Chapter 10

10

“ Y ou go to this school, SiSi?” Noodle asked, her big eyes wide with amazement as she took in the campus.

How Siasia had been convinced to bring Noodle to Qamar’s practice was beyond her. The closer they got to the soccer field, the more her skin grew clammy. It was an eighty-degree day in March, but it felt like she was walking through the gates of hell.

“I start back this summer, Noodle,” she replied, her voice dry and distant.

With each step, Siasia’s regret deepened. Confronting Qamar about being cozy with his baby mama had ended with him inviting her to his practice instead of arguing. She had flatly refused, but Qamar knew exactly who to turn to. Earlier that day, Noodle had darted off the bus, pleading with her big sister to take her to Qamar’s practice. Now, here she was, her stomach in knots and her heart uneasy.

As they neared the soccer field, the rhythmic thud of the ball being kicked and the shouts of teammates filled the air. The setting sun cast a warm glow over the field, creating long shadows that danced with each movement. The players, faces a mix of determination and joy, moved with fluid grace as their cleats dug into the turf. The scent of freshly cut grass mingled with the faint smell of sweat and effort.

“Qamar!” Noodle called out, waving her hands enthusiastically and drawing too much attention to them.

Siasia cringed but forced a smile onto her face. Using his hand as a visor, Qamar grinned and pointed towards Malaysia and Esmeray, who were sitting close to the railing right in the front. Was he out of his damn mind? Siasia took a deep breath, leading Noodle over to where Malaysia and Esmeray were sitting. The two of them greeted her warmly, their eyes twinkling with curiosity and a hint of mischief.

“Hey.” Malaysia’s smile reached her eyes. “You must be Siasia?”

The recognition caught her off guard. “Um, yea. This my little sister, Noodle.”

“This our daughter, Esmeray.”

Siasia might’ve been tripping but her ears heard our daughter with strong emphasis.

“Oh, she so pretty.” Noodle reached out for Esmeray and to Malaysia’s surprise, she allowed her to pick her up. “I know I’m gonna love you.”

“How?” Malysia asked just to make conversation.

“Because I love her daddy… I gotta love her,” Noodle spoke with so much sense. She looked Esmeray in the face, examining every inch of the dark brown little girl. “She’s pretty like a doll.”

“Thank you. Your hair is pretty.” Esmeray smoothed her hands down Noodle’s hair. She’d put it in a bun and left two dangly pieces in the front. Esmeray was fascinated with the swirls of hair across her forehead that twisted and twirled with precision.

“Qamar! Look!” Noodle tried to lift Esmeray into the air like a prized trophy.

“I see you, Noodle. You keep an eye on her, okay?” Qamar cupped his hands around his mouth to push his voice further.

“Wow.” Malaysia wiped at a single tear that fell from her eyes. “My baby don’t like too many people but the way she’s in your sister’s arms like they were meant to be together is beautiful.”

“Yea,” Siasia agreed.

Looking up at her since she’d yet to sit, Malaysia patted the spot beside her. “Girl sit down so you can get all the tea.”

“Huh?” Siasia was confused.

“Don’t act like you ain’t trying to figure out what freaky shit me and my baby daddy got going on. Let me put that pretty little head of your to ease. I don’t want that nigga and he don’t want me. The way he told me about you last night, I don’t stand a chance anyway.”

Siasia chocked. “What?”

“Oh, you thought me and him were a thing? Girl, hell no.”

“So y’all just coparent?”

“Mhm.” Malaysia bobbed her head. “He likes you a lot, and I think you might be a good look for him. That boy is carrying so much in his heart and on his shoulders, he could use an around the way girl like you.”

Listening to everything Malaysia said, Siasia’s shoulders un-slouched. “He likes me,” she commented just above a whisper.

“Now sit here and learn the damn game. Chile, I still get confused.”

They both laughed, falling into natural conversation while Noodle and Esmeray paid so much attention to everything Qamar did on the field. As the practice continued, Siasia found herself relaxing a bit. Watching Qamar on the field, she couldn’t help but admire his skill and dedication. Despite her reservations, she felt a small spark of hope. Maybe, just maybe, things could work out.

After practice, Qamar jogged over to them, his face glistening with sweat but his smile as bright as ever. “Thanks for coming,” he said, looking directly at Siasia. “It means a lot.”

