Chapter 18

18

“ Y ou nasty cracker!” Siasia yelled, spittle flying out of her mouth as she charged at Brenden, ready to knock the smug smirk off his face.

Dodging her like the athlete he was, Brenden laughed to his friends. “What’s wrong, baby?” he taunted.

One of the players held Siasia back. “Move!” She tried to get around him. “Brenden you little dick bastard!” she hollered, only seeing red as she started swinging on whoever was trying their best to keep her from knocking Brenden’s head off his shoulder.

Brenden was a pitcher for the baseball team that was comprised mostly of white boys which didn’t make the situation better. As the guy held her all she could see was a million different versions of the white-faced boy taunting her—dangling her future in her face.

Brenden continued to laugh and mock her by calling her baby and grabbing himself. “Oh its little?” He humped the air, gaining more laughter.

Siasia’s blood boiled like the hot water her mama always told her boil before mopping the floor. One time she even burned her finger by testing its temperature. Now she wished she had some to throw on him and all the minion versions of him.

With blonde hair and blue eyes, Brenden wasn’t a slouch in the looks department but he carried an air of entitlement around as if it were a personality trait. In hindsight, Siasia now knew it very much was all his personality was based off.

“Let her go, Zack, so I can shove this little dick down her throat for old times’ sake,” Brenden laughed, pulling a deep dark vile taste from her belly to her throat.

“What did I do to you! Why would you tell your daddy to deny my admission indefinitely?” Siasia had gone to the financial building to use Qamar’s card to pay for her tuition for the next three years. The way she saw it, he had broken her heart and was galivanting around with his new baby and her mama the least he could do was pay for her schooling. But just like before, God snatched away her happiness. She had no idea what she did to piss him off. Or maybe it was the ancestors she’d made mad when she laid down with a wet dog like Brenden.

Imagine her surprise when Ms. Aaliyah told her she had a refund check with her name on it for the tuition she’d already paid and a letter of refusal.

“I have been trying to get in touch with you, but the number on file is no longer in service.”

“Okay, what’s up Ms. Rucker?” Siasia was confused by the look on the financial aid’s face.

Rucker directed her through the doors to her office that was small but perfect for her. “Have a seat, Siasia.”

“Um, you’re scaring me. What happened?” Siasia’s leg bounced and she heard her heart beating in her ears.

“I don’t know how to say this but ? —”

“Just say it.”

“Siasia, your admission has been denied.”

“For what?!” Siasia jumped up with rage. “I haven’t done anything.”

“I know.” She stood to try to get Siasia to sit back down a lower her voice. “I know but Mr. Bolden has denied you admission indefinitely.”

The memory felt like a sick dream as she replayed in her head over and over. Each time, seeing more red. Now, she was out for blood. Zack wasn’t trying to hear anything his team captain said. No matter how much he wanted to stay on Brenden’s good side, he wasn’t going to let a man hit on a woman. That was too close to home for Zack’s liking.

“Just chill, bro.”

“Oh, you trying to be nice, hoping to get some of that sweet pink between her legs?” Brenden continued his mocking.

Siasia was furious at being so vulnerable to him. Like he was a king and she was nothing but a peasant begging for scraps. Her nostrils flared with fury, heat and rage coating her skin—burning her from the inside out.

“But why?” she croaked, her anger turning into pain. “What did I do to you?”

“You denied me, don’t you remember?” The sight of her cracking and tears briming her slanted eyes did nothing to make Brenden feel bad. His feelings were quite the opposite.

Brenden’s chest pushed out and his head rose to the sky. “There’s only one way you can fix this, baby.” He tsked.

Desperate and broken she looked at him, her eyes asking what she needed to do because Siasia really wanted to be the best photographer in the world and didn’t feel she could do that without school and the connections that came with it.

Brenden licked his thin, pink lips. His devilish blue eyes turned to slits as his hands panned out to his team. “Seeing that I am the captain of this team it’s only right that I treat my boys to some of the finest pussy in the city.”

Siasia fell to the floor unable to stand any longer. Feeling lower than she ever felt, she looked up at him. Then. she swung her eyes around the room. taking in their smirks and grins. Some of the boys were even rubbing their dicks through their athletic clothes. She went to speak but was cut off by his voice. The voice connected to the eyes that told her he had all the answers.

