Chapter 21

21

S iasia sat on the floor, her legs crossed beneath her, the soft glow of her laptop casting a warm light that danced across the room. Outside, the stars twinkled like distant diamonds through the massive window, a stark contrast to the cozy sanctuary she had created. She had relieved Malaysia for the night, tucking herself into the corner while Belinay slept peacefully in her bassinet nearby. The decision to roll her into the living room had been a desperate one, born from the restless night that had gripped her.

Janay had left and hadn’t returned, leaving Siasia feeling a mix of concern and relief. She had called Qamar to ensure it was alright for Belinay to stay, and naturally, he had agreed. It had been three days now, and with everything swirling around them, Siasia knew having both his babies close brought him a sense of relief, a momentary escape from the chaos. Now, with her mind racing like the stars above, she found herself lost in a digital treasure trove of memories—every image of Qamar that had captured her heart. Her cheeks ached from the smiles that danced across her face as her fingers traced the contours of his handsome features on the screen.

Over the course of their relationship, she had snapped candid shots of him in all walks of life, each one telling a story. Her favorites were of that magical night at the park with Esmeray or the playful race between him, Malaysia, Noodle, and Esmeray that had filled the air with laughter. Yet, one image stood out among the rest. It was a candid shot of Esmeray and Noodle gazing up at him with wide, trusting eyes, as if he held every answer to their innocent questions. A lump formed in Siasia's throat, a bittersweet ache that reminded her of the profound safety Qamar brought into her life. With him, the shadows of the dark faded away, and the monsters under the bed were nothing more than figments of imagination. He made her feel seen, cherished, and she knew that no words could ever repay him for that gift. What she could do was show the world just how incredible he truly was, how many different hats he wore with grace and love, illuminating the lives of everyone around him.

Belinay whined her in sleep, prompting Siasia to wrap up her video. All she needed to do was find the perfect song. Only then would she present it to the world. Her social media followers tripled after her shoot with Candi and Jay was published. In the corner on the last page of the three-page spread was her picture with all of her contact information. The shoot had been so beautiful and professional, Black Excellence Magazine asked if she was open to be contacted for more. Of course, she said yes.

Another coo from Belinay had her saving the video and closing her laptop.

On her feet, she stretched her arms high and wide to relieve the ache of sitting on the floor. Easing over to the bassinet, she smiled at how juicy Belinay and the fact she was wide eyed looking into her.

“Hey, juicy baby. You ain’t gone sleep for long, huh?” she whispered to her while lifting her into her arms. She didn’t see Qamar in her but she’d never deny she was his. If it was his will to take on the role and responsibility, she would never be a bitch and suggest otherwise.

Her heart melted when Belinay sucked on her own tiny fist. “Your fat ass hungry, ain’t you?” She laughed before kissing her chunky cheeks. “I know you are. Let’s warm you up a bottle, greedy girl.”

“I got it,” Qamar popped up, scaring the hell out of her.

Siasia laughed while calming her racing heart. “You can’t be popping up on us like that, boy.” She continued her trek to the kitchen. “Why you up anyway?”

“Man, they sleep so damn wild.” He laughed, talking about Noodle and Esmeray.

“I woke up with Es’s foot in my face. I was like hell no.” She snickered, placing the bottle in the warmer.

Belinay could hear her daddy and tried to find his face. “Oh uh un, don’t switch up on me for your ugly ass daddy, Fat Ma.”

“Ugly?” He pushed his face into Belinay. “She know I ain’t never been ugly, ma-ma. Ain’t that right,” he cooed in baby talk.

As if she was agreeing with her daddy, she blew spit bubbles.

“Oh, I’m ‘bout to hand you to your daddy since you want to act brand new with me,” she joked, still holding her in her arms.

Once the bottle was warmed and tested on her hand, she cradled it gently, her heart swelling as she settled onto the couch. Qamar trailed behind, his gaze softening at the sight of Siasia with his children. It filled him with a sense of reassurance; he knew he had chosen wisely. Her gentle touch and inherent kindness shone through, even amidst the shadows of her struggles with Janay.