Siasia nodded, her heart softening. “Yeah, well, Noodle really wanted to see you play.”

Qamar chuckled and ruffled Noodle’s hair. “I’m glad she did. And I’m glad you did too.” He reached out for Esmeray, surprised when she turned her head still in Noodle’s arms. “Damn, you turning on me for Noodle?”

“Turned on me too.” Malaysia fake mushed her daughter’s face.

As they walked back to the cars, Siasia couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief. Maybe this was the start of something new, something better. As the sun set behind them, casting a golden glow over the field, she allowed herself to believe anything was possible.

Qamar bumped Siasia’s shoulder. “You feel better now that you understand?”

They were sitting on a bench while Malaysia played with the girls on the playground. It was getting dark but the park’s lights were bright enough for them to still have the time of their lives. The park was empty with the exception of them. That made it that much more special.

“Why didn’t you just tell me that yesterday?” She faced him.

“Would you have believed me?”

“Probably not.” Siasia laughed, knowing she wasn’t trying to hear nothing he said last night.

“Why?”

“You are an anomaly. On paper we don’t even make sense,” she revealed, exposing her insecurities.

“Fuck paper.”

Siasia agreed. “Yea, fuck paper.”

“We can write our story in the stars. In the stars we’ll make sense.” Qamar wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to him.

“How you know? We just met a month ago.” She anchored her attention on him, looking in his eyes like he had all the answers.

“I can feel it. You bring me comfort. With you, I feel like I can just be. Ain’t no pressure when I’m with you.”

“So, you think I’m easy? I don’t require much?” Siasia’s brows created an upside-down triangle in the middle of her forehead.

Lazily, his hand fleshed against his face. “Man, you just gotta be difficult… make shit sound worse than what it is.”

“When you’ve been hurt and let down like I’ve been hurt and let down, it’s all you know.” She tried to smile to hide the pain in her eyes.

Reality was a bitch like that. You walked around all day feeling down, unloved, used, and depressed but when it was time to actually express it, you’d either shut down or use a smile or joke to mask how ugly your day really was.

“Don’t collect hurts. Don’t keep up with shit that keeps your heart from smiling. Let any and everything go that causes you pain… even if it’s me one day,” Qamar spoke with knowledge maybe even a little foreshadow.

Whatever it was, it didn’t cause Siasia any worry. “I doubt that. You’re easy to love.”

“Love?” He smirked, looking out at the girls. “This shit feels perfect.”

“But what happens when on some days it doesn’t feel so perfect? Or when you really get to know all the dark shit I try so hard to keep from you?”

“Looking forward to hurt again? Didn’t I just check that shit, mama?” Qamar eyed her. “We just talked about this.”

“Nigga, whatever.” Siasia looked up at him in annoyance before pulling her camera out. Placing it to her eye, she snapped a few candid shots of Malaysia and the girls on the swings. “Go over there so I can some with you in it.”

He wanted to ask about the deep dark shit she was trying so hard to hide but decided against it. “They better be good,” Qamar jested, standing to his feet.

Dressed in joggers and a plain white shirt, he swaggered over to the swings. With each step he took, Siasia snapped his image from the back with the girls in his foreground. She followed behind him, getting closer capturing the smiles and laughs of Noodle and Esmeray who seemed like twin flames. If she could pause life right there, she’d relive the night over and over because for the first time ever, Siasia felt peace.

“Come on, Qamar, lets race like we used too,” Malaysia suggested.

“You mean watch me beat you like I used too?” Qamar jested, lifting Esmeray from her swing.

Noodle jumped from her moving swing. “I want to race too.”

“Me too.” Already, Esmeray wanted to follow behind everything Noodle did.

Siasia snickered, still making sure to capture everyone in their natural states. When they lined up, she became the finish line. “Wait right there so I can get this shot first,” she called out to them, snapping the perfect image with the full moon sitting behind them perfectly.

Lately, God had been giving her perfect and beautiful days and nights. The glow of the moon was a photographer’s dream. A cluster of camera flutters sliced through the air before she gave them the signal to take off. Running with all their might, they were still no match for Qamar. Even after he’d practiced his heart out. Laughter filled their bellies knowing full well he was going to smoke them. Siasia captured it all on video after she put the camera in record mode.