“Get up!” Qamar’s voice boomed through the room.

Lynn Beach was a huge campus with a lot of high price donors, so the athletic building was big enough for each sport to have their own workout rooms. It didn’t take him long to track her exact location.

Slowly and seeing red, Qamar stepped closer to Siasia while his teammates followed behind him. “Get up, mama.” His voice calm and low while his hand stretched to hers to lift her up.

“Oh, y’all want some of her too?” Brenden smirked. “I guess I could be a good host and let you get the leftovers.”

As the words left his mouth, his head hit the floor, bouncing like a ball.

“Qamar!” Siasia snapped too, trying to grab him away from Brenden knowing what the consequences were. “Stop!” she screamed.

Qamar let loose on Brenden before looking around and free picking another one of the baseball players.

“Help me!” She looked at the soccer players who’d barged in with Qamar. “Don’t let him do this,” she continued to yell, trying her hardest to get Qamar off his third victim.

It was no use because he was in hell, doing the devil’s bidding.

Before she knew what was happening, there was a full-on brawl happening with Brenden still laid out on the floor barely moving. The gym echoed with chaos as the sounds of sneakers squeaking against the polished floor and the thud of bodies colliding filled the air. Qamar’s heart raced, fueled by adrenaline and a fierce protectiveness that surged through him like wildfire. He had always been the calm one, but seeing Brenden sprawled on the ground, knocked out cold, ignited a fire within him that he couldn’t contain.

Siasia looked around for anyone to help her contain Qamar. He was her only concern at the moment.

“Get up, Brenden!” Qamar shouted, his voice a mix of rage and desperation, as he pushed through the throng of students gathered around the brawl. The soccer and baseball teams were locked in a furious clash, fists flying and tempers flaring, but all he could focus on was the disrespect Brenden had thrown at Siasia.

With all her might, she grabbed onto Qamar. “Stop, Qamar! Please!” she cried.

Just then, the school security burst through the doors, their authoritative shouts cutting through the din. “Break it up! Now!” They moved swiftly, grabbing hold of students and separating the combatants, but Qamar wasn’t finished. He pushed past a security guard, his eyes locked on Brenden, who was just beginning to stir. “You think you can talk to her like that and get away with it?”

As the security team worked to restore order, Qamar’s fists clenched, his heart still pounding with the need to protect Siasia. The gym, once a place of camaraderie and teamwork, had turned into a battlefield, and he wasn’t backing down until he made it clear that disrespecting her was not an option.

With all her strength, Siasia jumped on him, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. “Look at me, Qamar,” she pleaded, seeing the eyes she’d loved looking into while they had late night conversations flicker with anger. “Daddy,” she hummed the word, pulling him back to her. “Calm down. I’m okay.”

As his heart started to slow and sync with hers, he was yanked by security. “Hands behind your back, Qamar.”

“Wait, please.” She tried to hold on to him.

“Get down, ma’am, or you’re going too,” the officer threatened.

Nodding with her orbs still locked on Qamar, she released him and watched the officer’s every move. Thankfully, the man was gentle and not on a power trip. When he started to walk Qamar out, she scanned the gym seeing others on their bellies and Brenden being checked out by someone with his father hovering over. She knew nothing good would come from this and hated Qamar had gotten involved.

The atmosphere in the dean's office was thick with tension as Qamar stood before Brenden’s father, the imposing figure of the dean of Lynn Beach University. The walls, lined with degrees and accolades, seemed to close in on him, amplifying the gravity of the moment. Qamar’s heart raced, a mix of defiance and dread coursing through him as he met the dean’s steely gaze. His body ached from the brawl but all he wanted to do was get the meeting over so he could go check on Siasia.

The school wasted no time with having him in the dean’s office. The brawl had just happened and after only a few hours of being in cuffs to calm the situation, everyone was let go with Qamar being ordered to see the dean immediately. Qamar was thankful the school didn’t press criminal charges on him and were handling the infraction swift and in house. He wasn’t worried since he already had plans on entering the draft and going pro.

On the other hand, he knew his family wouldn’t take the news lightly.

