Chapter 16

16

“ N oodle!” Esmeray’s raspy voice crooned through the iPad. “Where you go?” Sounding like someone’s mama.

Noodle had her iPad propped up while she online shopped on Siasia’s computer. It was the middle of the week, and she was on spring break just chilling around the house. She didn’t really hang with any of the neighborhood kids so she was usually in her shared room on some kind of device.

“Noodle!” Esmeray pouted, ready to call her daddy so he could make it right.

“Es, I’m here. You gotta stop whining so much,” Noodle scolded, hating when her little baby threw a tantrum.

The distance between Siasia and Qamar couldn’t keep Noodle and Esmeray apart if they tried. After a few days of trying to respect her sister’s broken heart, she was back locked into the world of Qamar with no shame. When Noodle loved, she loved for eternity and her bond with Esmeray was rock solid.

“Okay, Noodle.” Esmeray pouted, always ready to obey whatever her Noodle told her.

Siasia burst into the room with a frown that seemed to be permanent these days. She looked from Noodle to the closet catching an attitude immediately. “Didn’t I tell you to go through your old clothes and see what you can wear from last summer?”

Siasia had been stressed about clothing a constantly growing Noodle. The seasons were changing and although it never got too cold in Lynn Beach, shorts and tank tops wasn’t appropriate during the cooler months. Now that it was really starting to warm up, Siasia knew Noodle would need new summer clothes. It was cool— just another thing added onto her always growing to-do list.

She wouldn’t complain too much since it seemed Stacy and Cynthia had gotten their shit together. There had been no eviction notices or past due bills coming in the mall over the last few weeks. It had to be God giving her a break.

Siasia hadn’t worked the club and was trying to gain new clients by running a promotion for thirty-minute shoots. So far, five people booked her and she prayed she got a few more seeing as Noodle needed a few new clothes.

“I’m ordering clothes online now. What you think about these shorts?” Noodle looked up at Siasia with big eyes, tanned skin, and a big bun sitting on top of her head.

“How the hell are you ordering shit online? Who’s card do you have?”

Noodle passed the black card with gold writing to Siasia like it was no big deal. Grabbing it, from the name alone, the card felt like it weighed a ton knowing it was unlimited.

“Did you steal this, Noodle?” Siasia’s mouth opened as she glared at her sister in disbelief. “I know damn well you didn’t so tell me how you got it?”

“He gave it to me,” Noodle responded. “Like that night when we left the park, Qamar handed me his card told me to use it every day if I wanted to because he knew you wouldn’t.”

Siasia stood there, her brow furrowed in confusion. A whirlwind of thoughts raced through her mind, each one more chaotic than the rest. She placed her hand on her heart to make sure she wasn’t imagining the pounding. Pounding like a drum it fueled the fire of her frustrations. Qamar just wouldn’t allow her to find her own journey in a galaxy unknown to man.

“Why won’t he just leave us alone,” she mumbled under her breath, clenching the card in her hand. A storm of confusion and anger brewed in her head.

But like all things attached to Qamar—like the sun breaking through the dark clouds that seemed to have followed her for a lifetime, thoughts of him warmed her skin and spread all over her body, softening the scowl she’d been carrying around for weeks. A smile broke through at the thought of Qamar never abandoning her even when she’d ran off on him time and time again.

“You okay, SiSi?” Esmeray’s deep voice reminded her that wetness had somehow coated her face.

Siasia wiped her face before confessing, “Yes, Es.”

“You not mad at my daddy anymore?” Esmeray eyes blinked through the iPad’s screen.

Noodle snickered.

Knowing how her daddy told her to stay out grown people’s business, she hurried to snitch. “My mama fussed at him. I heard her say it,” she whispered the last part, hoping Malaysia wasn’t close enough to hear.

That pulled a light chuckle from Siasia. She and Malaysia had kept in touch since they’d met. Siasia thought Malaysia was a vibe and a very sweet girl. The intimidation she’d felt in the beginning had long ago vanished because Malaysia wasn’t worried about Qamar and vice versa.

“And Qamar really said it was okay for you to use his card?” She needed to make sure, so she asked once again.

Noodle wagged her head frantically. “Mhm. And I been paying the bills with it so Mama and Daddy won’t fight anymore.”

Sudden anger lit her eyes. Just when she was thankful that her parents seemed to be getting their shit together, she found out that it was her ten-year-old sister keeping the house afloat. If she didn’t love her mother, she’d be on her ass like her name was Stacy. The love for her mama ran deep. So deep that as she stormed into the living room to cuss her out, she stalled looking at the cast still on her mother’s arm and the black eye that seemed to be permanent.

“Hey, baby, you look nice. Where you going with that fine boy that ruffed Stacy up?” Cynthia smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes while only one side seemed to lift at all.