“You want kids?” he asked, his voice low, allowing the stars to illuminate her pretty, blemish-free face. She had let her hair flow freely, a wild cascade that framed her features, and he found her irresistibly sexy in her natural state.

Her shoulders hunched slightly, a flicker of uncertainty crossing her face. “I don’t know… I didn’t.”

“But?” His bushy brows rose, curiosity piqued.

“When I look at you, I envision a little boy that looks just like you.”

“Oh really?” A smirk danced on his lips as he pulled her bare feet into his lap, his calloused hands kneading into the soft soles. A soft moan escaped her lips, the sensation drawing her deeper into the moment.

Siasia's head nestled into the crook of the couch, surrendering to the euphoric bliss of his impromptu foot massage. “Mhm,” she hummed, lost in the comfort of his touch.

“And what else do you see in our future?” he pressed, his tone teasing yet earnest.

“You so sure you’re in my future?” she challenged, a playful glint in her eyes.

“It’s the only thing I’m sure of. With all this shit hanging over my head, the one thing I know is that you’ll be there seeing me through whatever my next phase of life is.”

“Because we’re going beyond the stars?”

“Now, you get it. It was always supposed to be you. It’s why I’ve been so scared all my life to push myself beyond the limit. They say you don’t understand your purpose until the right person comes into your life. You my person, mama.” His voice was low, laced with conviction, as if the words were a divine promise, echoing with certainty that he would bet it all, knowing he’d win it back tenfold.

“How are you so perfect?”

His head fell forward with a laugh. “When I look in the mirror, I don’t see perfect,” he confessed.

“That’s ‘cause you don’t see you the way we see you. We see you like the second coming of Jesus… God forgive me.” She snickered looking into the sky, before getting serious. “When I look at you, I see everything my mama wanted to feel. It makes me feel a little guilty because this is the type of love I wanted her to witness—want my kids to witness. Now, she ain’t here to see any of it. The man or the kids.” Siasia sniffled, hating the way her emotions went from cool to scorching hot in the matter of seconds. She’d never stop grieving her mama but looked forward to when she found some understanding in it all.

“I think she’ll be a witness to the good nigga I am.” His boyish face lit up.

A part of her reveled in his open admiration of her. She’d never felt anything close to what Qamar made her feel. And she knew she never would again.

A comfortable silence fell over them as she burped Belinay who was already dozing off again.

“I let them down,” he blurted, allowing his heart and mind to speak for once. She didn’t say anything, just allowed him to sit in whatever he needed to sit in as he found the words to express himself. “Like, we ain’t always had a good life, you know? Then, when they all find themselves and create something so magical—something that is the epitome of Black excellence, I fuck it up like a scared little boy.”

“I think they love you regardless. You running from them when all they trying to do is help you.”

His face soured. “I know, mama. I’m just?—”

“Scared. You can say it, Qamar. You will never be less of a man to me. If anything it makes you so much more of a man. I always knew a man that could sit inside himself was what God created when he created Adam. You are my Adam—just for me,” she declared.

“You gone have a nigga crying… you trying to make me cry, mama?”

“If you need to cry, here go my shoulder. I mean, Belinay big but I’m sure she’ll scoot over for her daddy.” She winked.

His heart skipped a beat. “Damn.” He sucked in air. “You look at me like I’m the special one when you’re the one shaking shit up in my world… in a good way. Where have you been all my life?”

“Probably on the pole.”

“Aww, look at my juicy grandbaby,” Stephanie cooed, her voice softening as she stood over Siasia and Belinay, who were nestled together in a peaceful slumber. The room was filled with a gentle hush, a stark contrast to the lively chaos that had surrounded them. They must’ve been exhausted, wrapped in their dreams, completely unfazed by the world around them.

“I don’t like not seeing my grandbabies every day, Qamar,” she complained, hands firmly planted on her hips, her brow furrowed in playful frustration.