As a young Black man, he knew dealing with the police could’ve gone completely wrong had his Black skin not been covered in green from his family’s wealth and influence. Just thinking about what could’ve happened sent chills down his spine.

“Qamar, do you understand the severity of your actions?” Dean Bolden’s voice was calm but laced with disappointment, echoing in the quiet room.

Qamar clenched his fists, the memory of the brawl still fresh in his mind. He had acted out of passion, out of a need to defend Siasia, and nothing anyone said would make him regret that decision.

“I was doing what I was taught to do as a man when it came to defending women,” Qamar replied, his voice steady, though he could feel the heat rising in his cheeks. “Some shit your son needs a lesson in.”

The dean leaned back in his chair; his expression unreadable. “Don’t speak on my boy.” He scoffed. “You put yourself and others at risk. This isn’t just about you; it’s about the reputation of this institution.”

“But your son using your power to use and abuse women isn’t? You sound dumb.”

“Excuse me?” Dean Bolden sat up in his seat.

Qamar fanned him off. “You heard me.” He leaned in. “Ask yourself what’s going to happen when your son does to another girl what he did to Siasia—another girl from a family that has more power and pull than you—another girl who will bury your family and the Bolden last name all because you raised a spoiled little boy who was never taught how to play nice, be fair, or to respect women. Imagine if your son fucks over a girl who’s loved by a man that has a family with a name so fuckin’ big that you lose everything.”

“Are you threatening me?” Dean Bolden asked, finally connecting some of the dots Qamar laid out for him so eloquently.

Now that he had his attention, Qamar sat back in his seat, folded his arms over his chest, and smiled. “What is the punishment, Dean Bolden?”

“You’re expelled but—” His voice shook.

Qamar used his hand as a stop sign to stop Bolden. “I don’t want to stay so let’s allow the expulsion to stick.”

“I can readmit Ms…” He looked down at the name on the paperwork. “Ms. Ford.”

“She’s good.” Qamar got up to stand. “Have the day you deserve, Dean. And tell your son to ice his fuckin’ face.”

He knew making a drastic decision that would affect Siasia wasn’t the reasonable thing for him to do but if he was going to leave Lynn Beach University, then so was she. The school’s photography program wasn’t elite. Qamar felt Siasia would fare better at a more exclusive school that had a better network of industry professionals. Qamar had a plan for them. Or maybe he was just being selfish with the decision. Regardless, when it came to how he felt about Siasia, she could only be where he was and Lynn Beach wasn’t it.

Siasia's heart raced as she paced the dimly lit hall outside Dean Bolden's office. The sound of her vintage loafers clunked against the polished floor, echoing in the tense silence. Each step felt heavier than the last, a physical manifestation of her anxiety. She glanced at the closed door, her mind swirling with thoughts of Qamar—his fierce determination to defend her against the vile words that threatened to unravel her life.

What if he lost everything? The thought clenched her stomach, and she stopped to lean against the cool wall, closing her eyes for a moment. Memories of their laughter, the way he held her hand as if he could shield her from the world, flooded her mind. She could almost hear his voice, steady and reassuring, urging her to believe in herself. But this was different. This was a battle that could cost him dearly.

Taking deep breaths, she opened her eyes, determination mingling with fear. She couldn't let him face this alone. Siasia straightened, her resolve hardening. If he was willing to risk it all for her, then she had to be strong enough to fight for both of them. She resumed her pacing, each step a silent promise that she would stand by him, no matter the outcome.

With his head held high, Qamar closed the door behind him after he walked out of the room. Turning the corner, he was met with Siasia pacing the floor. “Mama,” he called out to her.

Siasia took off to jump into his arms. “Qamar, what happened? I’m so sorry?” her words and questions ran on.

“Shh.” He kissed her lips. “Let me get you out of here, then I’ll tell you all about a fine ass girl that got me expelled from school.”

“Daddy,” Siasia crooned, digging her nails into Qamar’s back.

For the last few hours he’d been getting reacquainted with her body while punishing her for ducking out on him. Naked as the day he was born, Qamar’s back flexed as he circled his hips, making sure to hit every corner in Siasia’s pussy. Aggressively . Because he was mad—pissed that she’d left him when all he wanted was her by his side.

