important when the truth was, they both were equally as important and if they handled shit like adults—as a force, everything could be easily resolved.

“You’re fuckin’ selfish, Siasia. You know that? Of course you do.” He snorted out an unamused laugh. “You’re selfish but mask it as since life dealt you a bad hand, it’s not really selfishness. In your selfish ass mind it’s survival.”

“It is survival!” she yelled. “Newsflash, Qamar while you’ve been living, I’ve been surviving. I can’t deal with this right now.” Siasia stood from the couch, ready to get in her raggedy car and take off. She was ready to run. Her legs itched for the feel of wind whipping past her as she ran. She was a runner.

“‘Cause God fuckin’ forbid, I need you sometimes to make my shit better like I’ve been doing for you since the day I met you.” His stomach churned at the thought of Siasia running. Again.

“I didn’t ask you too though.” Her hands flailed in the air.

His feet moved quick like he was making a play on the field. In her face, he glared down at her. “You never had to! One look in your eyes at the party— I saw you. The you that thought cute clothes, dope hairstyles, and fire pussy could hide from the world. One look in your tight eyes, and I saw me. I saw home . Not the big house you see today, but the home I came from. The broken home in The Jig that my sister made feel warm. The tiny home I was so eager to cramp up in to be close to the only granddaddy I ever had.” His throat tightened, thinking about Javen’s grandfather, Jason, who had a hand in raising all of them in one way or another. “Those fuckin’ eyes,” he pushed his finger into the side of her head. “Those damn eyes called out to me in a forgotten language that only the real ones could hear. Shit was like a trance, and I just had to get close to you. I just had to feel you. It wasn’t your body that pulled my eyes to you that night. It was those fuckin’ eyes I can’t get out of my head.” He turned away with his hands in his locs that were in desperate need of a retwist. Even his line-up had grown out.

“Just don’t walk away from me, mama. Please,” he begged. Qamar was so out of himself that he didn’t even have the energy to wipe away his tears. “I know this ain’t animal life. I got two kids and sometimes I get in my head too bad that I doubt the shit that should be easy.” He punched his hand. “But when I’m with you, I don’t doubt shit. Ain’t no pressure sitting on my chest suffocating me because I don’t think I’m good enough. You give me purpose. Your love gives me strength.”

“Qamar,” Siasia sobbed.

“Man come on.” He wiped away her tears. “Don’t cry ‘cause that shit hurt me too. I’m just asking you… begging you to not walk away from me, mama. What I’m gone do when shit gets too tough? How I’m gone go home if it ain’t there no more?” Qamar poured out his heart, leaving his chest hollow. “Name a song.”

She licked her lips, torn up at the idea of him being torn up. “ Crash .”

“Man, what?” He looked her upside the head.

She laughed through turmoil. “No, that’s the name of the song. Crash by Kehlani.” Siasia cleared her throat. “You kiss me like you want to make love to all my fuckin’ demons. And I don’t want to wake up. Baby just lie here and crash, land your love on me.”

His cognac eyes brightened. “What that mean, Mama? You gotta say it.” He bounced on his toes like a kid, waiting for the prize his mama promised him if he did good in school for the week.

“I love you, so much, Daddy. I might be home, but you’re the land I sit on. Ain’t no me without you.”

“And when the world comes for us… when this shit gets tough, ‘cause it will. What then?”

With pride in her eyes, she lifted her head. “I will follow you to the ends of this universe and the next. I will stand beside you, in front of you, and behind you. What you have done for me… what you have given me, makes me trust you with my life. Qamar, I don’t give a fuck about the world when it comes to you.”

“Then make this shit right, Mama. Make our family whole. I’ll handle the big shit.”

Siasia's video was a heartfelt tapestry woven with moments that captured the essence of Qamar—the man behind the fame and the big family name. The montage began with a gentle fade-in, showing Qamar in his element on the soccer field, the sun shining bright over his determined face, showing off those pretty brown eyes she couldn’t get enough of. Each clip displayed not just his athletic prowess but the joy that radiated from him, a joy that spilled over into every interaction with his kids, their laughter echoing like sweet music as they played in the park and their smiles a mirror of his own.