Cynthia had been sitting in the living room with the TV on the local news channel. She’d been in a daze so the TV watched her. Even when he wasn’t there, she never sat in Stacy’s recliner, unlike Siasia who made it her business to sit in it every day since she had clearly been the king of the house.

Siasia choked on sorrow. The sight of her mother never got easy. “Ally is supposed to be picking me up soon. You good?” She inched closer to take a seat beside her mama.

Another forced smile.

“I’m going to leave soon, SiSi,” she confessed. “I’m serious this time,” she promised, placing her hand on top of her daughter’s, hoping Siasia could feel her sincerity. “I’m just afraid he’s going to take Noodle from you. You know his ugly ass been talking back to her no-good ass mama?”

Siasia shook her head, no.

“Mhm.” She tightened her lips. “He think I don’t know but I do.” If you ever get a chance to leave this place, do it and never look back.”

“But—” Siasia searched her mother’s eyes, hating the blackness around the left one.

Stacy was left-handed. The saying couldn’t have been true because he wasn’t smart at all.

“No buts. I want you to live the life I never dreamed of living. All I wanted to do was find a boy, fall in love, and have you. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, and I know that don’t mean shit right now but I need you to know that.”

“Mama, why you talking like you going somewhere?” Siasia scraped the back of her hand across her face. “We’re going to live together. You just gotta get the courage to leave.”

Cynthia looked past Siasia. Her head swung as she took in the dingy trailer. It lacked love and smelled of pain. It wasn’t a home she should’ve been raising her girl in.

“That boy been paying these bills so Stacy been having the time of his life. Do you love him? If you don’t you should. I saw the way he looked at you. It reminded me of my first love.”

“My daddy?” Siasia sat up, hoping to get some information on the man who’s DNA she carried.

Cynthia waved her off. “Girl, hell no. It was a man named Pete. Well they call him Big Pete now. He was fine as wine. We called him the heartbreak kid because he’d make you fall in love—love you back too then he’d be gone in the wind. Oh, how I wish I never left Alabama.” Cynthia’s eyes glazed over, lost in a wistful daydream. Memories of hot summer nights and sweet, carefree days danced in her mind, each moment a cherished relic when life was simple.

Twisting her body towards her mama, she smiled. “We can go back to Alabama. I don’t even remember it anymore.”

“Hunny, ain’t nothing in Alabama for you. You need a big city and a big city man. Like that boy. What’s his name?”

“Qamar.”

“Mhm.” Cynthia chewed on her lip. “He looks like a Qamar.”

Siasia snickered. “Ma,” she groaned.

“Girl, I’m serious. I am leaving soon, and we’ll be happy again. Until then, enjoy the life you have because in the blink of an eye, you won’t even recognize what used to be.”

Cynthia turned her ear to the window. “I think your friend just pulled up. You know she blasts that music like she going deaf.”

Siasia sat at a sun-drenched table in the corner of the bustling restaurant, the light filtering through the large windows casting a warm glow on her skin. The air was filled with the tantalizing aroma of spices and grilled meats, a feast for the senses that momentarily distracted her from the tension simmering beneath the surface. Her friend, Ally, animatedly recounted a story, her laughter ringing like music, but Siasia’s attention drifted, her gaze flickering toward Champ, who sat across from them with a sneaky smile plastered on her face.

Siasia was trying her hardest to swallow the look of disgust on her face. She was surprised to see Champ when she went outside to get in the car with Ally. Had she known, she would’ve rather sat at home allowing the TV to watch her and her mama. Champ was beautifully annoying. Her brown skin illuminated under the sunlight that cast a false glow of happiness on their table. Every now and then Champ would pull the conversation back to gossip blogs that had been having a field day with Qamar and his pick of baby mamas.

As she stirred her salad, the crisp greens and vibrant tomatoes seemed to mirror her mixed emotions—fresh yet tangled. She forced a smile, nodding along as Ally gushed about some recent sexcapade, but inside, Siasia felt a knot of frustration tighten.

“Right? Like bitch please.” Ally playfully rolled her eyes, turning to Siasia, her eyes sparkling with excitement. Siasia plastered on a smile, but her thoughts were elsewhere, wrestling with the annoyance that Champ’s presence brought. Yet, as the sunlight streamed in, illuminating the laughter and camaraderie around her, she couldn’t help but feel a flicker of warmth. Maybe, just maybe, this lunch could be more than just a test of her patience.

“But look at this.” Champ pushed her phone in their faces. Of course it was an image of Qamar, Janay, and his new baby. “The fans be on Ken Barbie’s neck about how she seem to only post good shit about that family. I heard she’s Javen’s side bitch or something like that.”