“Ugh, Qamar!” she shrieked as another tingling orgasm ripped through her core.

His larger hand gipped her neck applying just enough pressure. “Take this dick, mama—all of it. I gotta remind you who yo belong to. You’ve belonged to me ever since I saw your fine ass dancing at the party.”

“I’m yours,” she agreed, hoping he’d give her a moment to breathe. “I’m yours, forever, Qamar. Just?—”

“Just what?” He applied a little more pressure to her neck before smashing his lips into hers. “Just what, Siasia?” Qamar looked her in the eyes.

Her tongue jutted across her lips because Qamar was draining her off all her moisture. Her pussy was leaking. “I’m just afraid—afraid to see what’s past the moon.”

“Us. We’re past the moon.” He growled, sucking her lips into his mouth as he released his semen on her stomach.

Both spent but in bliss, Qamar laid his body on top of hers.

“You know you’re heavy, right?” Siasia grunted, wiggling her body under his.

He laid another kiss on her lips, the warmth of his affection lingering as he rolled over to lay beside her. The silence enveloped them like a soft, protective cocoon, as if they were two mermaids who’d just exchanged their human legs for fins, ready to dive into a new world free from the chaos that had plagued their lives. The air was thick with unspoken thoughts, both of their minds swirling around the same question— what now?

“What—” Siasia began, her voice barely above a whisper.

“I—” Qamar cut in, their words colliding in a delightful mess that sparked laughter between them, a momentary reprieve from the weight of their realities.

“I’m sorry, Qamar. I really am. Like, your family already hates me… I can only imagine what they’ll be saying about me now in the family group chat,” she confessed, a hint of worry threading through her tone.

Pulling her closer, Qamar pressed a tender kiss against her neck, his breath warm against her skin. “I don’t give a fuck what nobody has to say. This is my life, and someone told me to start living it my own way. Besides, they’re not that bad, for real.”

“I can’t tell,” she mumbled, her brow furrowing as she searched his eyes for reassurance.

With a gentle shift, Qamar climbed over her, positioning himself so he could meet her gaze directly. “My family ain’t really like that. They love hard. Luna is the type of girl to cuss me out for doing another girl wrong. Solar? Well, she’s a little more… expressive. Her issue ain’t with you; it’s with me. I’ll handle my family. They will love you, I promise.”

“And if they don’t?” she asked, a flicker of doubt creeping into her voice.

“Then Christmas will be smaller than I’m used to,” he joked, attempting to lighten the mood, but Siasia couldn’t find humor in it. The pounding on the door jolted them both, their eyes widening in alarm.

“Qamar!” Janay’s voice rang out, sharp and insistent. “I know you’re in here. I saw your car in the garage. Open the damn door!”

Siasia rolled her eyes, a wave of frustration washing over her. She already regretted her decision to be part of the baby mama club. While she had no issues with Malaysia, she was grouped in automatically because she shared a child with Qamar. A weight Siasia wasn’t sure she was ready to bare. The tension in the room shifted, and as Qamar’s expression turned serious, Siasia couldn’t shake the feeling that their moment of peace was about to be shattered.

Siasia's heart raced as the reality of the situation crashed down on her. The pounding on the door was relentless, and the tension in the air thickened. She glanced at Qamar, his expression a mix of determination and concern.

“You should probably handle that. She’s not going away, Qamar.” She sighed before rolling out the bead, heading to the bathroom. “And put on some damn pants!” she yelled.

Qamar laughed but did as he was told.

The walk to the door seemed shorter than ever before. He glanced into Esmeray’s room. Qamar concluded he needed a bigger house. A bigger place since his family was expanding. Where would he lay down his roots? He had no clue but Arkansas would have to be the start of something fresh and new. Thoughts of signing with the Arkansas Arrows was the only thing keeping him sane because the way he’d just blown up any plan B—it had to work. Clearing his throat, Qamar braced himself before he pulled the door open.

Locs thrown over her head, Janay glared at him with Belinay on her hip. “Are you out of your fuckin’ mind?” she asked, pushing past him to get in the house.

“What’s up, Janay?”