As the music swelled, the scenes shifted to intimate family gatherings, where Qamar was the anchor, surrounded by loved ones. There were candid shots of him laughing with his siblings, arms thrown around each other in a brotherly embrace, and moments of him deep in conversation with his mother, their bond palpable and full of warmth. Each image was a testament to his roots, a reminder that beneath the accolades and achievements lay a heart that beat for family.

One of her favorite still shots had to be of that damn tattoo on his back. The moon that represented where it all started. When Siasia thought about it, maybe the moon had always been a metaphor for what The Jig felt like for them. The names of all those he loved inked into his brown skin, dipping and gliding over his back muscles, gave her chills.

Then came the quiet moments—still images of Qamar lost in thought during their trip to Alabama, the serene landscape behind him as he gazed into the distance, contemplating life and love. These were the moments that Siasia cherished, capturing the vulnerability that made him human, a stark contrast to the superstar image the world often saw— he was more than that, he was Superman.

With each transition, Siasia's voiceover narrated her love for him, her words flowing like a river, painting a picture of a man who was not just a soccer star but a devoted father, a loyal brother, and a loving partner. “This is my Superman,” she said, her voice filled with pride. “This is Qamar—real, raw, and undeniably extraordinary.”

As the video drew to a close, the screen filled with a collage of their happiest memories together, a vibrant explosion of color and emotion. The final frame read "Beyond the Stars" encapsulating their journey and the infinite love they shared. It was a tribute that resonated deeply, destined to go viral as it unveiled the true Qamar to the world—a man whose heart was as big as his dreams.

She prayed he saw it and felt as grand and as loved as he was. She hoped he didn’t get in his head and feel unworthy because on some real shit, he deserved that plus more.

Closing her laptop, she sighed, content and full.

“Fix, this shit, Mama,” rang in her ears. Siasia knew what she needed to do. The open love letter to him was just the start. It was time she accepted that she was big mama and played her part. It was time she loved him through words and actions like he’d done for her.

With dread, Siasia pulled up to Janay’s house. She’d gotten the address from Malaysia after jokingly sparring with her about why she needed it. Now, as she sat in the parking lot of the cute and quaint townhouses complex that was secured by a fence and a guard who let her in just by her fluttering her lashes, she no longer felt as confident. Still, the visit had to take place. If Qamar had to handle the big shit, then she could manage the small things. The situation with Janay was important but it was small.

From the outside, everything looked nice and clean. Siasia knew the bills were footed by Qamar and after sitting with that reality for a few seconds, she was okay with that. It was how he moved as a man, and she needed to have thick enough skin to understand that as a man with the means to do so, he would never allow his kids’ mothers to live below his means. If it was in his means to make a way, that was what he did. Qamar would foot the bills for his children which meant for their mothers as well.

The weight on her chest started to lift, letting her know she was doing the right thing. Stepping out the car, a light breeze swept across her face, tickling her soul. She told herself it was her mother walking with her, guarding her and covering her in love. Pushing her head up, Siasia walked up the sidewalk with her head held high, ready for anything. Siasia tapped on the neutral-colored door while taking in the cute little flowers that gave the townhouse a touch of girly curb appeal.

“Who is it?” Janay called out, sounding like she was a good distance from the door.

Nervously, Siasia cleared her throat. “Siasia,” she called out, pushing her face closer as if that would make her voice louder.

Janay pulled the door open in shock. “Qamar doesn’t live here.”

“I know,” Siasia said like, duh. “I’m here for you.”

“Okay?” Janay rested her hand on her hip. Her long locs flowed to her round butt. If she wasn’t such a pain in Siasia’s ass, she would’ve told her she was beautiful because she was.

“You ain’t gonna let me in?” Siasia asked, looking behind Janay inside her home.

When the door first opened, the scent of lemon wafted out, making the outside feel like a sunny day even though it was gloomy with a forecast of rain in the next hours.

Kissing her teeth while rolling her eyes, Janay stepped to the side to allow Siasia in.