Bent over to catch her breath, Malaysia snorted. “You ain’t shit… you didn’t even let your daughter win.”

Lightly jogging around them, Qamar got in Esmeray’s face. “She gotta learn early. The world won’t let her win, she gotta work for that shit.”

Esmeray grunted, hating when she wasn’t the victor but instead of running into his arms, she went to Noodle. “Hold me, Noodle.” She faked tears.

“Come here, Es.” Noodle coddled her while giving Qamar angry eyes.

“Oh, my lord.” Malaysia rolled her head. “Already, she got you wrapped around her little fat fingers.”

“Don’t call my baby fat, Malaysia,” Noodle fussed. “My baby just chunky.”

“But why you sounding like a person five times your age?” Siasia teased. “Just yesterday you were my baby and now you got a baby.”

“I’m still your baby, SiSi. Always.”

“I know, Noodle.”

“Aww y’all so damn cute.” Malaysia wrapped her arm around Siasia. “Who does your hair?” she asked. “I been meaning to ask you all day.”

“I do,” Siasia said like braiding your own hair past your butt was no big deal.

“Can you do mine before I leave tomorrow night?”

Siasia looked at Qamar who only shrugged. “Um, I guess.”

“Oh, thank you sister wife.” Malaysia laughed. “It’s destined to be. Both our names end in sia.” She wagged her tongue. “Yea, I like her, Qamar.”

“Yea, me too.” He winked at Siasia, making her blush. “Noodle, you staying the night?”

“Um, don’t you think you need to be asking me?” Siasia rested her hand on her hips.

“Nah. I know you gone try to say no. My baby, Noodle, always down to chill with me.”

“She has school in the morning.”

“Okay, I’ll take her,” Qamar said like it was no big deal.

“Please?” Esmeray fluttered her big eyes at Siasia.

Malysia placed her hands in the prayer motion. “Yea, please?”

Kissing her teeth, she stalled them out like she really needed to think it over. When it came to being under Qamar, there was no other place she’d rather be. “I guess. But she still has to be in bed by her bedtime.”

“Thank you, SiSi!” Noodle hugged her as best she could since Esmeray was still in her arms like they didn’t almost weigh the same amount.

Making their way to their cars, Qamar pulled Siasia back, planting his juicy lips on hers. “I been dying to do that all day,” he growled.

Siasia moaned in his mouth, savoring his taste. “I been waiting for you to do it all day.”

“Next time, take what you deserve,” he spoke through small pecks before he finally let her breathe. Just as he pulled away, his phone rung. Looking down at the name flashing across the screen, he looked at Siasia with sad eyes before he answered. “Yea?”

“I’m in labor, Qamar. She is coming,” Janay cried, sounding in pain.

He swiped his tongue across his lips. “O—okay. I can be there within two hours,” he stuttered. “Hang tight, Janay.”

Siasia grabbed her chest, ready for their perfect day to not be so perfect.

With regret he looked at her before down casting his eyes. “Janay’s in labor. I gotta go to Jade City.”

“What does that even mean?” Siasia wasn’t dumb but there was no way God could be playing a cruel trick on her just when happiness seemed to be right in her grasp, He snatched it away.

“I gotta be there for her, mama.”

“No! My name is Siasia… call me Siasia.” Her voice broke, mimicking the actions of her heart. Even while afraid to admit it, she knew she was in love with Qamar.

“Siasia.” He huffed. “I gotta…” He slammed his eyes shut, hating the hurt he knew she was going to collect. “I’ll call you later. Tell Noodle, she can stay later.” Qamar went to walk away, unable to see the disappointment in her eyes. “Aye, Janay’s about to have the baby, we gotta get on the jet.”

Malaysia’s eyes darted to Siasia with sorrow. She wanted to comfort her knowing how this must look… how it must feel but time waited for no one and if Qamar was getting on the plane, she and Esmeray would be right beside him. No other words were said; only Qamar whispering something to Noodle. Even her young eyes held worry. Worry that the fairytale had come to a crashing halt and she would no longer be a princess. Shaking it all off, Siasia waited for Noodle so they could go home. Back to the real world in their crummy trailer where Qamar’s light eyes didn’t exist because he was clearly on his way back to the moon.