“What’s up? Qamar, imagine my surprise when my friend tells me about the newest school gossip.”

“Okay, they always gossiping,” he baited, pretending he didn’t have a clue as to what she was talking about.

Her head snapped towards him, wiping the thin smile off his face. “Don’t bullshit me, Qamar. Did you really get expelled behind a bitch that sells pussy? Oh, yes, I just got a whole earful of that little hoe that takes pictures by day and sucks and fucks niggas by night. Are you really that fuckin’ lost that you’d sabotage everything your family has worked for? Are you crying out for that much attention? Do they not love you enough? What is it? Qamar?!”

The padding of feet pulled her attention to the hall. Siasia wiggled her finger in a taunting wave.

“Un-fuckin’-believable,” Janay groaned. “Then you brought her to the house our baby sleeps in.”

“Oh, shut up.” Siasia rolled her head as she delivered her words. “Me being here ain’t bothering you because your baby be here.”

“I’m not talking to you.” Janay bounced Belinay on her hip while turning her back to Siasia to focus on Qamar. “This is some privileged shit little white boys do when they didn’t get enough of Mommy and Daddy’s attention because they were too busy making sure he can be a fuckin’ nepo baby.”

“Watch yourself, Janay.” Qamar glared down at her.

“Or what?” she challenged, stepping up to him. “What are you going to do? Show out in front of your new flavor of the week?” She focused her attention back on Siasia. Looking her up and down she tried to see what it was in the basic bitch that had Qamar willing and ready to throw everything away. What was between Siasia’s legs to give her more power than a girl who gave him another baby—the semantics of Belinay’s paternity was neither here nor there because on paper and in his heart, she was his. All of that made accepting that he really gave his love and heart to another hard on her. Hard because hope sat in her belly when he decided to love Belinay in spite of. Now, she had to become the baby mama from hell.

“Flavor of the week, real original,” Siasia taunted with laughter in her tone.

“Bitch, fuck you!” Janay yelled.

“You doing too much in front of my baby.” Qamar reached for Belinay but Jany slapped his hand down.

“No!” Janay’s voice shook. “You need to clean up this mess you’ve created. Until then you can kiss Belinay goodbye.”

“You doing too much, now.”

“Siasia, just—” Qamar’s hands rested on his head. “Just chill for a second.”

“Me?!” Siasia pointed at herself. “I didn’t do anything but you know what?” She didn’t say anything else as she went back into the room prepared to put her clothes on. The room felt charged, and she could sense the storm brewing between them. She wanted no parts and didn’t feel like it was her place any longer. The baby was involved and although her heart told her she’d known Qamar in another lifetime, they were still very new.

That put a sadistic thin-lipped smile on Janay’s face.

“See, you haven’t lost your damn mind. If you want to be a father, you focus on that. There’s no time to be out here making new babies.” Satisfied, she took a seat on the couch.

Trying to weight out all his options, Qamar looked from the empty hall Siasia casually strolled down to Janay who had a look of a champion. Right and wrong sat on his shoulders, both pleading their case on what his next move should be.

“I think you should go,” he whispered, hoping she didn’t take offense.

Her eyes doubled in size. “I should go? Are you really putting me and your baby out? What type of drugs that girl got you on?”

“Janay, come on.” He let out a frustrated breath. “I’m not putting you and my baby out but you don’t live here.”

“Since the fuck when?” she yelled. “Me and Belinay stay here from time to time, so don’t act dumb now.”

“Janay!” Qamar hollered. “I’ll come get my baby tomorrow before you have to go to class. Just—” his hand wiped down his face, showing how confused and annoyed he was. There was no handbook on this shit he was currently dealing with but Janay trying to hint at them being something they weren’t, wasn’t sitting right with him. Then for her to threaten to keep Belinay away from him—she had some nerve.

Nodding as she stood, she mumbled under her breath. “You done lost your damn mind but trust I will always get the last laugh. Don’t worry about getting her tomorrow or any other day. I can handle her by my-damn-self.” She stormed out of the house, snatching away when he tried to stop her.

On cue, Siasia came out the room fully dressed.