“Excuse my house. Since I’m a single mother I don’t always have time to clean up.” She twisted her mouth.

Siasia cocked her eyes. “Janay, cut the bullshit. You ain’t a single mother because Belinay’s daddy is very much present.”

“Look around, do you see him anywhere? Newsflash, you’re not gonna,” Janay joked and had it not been about her man, Siasia would’ve laughed.

“Cute.” Siasia crinkled her nose. “Where is Belinay?”

“At daycare.”

“That her daddy pays for?”

Janay faked a laugh. “As he should. She didn’t ask to be here.”

“She ain’t his,” Siasia blurted, cutting straight to the chase, by passing all the bullshit she felt Janay was ready to be on.

“He told you that?” Janay was on her feet pacing with a look of disbelief. Her eyes went from worry to anger because Qamar told her he would never tell anyone that. “So what now? You here to tell me he changed his mind and he ain’t gonna be Belinay’s daddy anymore?”

“Calm down, Janay.”

“I can’t!” Janay yelled. “What—what happened? Tell him I’ll chill out on us being a family. Tell him he ain’t gotta give me money anymore. Just don’t take him away from Belinay. You—you can have him.” She was flustered.

“First, calm down. Second, you can’t give me what’s already mine, love.” Siasia didn’t raise her voice. “Let’s start there. Qamar will love you. Not in a romantic way. He will love you because he loves Belinay. I’m here because I need you to understand that.” She crossed her legs at the ankles. “I need you to not misconstrue that.”

Janay swallowed, hating the way Siasia’s words felt in her gut. Was she in love with Qamar? Janay knew she could be but from what his girlfriend was relaying to her, he wouldn’t love her back. At least not in the way that her daddy loved her mama. Qamar would love her in the way of being a united front for Belinay and supporting Belinay’s mom in whatever she wanted to pursue.

Qamar wouldn’t love her though.

Siasia watched Janay’s face take her through a range of emotions. When it settled on understanding, she continued, “Janay, I will never deter Qamar from loving and providing for Belinay. No matter what. As far as the three of us know, she is his. This secret will never get out. Even if you piss me off or make me mad. Even if me and Qamar don’t work out. I will never tell that secret because the truth is, she is his daughter.”

“Thank you,” Janay whispered, her voice barely above a murmur, but Siasia could hear the sincerity woven into those two simple words.

Siasia nodded, gratitude swelling in her chest. “I need you to move forward with all of this like you got some damn sense. All that messy baby mama drama you want to be with, kill all that. We are not enemies. I am an ally. I love your daughter and would never try to take her or turn her away from you.” The room felt charged with a newfound energy. The tension between them transformed into an unspoken pact; a bridge built on mutual respect and understanding.

Janay allowed everything Siasia said to her to sink in like a stone dropped into still water, rippling through her thoughts. At first, the truth stung sharply, but as the seconds passed, reality settled like a heavy blanket. It didn’t matter if Qamar had met Siasia or not; he still wouldn’t have chosen Janay. Swallowing hard, she acknowledged that painful acceptance.

“Thank you, for real, Siasia. It takes a special person to do this, which lets me know that my daughter will be well taken care of while in your presence. But she won’t be calling you Mommy.” Her fight to not smile lost as an organic one stretched across of face.

Siasia burst into laughter. She held her stomach, the joy of the moment breaking through the heaviness that had lingered. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” They both realized that they were navigating this unconventional web together, forging a path that would allow them to coexist for the sake of Belinay.

Qamar pulled up to Noodle’s mama’s house. The engine of his shiny blacked-out SUV purring as he parked on the cracked pavement. He stuck out like a sore thumb. Nosey neighbors peeked from their windows or stopped what they were doing to see who he was and where he was going. The sky hung low, a blanket of gray clouds threatening to spill their contents at any moment. The air was thick with the scent of rain, mingling with the faint aroma of fried food wafting from a nearby window, a reminder of The Jig.

He stepped out, the humidity biting at his skin, and made his way to the front door, each step heavy with the weight of what he was about to do. The paint on the house was peeling, the yard overgrown—no place for his princess to be. And no place his queen would want her.