Griff wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close. “You gotta let baby boy leave the nest, baby,” he said gently, trying to soothe her.

“I ain’t trying to hear none of that,” she declared, playfully mushed her husband away. “Wake them up!”

Qamar chuckled, shaking his head, a grin spreading across his face. “Hell no, Ma. I ain’t bout to get cussed out. Belinay kept her up all night. Let my lady sleep.”

“Your lady?” Stephanie's eyebrow shot up, surprise dancing in her eyes. “Ooh, this one special, special.”

Just as Qamar settled back into his thoughts earlier that morning, he heard the unmistakable sound of his mama and stepdad at his door. He had been dodging them since the news broke, anxious about their reactions. But as they crowded into his apartment, he felt a warmth wash over him—he’d missed them.

Rubbing his hands together, he flashed a big grin. “Yea, Ma. Siasia, the one.”

“Hell, I knew that when you brought her into my house at God knows what hour, knowing damn well you just had a newborn with Janay. I can’t lie, I was pissed, but Griff calmed me down and explained that although unconventional, your heart was in the right place. Then, on the ride to Jade City, Ms. Siasia laid it all out for me. I’m proud of you, baby—even if it don’t feel like I am.” Stephanie's words flowed with a mix of love and understanding, wrapping around Qamar like a comforting embrace, making the weight of his worries feel just a bit lighter.

“Me too, baby boy.” Griff pulled Qamar into a loving hug.

The closest thing Qamar ever had to a father was Lunar, French, and Javen. Then when Maverick came into their lives, he became a sounding board for him as well. He was grateful to Griff for not only loving his mama but for also stepping in and loving her kids as well. When he looked over his life, even when shit was all bad, he could still find gratitude for the small pockets of love he often found.

His family was full of unconditional love which reminded him he needed to make shit right with his sister. He had yet to reach out to her and only had a small conversation with French over the last month and a half.

As if his mama could read his mind, she announced, “You better get your lady up because the rest of your family is on the way.”

That pulled a smile on his face that touched his ears.

Qamar got on his knees in front of the couch and just stared at Siasia and Belinay. They were so content in one another’s arms that he almost didn’t want to wake them. However, he wanted to give her time to get herself together before his rambunctious bunch came in like a hurricane on a sunny day.

“Mama,” he hummed, kissing on her face. “Get up, baby.”

Siasia stirred, her sleep feeling too good to wake up from.

“Come on, baby. My mama here,” he threw in, knowing that would get her attention.

Her eyebrows shot to her hairline before squeezing closed again when she noticed Stephanie standing close enough to see her. “I am going to kill you, Qamar,” she said through gritted teeth, gaining a few laughs form those around.

Qamar looked up at his mama. “Told you, Ma.”

Qamar admired the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. She was gently, serenely wise, and so damn beautiful.

She was home.

“Don’t be threatening my baby, Ms. Siasia,” Stephanie fake fussed with humor in her tone.

As Siasia lifted her body, Qamar took Belinay from her which made his baby girl whine. She’d been loving being glued to Siasia which would give her mama a stroke if she found out.

“Good morning.” Her eyes smiled at Stephanie and Griff. “I would’ve been up if I knew y’all was coming.”

“Oh, he ain’t know we was coming. Nigga had been dodging everybody calls. I’m sorry about your mama.” Stephanie gave a gentle smile. She wanted to say more, wanted to fuss because she offered to attend the service but Qamar told her Siasia didn’t want anyone but her, Qamar, and Noodle there.

All she could hope for now was to build a relationship with the pretty girl that held her baby boy’s heart in her hands.

“Thank you.” The reality of her mama being gone still took a toll on her. “Um. I’m going to get me and Fat Ma, dressed. Where the girls and Malysia?” she finally asked when she didn’t hear or see them.

“Malysia took them to the nail shop,” Qamar explained.

She gave one last nod before taking Belinay back from him and padding off to the room.

“My baby in love,” Stephanie said dramatically while falling on the couch, making the three of them cackle.