“Where you going?” he asked, exhausted from the day’s events and the sun hadn’t even gone down yet. His phone had been ringing out of control then the blow up between him and Janay had his battery needing a charge. He wasn’t in the mood to argue with Siasia.

“Home.” Her response was short.

“Go take them fuckin’ clothes off and get your ass back in the bed.” He ripped out his words impatiently. “Every time I get you back in my life, you take off behind any little infraction. We ain’t doing that shit no more. It’s us. Now and forever, mama.”

“It’s shit like that that has me running. One minute it’s us in a world where nothing or no one else matters. The next minute, I’m reminded that your world involves other people. Other people who love you that don’t seem to think I’m worthy to be in your world.”

His hands rested on her cheeks. “Shh,” he hushed her. “And that’s my fault for allowing you to think it’s just us. It’s not, mama. You have Noodle and I have Esmeray and Belinay.”

“And a whole rich and famous—judgmental ass other family, too.” Siasia’s eyes sagged. “I feel like I’m ruining you, Qamar. Everything was good until you couldn’t stop looking at my ass in a party full of girls better suited for your pursuit.”

His thumbs swiped away her tears. “I was so lost until you found me in a party.”

“Um, you found me.” She laughed, still looking in his eyes and waiting for him to fix everything like only he could. He was her Superman.

“Wrong again, mama. You found me . The version of me that sat in solitude overthinking every little detail—the version of me that felt like the weight of expectations was holding me down and holding me back. I never felt good enough until you opened your mouth and told me your name. Siasia . I don’t know what it means, but for me it means home.”

“But…” Siasia gripped her stomach.

“No buts, mama. Stop running from me. Please.”

Siasia's heart raced as she listened to Qamar's desperate plea, each word cutting through her like a knife. The tears streaming down her face were a mix of longing and fear, a silent battle raging within her. She felt an overwhelming desire to reach out to him, to bridge the gap that had grown between them, but the fear of vulnerability held her back.

Her chest tightened as she realized how deeply she cared for him, how much she wanted to step forward and embrace the love that was blossoming in her heart, but the weight of uncertainty felt suffocating. What if she admitted her feelings and it all fell apart?

As she stood there, torn between her emotions and the fear of rejection, Siasia's tears reflected the turmoil within. The love she felt for Qamar was undeniable, yet the fear of what it meant to truly let him in paralyzed her. She wanted to scream, to tell him everything, but all she could do was stand there, caught in the moment, wishing for the courage to take that leap.

“I know you’re scared but I swear I’ll love for the both of us. Just let me love you, mama.”

“Love?” her tear-smothered voice whispered. Siasia tried to look away but his hands stayed firm on her face keeping in place.

“Feel this.” Qamar placed her hand over his heart, his warm skin pulsing beneath her palm like a steady drumbeat. “This is love. You hear it?”

Swallowing back the well of tears threatening to spill over, Siasia's eyes searched his face, desperate for any sign of vulnerability, any crack in the facade he so carefully maintained. The strength in his gaze was unwavering, an impenetrable fortress that both comforted and frightened her.

“I love you,” Qamar spoke slowly, each word deliberate and heavy with meaning. “I am in love with you.” The weight of his confession hung in the air, wrapping around them like a warm embrace.

Siasia felt her heart swell, a mixture of joy and fear colliding within her. The sincerity in his voice ignited a flicker of hope, yet the walls she had built around her heart trembled at the thought of letting him in completely. As she stood there, hand resting over his heart, the rhythm of his love resonated through her, a powerful melody that called to her soul. In that moment, she realized that to let him love her was to take a leap into the unknown, to trust in a future that could be filled with both light and shadows. Though the fear lingered, the warmth of his love melted away her doubts, inviting her to step forward into the possibility of a shared life.

“I love you too,” she confessed, falling into a fit of laughter when he lifted her into his arms.

“Say it again,” he coaxed.

“I love you!” she laughed louder, her scared tears turning into joyous ones. “I love you, Qamar Moony.”

Passionately, Qamar’s lips smashed into her. His tongue explored her mouth, vowing to make that his home too. “I love you more, mama. Always more, never less.”

“Beyond the stars?”

“Hell yea,” he hyped, loving that they were finally on the same page ready to embark on the journey.