As he knocked, the sound echoed in the silence, and his heart raced.

Jackie opened the door, her expression a mix of surprise and wariness. “What do you want and who are you?” she asked, crossing her arms defensively.

Noodle stood off to the side but rushed to the door when she heard his voice. “Qamar!” she said with excitement. Her eyes grew a tad bit sad when she looked for Siasia but didn’t see her. The two days of being away from her sister had been tough on her. Jackie tried to be nice but had no patience for a kid.

He took a breath, steadying himself. “I’m here to talk about Noodle.” He looked at his princess and smiled. “I want to offer you some money to sign over your rights to Siasia.”

Jackie's brows furrowed. The tension was palpable. “You think you can just waltz in here and buy her? She’s my daughter!” The words were sharp, but beneath them laid a current of desperation.

“Was she your daughter when you handed her over fresh out the pussy to Stacy? Huh, was she you daughter then?” Qamar challenged. “Noodle, go wait in the back.”

When Qamar spoke, Noodle listened because he knew everything and all the answers. Without hesitating, she ran off to the kitchen that sat in the back of the one-bedroom home that reeked of cigarettes, beer, and fried bologna.

Jackie’s nose flared. “You can’t come over here telling me or my daughter what to do, nigga. I knew a man just like you,” she sneered, stepping onto the porch to get in his face. “He dead, would you like to join him?”

“Cut the bullshit, Jackie. Noodle gone, now.” He paid her anger no mind. Qamar was only there for one thing and he wasn’t leaving without it. He couldn’t go home without Noodle. He had to handle the big shit.

Her big, almond eyes that reminded him of his Noodle bounced around. “How much?” she whispered.

“I’m like Progressive, name your price?” His charming eyes sparkled when without the sun being on his side. Clasping his hands in front of him, he rocked, waiting for Jackie to name a number she felt would break him. There wasn’t a number she could come up with that would break him. His pockets had been deep since his family started making real money. Even without going pro, Qamar was good. His children would be good. However, he would allow the woman with Noodle’s whole face try her best.

“I don’t have all day.”

After what felt like an eternity, Jackie’s resolve began to waver. “Fifty… no a hundred,” she whispered, praying her daughter didn’t hear her. It was bad enough that she allowed Stacy to take her baby to be raised by another woman all while still sleeping with him whenever he decided he didn’t love Cynthia anymore. Now, she was willing to put a price on her daughter. She was disgusted with herself but needed the money and in only two days, she realized she wasn’t good at being a mother.

“Done.” Qamar smirked.

The thought of Noodle thriving with Siasia, surrounded by love and stability, tugged at her heart. Finally, with a heavy sigh, she relented, “And this isn’t just about money. You take care of her.” She wagged her finger with tears sitting at the rim of her eyes.

“That’s a given. My princess will thrive because she is royalty,” Qamar declared, pulling out the paperwork he had Elle, his family’s attorney draw up, a pen, and a blank check. Handing it all over to Jackie, he watched her fill out the documents as the breath he’d been holding eased out of him.

“Will I be able to ever see her again?” Jackie asked, handing the papers over to him.

“Reach out to Siasia. If you got your shit together I don’t see why not.” Qamar cupped his hand around his mouth, “Princess!” he called out to Noodle.

Running at full speed with sad eyes, she looked up at him when she got to the door.

“Give Jackie a hug and lets go,” he revealed, watching the sadness vanish from her eyes immediately.

Only the sound of Noodle humming was heard as Qamar drove them to the other side of town. Lynn Beach was a peculiar place—the college side was affluent with malls, shops, and high-end restaurants while the other side was worn and lacked basic necessities. It reminded Qamar of The Jig except there was no other side. Yes, Sapphire City had a side of town that was better than the ghetto but it wasn’t a drastic change from one side to the other.

“Qamar is it bad if I want to maybe still see my real mom?” Noodle kept her focus on the scenery outside, afraid of what he might say. Scared to look at him and see disappointment in his eyes.

“Nah, Princess, I don’t think it’s bad but you might want to ask yourself why you think it’s bad.”

“Um, probably because she tried to take me from SiSi.” Noodle’s brain tried to rationalize all the reasons she shouldn’t like Jackie.

Qamar kept his eyes on the road when he spoke. “That don’t matter because you’re going back with Siasia. Do you want a relationship with Jackie?”

Noodle twisted her mouth to the side of her face, thinking on the question she already had the answers to. “I know it was only two days but Jackie wasn’t mean to me or anything. It felt like she could be okay if I had to live with her forever… and I don’t have a mama anymore so…” Her shoulders hiked before falling just as fast.

“I think you should get to know your mama, Princess. I know what it feels like to be mad at the woman who birthed you and at the same time loving them so much it should’ve been criminal. I support whatever you want to do, and I know Siasia will too.” He peeked in on her through the mirror, smiling when he saw her lips curl.

Noodle was content with his support and a ball of energy when they pulled up to Qamar’s apartment that had easily become her and Siasia’s home.

“Qamar?”

“Yea?”

“Name a song.” She smiled, unable to contain her big smile. Being with Qamar was almost better than being with Siasia and Esmeray.

“Hmm.” He tapped his chin, pretending to think. “You like Beyonce, right?” Twisting his neck, he peered at her. They were in the parking lot just sitting in the car.

“You know I do.” She rolled her eyes playfully.

“ Bigger . How it go?”

“Life is your birthright, they hid that in the fine print… you’re part of something way bigger.” Veins popped out of Noodle’s slim neck as she sung like a woman twice her age.

Siasia hadn’t even heard her sing before but Qamar and Luna knew. They knew she would be special. Noodle was part of something way bigger. They’d told her that and had shown her that.

Just as Noodle climbed from the backseat to wrap her arms around Qamar, Siasia’s worn down car pulled up. They heard it before they saw her and that made them laugh.

“I gotta get Mama a new car.”

“Please.” Noodle rolled her neck in a circle.

Qamar ruffled her hair. “Don’t do my baby like that. Come on, so she can gone ahead and cry.”

He didn’t have to tell Noodle twice. Just as eager to cry and hug her sister because two days was too damn long, she pushed the front door opened, catching Siasia by surprise.

“No.” In shock Siasia fell to her knees. “Are you really here?” she asked when Noodle fell into her. Examining her hair and her face, Siasia needed to be sure it was all real.

“It’s me, SiSi. I’m back forever.” She turned to Qamar to make sure it was forever. When he nodded, she snuggled her head into her big sister more.

“Ooh,” Siasia couldn’t hold in her happiness. It spilled out of her pores—dripped from her eyes. Her Noodle was back and it was all thanks to the boy whose eyes had all the answers.

As they all reunited, the sky opened. The rain began to fall, a cleansing downpour that washed away the past and heralded a new beginning for them. Drenched just that fast, Qamar lifted them up to embrace the both of them in his arms. All he needed was for his other two girls to be there. In due time, they would all be together. Qamar was certain.

His phone vibrated in his pockets. When he dug it out, he didn’t recognize the number but decided to answer it while the three of them stood in the pouring rain in no hurry to retreat to shelter.

“Hello?”

“Qamar Moony, I’ve been trying to reach you. This Three , the owner of The Emerald City Kings. You ready?”

“Um, what you mean?” Qamar scratched at the back of his head. His line-up was severely grown out.

“I said are you ready, nigga?” Three was a Black man and the only Black owner of an MLS team.

Qamar laughed at the way the man talked to him like they were familiar. “I mean, what you offering?”

“Everything a Black man deserves. Come see me,” Three suggested with confidence.

“Send over the details.” Qamar nodded, feeling good about it. So good, his heart almost burst out of his chest.

“Say less. Sending now. Enjoy the rest of your day, Qamar,” Three said before ending the call.

“I knew you had all the answers.” Siasia craned her neck to look him in his eyes. Her personal Superman. Every time she looked at him she felt assured, assured that he would defeat all the bad guys in her universe.